"The Ninth Millenium Item"

Chapter Two

It was hours after the battles had ended, and Ammon did not look happy. Surprisingly, Dextel had done the best of the four against his opponent, Seto Kaiba. His Uraby had proved to be one fearsome beast, with a little help from a spell card, Geological Time Scale (more on this later). But, alas, all four of the Shadow Puppets had lost.

Ammon got up and spoke to the Shadow Puppets in a disconcerting voice. "You LOST! Do you know what an embarrasment this is for me, to be one of the second-rate villians of the current Duel Monsters International Evil Shadow Realm Corporation, and to come out as the status of a third-rate one! And you, Scoby, insect-lover, Jainist - though I don't know why I mention your religious affliations - to lose the duel before the Millenium Rye could even be activated!"

Scoby, quaking with fear, responded with a squeal. "If it pleaseth you, your majesty, I was duelling Maximillian Pegasus, the creator of the game, mind you."

"So? Razoul was dueling the King of Games, and he held his own! (Although it was a rather poor performance, nonetheless.) And speaking of Razoul," Ammon turns toward him. "Did I not tell you to make sure Zoole the baker wasn't the receiver of the Millenium Rye?"

"Yes, yes, you did Your Majesty."

"And what was that last card Yugi played on you?"

"Ummm...it was Hungry Burger, your Majesty."

"How very observant of you! And a person of what occupation would use a monster with 'Burger' in its name?"

"Doctor?" Dextel piped in.

"NO!"

"Scientist? Hotel Manager? Airplane Pilot? The President of the United States?" continued the hyperactive Shadow Puppet.

"No, no, no, and absolutely not!"

Minkth decided to put his two cents in the conversation. "Someone who works with food...maybe a gourmet chef, or butcher, or grocery store salesman."

"Or Ronald McDonald!" Dextel exclaimed. He loved guessing games.

"How about, a baker? Hmmm? Yes, I know they aren't big on meat, but still, there are so few cards with food-related themes that there's not a lot to make a baker-themed deck with. Now, what do I mean when I say to make sure someone does not get hold of something?"

"What kind of question is that?" Razoul wondered.

"A rhetorical and a badly-worded one, apparently. But my point is, you have messed up our chances for winning. And you know what happens if we don't win, don't you?"

"We get deported back to Siberia," Minkth said, shuddering.

"I liked it in Siberia," Dextel said dreamily. "Always so tropical and sunny, with all kinds of fine resorts for lounging around in."

"That was Jamaica, you dope," Scoby said, rather rudely. "But what I want to know is, why exactly is this Zoole the baker guy a problem for us?"

"Good question, and here's the answer. Maximillian Pegasus has a melange of hitherto-unreleased food-related cards. Why they were not released yet I cannot say. But I can say that, once someone realizes they can only hold cards in their deck that are somehow similiar to the ones they have now, Pegasus will give our other three charges some of these cards."

"Is there any way to win?" Minkth inquired.

"No, no, there's nothing we can do," Ammon said, melodramatically. "EXCEPT-"

"Except what?" Scoby asked.

"Ah, no, its too dangerous."

"I admit that I'd like to avoid danger when I can," Scoby said, "but if it's the only way we can win-"

"Now that's the spirit! And since you're volunteering, Scoby, you get to be the first person to go against the Fanfair Goblin."

"Wait! I wasn't volunteer-"

"Listen! You were the first to lose, and if you want to regain your dignity, you will do as I command! Now, the Fanfair Goblin is the keeper of the other three Millenium Items."

"Other three? I thought there were only nine," Razoul commented.

"I'm afraid not. You see, the first seven Millenium Items are all one needs to control the world. The other five are meant to aid anyone who needs to destroy the wielder of any of the original seven. The Pyramid of Light is used to keep the Egyptian Gods at bay; the Millenium Rye is used to steal the greatest and rarest cards from anyone who controls a Millenium Item."

"But Kaiba doesn't control a Millenium Item!" Minth ejaculated.

"On the contrary, Kaiba controls the Millenium Rod very well."

"What about that kid, Zane Truesdale? Since when has he held power over a Millenium Item?"

"Since he was a descendant of Ishizu."

"You mean...he can see the future?"

"Of course. How else do you think he wins all his duels? But that's insignificant at the moment. Scoby, I want you to take Portal 13. When you land, you will be in a valley with an arcadian landscape, and for some reason a large statue of the alexic Mary-Kate Olsen. Then you will meet the Fanfair Goblin. You must challenge him to a duel, with the words Erom on Slodi. He cannot speak English, Portugese, Spanish, Japanese, Slavic, or any language known to man for that matter."

"Erom on slodi? Got it!"

"Good! Now go!"

Scoby ran like hellfire, without a moment's glance behind him.

Just as Ammon had said it would be, Scoby landed in an idyllic, arcadian valley with a statue of Mary-Kate Olsen when she looked alexic. There was also a small green man wearing royal clothes nearby.

Scoby went up to this man, who asked the shadow puppet, "Quippis auri wippelungut?"

"Erom on Slodi." Scoby replied.

"Chisum garrit tudal voman," the goblin replied, pulling out a duel disk.

"Kebeng!" the Fanfair goblin said, as Scoby said, "Begin!"

For the convenience of the reader, the author will not mention the goblin's speech henceforward, and Scoby will continue to speak in English, even though both player's are really only speaking through their cards.

4000/4000

The goblin goes first, summoning Feral Imp and setting two face-downs.

"My move, then! And I first play, Giant Trunade! Now all face-downs return to their opponent's hands! And now I activate the ever-coveted card, Card Destruction! Both of our hands are wiped out, and we are forced to draw cards equal to the amount discarded! Then I remove two Insect-type monsters in my Graveyard from play, in order to Special Summon Doom Dozer! Now I have my insect attack your Feral Imp, and then I end my turn, after you discard the top card from your deck."

3000/2500

The Fanfair Goblin grunts, and then plays Tribute to the Doomed. Doom Dozer is destroyed instantly, at the cost of 1 card from the goblin's hands. Then Goblin Thief is activated. Pixie Knight is summoned, and she attacks Scoby directly. After that, the Fanfair Goblin sets 1 card face-down and ends his turn.

2200/3000

"Okay, then, I'll summon Girochin Kuwagata in attack mode and attack your Pixie Knight!"

The tiny insect ripped the elf off her broomstick. The Fanfair Goblin indicated his Graveyard, to remind Scoby that he had to pick a spell for the goblin to return to his hand.

"Fine! I choose for you to return Goblin Thief to your hand! Then I set one card and that'll do it for now!"

2200/2600

Scoby's opponent summons Goblin Elite Attack Force in attack mode, then plays Goblin Thief again. Then the Fanfair Goblin activates his face-down card, Robbin' Goblin. Afterwards, the Goblin Elite attacks Girochin Kuwagata, taking out 500 of the Shadow Puppet's Life Points and forcing him to discard a random card from his hand. Then the Fanfair Goblin ends his turn.

1200/3100

"I draw, and summon Gokipon! Then I have Gokipon destroy your Goblin Elite! And that concludes my turn for now!"

The Fanfair Goblin summons Man Rehearsingfor Ceremony in attack mode.

Man Rehearsing for Ceremony

ATK: 1400 DEF: 1800
EARTH/ Warrior
Effect: When this monster inflicts Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points, you can add 1 monster with 1000 ATK points or less from your Deck to your Hand.

Scoby's opponent orders his monster to attack Gokipon. The insect is destroyed, and all the effects of the cards on the field are activated: Robbin' Goblin forces Scoby to discard the only card in his hand; Man Rehearsing for Ceremony allows the goblin to draw a monster (he chooses Kozaky); and Gokipon allows the Shadow Puppet to get an Insect, and he chooses Skull-Mark Ladybug

600/3100

"Now I set one monster face down, and then I play Meteor of Destruction to take out 1000 of your Life Points! Your go!"

600/2100

The Fanfair Goblin draws and summons Coach Goblin. Knowing what the face down card is, he doesn't attack. At the End Phase he puts the Kozaky in his hand back in his deck so that he can draw a card.

"Now it's my move, and I summon Insect Knight! Then Insect Knight attacks your Coach Goblin! So much for that!" the Shadow Puppet exclaims, gleefully.

600/1400

The goblin sacrifices his Man Rehearsing for Ceremony in order to summon Amphibian Beast, but Scoby was ready for him with his Bottomless Trap Hole. To save himself, Scoby's opponent sets 1 face-down card and ends his turn.

"Now I sacrifice my face-down Skull-Mark Ladybug and my Insect Knight in order to summon Insect Queen! I get 1000 Life Points thanks to my Ladybug's effect! Then I activate my face-down card, Call of the Haunted, to revive the Insect Knight I just sacrificed! Now I have Insect Knight attack you directly with Sword Dosed with Venom!"

"Ni bullewo jippinego!" the goblin exclaimed, activating his face-down, Negate Attack.

"Oh well, you won't survive the next turn."

1600/1400

The goblin sets one face-down card and ends his turn.

"Yes, you have 1 useless face-down. No matter. Insect Knight attacks it, leaving you wide open for a direct attack!" Scoby shouted.

However, the face-down card was Old Vindictive Magician, and the Fanfair Goblin chose Insect Queen as his target.

"Then go, you green bastard!"

Scoby's opponent draws, plays his card Offerings to the Doomed to destroy Insect Knight, and ends his turn.

"I summon Flying Kamakiri #2," the Shadow Puppet said triumphantly, "and have him attack you directly for game. Looks like I win!"

"Uber linsko voldo imi gold huns vansoel jimilk! Rodioni fallini voels kim voclde vidi? Dorman sheo viev sioein gosaamere billiotine jip. Jillliem kipel bunis eloeona biddille. Horilt!" With these incomprehensibile words, the Fanfair Goblin handed a cup made out of gold to the Shadow Puppet and sent him on his way. However, he did not know how to return to Ammon's palace.

"Never fear!" came a melodious voice, the source of which could not be found.

"Who's there?"

"Why, it's I, the spirit of the Millenium Goblet which you hold in your hand. I will be your guide from now to the day you die. First, we have to get you home. And the way to do that is by kissing the belly button of that statue of Miss Olsen over there."

"You're kidding, right?" Scoby said aloud, at once putting his hand over his mouth to hide the oddity of appearing to talk to himself.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, and no, I never kid. Just go and kiss it so that you can return home."

As he couldn't do anything else, Scoby decided to obey the spirit, and performed the gruesome task. When he opened his eyes, he was in front of Ammon, who was smiling. The shadow puppet had done something right at last.