Author's Note: God, I need REVIEWS! JUST DON'T READ-N-RUN! I NEED SOME INSPIRATION TO WRITE MORE! Thanks.

Weeks Later

The Hybrid Tea Rose. Kingdom Plantae, Divison Magnoliophyta, Class Magnoliopsida… Crimson petals as soft as virgin snow. No, let's try that again.

The Hybrid Tea Rose. Kingdom Plantae, Divison Magnoliophyta, Class Magnoliopsida… Crimson petals as soft as a baby's bottom. He ran his fingertip across the underside of the exterior petals, and then began to pluck them in a frenzied state.

"She loves me, she loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not." He said quite furiously as he tore petal after petal from the pitiful flower. If the plant had a voice, it would be screaming in pain.

When he got to the point where there were no more petals, he hurled the wretched flower to the ground and sighed, feeling quite stupid. No, he didn't love her. Love was for dunderheads who cared about emotion. Yeah. He was a man. A manly man who burped and cursed and farted and drank lots of dark beer.

But what was the use of burping and cursing and farting and drinking an excess of dark beer? To prove to everyone that he was a true rugged man, and to prove to her that he didn't care? Was it really worth it?

Rude scratched his bald head with his square-cut nails. Why was he in such a rut?

"Reno. Give me another one."

His red-haired comrade took another doomed rose from the wicker basket and gave it to Rude, who immediately began to shred the poor thing into ribbons.

"Hello, and welcome to Quiz Junkie!" the yellow-jacketed game show host said into the microphone, staring straight into the camera, his hair slicked back and his little mustache perfectly trimmed.

The audience cheered enthusiastically, and the camera moved to the contestants.

Rude choked on his Butter-Lite popcorn, and Reno accidentally snorted up a large amount of orange soda into his nose, which then caused him to cough and snort violently. Rude thumped his fist on Reno's back and they both turned back to the television screen in Reno's Bachelor Pad apartment.

"Today, we have our celebrity contestants, all from the environmental terrorist group AVALANCHE! Please welcome Vincent Valentine, Tifa Lockheart, and Princess Yuffie Kisaragi!"

The host, Henry Darius, walked to Vincent's podium. "So Vincent, how's it like being an eco-terrorist?"

Vincent fixed Henry a steely glare and replied, "Fine, thank you."

"Don'tcha wish Captain Planet was there to help you guys?" Henry joked, laughing along.

The audience groaned and Henry moved onto Tifa. He stood beside her podium and was visibly trying hard not to look at her chest. He cleared his throat and shuffled his cue cards.

"So you're a bartender now?"

She put on a plastic smile. "Yeah."

Henry chuckled. "Try whipping up some Sex on the Beach with this kung-fu goddess." He said as he walked to Yuffie's podium. The crowd groaned again.

"So, it's Princess Yuffie, right?"

"Yeah! It's not really like those fairy-tale princesses y'know, more like those boring stay-at-home royals who do nothing but—"

"Okay, contestants, you know how to play. Get a question right in and win fabulously random prizes! Get a question wrong and you must do a copious amount of the Drug of the Day, which is…" Henry turned to the crowd.

"MARIJUANA!"

Tifa sighed and buried her face in her hands. No way was she getting high and sexually aroused on national television. Oh, Henry Darius was at risk…

Miles away, Reno watched the live feed with curiosity.

"Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobes are afraid of what?"

Vincent and Tifa both buzzed, but Vincent was given the chance to answer.

"The fear of the number 666," He replied sullenly, clearly not entertained by the show's tempting prizes and the rush of adrenaline while making a fool out of yourself on live TV.

"Thaaaaat's right!" Henry shouted, and a curtain went up behind him. "You've won a key lime pie! Okay, onto the next question for Tifa! What is," he paused dramatically, and looked down at his cards, "the 1337 expression for pornography?"

Oh shit, Tifa thought, she didn't waste hours of her life playing World of Warcraft like other people did. "Porno?" She guessed, shrugging as a defense mechanism.

"Thaaaaat's incorrect!" Henry shouted. Tifa didn't like defeat being rubbed in her face like that, and she hung her head in anger.

A busty blonde walked up to Tifa's podium and placed the glass bong on her stand's flat surface.

Tifa sucked in a lot of breath and picked up the bong. Miles and miles away, Reno nearly wet himself in anticipation.