Chapter Fifty Six – Mother

They walked close together, Pazu's lantern lighting their path. In the wider places they held hands but often it was too narrow and steep and at times they crawled on their knees or slid down on their bottoms. After an hour they reached the cavern where the standing and hanging mineral growths grew towards each other from floor and roof. Pazu took Sheeta over to the place where the very long thin formations were almost touching. She stood in silence a moment looking.

"They're like fingers. Like two people reaching out and almost touching."

He thought of his dream, he thought of two fingers being pulled apart and to him he saw a distance between them. But when she looked she saw a distance closing, two different worlds would eventually meet. Then he saw it. It was something that happened very slowly, gradually over many years. This wasn't sudden change that might disturb the cave. It wasn't like someone rolling a big boulder in here and climbing onto it so they could reach up and touch the ceiling. And in doing that they smashed half the mineral formations in here. No, it was like the floor and ceiling agreeing to come gradually together, drip, drip and slow drip. Yes it would take years, but it was happening in a way that didn't disturb the cave, in fact it added to its beauty.

Soil and Sky. Joining slowly together. By slow and subtle means they could find a common place, they could come together. It may take years, lifetimes, but it would happen. From the Sky something came down, it fell on the Soil and built up a new shape, a new way of doing things. It grew and eventually both the Sky and the Soil were changed and became one and this connection was beautiful. He showed this to her and explained it. And in understanding this slow rate of change she took hope.

--I--
---o-o-oOo-o-o---
I I

It was definitely warmer here than before. Pazu found himself drinking more this time and by the time they reached the second pool at the base of the slide of loose stones he had to sit down and rest. He was wet through, the sweat was pouring off him. He discarded the riding skirt and even took his leg wrappings off he was so hot. He offered Sheeta the water but she declined.

"No, I'm fine," she said.

Last time it had taken him about three hours to get here, and this time he knew it was longer, probably four. Of course progress was always slower with two people but tonight he just didn't feel as strong. He was getting weary and the extra heat was sapping his strength minute by minute. He looked at Sheeta, she still wore her woolen overshirt and she wasn't even damp, her face not even shiny with perspiration.

"The stone. What is it doing?"

She pulled it from her clothing and they both saw its blue light, stronger than the last time he'd been here. Everything was different tonight. She held it tight.

"Pazu, it's started. It's buzzing a little."
"Let's press on."

With difficulty he rose and led her down the drift beside the stream until he reached the jump down to the transverse corridor. He knew that here they left the natural cave system in the rock and entered man-made passages, and somehow that had a bearing on how the stone behaved. The stream roared beside him down its own flute to the left.

"There's a jump down here, about four feet. I'll go first."

He turned and lowered himself off with his arms. Sheeta slid off second, wiggling her bottom to the edge of the drop and sliding down. She stood at the bottom, but what she saw scared her. Pazu lay on the ground, gasping, groaning. She bent down to him.

"Pazu, what is it?"
"Heat… too much… can't breathe. Noise, splitting my head. Sheeta…"
"Here, touch the stone."

He weakly lifted an arm but couldn't reach her. She knelt beside him, took the stone from her neck, and as they had done on Laputa she pressed her palm to his.

"Urh, oh… no… wow…"
"Better?"
"Yes, much. It's cold now. I was in a furnace, burning up. Sheeta, don't let go of the stone, it'll knock you over. And the noise," he shook his head, "like being inside a steel mill with a hundred hammers crashing."
"What's a steel mill?"
"A very loud place, where men make big steel forgings. Loud banging, all day… Drives you mad with the sound… uhn, no whatever you do, don't let go of the stone."
"But we can't see where we're going holding it like this."
"Wait."

After some thought they arranged their hands with the palms open, fingers interlaced and the stone lying in the hollow formed by their shared hands. Sheeta wrapped the leather string around some of her fingers. Holding hands and with it's blue light making a tunnel of moonlight underground they faced down the slope.

"It's this way," she said
"You can tell?"
"Hm, I can tell, she's not far now."

The humming sound was distinct and stronger than before, this time the sound of the water behind the rock was an irrelevance and the stone in their palms buzzed and jittered. Without the restraining cord it would have jumped off, it was moving so much.

They went along the corridor, Sheeta marveling at the paintings.

"I know some of these designs, Thoma has some of them in his inn and there are others on the walls of the communal hall. Oh, wow, look at this. Here, these two big wing shapes that look like waves, this is the Summerbird, a mythical creature that carries the sun's rays in its beak, when it sings the sun comes out. I have a painting of this at the top of my stairs."

Pazu looked, he did recognize it although this version was more stylized.

"And here. The Green Girl, she lives in the forest and is part helper, part mischief. She guides the forester but teases him as well. She's a good spirit but naughty, quite a sexual creature. I have a clay mask of her over the kitchen door, it brings good luck and fertility. Pazu, this is like… like a walk in my childhood."

He looked at the picture, a round impish face looked back at him, her eye brows and hair were leaves, and ivy strands grew from her mouth. Her eyes were slanted like those of a fox and she looked cunning and pretty. Sheeta became happy, childlike, full of wonder on this walk to the end, the end of it all. Her small feet did not feel the floor, her mind did not feel the fear and her heart was at home with the past of her people, the years went away and she became one with whoever had been here and did this, hundreds of centuries fell to nothing and she joined her spirit to unknown craftsmen and women. She did not notice the colours and sounds about her but Pazu was a little concerned. He kept looking at the stone in their hands, much of the time it wasn't touching their skin at all now, but lifted up, forwards in the direction they were walking and pulling on its trapped cord like a small eager dog out for a walk. He could hear its pale coloured note buzzing and sizzling. Below that were deeper booming thrumming tones. He knew what lay ahead.

"Sheeta, we are here, this is it. Just here."
"I know, she's on the left. I can feel her."

They reached the cavern, the great chamber and stood on the threshold. Without them going in the Engine was already waiting, lit up and bruising the air with its noise. It was much louder than last time, and Pazu wondered what it would be like if they dropped the stone. They would die instantly, he knew, their ears would be shattered and their minds too by the noise but before that they would be blasted into ashes by the heat. Sheeta looked in, and up, and up. Her head tilted back taking in the size of the place and her mouth fell open, her eyes were wide. A small stunned sound came out, a little "oh" of wonder.

"Gosh," Sheeta marveled, "She's a big girl."
"She is. And not a lady you'd want to cross."

For a few minutes they stood in the entryway and simply looked, their feet feeling the sound pounding in the rock, their skin feeling the sizzling heat, their hearts bubbling with fear and their ears filled with conversation. They lifted their joined hands and her daughter buzzed and flitted from side to side, wanting release. The stones were not just talking now.

The mother would start a deep note and let it climb then introduce a counter sound that beat faster than the base note. The daughter mimicked the engine, buzzing and whistling in her turn. For several minutes it went on and Pazu could detect complex melodies in there, subtle timing that the mother set up and the daughter followed.

"Singing," she said, "oh my, Pazu, they're singing. Listen."

He shook his head. What? He'd almost fallen asleep

"Sheeta, try not to be drawn in. It's hypnotic. Wake up!"

He reached and pulled her arm. She suddenly turned to him.

"What?"
"It's drawing us in, the song. Don't listen too long."
"Alright. And don't let go of my hand."
"Don't worry, I have no intention of doing that."
"Shall we go?"

With her head she indicated the left hand wall of the chamber, the flank of the Engine. Pazu didn't really want to be any closer but he knew they had to be. He didn't envy Sheeta, she was going to have to touch that thing. They entered the cavern. The singing ended and an urgent conversation began. The stone buzzed and whistled and hummed then stopped while the cavern boomed and thundered, then in reply the stone would respond. Then the booming didn't come again. Silence, just a powerful, bone jarring background beat, and waves of heat beating at their skin like flames. Sheeta led Pazu up to the smooth blue wall. He looked up. The slope of the crystal was such that it extended above his head and overhung behind him. They were under it and he felt a sense of claustrophobia, as though it might fall on them.

"Kneel. We should kneel."

She sank down in front of the blue groaning wall, Pazu knelt beside her. The sound and the light and the heat and the vibration were everything now, he felt like if this went on much longer he would just come apart, bits would be shaken loose. He clenched his jaw to keep his teeth from rattling.

"How do you know we should kneel?"
"I just do. I think somehow she's talking with me. I think I'm just going to know a lot of things soon."

The daughter stone in their hand was now still. It merely lay, buzzing gently. From time to time it moved a little, rolled from side to side, but it no longer tried to jump away. For a while they were silent, Pazu saw she had lowered her head, and seemed to be thinking. Then the powerful bass tone that throbbed around them fell away and a startling stillness filled the chamber. Sheeta lifted her head, already there was dampness at her lower eyelids. Pazu could hardly look at her face, she looked so sad. She spoke, she didn't need to think about what to say, she just opened her heart and the words came, tumbling out of her like a fresh mountain spring. They were pure words, and honest, and Sheeta meant every one of them.

"Suethelmae. May I call you that name? Taemo… You know who I am, don't you mother? Yes, it's me, Lucita. I have carried your daughter for only a short time, less than two years. Before that my grand-mamma didn't let me carry her, your daughter lived in a secret place in our house and she was asleep for many years. Before that I think my mother must have carried her. But I was young then, and don't remember. I only remember crying one day. What do I remember? Hm, yes, walking in a field and crying, because she and daddy had gone. I didn't know where they had gone, I knew only that they weren't coming back.

"I expect you wondered if your daughter would ever come back. I'm sorry you and she were parted for so long, but no-one told me you were even here. I'm sorry. Please let me apologize on behalf of so many members of my family who must have known you were here but who never brought your daughter to see you. Over all those years, I suppose it must be seven hundred at least. Probably more. Such a long time. I can't imagine how long… I'm so sorry…

"Do you remember the days when she was with you? Was she close by and did you speak? I'm sure you did, yes. I would. If my mother was close by and in reach I'd go to her often, talk often. I don't know if you understand what a hug is but well, maybe you do. But I hope she hugged you, and you hugged her. We all need that. But please don't be sad, although your daughter was sleeping for many years, in the last few months she has been wonderful to me. She has been a source of great comfort. She has been a darling. She saved my life, oh, I don't know how many times. Four? Five perhaps? She has done great work and led me on a wonderful journey. This boy with me, I think you might know him? Yes. I thought so. You accept him don't you? Oh, thank you. Well, your daughter was the one who carried me to him, and from that day to now he has carried me. She has been a good girl to me and she deserves your love. This boy and I are in love you know. Oh? Well, I should have guessed that you would. She told you did she? When? Ah, I see. He is, yes, a good boy and strong. I want to marry him, and be with him forever. And well…

"Well really that is why we are here. Why I'm here, with your daughter. You see, there is trouble coming for Gondoa, a lot of trouble. I'm afraid that people might die, a great many people. You see, well, the one I love isn't loved by everyone. Some people don't want him here because he might be made a prince and rule the country and bring changes they don't want. I'm sorry to burden you with all this, it's not like I think you will be interested. But if I stay as queen, then some of these people might think I will recognize Pazu here, as prince, so it will be best for the whole country if I'm not a queen anymore, and there is only one way that can happen. Which I'm sure you know all about."

The chamber was filled with a low rumbling, a dull, deep throbbing. Pazu cocked his ear and tried to identify something in the quality of the sound. He could feel almost… what? Fear? Was that what it was? Was the crystal afraid? He looked at Sheeta, he was shocked by her face. She seemed so sad and while she had been talking silent tears had made shining tracks down her face.

"Yes, this is why I am here. I feel horrible now because it's a very selfish reason. You see its not just about stopping men fighting… well, if I am to be honest with you it's not about that at all. The thing is… it's about love. I love Pazu very much, but I am a queen and he is a common man and we can't be married. And I want to marry him. It's really… well... my whole life wants that," she sniffed hard, "What I want is him, and I can't have him. And. I'm sorry, please excuse me I can't talk at the moment."

She lifted her free hand and wiped it across her face and sniffed again. She hung her head and Pazu saw it shaking with silent sobs. Somehow, he didn't know how, she carried on.

"Please forgive me. You see, I know now who you are and what you have done for us. All these years you have been here, your power and warmth running and making the lake warm and the growing seasons longer and the snows less deep. I know, yes, that you encouraged a rural community here, helped it to grow and be fruitful. And I am so grateful, because I am a part of that and so you've been helping me, all my life you've been here for me and I never knew. You have helped thousands of people over hundreds of years without ever a word of thanks. And now… well, instead of thanks I come here and ask something of you that is so unfair, and so ungrateful. But yet, if you do this you will be helping not just all of Gondoa but well, me too. In a very special way, a very strong and personal thing it is.

"You must hate me, coming here and being so selfish. And so, well, I don't know how this works at all, I'm just sat here saying things that feel right and true, and I hope you understand. I don't think I can make you do anything you don't want to, I think all I can do is ask. I don't even know if this is what your daughter wants. All I know for certain is, it's what I want. Very much. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm crying too much…"
"Sheeta?"

Pazu brought a clean rag from his shirt pocket and leaning forward wiped her tears and her wet little nose. He put the cloth away and came close again. He put a hand to her face and turned her to him. He gently kissed her.

"Keep going, just keep going. You're amazing, and I love you so much."

Somehow, while the tears continued to run, she continued to speak.

"Mamma? You have been a good mother, and us, the people in these villages, like your children, have been bad. We took from you and took and took and we turned our backs on you. And even then you kept on helping us, we who didn't deserve it. And here I am, as unfaithful as any child can be and as undeserving. However, now I know you and what you've done, there is one thing I can say that is true. Mamma, I love you.

"And now, I have to ask you to please rest. I have no idea what happens but I'm asking you to sleep. Please sleep. Its been a long time, a long hard day and well, perhaps you are tired, so if you are, then lie down and just close your eyes and it'll be over."

Sheeta stopped speaking and hung her head. Pazu knelt, helpless as he watched her tears patter onto the stone floor. He saw that as each one touched the rock it instantly vapourized to steam. The rock they were kneeling on must be scorching hot. In their hands the daughter stone moved and buzzed again, fretfully and erratically it jumped about.

Sheeta looked up. Pazu was astonished to see now in her face, not sadness, but love.

"Oh, yes. Yes, of course. And Pazu too?"

She looked at him.

"She wants a hug, she wants to feel us. Can you do that? Put your hand on her, and the stone too."

The two of them raised their free hands and as Pazu's fingers touched the bright blue rock he felt not hot stone as he expected to, but warmth and softness. It was like touching Sheeta, like putting his hand on her stomach and resting it there, so soft. Together they raised their joined hands and the daughter touched the mother and pressed against her huge warm belly. Then, not even thinking it strange Pazu leaned forward and closing his eyes pressed his lips to her.

Amazed, he found that she smelled of his own mother, a smell he'd not known for eight years. And then, then he was…

He was home in the cabin. He came in from working and put down his cloth bundle and his mom, turning from the stove where marvelous smells were being made, smiled at him.

"Hello Pazu lad. My, look at you now. I never would have thought. Come here, stand in front of me."

He went over to her and she stood up from the stove. She was smaller than him and that puzzled him, but then of course he was a man now and she was the age she'd been the day she'd died.

"Look at you, you've grown big and strong. And look what you've done with your life. You have a beautiful girl to take care of now, so why don't you go and do that, hm? Don't worry about me, don't worry yourself at all. When you're done and you want to come home, I'll be here. Mom is always waiting you know? And you can come in and sit down and tell me all about it. So off you go, go and do what you have to do. Just make sure you take good care of her, eh? I think she's worth taking care of. Go on now."
"Mom?"
"Yes, Pazu, what is it?"
"I love you, mom."
"Oh, you big softy! Where did that come from? Been a while since you said that."
"I mean it."
"I know you do. Come here."

He went to his mom, eight years dead, and put his arms around her and held her. He tilted his head down and lifted her face up to his and kissed her.

"Take care of dad, you know how he likes his food, make sure he has plenty."
"Don't worry about your dad, Pazu, he's right here with me. We are together every day, we're fine. You go now."

He couldn't let go. He pressed his face to her and touched her one last time, running his fingers across his mothers face.

"I love you."
"I love you too my boy, now go, I'll be fine here, lots of people here, all the flying people are with us, your dad told me you know, about you and that lovely girl you'd one day meet and all the people who lived in the sky. Just you make sure you come to us when you're done and bring that pretty girl of yours with you."
"I will. I promise."
"Well bye then."
"Bye mom…"

He held his hand hard against the hot unyielding rock and pressed his lips to it, and the tears came, the aching loss, the family he'd missed all these years. His tears turned to sobs and then he couldn't hold it in any more, it hurt too much and he collapsed against the hard warm blue stone and let go, let it all come out.

--I--
---o-o-oOo-o-o---
I I

It was silent in the cave and completely black. There was no light, nothing from the wall he was leaning against and nothing from the stone that lay quietly in their interlaced fingers. The silence and the dark crushed him, it was so deep, so complete. His ears were ringing. He turned his head. He could see nothing at all, but he could sense her, close by. Sheeta was beside him.

"Sheeta? Are you…?"

No sound.

"Sheeta?"

He reached for her and touched her. She seemed to be kneeling, her forehead down on the ground. He lifted her to him and held her tight. Her arms came around him and held him.

"Pazu… I loved her… She was my mamma."

Sobs again came and wracked her body. He understood what she had said. His mom and hers, the Engine had been both. He held her hard against him until, after a long time, her sobs finished and she was quiet and still.

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20 - 22 April 2007

For author notes about Chapter Fifty Six, please see my forum (click on my pen name)