A/N: Should I be worried? Probably! I realised a couple of days ago that I posted my first fic, and the beginning of the TT Series last November! It's been a year already? GAH! I have to get these fics moving along a bit quicker than this, huh? LOL! Oh well, at least I'm back to reasonably regular updates with this series again. Gonna stick to fortnightly updates for the TT series for a little while, but I'm almost back to knocking over a chapter a week again, so with any luck I may get back to weekly updates early next year. Touch-wood, fingers-crossed eh?

Many thanks to CPQ for beta-reading; great job as always chica. Many thanks too for the reviews from artykidd and The REAL Cheese Monkey. Love gettin' 'em!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the TMNT, or any related characters (much to their relief, I'm sure!) If there is anything else in this story you recognise from somewhere else, then I don't own that either.

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Raph paused at her door. Glancing down at his hand he balled it into a tight fist to still the tremors before he reached for the knob. The door creaked slightly as it opened. Poking his head into her room he saw her sitting with one leg crooked on her bed, her other foot on the floor, back to the door, head down as if she were looking at her hands in her lap. The only sound was another quiet creak as he pushed the door further.
"Not now…, please?" she murmured, not moving at all. Raph paused again, unsure what to do. Looking back over his shoulder towards the main room he realised he couldn't go back down to face his Master yet. Like it or not, he had to respect the ultimatum he'd been given. And despite all the awkwardness and anger between them, he knew in his heart of hearts he couldn't allow her to be kicked out. It'd weigh much too heavily on his conscience for a start.

The gap he'd already made was wide enough for him to slip through, and he didn't bother closing the door behind him. Instinctively cautious, he crept toward her bed to sit on the edge behind her, making her jump badly as his weight shifted the mattress.
"Argh! Mike! I said 'not n…'." she whipped her head around "Raph? What the…? You scared the livin' daylights outta me!" she accused. Raph grimaced, but bit back on his acerbic response, remembering a clash now wouldn't be in his best interests.
"So?" he grumbled defensively instead.
"'So!' I'm seriously not interested in fighting with you right now!" she ended with a snuffle despite her cutting tone. That was when Raph realised how red her eyes were, her cheeks sodden, before she turned her back on him again.

Raph clenched his fists. Didn't she know how important this was? On reflection; maybe not. He almost opened his mouth to tell her, but figured it would probably just upset her more if she knew how close she was to being booted. And that would just make things that much harder. Trying to think of something constructive to say he found himself gazing at her, realizing she was clutching something protectively against her front as she fought against the sobs that sporadically won through, making her shudder.

Steeling himself he reached around her to grasp the small book she was holding.
"What are you interested in then?" he asked as nicely as he could, slowly forcing her to tip it so he could see. She didn't say a word, and apart from some small resistance to his moving it, did little to stop him as he peered at the album in her hands.
"Hey, the guy in this photo…he's that guy off the TV. Who's this he's huggin'?" he pointed to the other man in the image.
"Benny." she eventually whispered, staring at the bare wall above the head of her bed. Raph scowled in confusion, but guessing she wasn't gonna give him anything else to go on he turned back to the album, quickly flicking to the next page, and the next. Almost every picture had 'Benny' in it, along with a woman Raph hadn't seen before. Tau featured in a couple of the images, but it took one in particular to make Raph click.

In the photo Tau was stood between Benny and the woman, all of them beaming proudly over a birthday cake as she held up a sheathed sword, the scabbard wrought in midnight blue. He'd never seen her katana, but she had described it to him before. Including how she'd gotten it for her fifteenth birthday, and from whom.
"Oh." he breathed in comprehension, feeling a little foolish since it all suddenly seemed so obvious.
"Damn it!" she cursed suddenly, making Raph start "I shouldn't be reacting like this; it's been nearly a year!" she knuckled her eyes viciously. Gently grasping her shoulder Raph said;
"They were your family, Tau." She continued on, as if he hadn't spoken.
"I knew this would be a test, but I thought I'd gotten through it ok, 'till… Shit. I shoulda stopped watching after the race. I shoulda realised someone would say something! Damn it! I shoulda stopped them getting in the damn car to start off wi… argh!" she exclaimed as he wrenched her about by the shoulders to face him.
"Don't be stupid." he rebuked harshly "You make it sound like it was all your fault!"
"Well maybe it was!" she yelled back, fresh tears coursing down her cheeks.

Taken aback Raph eyed her as she glared at him in defiance.
"It was an accident, right?" he asked.
"Yeah." her voice cracked.
"So how can that be your fault?" He saw the pain flicker in her eyes before she dropped her head, relying on his hands to support her.
"I dunno…" she murmured "but this last year everyone I care about just seems to… 'slip away' somehow. Mum an' Grandad…, Dad…," she sighed "…you." Raph frowned in bewilderment.
"Me? I'm still here…" Tau looked him in the eye.
"Are you?" she sniffed.
"Yeah." he assured with a small lop-sided grin. She gave him an uncertain smile in return. Suddenly wanting her close, he scooped her up to sit her sideways on his lap, holding her tight until she abandoned her weak protestations to rest her head on his shoulder.

They sat like that for a long while, savouring the peace. Eventually Tau murmured;
"Raph?"
"Um-hm?"
"Why did you wait up for us last night?" Raph shrugged, Tau pressed on quietly "Oh. Why did you come up here then?"
"I…, uh… dunno."
"Hmm…, I'm glad you did. You know, I realised something last night."
"What?" he asked warily; unsure he really wanted to know. She'd been spending a heck of a lot of time in the lab recently, and 'Fearless' had been pretty blunt over who could and couldn't go with 'em last night. If it regarded either of his brothers… he swallowed thickly.
"That even though we aren't really happy with each other, I… missed you." she whispered.
"You did?" he sounded a little incredulous.
"Yeah. And…I hate it when we fight." she sighed, her breath warming his neck, her head still resting on his shoulder. Raph blinked to clear his vision of a sudden blurriness.
"Me too." he finally croaked; smiling slightly as he felt Tau snuggle against him.

Another lengthy quiet fell as he mulled over the last few days. He still felt the gnawing tension at the back of his mind, it had been there for quite some time now, but the ups and downs they'd gone through at Halloween had really made it flare up. For the first time he allowed himself to scrutinize it, as opposed to trying to scour it away in aggravation. To this end he realized he'd actually been trying to antagonise Tau these last couple of days; some irrational, primal part of him had figured if he could push things to a breaking point, they'd either fight or… either way he wouldn't be so damn frustrated anymore.

He sighed; what the hell had he been doing? He didn't want either of those outcomes, at least not in isolation. He wanted this too, the warmth, the… trust. He thanked whichever lucky star was looking out for him that she'd all but ignored him, refusing to rise to his bait, as friggin' annoying as that had been at the time regardless.

"Tau?" he whispered. Thinking she hadn't heard him he tried a little louder, pulling his head back to try to see her face.
"Tau? I just wanna say…, I…, I'm sor…" her head lolled on his shoulder as a light snore escaped her. His irritation was quashed as he studied her face; she looked so serene, vulnerable. Gently he wiped the last of the dampness away from around her eyes, noticing the dark shadows beneath them. Had she spent the last few nights staring into the darkness too?

Raph felt the need to make some sort of amends, though his throat was too tight to say a word and he didn't want to wake her. Hesitantly, he pressed a light, lingering kiss to her temple, despairing she'd ever understand the depth of remorse and feeling behind it, even if she'd been awake. Was it just his imagination then, that she seemed even more at peace, as he gazed at her face again? Gently he ran his thumb down her cheek. Giving in partially to temptation, he traced the corner of her lips. With a sigh he dropped his hand to her shoulder, wondering what he should do now…

It was quiet; too darn quiet for his liking. In the last five minutes he'd been stood against the wall beside her open door, all he'd heard was a whisper so muted he couldn't make out what was being said. He knew better than to skulk in hallways, spying on his brother, but something akin to dread stopped him from making his presence known. He was always wary of the unexpected, and quiet was the last thing he'd anticipated here.

Finally he heard the faint rustle of movement, and a couple of dull thuds, but it was the low grunt that made him look.
"What the shell?"
"Shhhh!" Raph scowled at him, finger to lips, as he straightened from leaning over the bed "She's sleeping, Leo!" he whispered harshly, pulling the blankets up and over the girl.
"Oh…, sorry!" murmured Leo sincerely, realizing as his brother moved out of his line of sight that he'd jumped to the wrong conclusion; considering she was still fully clothed. Hurriedly he stooped to pick up the pair of boots that had been tossed haphazardly on the floor to set them neatly at the end of the bed.

Leo took a step towards the door before he realised his brother wasn't leaving. Curious, he joined Raph stood next to the head of her bed, though he studied his bothers' face as opposed to the girls'.
"It was her Grandfather, wasn't it?" he asked softly once it was obvious Raph wasn't going to break the quiet. Raph looked up at him briefly in surprise before he returned to his own vigil.
"Yeah, trust you to have it figured." he muttered derisively.
"You didn't?" Leo was a little surprised. Raph shook his head.
"I shoulda, but nothing seems simple anymore. I just can't stop thinkin'… tryin' to figure… 'stuff' out. But the more I think, the less sense it all makes." he grasped his forehead "It's drivin' me nuts! I know I shouldn't…, I can't take it out on her. I don't wanna drive her away. It's just… so hard… for me to…" he petered out, sounding lost.
"Stop?" offered Leo.
"Yeah, guess so." Raph dropped his hands, his shoulders slumping.

Gently placing a reassuring hand on his brothers' arm, Leo advised,
"You have to try, Raph. You should enjoy your friendship, as it is, while you can. There's nothing worse than parting on bad terms." Eventually Raph nodded, walking away to pause by the door.
"Yeah, right Leo." he murmured before stepping out. With a sigh Leo followed his brother, turning out the lights in the room and closing the door as he left.

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(Late afternoon, two days later…)

'CRACK' sounded the shinai.
"OW! Raph! That was an illegal strike, if you can't play by the rules…" fumed Leo, bending to rub his stinging thigh.
"Tch, Leo you live by the rules, you'll die by the rules. 'sides aint the point to 'incapacitate your opponent with one blow'?" Raph smirked at his hobbling brother, enjoying the irate glare he got in reply.
"Tau?" Leo petitioned their referee, his look growing even darker as he realised her lips were twitching, trying to stifle a laugh. She shook her head in mock dismay at their antics, her eyes still glinting in amusement as she delivered her verdict.
"Sorry Raph, but I can't give you a point for that."

Their replies were curtailed by the elevator doors hissing open.
"Yo, Case-man!" Mike raised a hand in greeting from the couch as their friend entered.
"Hey guys! What's all this then?" Casey asked, sauntering over to the dojo as Raph and Leo doffed the helmets of their make-shift armour.
"Ken-do." Leo started to explain "It's…"
"A great way to kill some time." interrupted Raph, tossing his baseball catchers mask hard at Casey for him to catch. "So what's your excuse for buggin' us so early?"

To their surprise, Casey coloured slightly.
"Yeah, well, April's gotta stay back fer a meetin' at work. Sounds like she's gonna be stuck there a while, so I thought I'd take the chance to get over here an'…, well…, I kinda wanna ask you guys somethin'…" Raph and Leo shared a brief, dubious look.
"Yeah. You are ugly!" teased Raph with a grin.
"Hardy har har. That's rich comin' from you, gack-face!" retorted Casey.

Worried things were about to descend into the usual tussle, before Casey could ask his favour, Leo stepped between his brother and their friend.
"Hold up. What do you want to know Casey?" he asked, hoping his no-nonsense tone would translate to the situation. Curious, Mike left the couch, bag of chips in hand, to make his way over to the group.

"You gotta promise you won't tell April." the unusual gravity with which Casey asked stunned all four in his audience. Don, after poking his head out of the lab to see what was going on, started meandering over too, what looked to be a small, greasy motor in his hands.
"It's not something she's going to be upset about is it?" Leo queried warily.
"No! Nah, 'course not! Or, at least…, I hope not!" flustered Casey, colouring again. Realising his friend was being serious, for once, Leo capitulated;
"Alright Casey, we promise, on the condition it's nothing that'll hurt her. Now what's the problem?"
"It's not a problem; I just need you guys to… look after somethin' for me." Casey dumped Raphs' helmet on the floor to start hunting for something in his pockets. "A-ha! Here it is!" fishing out a small velvet-covered box he held it nervously for a moment, steeling himself to flip back its top half to show everyone.

"So? What d'ya think?" Casey prompted.
"That's AWESOME!" cried Mike "Here, I'll look after it for ya!" Leo grabbed his hand, stopping him reaching for the diamond ring; Casey quick to hold it high, out of reach.
"No-way we're trustin' you with that, lame-brain! Give it here Case." Raph held out an expectant hand.
"Ah…, I was thinkin' more…" hedged Casey.
"That I could keep it safe?" The whole group turned to see Splinter stood on the step above the dojo.
"Um…, yeah…, kinda…" Casey grinned self-consciously.
"Of course." Splinter agreed with a warm smile of his own.

"Oh come-on Case, at least let us have a better look at it!" begged Mike, not giving Casey much choice as he pulled his arm back down.
"OK, ok…, just be careful with it, alright." fretted Casey.
"Like 'duh'!" Mike admonished, inspecting the luminous gem closely to give a low appreciative whistle; Raph elbowing him out of the way to take a look himself.
"Do you think she'll like it?" worried Casey.
"Of course, bone-head." assured Raph "Where'd ya get the green for it? I thought you were broke?"
"I am now!" Casey laughed "I've been savin' a bit here an' there. But, it's funny, the stuff from Hun helped out in the end."
"Casey, you didn't. That money was counterfeit!" exclaimed Leo.
"Nah! I wouldn't try that on, Leo. Heh, it turned out those briefcases were real Italian leather! I got a good price for 'em, even second-hand."

"W… when you gonna give it to her?" queried Don softly.
"Christmas!" beamed Casey.
"Huh? Why'd you get it so early then?" asked Raph. Casey shrugged;
"There was a sale on. I was gonna wait, get 'er a bigger one, but I don't think I'd be able to save much more for it in time, so… Do you think it's big enough? Hey Tau, you're a girl, right? What do you reckon?" He shoved the box past the turtles, towards her. Tau quickly looked herself up and down.
"Last time I checked." she confirmed dryly "But it is pretty, I'm sure she'll love it." she smiled.

Caseys' face fell, around 10,000 feet.
"'Pretty'? Isn't that like 'girly code' for 'not good enough'?" he panicked "Shit! I knew I shoulda got 'er a bigger one…!"
"No!" Tau grasped his arm in reassurance "No, Casey, it's fine, really! I just don't get that excited over jewellery and stuff. I'm sure any other girl you showed it to would be deafening you with squeals and getting all over-excited, and that includes April."
"Really?" Casey asked warily.
"Yeah! It's not the size of it that matters anyway; it's what it stands for. That's what makes it truly… beautiful." she pledged sincerely.

Casey eyed her dubiously for a long moment.
"You don't… 'drink from a furry cup', d'ya?" he questioned hesitantly. One of Taus' eyebrows twitched as Mike uttered;
"Huh?" the same sentiment reflected on the faces of his brothers.
"Ya know, 'vagitarian'… that kinda thing?" Casey tried to explain further, as Taus' eyebrow climbed her forehead, "'Cos it's alright if ya do, I've got nuthin' against it, but it's just a bit weird; you never seem that keen on boys an'… stuff." he started to fluster, Tau bursting out in laughter cutting him off.
"Oh!" she wiped a hand down her face in an attempt to regain her composure, fixing Casey with as steady a look as she could manage "No. I am not a lesbian, Casey." she tried to assure levelly, failing as she succumbed to another giggle.

"Ah, well…, sorry then…" he blushed as he apologised, taking a quick half-step back from the evil glare Raph shot him. Given most of the rest of the group seemed torn, unsure whether to be embarrassed for, or defend, the girl; he figured Raph had gone the second option. Thankfully even the hot-head seemed to take the cue as Tau shook her head, waving his apology away as un-necessary with a grin.

Mike had been the first of the turtles to see the funny side of the situation, chuckling himself as Casey had attempted to apologise.
"Hehehe! It is gonna make the best Christmas present ever!" he exclaimed.
"Huh?" Tau sobered suddenly "You're not gonna give it to her for Christmas… are ya?" she asked in all seriousness.
"Well, yeah." admitted Casey "It's not like I can afford to get her anything else!"
"Nuh-uh" cautioned Tau, with a wag of her finger "Not a good idea."
"Why not?" chorused Mike and Casey. She rolled her eyes;
"'Cos telling someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with 'em is a bit more important than a Christmas present. That way it sorta seems like your love for them is on a par with what you feel for everyone else you're givin' gifts to. Surely what you feel for April is a bit more special than that?" she contended, folding her arms.

"Ohhh." Mike nodded in comprehension.
"But, what can I get 'er for Christmas then?" Casey asked, unconvinced. Tau shrugged,
"I dunno…, it doesn't have to be anything big does it?" she pondered "An IOU for dinner at a nice restaurant, write her a poem (Raph sniggered)… or something like chocolate body paint if you want to be cheeky!" Casey lost himself deep in thought for a minute, as Mikey gave her a sly grin at her last suggestion.

"Don't even think it, green-boy!" she admonished; stopping whatever Mike was about to say with a sternly raised finger, despite the glint in her eye that betrayed she was enjoying the banter too.
"But…!" he protested.
"If I get anything like that I'll be eating it in my room." she warned in a no-nonsense tone, Mikes' grin growing more devious.
"Alone." she added, Mikes' look turned thoughtful, but far from defeated.
"With a spoon..., very boringly." she dead-panned.
"Awww…" Mike finally conceded, ignoring the reprimanding look from Leo, and the silent threat of death Raph was sending him, to share a brief, conspiratorial grin with Tau.

"I don't know…" muttered Casey, oblivious to all but his own deliberations "I kinda got it all planned…" Tau shrugged.
"It's your choice Case, and you know April better than I do. I just know any guy that tried to give me an engagement ring for Christmas would be lucky if I only told him where to shove it." "Yeah. But…, you're weird!" he argued. Tau shrugged again with a grin.
"Point taken!" she acknowledged breezily.

Lifting his muzzle to sniff the air, Splinter interjected,
"It smells as if dinner is ready. Will you be joining us this evening Casey?"
"Don't mind if I do!" perked the vigilante.
"Alright!" enthused Mike; grabbing Caseys' hand for last look at the ring, and flashing him a grin, before he dashed off towards the kitchen to serve out.

Leo placed a light hand on the man's arm, gaining his attention.
"I'm sure she'll be happy, however you decide to give her the ring. Congratulations Casey." he smiled warmly, turning away to begin gathering the equipment strewn about the dojo, Tau giving him a hand to tidy up.
"Uh, yeah… congratulations." added Don quietly, hastily making his way to the bathroom to wash the grease from his hands.

"Come Casey." invited Splinter with a crook of his paw "Let us get the ring put somewhere safe." With nothing better to do, Raph joined his friend in following his Master into his room. Heading straight to the back corner, past his meditation cushion, Splinter quickly removed the candles and other items he had resting on top of a wooden chest. Opening it, he withdrew a metal strongbox that was missing its padlock. Pulling back the lid, the sensei presented the box to his friend. Carefully Casey placed the ring-case alongside the small rolls of cash within.

"Thanks." the vigilante smiled, attempting a halting bow in gratitude as Splinter closed the lid of the metal box in his hands. Graciously returning the gesture, Splinter assured,
"You are most welcome, Casey-san." Feeling a little out of place in such refined company and surrounds, Casey fidgeted,
"I, ah, I'm gonna go help Mike get dinner served… yeah." Splinter smiled as the man made his way out, stepping awkwardly around the cushions and such on the floor. Straightening from replacing the strongbox back within the chest he was a little surprised to find his son was still stood behind him.

"He really cares for her, huh?" commented Raph softly, staring at the strongbox.
"Yes my son, he does." agreed the sage rat, giving a slow nod before he fixed his son with a penetrating look. Unsure if he were in trouble, Raph instinctively braced himself.
"I set you a challenge two days ago, and I wish to speak with you regarding your progress with it." stated Splinter levelly, giving nothing away. Raph gulped, but nodded regardless. The Master watched his son shift nervously for a moment, before allowing a warm smile to grace his features.

"I am proud of you, my son." he admitted lovingly.
"Huh? You are?" Raph was a little surprised, and distracted; he'd been trying to pull together arguments for his case in head.
"Yes. I still sense a tension about you that is of concern to me, but you have made a valiant effort to rein-in your temper and make peace with your brothers, and Tausha."
"So… does that mean… she can stay?" asked Raph hopefully.
"Yes." Splinters' nod was cut short as Raph grabbed him in a fierce hug. "The conditions for her to stay still stand however…" he wheezed over his sons' shoulder, returning his embrace as best he could. Raph nodded.
"Thanks Dad." he whispered into his Fathers' fur.

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"Who's up for a top-side run tonight?" solicited Mike as they started clearing the dinner table, Splinter already settling in his armchair for an evening of current affairs and talk-shows.
"Heck yeah!" agreed Casey "So long as we take it a bit easy." he sub-consciously rubbed his thigh, the burn that was healing well on his leg hidden under his pants.
"Count me in!" grinned Raph, his smile fading a little as he noticed Tau duck her head awkwardly as she left, carrying dishes to the kitchen.
"I got… something I need to work on." mumbled Don, with a shake of his head, before he too carried a pile of plates away. Concerned, Leo followed his brother with his eyes until he disappeared through the doorway. Don had hardly said a word during the meal.
"I think I'll stay here tonight, in-case Donnie needs any help with what he's working on." stated Leo.
"You sure bro?" Mike petitioned.

As his brothers and Casey kept talking, Raph slipped away into the kitchen, almost running into Tau just inside the doorway as she was trying to leave the room. After a couple of brief apologies they found themselves stood nervously, practically face-to-face, both unsure what to do next. A brief glance at his brother reassured Raph that Don was too busy with his chore of cleaning the plates to pay them much mind. In a whisper he asked of her,
"You ok with me goin' out?" She eyed him askance, whispering back,
"'Course, why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just, what you said the other night…" he flustered. She gave him a crooked smile.
"Yeah, but I don't expect you to hang around just for me. I'll be fine…, really. So go, ok?"

Raph considered for a moment then met her eyes again with a roguish grin.
"Just so long as you're not gonna waste away, pining for me or anythin'." he teased under his breath. The look of umbrage she attempted was ruined by the gleam of amusement in her eye.
"Believe me, I'm not at any risk of that!" she retorted in a low voice, then made him start by ordering out loud "Now 'git', ya reprobate!" as she made a show of driving him out of the kitchen in front of her.

A few minutes later Raph, Mike and Casey were ready to go.
"Take care, my sons." called Splinter as they headed toward the elevator. Both Mike and Raph nodded in reply, not bothering to stop as Leo continued on from his father,
"Be sure to call if anything happens, don't take any stupid risks, don't be out past…"
"Yes Mom." derided Raph. Leo countered Mikes' snickers with a scowl of his own. "Anyway, don't blow a gasket. We won't be gone too long, 'k?" Raph continued addressing his brother, though he managed to sneak a wink at Tau. He realised immediately that was a mistake, the smile and wink she gave him back almost changing his mind about going out. Steeling himself he led the way into the lift. No matter what anyone else, or he, wanted to do; he was planning to take down a good number of street scum tonight. He needed a decent work-out.

As the elevator doors closed, Don shuffled out of the kitchen.
"Do you want me to help you with anything tonight Don?" Tau asked as he wandered past, seemingly lost in thought.
"Huh?" he perked his head up as if surprised by her question, before looking back to the floor to continue making his way to the lab, murmuring "No, no, it's fine…, there's just… something I gotta get done… I'd rather do it myself… thanks." As he disappeared through the doorway Tau turned to Leo, seeing the same concern she felt etched on his face.
"Has he said anything to her?" she queried gently. Leo sighed and gave a shrug.
"What's the point?" he asked despondently. As she considered the days' events, Tau had to concede with a nod.

"At least Raph seems to have taken my advice these last couple of days." Leo attempted a smile.
"Huh? What advice?"
"That he should start treating you like the friend you are, before it's too late and you end up parting ways as foes." he explained. Tau was taken aback for a moment.
"Thank you." she finally said, with sincere gratitude.
"It's nothing really. I've never been opposed to you two being friends… only." he emphasised with a lecturing finger "Besides, it makes all our lives easier, when he's not being completely contemptible all the time." dismissed Leo. "Well, it looks like it's just you and me for the next couple of hours, would you like to go few rounds of Ken-do?" With a surreptitious glance towards the elevator doors Tau nodded with a sigh.
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind the work-out. Feel like I could use a decent one… uh, after all the practice I've missed." she added quickly with a sheepish grin.

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A/N: And the super-bonus soundtrack theme for today is - cue Mike Jagger and the choir;

"You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you just might find
You get what you need"

(Lyrics available in the public domain; and mine? ROFL, you kidding? I wish!)