Disclaimer: Naruto and everything associated don't belong to me, neither do the lyrics. I'm not claiming ownership of anyone's ideas. I'm just borrowing.

Basics: PG13/T, General/Drama/Romance/Angst, AU, (?) chapters

Warnings: Boy x boy love, boy x girl love, profanity, mild mature themes

Summary: Sasuke always did mean to leave Konoha, and that intention breaks Naruto's heart. But fate pulls a 180, and instead it is Naruto that leaves, and Sasuke is the heartbroken one.

Author's notes: Edited, and now I like this a little more. Yay. So onwards, and I hope you'll like it as much if not more than I do.

X;

Counting the ways
to where you are.

X;

Iruka Umino peered wearily into his adopted son's bedroom. It was not empty, and a half-smile ghosted over the schoolteacher's face. Sasuke had let himself in again, and his still form was sprawled on Naruto's bedroom floor, along with many mementoes that Sasuke had apparently been looking before falling asleep. Iruka looked away from the sleeping boy to exchange glances with Kakashi Hatake, who was leaning against a wall in the kitchen with a lazy expression on his face.

Iruka went to a closet and pulled out a blanket and quietly maneuvered himself through Naruto's room, to drape over Sasuke's slumbering form.

Iruka knelt by the teenager and gently unrolled the blanket and covered Sasuke with it. But as Iruka turned to move away, a quick hand caught his wrist.

Iruka suddenly found himself startled into meeting the dark eyes of the Uchiha boy, which were wide-open as the obviously now-awake teenager had sat up. But upon closer inspection, Iruka noticed that those eyes were lit with a fevered light. The grip on Iruka's wrist loosened as the quiet seconds passed while teacher and his son's best friend looked at each other, until Sasuke's hand let go completely.

"Sorry." The teenager muttered reluctantly. "I thought…"

Iruka smiled, but it was a tired one. "I know."

They both looked at the photo closest to Sasuke. It was a picture taken at the end of their freshman year, and Naruto was smiling cheekily at the camera, one arm slung around Sakura's shoulders and the other slung around Sasuke's. Iruka remembered taking that picture, when they were all so radiant at the prospect of the coming summer.

Sasuke remembered that summer, too.

"Hello, Sashhhuke." His guardian Taniguchi greeted. Sasuke hated the singsong voice that his middle-aged cousin used to mutilate his name. God. And to think he'd actually had fun at the party that Naruto had thrown to celebrate the end of their school year, Sasuke reflected. It would figure that his day would end like this.

"You're drunk." Sasuke stated blandly. The smell of alcohol was positively awful in the summer heat. Sasuke opened a window to air out their apartment and wondered how many of the city's elite hid secrets like the remnants of the Uchiha family did.

Taniguchi swaggered over and grinned maliciously. "Aren't I always, dear little relative?" It was true. But the man was leaning too close to him, staring too intently with unfocused eyes. "Because life isn't worth living the right way, you little fucker! You know that, don't you?!" Taniguchi screamed at him. The pathetic, weak man with the too-oily sniveling disposition, was transformed by the grace of alcohol into a raving, enraged man sick of life, and apparently, sick of Sasuke.

Sasuke had never seen Taniguchi like this in all the years that he'd lived with him.

"Your brother- they're going to get him, you know, they're going get the sick fucking bastard. They saw him- you know- they saw him!" Taniguchi laughed deliriously, gulping air like a dying fish. An unpleasant sound that was nothing compared to the rising roar in Sasuke's ears.

"Itachi's been sighted?" Sasuke breathed harshly. He'd later find out, combing the newspapers and the Internet, that his brother had indeed been seen slinking around a city not too far away from Konoha a couple weeks ago. He'd later find out- to his infinite frustration and anger- that the said brother had vanished again without a trace.

But now he only stared at Taniguchi, who was yelling something worse at him. "And you look exactly fucking like him, you little shit. But they're going to get him, and-"

"Shut the fuck up." Sasuke snarled. He abruptly left the room, ducking a bottle that was chucked at him, not even glancing back as the bottle shattered against the wall behind him. "They're not going to get him, because that'll be me. I'm going to get him."

Sasuke remembered how it would consume him, and when Naruto tried to ask as a secretly concerned best friend, how Sasuke would only snap at him. And how the arguments ensued.

And how… how Itachi didn't seem to matter now. Or, Itachi mattered. But Naruto mattered more.

Sasuke became distinctly aware that Iruka was still looking at him with concern. And pity, he thought, but Sasuke knew that it was because Iruka cared about him, that Iruka still thought of him- and Naruto and Sakura- of still somehow being the young students that he had taught in junior high.

"It's just that- he" Sasuke didn't need to explain who 'he' might be. "He'd… do things like what you just did." Sasuke tried to keep his voice as emotionless as possible. But how many times had Sasuke found Naruto doing something simple, and kind, and had wondered why his heart gave a twinge and why he felt like smiling as if he didn't have a cold-hearted bastard rep to maintain?

"I know," Iruka said again. Then, "You're welcome to stay for dinner, you know."

Sasuke didn't even have to say thank you as Iruka smiled, got up, and left the room to rejoin Kakashi.

Iruka Umino found his boyfriend sitting down at the kitchen table. Much of Kakashi's face was hidden by his shockingly silver hair but Iruka could tell there was concern in his expression anyway. The junior high teacher looked at the high school teacher who taught his son and his son's friends, and tried to reassure him through their connected gaze.

"You okay?" Kakashi asked lightly, as his vision trailed Iruka pulling out a chair and sitting down heavily.

"Yeah." Iruka replied, eyes closed. "Or I will be when he comes home."

Kakashi leaned across the tabletop to give Iruka a quick kiss on the forehead. "He will."

X;

"You're supposed to be dead." Jiraiya said bluntly, pushing a hand through his shockingly white hair.

"Well, I'm not." Naruto muttered, reclining in a warm armchair. God, it seems like its been forever since he's arrived in Hara, and it only happened yesterday. It seems so long ago since he met Ami in the morning in a buoyant quest for his parentage, and now, well. This. This. Naruto closed his brilliant blue eyes, leaned against the coarse cloth of the armrest, and allowed himself to just… relax.

Jiraiya took a moment to look at the obviously exhausted teenager slumped in his living room. Lanky form stretched out on his armchair with a book bag at his feet, and the necklace and tag around his neck. The bright golden mess of hair, the blue eyes currently closed, and the strong handsome features that Jiraiya knew well on another face. Jiraiya's eyes lingered on the scarred cheeks.

"Hey. Brat. Don't fall asleep on me, hey?"

One blue eye opened drowsily, and then drooped shut.

In spite of himself, the somewhat grumpy fifty-something man felt a small grin forming. "C'mon, Naruto. You can shower upstairs. Guest room at the end of the hall."

"Kay." The boy slurred, heaving his body up and lumbering away in the general direction of the stairs, book bag dangling from one hand. But before making his way completely up, "Hey- thanks-" Naruto remembered to say before disappearing from Jiraiya's sight. The older man made a dismissive noise in his throat and Naruto smiled sleepily.

After his shower, Naruto felt conscious enough to pull out the log he'd been keeping of his journey. Flopping down on the guest bed, which was just a tad too short for his growing frame (but infinitely better than the hotel bed), Naruto rummaged around in his bag for a pencil and started scrawling.

Day 4. Last night, met Ami. Prostitute, but not what I thought. Really pretty and all, and sweet. Turns out Iwasaki was a bastard after all. Found Jiraiya. Jiraiya apparently was my dad's mentor and friend, says he'll tell me everything tomorrow… Jiraiya, why does his name sound familiar… grumpy guy who has a lot of porn in his living room, but a good man at heart.

With that, Naruto wondered what it would have been like to have known Jiraiya all his life, to grow up in Hara with his father- who was apparently a really liked guy- and- his… mother. Naruto reached up to touch the scars on his cheeks, and began feeling sleepy again. It really had been a long day and Naruto's eyelids kept closing. Hoping that Jiraiya really wasn't some child molester, Naruto reached to switch off the lamp beside him.

Then again, Naruto grinned faintly, judging by the man's porn, Jiraiya's tendencies leaned towards the other side, so Naruto didn't think he had anything to worry about.

That was his last coherent thought before dropping off to sleep.

X;

Sasuke was still lying around on Naruto's floor, onyx eyes staring into the ceiling. God he missed the dobe. Why Sasuke was torturing himself by staying in Naruto's room, he didn't know. He stretched out his arms, making an arc, until he hit something under Naruto's bed, causing something to slide out. Sasuke, mildly curious, found that it was a book of maps.

Funny thing was, it was open. To a page that had been ripped out.

Now… why would Naruto rip out a page of a map book…? Why would Naruto even think of looking in a map book in the first place?

Sasuke sat straight up and looked closer at the map book and the edges of the missing page. He dragged a slim finger across the surface of the laminated pages, tracing the blue names and the green planes and the network of red lines. The page- it wasn't very dusty. Meaning it hadn't been there… very long. Sasuke's brows made a downward dip as he thought of the possibilities. Could… could it be-?

Would there be any other reason… other than… other than… Sasuke tried to wipe his mind blank, even as his breathing became irregular and short as he stared at the remnants of the torn page.

Once an idea was planted by desperation and a hint, and nurtured by wild hope, it was very hard to stop it from sprouting and reaching for the light.

Sasuke turned to the index and looked for the name of the city that had been the feature of the missing page.

Hara.

'Goddamnit if I'm wrong,' Sasuke thought as he hauled his ass out of Naruto's bedroom, map book in hand. He muttered some excuse and some sort of farewell to Iruka and Kakashi, who were discussing something in the kitchen. Iruka started to inquire about Sasuke leaving but changed his mind and merely nodded in what Iruka hoped was an encouraging way.

X;

"Sasuke! I'm kind of busy right now-" Sakura said, in a strange voice that Sasuke knew that there must be someone else there. 'Kind of busy' probably translated into 'Saturday date with Lee.'

"Sakura, I'm leaving."

"…" There was a brief silence at the other end of the line. "… So you know where he is then." Sakura fervently hoped that they were talking about Naruto and not Itachi.

"A wild guess."

Sakura almost laughed at that one, Sasuke Uchiha never made wild guesses and he definitely never acted upon them. "But what if he doesn't want to be found…?"

"I don't care."

Sakura almost laughed at that one, too. A sad laugh, it would have been. Now, she knew it had to be Naruto, noting the lack of profanity and venomous rage. Instead, she thought about how Sasuke was refraining from saying that he was going crazy without Naruto, about the underline of vague panic as the days passed.

"Does Iruka know?" Sakura asked quietly. Lee was looking at her funnily, but Sakura motioned for him to wait a second, and she smiled to show him that she'd be there soon.

"No. I dropped by the… orphanage, but that Tsunade wasn't there. So I'll take a train. Quicker. And I'll be back by Monday."

"Sasuke-"

"Don't tell anyone I'm gone. Taniguchi won't even notice." Won't even care.

"Sasuke-"

"If he's there, I'll drag his ass back."

"Sas-"

Click. Sakura stared at her cell phone after Sasuke hung up. She caught up with Lee and linked hands with him. Lee grinned with such intensity that Sakura felt herself lightening up too. "I don't want to lose you, too," she told him seriously.

"Why would you lose me, Sakura-chan?" Lee inquired with honest curiosity and innocence. What was his girlfriend getting at? But Sakura just shook her head gently and leaned against him. Lee dropped an affectionate kiss on her forehead- that he incidentally thought was perfect, despite what Sakura herself thought- and Sakura pulled him down for a real kiss.

X;

It was a cloudy, pearly-skied morning that Naruto had awoken to, unmolested albeit slightly confused in Jiraiya's house.

Now, Jiraiya and Naruto were in Hara's local cemetery, paused in front of one grave particularly.

Naruto now sat cross-legged in just-laundered jeans in the grass, staring ahead of him, blue eyes roving over the dark characters engraved in stone. He reached out to run his fingers over the indentations, followed his father's name. Arashi Kazuma. And then there were beautiful things carved in the stone about his father, but nothing mentioned that Arashi had been a father.

"He was… loved?"

"Respected, adored, honored, all that jazz. Your father was a good governor. A good man." Jiraiya said, standing behind him.

Naruto grinned. "That's great." But then the grin slipped off his mischievous face. The big question that hovered, the one that Naruto knew he was going to ask and Jiraiya knew he had to answer spilled from his lips. "So what happened?"

Naruto thought it was remarkable that he had managed to keep his voice from wobbling.

"He married your mother. Beautiful woman. It seemed like the perfect match at the time."

"So what happened?"

"I'm getting there, brat." Jiraiya huffed indignantly, but it was half-hearted. "She went crazy." Jiraiya put it bluntly, carefully watching the teenager's face. It was blank. So he continued, "She used her power as governor's wife to do things. Little things, at first, like stealing odd objects for fun. And then it got worse. Shady dealings. Unexplained murders."

Naruto's face was still empty, and his hands stopped moving and instead gripped each other in a twisted version of prayer until he was tense and white-knuckled. Naruto heard himself say, "And then…"

"Your father didn't know until the end. He came home one day, and the house was a mess and- and your mother was standing over you holding a knife."

Naruto's eyes widened, as his suddenly-hoarse voice rasped out, "Oh, fuck. That was real?"

A very pretty red-haired woman is standing over him, and a blade caresses the skin of his cheek as she laughs. There is the bite of the knife as metal parts skin. She laughs again, and the knife is raised again. His cheeks are wet, wet, wet…

"When you were one, she tried to kill you- and your father tried to stop her."

Naruto raised a hand to his cheek, a little amazed at the instant headache brewing in his noggin. "I always thought that was some fucked-up nightmare." Then, he turned Jiraiya's words over and over in his head. "Tried?"

"Everyone here was told you were dead."

"And instead I got shipped off to some crappy orphanage." Unwanted. "And then what?"

"She committed suicide at the end. And Arashi died of the knife wounds she gave him in the struggle."

"Oh."

"And I was, am your godfather."

"Oh."

Naruto couldn't think of anything else to say and Jiraiya just didn't have anything more to say. Naruto sat and Jiraiya stood as the wind entwined its airy tendrils through their hair. Naruto pulled his necklace out of his shirt and took comfort in its message. Beloved son. 'He loved me.' Naruto thought and was content.

Naruto smiled crookedly; the wild fluttering bird of uncertainty that had beat so hard in his chest had been tamed. He had had a family, and he had a story for those scars. And he had a new friend in Ami and he had a new godfather. He had an origin and he wasn't just 'nobody' anymore. He was Naruto Uzumaki of Hara, proud son of Arashi Kazuma, not-so-proud son of Kyuubi, and godson of Jiraiya. He was…

… missing half of who he was.

Naruto blinked at the realization.

There was a Naruto Uzumaki of Konoha, too.

And suddenly, everything he had known for his entire life flooded back into his mind. Like a silent movie, a shuffling of photographs, Naruto was reminded of Naruto Uzumaki of Konoha and the Konoha orphanage. Adopted son of Iruka, almost-son to Kakashi. He was Naruto the high school student, Naruto the almost-brother/self-appointed guardian of the too-pretty Sakura. Naruto Uzumaki, friend of Neji, Gaara, Hinata, Kiba, Shikamaru, Shino, Chouji… Naruto Uzumaki, best-friend-crushing-on of Sasuke Uchiha.

Naruto wondered why he didn't realize there was so much in Konoha, why there were so many in Konoha who already loved him. Naruto wondered why he had been feeling so lonely these past few months and what possessed him to start on his insane journey for his roots.

Well, Naruto conceded, he didn't regret it. No, he was glad to know who he had been, and he was glad t have found Ami and Jiraiya. But now it was time to get back to being who he had become.

"Hey Jiraiya? I think it's time for me to go back to Konoha."

"What, so soon?" Jiraiya was surprised, but only a little. He had been watching certain emotions play across the boy's face. "You're welcome to stay, though." Jiraiya added honestly, even thought he knew Naruto wouldn't.

Naruto nodded resolutely to the first question and shook determinedly to the second, and Jiraiya hid a grin. "All right kid, let's get you to the train station."

"First, I gotta stop by to say bye to someone."

X;

"Hey, is this seat taken?" a voice politely inquired. Naruto looked up and for a second, he thought it was Sasuke. But it wasn't. It was a stranger around his age, a teenage boy that somewhat resembled Sasuke. Naruto was staring at the kid, and it wasn't until the stranger made a suggesting noise in his throat that Naruto started, realizing that the stranger wanted an answer.

Naruto blushed faintly. "Eh heh heh. No, it's not."

The stranger sat himself across from Naruto. Noticing that Naruto held a notebook in his hands and was furiously scribbling away at something, the other boy decided to ask about it. "What's that?"

"I just took a trip, and I wanted to write down some things so I'd remember them," Naruto explained with a cheerful grin. "I took photos of my new friends, too." The smile brightened even further as Naruto thought about the sweet goodbye between him and Ami and then between him and his godfather who had gruffly promised to come by soon.

"Oh, that sounds really nice."

Naruto scrutinized the stranger's face to weigh his sincerity, but Naruto had a feeling the guy meant it anyway, despite the oddly too-pleasant tone that the guy spoke in.

"It was," Naruto told him. "Where are you going, by the way?"

"Konoha, actually."

"Me too!" Naruto replied excitedly. He noticed the other boy's quizzical look at his energy. Naruto laughed out loud at that. "Oh god, I know I sound fucking hyper, but it's because I just figured out something."

And I'm about to see Iruka and Kakashi and Sakura… and ohgod, Sasuke again. Naruto shoved away all rising fear about facing them all- and instead looked expectantly at the stranger, who seemed amused.

The other boy suddenly leaned across, shortening the distance between them. He extended his hand and Naruto shook it without hesitation. "I'm Sai," he said, a small smile hovering on his lips, his eyes searching Naruto's.

"And I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Nice to meet you!"

X;

"We're going to be there at 4, aren't we, Sai?"

"I believe so Naruto."

X;

What if I fall?
What if I don't?
What if I never make it home?

X;

Four p.m. found Sasuke Uchiha and a messenger bag waiting for the 4:15 train that would bring him to Hara by 8 at night. And that would have given him Sunday to find Naruto if he was there, and then they could've gotten back to Konoha together by Monday morning. And then it would have been all okay. Something that Sasuke's life had not been for the past week.

Four-fifteen train, find Naruto on Sunday, bring him back by Monday. That was the plan.

The plan that was abruptly smashed to pieces when Sasuke, already impatient and wondering if he was delusional for doing the whole thing, saw Naruto- oh my fucking god Naruto- getting off a train on the opposite fucking platform.

Holy shit.

And he was with someone. 'Who the fuck is he?'

Another stunned moment of disbelief passed without action. And then Sasuke turned and bolted back into the main train station. He pushed past would-be passengers as he caught sight of that ridiculous mop of blond hair. 'Oh-my-god Naruto you moron.' And yet he couldn't deny the jubilation that was rushing through his veins, the pure joy he felt at knowing that his moron was home, safe. With him.

Or not with him… Sasuke watched as the other guy leaned in and kissed Naruto – his Naruto, goddamnit – on the cheek.

What. The. Fuck. Sasuke pushed himself faster, willing his legs to run even faster before Naruto and that guy melted into the crowd. Sasuke had the funny thought that if he didn't catch them now, that he'd never see Naruto again, that it was only a wishful hallucination in the first place.

Sasuke finally caught up, thrusting himself between the two other young men. And the only thing he could do… was utter one name. First, Sasuke looked into a face that looked almost like his own – fuck you, Sasuke thought venomously - and then he looked into a bewildered pair of wide, wonderfully blue eyes belonging to the one he loved most in all the world. "Naruto."

X;

Author's note 2: Hope you liked. Thanks for making it all the way down!

Lyrics are from Five for Fighting's 100 years, Vanessa Carlton's The Wreckage, Vanessa Carlton's Afterglow, (my) I miss you, Blink182's What's my age again?, Anna Nalick's Citadel. Comments would be very much appreciated.