Disclaimer: Naruto and everything associated don't belong to me, neither do the lyrics. I'm not claiming ownership of anyone's ideas. I'm just borrowing.
Basics: PG13/T, General/Drama/Romance/Angst, AU, (?) chapters
Warnings: Boy x boy love, profanity, mild mature themes
Summary: Sasuke always did mean to leave Konoha, and that intention breaks Naruto's heart. But fate pulls a 180, and instead it is Naruto who leaves, and Sasuke is the heartbroken one.
Author's note 1: Hey again. By the way, cheers to Gallia, who figured out which book I was rambling about… yay! Gallia, if you want the reward drabble… review or PM with a topic and it'll be done!
Okay, I'm just going to face the truth for this chapter. It's not that great. But if you made it from one to three, you might as well. Even if I don't, I hope you guys will like it. At least a little.
X;
Counting the waysto where you are.
X;
Naruto loves you.
'Fuck, Sakura. What kind of bomb is that to drop on a guy?'
Naruto loves you.
Sasuke was left alone in the apartment. But despite being devoid of any other occupants, it didn't seem at all empty to him; in fact, the walls around him seemed to pulsate and echo with that single- disturbing, disastrous, wondrous- thought. Sasuke felt his chest constricting as it got harder to breathe in a regular pattern- the oxygen just wouldn't flow properly- and he was unconsciously flexing his long fingers and drumming them on his thighs.
Shit. 'What do I do about this?'
Sasuke was one who frequently engaged in lying to himself; it was something that he had taught himself to do. Things like that were necessary, having been hauled from boarding school to home, home to boarding school, then to the orphanage upon the massacre of the Uchiha family.
But somehow, Sasuke found it hard to find the familiar logical reasoning- lies - that would usually tide him over.
'What if the dobe does love me?'
For some reason, the initial shock didn't occupy Sasuke for a long time. The absurdity faded almost as soon as he completely wrapped his mind around it. Suddenly, Sasuke-and-Naruto took on a whole new meaning.
Something else struck Sasuke as he pondered this. That… That Naruto's… gay. If Naruto did indeed love him, that is. If is the key word, Sasuke reminded himself, and much to his disturbance, some place deep in his gut hollowed itself out when he tried to reason away the possibilities. 'Nothing is concrete,' Sasuke reprimanded himself more severely.
Naruto possibly being gay didn't faze Sasuke at all, and Sasuke wondered how that could be. Shouldn't he be at least a little surprised? Naruto did have that tremendous crush on Sakura once. Naruto liked flirting with girls, even if their eyes were drawn to Sasuke instead. (Sasuke briefly wondered if Naruto was ever jealous about that. Then he realized that, of course Naruto was. Or… at least, Naruto used to be.)
But then again…
Didn't Naruto draw the attention of guys?
Sasuke thought of Neji and Gaara and his fists (that he didn't know his hands were curled into) tightened.
And why not?
Sasuke immediately embarked on a mental list.
But the 'why-not' reasons blurred into 'why' reasons- 'Naruto was an idiot' became 'he was uniquely moronic', and even Naruto's immaturity and sentimentality found a certain sort of admiration in Sasuke. How that childhood innocence ('God, is that what immaturity turned into. Talk about euphemisms') could possibly still be there after the harshness and the abuse Naruto's early years had consisted of.
And that sentimentality- Naruto's old-fashioned sense of right and wrong, of honor, of friendships and their obligations- Sasuke remembered the times Naruto would come over, for no reason- just when Sasuke needed him the most. Then there was Naruto always defending his friends, Naruto always caring in his indirect, who-me?, tough-guy way. Why he didn't want me to leave.
So, Sasuke began to see very well why a guy might be in love with Naruto. One only needed to give Naruto a chance, a real chance. Then, the way Naruto smiled was enough to knock anyone off their pedestal and send them falling. Because- because-
God, it's like I'm in love with the dobe.
As soon as Sasuke thought that, a sinking realization settled upon him, and not unpleasantly. 'God, no,' the Uchiha thought desperately, but it didn't stop the chain of reactions- it was too late. Sasuke was good at lying to himself, but it would be this time that he failed, for this incoming message from the long ignored heart couldn't and wouldn't (and shouldn't?) be stopped.
And so, without fanfare, without neon lights and blinking signs, Sasuke Uchiha quietly found that he was in love with his M.I.A. best friend.
X;
'Well that would explain it,' Sasuke thought resignedly an hour after his not-so-shocking realization. He was wandering around in Naruto's room, and now that Sasuke had acknowledged the nature of his feelings for his runaway best friend, his yearning for Naruto to come back was stronger than ever and the hurt that Naruto had just left him multiplied tenfold.
Goddamn love.
Sasuke was looking at Naruto's array of photos, neatly framed, displayed on the bookshelf that was mounted on Naruto's wall. There was their sixth grade class picture. Sasuke let a smile-of-sorts quirk his lips; there was Naruto, right next to Sasuke. Sasuke was looking dead serious as usual, while Naruto was grinning cheerfully. Of course, picture-Naruto had given picture-Sasuke bunny-ears.
Sixth grade… 'At least, if Sakura's wrong, I was his first kiss.' Sasuke realized with a touch of pride.
Sasuke was sitting at his desk in homeroom, his first day in public school, hands folded gracefully as he waited for their teacher to come in. He was amused to see the effort that the Haruno girl putting into trying to sit next to him. Sasuke would have snorted, but he held it in.. Girls… they're all the same. Starry-eyed, Sasuke-kun!-ing him here and there… they were just too much of a nuisance. Boarding school, public school, it was all the same.
All of a sudden, Sasuke found himself staring into large deep blue eyes. Sasuke almost gave a visible start- he knew those eyes! But… it'd be too much of a coincidence, wouldn't it? However, Sasuke maintained the cool composure and just let his gaze lazily rove over the rest of the features. Ah, yes. Yes, it was.
"Still oh-so-popular, huh Sasuke?" Naruto glared down, face close to his, leaning over Sasuke's desk.
Sasuke couldn't tell if Naruto was serious. So the Uchiha merely let slip a vaguely arrogant smile.
Naruto frowned and parted his lips to say something-
-and Sasuke was so fascinated by Naruto's mouth being so close, what if he just tipped his head a little forward-
-and it turned out Sasuke didn't even have to as Naruto was jostled from behind-
-and then their lips met-
That Haruno girl squeaked in the most annoying way as the class froze in stunned silence. Then they erupted into a fit of hysterical laughter as the two boys roughly pulled away, frantically wiping at their mouths. Naruto fell flat on his ass while Sasuke tottered slightly on his chair. But of course it would be Naruto who was laughed at while no one noticed the Uchiha's moment of insecurity.
But still… Sasuke was almost ready to say that it was a whole lot nicer- no, he meant 'easier'- to have Naruto as his first kiss. No stupid sentimental girl. Just the detachment of a friend that he hasn't seen in a year… A guy who wouldn't place importance on something like that…
Things had been so much easier when they were ten and eleven, Sasuke reflected. He moved onto the next picture that Naruto, and it was a photo of him, Sakura, and Naruto. Sakura's hair was pink by now, and she was noticeably sitting a lot closer to Sasuke than Naruto. She had a look of vague discontent on her face. Naruto's face was set in that familiar determined grin, even if it was a little strained. His foot was in a cast. Sasuke looked grim as usual. 'I remember, I was trying to get away from Sakura.'
Ah, back when the three of them were the infamous trio-of-doom. Errands together ended up in disasters.
Twelve was an interesting time. After the accidental kiss the previous year, Naruto had avoided Sasuke- with exceptions for Uzumaki-style pranks- as if the Uchiha carried the Bubonic plague. Sakura avoided Naruto in much the same way, especially when she figured out why Naruto blushed around her. 'And I avoided Sakura and wondered if Naruto was ever going to talk to me properly again,' Sasuke remembered.
However, the seventh grade school year was a year for relationships though, because it occurred- the freak occurrence that changed everything.
Sakura looked pleased when she heard Iruka put her and Sasuke on the same group of three for the science project. The pleased look slipped a little- okay, a lot- when it was announced that Naruto Uzumaki (class clown and freak and stalker! How could Mr. Umino be so cruel) was also placed in the same group.
Sasuke had merely rolled his eyes. According to the look on his face, he didn't care much. According to what he told himself, he didn't care he'd be working closely that Uzumaki for the next two months. Who cared that the blond was his ex-best friend? Though he had to admit, Sasuke was curious as to what would happen. More of the same…?
Despite all the obstacles… those two months constantly going over to Sasuke's house, messing with hydrochloric acid and litmus paper and data charts… it changed something between the three of them. Sure, Sakura was constantly hitting Naruto over the head and goggling at Sasuke. Sure, Sasuke wanted to strangle Naruto for spilling the stuff all over the kitchen floor, wanted to throw Sakura out after he caught her trying to steal his stuff for some sort of memento. And Naruto… Naruto was…
Stop. Sasuke closed his eyes. Oh, Naruto. You'd enjoy reminiscing like this. Sasuke gave a short, harsh bark of laughter. Sasuke Uchiha, reduced to reminiscing… what has the world come to when it is Naruto who runs away, and Sasuke who's pining (oh god, he's pining), with Sakura giving the love advice.
He opened his eyes again to peruse the photo once more.
They had become friends, sort of. Sakura was hitting Naruto less, goggling at Sasuke less. Sakura even helped Naruto around with his injured foot when she thought no one else was looking. Naruto was blushing around Sakura less, talked to Sasuke more (and Sasuke could now admit that he had been dying for that to happen). And Sasuke had felt that best-friend bond again, and had begun feeling oddly protective of the pink-haired girl.
And then…
Sakura was waiting for them on the other side of the street, impatient to get to Sasuke's apartment so they could continue their science fair project. Naruto was hobbling slightly with his crutch in front of Sasuke, animatedly talking about something or another. Sasuke was actually listening to the idiot's babbling; it made him want to smile.
Smile! As if he could.
Sasuke noticed it before Naruto did. It was a difference of split-second, their realizations, but it gave Sasuke that window of opportunity to let his instincts take over before Naruto could counteract what Sasuke was about to do. Sasuke's mind was blissfully blank during those few seconds as he threw himself forward and shoved the Naruto hard so that the other boy pitched backwards and out of danger.
The high pitched squeal of breaks and skidding tires sounded loudly but it was too late; there was that sickening thud of hood-to-body contact and Sasuke was thrown forward a couple feet. Traffic screeched to a halt, Sakura had screamed somewhere in the middle of it, and Sasuke was bloody and unconscious as Naruto yelled several frantic obscenities, his voice choked with unreleased sobbing.
Honestly, Sasuke couldn't remember the actual accident very well, now. It hadn't been so bad. The driver had slowed down enough so that the impact hadn't terribly injured Sasuke. The whole incident hadn't pained Sasuke too badly at all. What was really a pain in the ass, in Sasuke's opinion, was the broken arm he'd sustained by falling in an awkward position.
It was the shockwaves that this accident caused that made that year of twelve and thirteen such a time for transformation.
It was an event that shocked Sakura out of her remaining foolishness- coming so close to losing a friend grounded her flightiness and put her head and heart in the right place at last. Sakura had been so worried about Sasuke, but she thankfully kept her 'utter devotion for Sasuke-kun' in check and kept Naruto from going crazy.
As for Naruto… Naruto was a different story. Naruto had been so damn angry and even Sakura couldn't soothe that temper. Sasuke had known that the idiot felt guilty- it was plain as day, hovering in those blue orbs. But Sasuke had never been one to back down from a fight, and then they were flinging words in each other's faces for the rest of the week after the accident. It would have escalated into a physical match like so many of their arguments did, but with a broken arm and a still-injured foot- it just hadn't been possible.
So instead, they had made their words hurt more.
Why the fuck did you do that? You think I'm the fucking moron?
Yes, you are. You couldn't have gotten out of the way idiot. You can barely walk right now!
I didn't ask you to fucking throw yourself in front of a moving car! Why the fuck did you do that?
I don't know- my body just moved, moron.
That's a shitty reason.
Well, maybe I should have just left you there, goddamnit.
Well, maybe you should've, asshole.
'The things we said to each other.' Sasuke shook his head. But, Sasuke remembered, all that he had been able to think those few seconds before impact, before that mental blank of adrenaline and purpose, was I can't lose him. A blinding panic had enveloped him, and he had been desperate to do anything, absolutely anything to get his best-friend-again out of the path of that car. And apparently, willingly giving up his life was included in 'absolutely anything.'
And the thing was… ' I'd do it all over again.'
Sasuke… I just… I just don't want you to leave me again.
I won't, dobe. I won't. Promise.
'I kept threatening to break that promise. But guess it turned out you were the one who actually left.'
X;
My friends say I should act my age…
What's my age again? What's my age again?
"Shit. You look underage, too…" the young woman muttered, looking closely at Naruto. "What the hell is wrong with that bellboy…"
Naruto stared at her. She was older than him, but not by much. Naruto's guess was that this- this- whatever she was- this woman, girl really, was around eighteen. Naruto's first impression was that she beyond beautiful, but upon a slight tilting of his head, Naruto decided that no, this woman wasn't beautiful after all. Her features were delicate but angular; it gave her both a fierce and frail aura at the same time. She was clad in something skimpy and silken and Naruto's nose could pick up the aroma of that over-flowery pharmacy-bought perfume that he had detected before. A prostitute, he realized.
The girl pushed her light brown hair back over her shoulder, pulling down her flimsy seductive nightclothes to cover as much as possible so that modesty wasn't too far of a stretch away. She glanced up at him, looking vaguely defeated, and Naruto wondered again if he had misjudged the beauty of this prostitute as green eyes locked with his blue ones.
Naruto found his voice again. "Who the fuck are you and what are you doing here?"
The girl winced at the sharp tones present in his voice. "I… Sorry kid- just don't… don't call the cops- or nothin' like that, kay?" The young woman sighed, frowning.
"Sorry kid," she said again. "Wrong room, see, that retard of a bellboy mixes up business a lot…"
Naruto was still staring at her. He was almost fascinated with the whole thing. He'd never met a prostitute before. He'd always imagined that it would be some mature woman oozing confidence, wearing something sheer and sequined, decorated with a lot of make-up. And yet, this girl, she was tired and desperate, young and struggling… something else shifted uncomfortably into its place in Naruto's world.
"I'm- fuck that. Just… Ami, okay? I'm a part-time maid here, and you c'n proba'ly guess what else I'm part-time," the young woman, Ami, said. She smoothed the silken material of her skimpy, meant-to-seduce outfit that clung tight to her perfect, if a little skinny, body. "It's not a pretty place, here. And- my services just ended up, in… in the wrong room, okay? Sorry, kid."
"Oh." Naruto blinked. He felt he should be a lot angrier with Ami than he was, but there was a sorrow that he read in her face- a sorrow that he knew. Naruto watched the girl lift herself off the creaking bed and begin to head out. He blinked again.
"Wait!" he called out, not quite knowing what he was doing. Ami turned from the hallway. Naruto said, "Ami… D… Do you want to stay? If you don't have any more customers-" here he blushed, "I mean… Just to talk- or something. I don't know."
Naruto didn't know what possessed him to invite a total stranger- not to mention a prostitute who had almost molested him in his sleep. The only explanation Naruto could offer was that it was something that he felt like doing. He reached up to the necklace that was clasped around his neck, and fingered the tag's engraved words anxiously. Naruto gave Ami a cautious smile as she stared back at him, and he knew she was wondering if Naruto was joking or not.
"O… kay…" Ami said slowly, turning back and padding over to one of the chairs. Naruto himself plopped back down on the bed, sitting cross-legged.
Naruto suspected that the reason he invited her and the reason she accepted had something to do with a mutual loneliness. There was an initial awkward silence as Naruto looked at Ami and Ami looked at him, and they both knew the other was judging and wondering and gauging. At last, Ami spoke up.
"So what's your story, kid. You a runaway?"
X;
Author's note 2: It's a tad short. Sorry.. Forgive me for the original character and the horrible parallels I tried to make to the canon universe. Twice uploaded because it was riddled with mistakes I just didn't see at one a.m. Any more guesses to the book?
Seeing as I'm just a fourteen year old do-gooder… I really don't have any personal experience to draw from about prostitution. So. … I based it off the book I was alluding to. And hoping that the fact it's an AU makes up for it.
Lyrics are from Five for Fighting's 100 years, Vanessa Carlton's The Wreckage, Vanessa Carlton's Afterglow, (my) I miss you, Blink182's What's my age again? Comments would be very much appreciated.