Disclaimer: Naruto and everything associated don't belong to me, neither do the lyrics. I'm not claiming ownership of anyone's ideas. I'm just borrowing.
Basics: PG13/T, General/Drama/Romance/Angst, AU, (?) chapters
Warnings: Boy x boy love, boy x girl love, profanity, mild mature themes
Summary: Sasuke always did mean to leave Konoha, and that intention breaks Naruto's heart. But fate pulls a 180 and instead it is Naruto that leaves, and Sasuke is the heartbroken one.
Author's note 1: Here's an update for you. Thanks so much for encouragement guys- really! But don't hesitate to concrit.
Um- I know this story, the emotions and feelings and intentions are all over the place, sometimes messy and contradictory, there's a lot of drama, angst, love, oh-no kind of thing- but it's, to some extent at least, intentional. You know- high school, hearts and hurts, teenagers, fifteen, all that intensity… Am I failing?
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X;
Counting the ways
to where you are.
X;
Later, when the spring sky had been thoroughly painted dark and their dinner at Ichiraku's had finally- reluctantly- drawn to a close, they were contentedly crowded into Kakashi's car, and Sasuke was staring at the glowing green numbers of the vehicle's clock that portrayed the time.
12:02 AM.
Sasuke wondered if Naruto was closer than he had to be, as they were sitting next to each other in the last seat of the old Dodge Caravan's three rows, and Sasuke could feel the warmth of Naruto's jean-covered knee casually against his own. He wondered if Naruto felt it distinctly too, or if Naruto was trying to unnerve him, or maybe Naruto wanted to be there or-
Sasuke decided he was over thinking it, and this mildly disgusted- disgusted?- him, and so decided to just let things be in the dark, comfortable silence in the van. Because really, Sakura and Lee were in the middle seat, Kakashi and Iruka were in the driver and passenger's seat up front, and Naruto was next to him, right next to him, and not in Hara nor next to that creepy queer bastard who kissed him in the train station.
"Naruto, what happened with that Sai kid?" Sasuke muttered to the boy next to him, so that Sakura and Lee wouldn't hear them. Sasuke didn't feel like sharing the train station moment with them. He loved Sakura, and he respected Lee, but he was still reeling from the way his senses had just quietly exploded with elation. Sasuke realized, with a faint blush, that he had tucked the moment close to his heart.
'What the hell is up with this love-thing?' Sasuke thought, slightly disgruntled.
"Oh, I just walked out with him. Cuz I promised and stuff," Naruto whispered back. Naruto didn't know why they were being secretive, but something in him indicated plainly that he didn't feel like discussing this with Sakura and her boyfriend, either. And what transpired in the train station-
A smile stretched across the whiskered cheeks- not the mischievous one, not the sly one, not the teasing one, not the exhilarated one.
The light bite of Sasuke's jealousy- not that he would admit to it- faded, and especially when Sasuke turned to look at Naruto.
Damn, the way he smiled…
Sasuke forced himself to turn away, because somewhere in his heart, a strange rising feeling was bursting out of his chest, so lifting it hurt.
"You are staying over tonight, right?" Naruto asked him, in a more normal voice.
"When did we decide this, moron?" Sasuke replied, affecting some annoyance.
Naruto knew that his best friend was just being difficult, just because. At least, Naruto hoped so.
"Don't be a bastard."
"Hn."
Naruto stared at his best friend, unsure in the darkness of the van, and unconsciously, a small frown settled over the blond's face.
Maybe Sasuke wasn't kidding. Maybe Sasuke really didn't want to come over, despite this having never been the case before. But maybe, maybe, things changed over the course of a week, like how Naruto gained a past and a new addition to his family. Maybe he and Sasuke really weren't okay as he thought they were in the train station.
"Did you ask Iruka yet, dobe?" Sasuke's ever-smooth voice broke through Naruto's formation of new disturbing thoughts. 'Oh. He is coming, then.'
"Gah! Bastard!" Naruto halfheartedly punched his best friend. "You-"
Sasuke just smirked. And then the too-cool-for-you tone softened slightly even if the next words followed in the same vein of condescension. "Don't be stupid."
X;
Kakashi pulled up in front of Iruka and Naruto's apartment building. "Well, we're here," the silver-haired remarked lightly, killing the engine and plucking the keys from ignition. The man pocketed his keys and looked over to his boyfriend, and then to the two teenagers in the back. Sakura and Lee had already been dropped off, and Sasuke and Naruto were left in the backmost seat.
"C'mon, I'll walk you guys up," Kakashi said mildly, getting out of the car. He was followed by Iruka and Iruka was followed by the noise of a car door sliding open and the boys hopping out. Kakashi walked ahead to hold open the door for the rest of the guys.
Naruto and Sasuke looked at the elevator that the adults were waiting for. They looked at the staircase to the right, and then they looked at each other. Naruto grinned. "Five floors, ten flights. You wanna?"
"You're an idiot." Sasuke snorted.
"Aww. You're just afraid you're gonna lose!" Naruto replied cockily, his blue eyes narrowed in laughter and confidence.
Sasuke glared. "Not likely, dimwit."
"All right, let's go then."
"You're on."
Kakashi and Iruka looked on, amused. Iruka shook his head as if to say, 'boys will be boys' and Kakashi chuckled, wondering which boy would win the impromptu stair race. Kakashi slipped an arm around the his slightly shorter, slender boyfriend and pulled him closer, satisfied that no one else occupied the lobby, with the boys gone.
"See, Iruka. Naruto came back, and he's fine." Kakashi murmured lowly into Iruka's ear. The body against him didn't relax, even as it leaned against the taller man. Iruka knew that Kakashi was not naïve- no, Kakashi was never naïve- and merely didn't mention all the worlds of hurt Naruto could have gone through.
Kakashi wasn't one to dance around difficult subjects, but as both of them knew full well what was going on, Kakashi spared the man he loved so much.
"I'm going to have to talk to him," Iruka sighed.
"Mhm." Kakashi hummed, "Elevator's here." Kakashi didn't let go of Iruka's waist, and instead, he maneuvered the both of them comfortably into the elevator. Iruka watched the doors slide close with a small ding and closed his eyes as the elevator shifted and started moving up.
X;
Sasuke was leading, Naruto was merely two steps behind.
"Shit, Sasuke, you're fast," Naruto mumbled appreciatively, before proclaiming, "But I'm going to so kick your ass, just you watch."
"Yeah, looks who's winning." Sasuke shot back.
They were starting on another flight when, in a true Naruto-esque fashion, Sasuke found that the blond teenager was almost right next to him. In an effort to push himself faster- competing with Naruto never lost its thrill, he reflected vaguely- Sasuke forced his steps a little faster. Unfortunately, his foot skidded on the edge of a stair step halfway through the flight, jarring his entire body.
Shit.
Sasuke leaned forward desperately to regain his balance- and he did. But the price was that his shoulder bumped Naruto's with enough force to cause the blond teenager to stumble and suddenly, Naruto wasn't next to him anymore.
Sasuke watched with something akin to horror as the other boy's form slid jerkily down the steps, until Naruto's body thudded down and settled at the landing.
"Fuck," Sasuke cursed as he hurried down to check if his best friend was all right.
"Aw, shit that hurt." Naruto complained lowly as he pulled himself into a sitting position against a wall.
"God, Naruto." Sasuke said, but gently, kneeling next to Naruto.
"Your fucking fault, asshole." Naruto said pleasantly, grimacing as he moved his limbs to make sure nothing was broken.
"Your idea to race in the first place," Sasuke reminded him, but fingers reached out check out Naruto's ankle through jeans. "But, yeah." Sasuke's expression twisted uncomfortably. "… Sorry."
"Kidding, Sas'ke. It wasn't really your fault." Naruto said earnestly. "Awright- aw damn-" Naruto let loose a short string of expletives. "That kind of hurts," he whined as Sasuke's finger probed a particularly aching spot on his ankle.
"I thought I saw you twist it. Can you walk?" Sasuke asked, getting up off the ground. Unconsciously, Sasuke darted a glance around at the gray-painted walls and sniffed at the musty odor so prevalent in Naruto's apartment building. Naruto noticed Sasuke observing around at their surroundings, and was a little embarrassed. He offered an apologetic glance to the Uchiha, but the Uchiha shrugged and merely held out a helping hand to the still-sitting Naruto.
"I dunno," Naruto shrugged.
"Try." Sasuke said shortly, still holding out a hand.
Naruto hesitated- Sasuke noticed- but accepted the help. Naruto gave one hand to Sasuke's outstretched one, and propped his other hand against the wall, making an awkward attempt to get up.
Sasuke silently pulled his friend forward with firm strength until the blond boy was standing steadily, though leaning heavily on his uninjured side. "Can you get up the stairs?" Sasuke asked.
"Think so."
Sasuke just shook his head. "Hope so, idiot." And then, Sasuke slid his friend's arm around his neck until Naruto's arm was draped across Sasuke's shoulders, and Sasuke's own arm settled somewhere near Naruto's waist to support him.
Naruto flushed lightly. "I don't need this much help."
"Just shut up." Sasuke muttered irritably, and helped Naruto hobble up to the next floor, where they exited the stairwell and ended up using the elevator anyway.
X;
Kakashi and Iruka were waiting outside of the Umino apartment. As usual, Kakashi was smiling cryptically as the boys came into view. Iruka was more concerned at the way Naruto was limping and favoring his right leg, and the grim look on Sasuke's face.
"What happened?"
Sasuke opened his mouth uncomfortably, not too eager to let his best friend's guardian know how he accidentally caused Naruto to fall down half a flight of stairs, indirectly causing Naruto's newest injury. But what had to be done- Sasuke started, "We were going up the stai-"
" – the stairs and I kinda tripped." Naruto cut in. "I'm accident-prone, what can I say?" Naruto grinned sheepishly, and Sasuke wondered why, Naruto? And- did Kakashi and Iruka… Kakashi 'hm'ed and Iruka shook his head slightly.
"Naruto, you haven't broken anything in three years-" Iruka reminded him-
-when Naruto hurt his foot- Sasuke remembered.
"-so be careful." The dark-haired guardian finished reprimanding gently, as his teenage blond charge nodded dutifully.
"He'll be okay by Monday, for school," Sasuke mentioned.
Naruto made a half-strangled noise in his throat even as he made a scornful expression at the mention of school. But Sasuke saw a tiny flash of happiness that lit Naruto's face; yes, Naruto would be glad to be back at school and to see all his friends again. There would be questions, yeah, but Naruto would deal and deal without annoyance… and-
Wait, Sasuke had questions, too. And judging by the look of Iruka, Sasuke could tell that Naruto was in for a long- long- talk.
"Well, I must be off now," Kakashi said lightly, dropping a quick kiss on his boyfriend's lips, pointedly ignoring the teenage boys rolling their eyes. Kakashi looked at Naruto and Sasuke, giving them his customary half-wave and half-smile, before making to turn and head back down via elevator.
"It's nice that you're back, Naruto," Kakashi said, before he dropped out of sight.
"And now… Naruto, you and I will have a … discussion about your past week." Iruka said seriously as he pulled out a key to unlock the apartment door and allow them all in. To Sasuke, the junior high school teacher said, "Sasuke, would you-"
"Should I go home, then?" Sasuke inquired, pausing before entering the apartment. It would have been a long walk, but-
Naruto's face told him to stay.
Iruka shook his head and gestured that the dark-haired boy come in. "No, no, you're more than welcome to stay. You're always welcome here. But I'm going to ask that you wait-"
"Sure, yeah." Sasuke didn't need to be told. The Uchiha made his graceful way to Naruto's room, shutting the door quietly behind him.
X;
It was 2:13 AM when Naruto attempted to make a noiseless entry into his darkened bedroom for the first time in a week. The lights were off, and Naruto guessed that Sasuke was asleep. However, blue eyes couldn't distinguish Sasuke, asleep or otherwise, from the other shadows in his room, and Naruto scanned the room more than once looking for his best friend.
"Done?" Sasuke's voice cut through the silence, and Naruto jumped.
"Shit, Sasuke," Naruto breathed, startled. Sasuke was sitting by the window, looking out at the Konoha skyline. Sasuke turned his gaze towards his best friend. Naruto said, "Why are you still awake?"
Waiting for you. Sasuke tried to say it, really he tried, but his throat seemed to glue over. 'Fuck, no I am going to do this,' Sasuke told himself forcefully, disgusted at this lack of words. "Waiting," he managed shortly.
Sasuke could pick up on the grin halfway across the room.
"For…" Damn the moron, he wasn't going to make it easy.
"You." Sasuke said shortly. 'You didn't think I could, huh, Uzumaki. I can do this.'
Naruto crossed the room and perched on his bed so that he was facing Sasuke. "Thanks," Naruto replied. The grin seemed to be a recurring fixture today. Sasuke stared at it- the way Naruto's face looked when it was happy- how it made him feel- and then wordlessly walked over to sit next to Naruto on the bed. And shrouded in silence, the best friends just sat there as minutes passed over them, just relishing, just feeling the physical weight of the other next to him.
X;
3:00 AM, and they were still awake, and neither Naruto nor Sasuke really knew why they hadn't slept yet, hadn't talked yet, hadn't done anything yet. Naruto was sprawled across the bed, with only boxers and his white t-shirt on, and Sasuke was somewhere near the edge of the mattress. The past 47 minutes had been silence, soft yet awkward silence, broken only once when Naruto decided to pull off his jeans and Sasuke had to look away.
"We should sleep." Sasuke said, finally.
"We should." Naruto replied without any indication of actually meaning to do so.
Sasuke decided that, like always, it would have to be he who took the responsible course of action, and he shifted on the bed, disregarding the squeaks the mattress made. "I'll take the floor," Sasuke said decisively, forcefully suggesting with his gaze that Naruto should follow the example.
And as Sasuke half-suspected that Naruto would, Naruto completely ignored it and put his own opinion into the matter. "Sasuke, you're no fun. It's Saturday."
"Sunday, now, moron."
"Bastard."
This was so familiar, too familiar, and Sasuke knew he'd been missing the entire week. Elation of Naruto's return had faded to contentment, comfortably humming through his blood.
Naruto studied Sasuke's face, the way the moonlight slanting through his window cast soft highlights and shadows on the Uchiha's feature. And somehow, Sasuke looked both fiercer and gentler when bathed in moonshine. The eyes were still dark, dark, dark, but more human than Naruto had ever seen them. Naruto thought that they were looking at something past him, and he wondered what.
"Don't you wanna know where I've been?" Naruto asked, almost cheekily.
With too much amusement, damn him, Sasuke thought. 'Fuck you, Naruto. Why do you make this sound like it wasn't important at all?'
"What I've done?" Naruto pressed, still in that funny laughing voice that wasn't real, at least not to Sasuke's ears.
The rising anger, also too familiar, was what had gotten them into that first fight last week, through all that hurt and conflict. Like last time, Sasuke couldn't stop it. His anger, that was. But it was different this time.
"I said stop it, Naruto, fuck, don't do that."
Naruto stopped, and blinked at Sasuke. Sasuke, who was angry and confused and suddenly, uncharacteristically, rattled. Not just mad, but with mad-with-a-desperate-undertone. Sasuke looked cruel yet so… vulnerable when he was angry like this.
Naruto felt an apology rising in his throat, and when he opened his mouth, he realized he couldn't say it, because the words would come out all wrong and he feared that it might mean that they'd turn out all wrong, after all.
Sasuke had wanted to punch Naruto a few seconds ago, for making it all a joke, all light-hearted and prankster-funny, and of-no-consequence. And then watching Naruto's strong features contort- and then remembering what hell the week has been- the anger was gone, and it was again only the shame the lasted, the guilt that lingered.
"Idiot. I already know where you've been." Sasuke offered more quietly, and there was subtle affection- so light, so little, but so there- underlining his words.
Naruto accepted it for what it was- truce.
"Well yeah, guess so, since I told ya guys already at dinner." Naruto replied, but dinner already seemed so far ago.
Sasuke shook his head and the dark eyes were intense, pinning. "I want the uncensored story, Naruto. The whole story without the half-assed explanations that you cut off in the middle." And in that, Naruto recognized that Sasuke was giving more to the truce- Sasuke conceding to wanting to know what really happened the last week.
Naruto smiled, almost weakly this time. "Okay, Sasuke."
And so he explained.
It was a hard thing to do, weird too, Naruto reflected as he was talking, to have Sasuke staring so intently at you.
"And I get off the train with Sai- and then… shit, wow you're there, and then you know the rest," Naruto trailed off, some time later. He had been purposefully vague about how he met Ami- Naruto couldn't explain any more without blushing full-force- and for some reason, Naruto had the feeling Sasuke wouldn't really like to hear how he'd been unintentionally almost-molested.
But even as Naruto noticed that Sasuke would let that one go- for now- Naruto noticed the way Sasuke looked at him while Naruto told him about it all. How mad Sasuke looked when Naruto reluctantly told about how Iwasaki the jeweler treated him. How Sasuke looked when Naruto told him about his family- that strange something-else Naruto couldn't name. How strange Sasuke looked when Naruto told him about the people he met, the things he learned.
Sasuke didn't say anything at the end of Naruto's story, and the silence was heavy again.
Just them and the moonlight, and the story of last week.
Without thinking, Naruto reached a hand up to trace the horizontal scars on one of his marred cheeks. "Does that all- make me- a… freak?" Naruto murmured softly, almost to himself.
-accept me, accept me,-
Sasuke leaned forward and pulled Naruto's hand away from the scars. "No." Sasuke said. There was a heartbeat, and neither boy knew from which chest it resounded. Perhaps both. Blue eyes were startled- and a pathetic kind of hopeful. Sasuke said lowly, almost darkly, "Don't ever think that."
Christ, that was so fucking clichéd. But my heart skipped a beat.
And then the Uchiha seemed to think he was too sentimental, too what-best-friends-are-for, and slowly leaned himself back.
Almost frightened? Naruto thought. Thoughts wouldn't settle in his head, but Naruto knew they were all about the boy in front of him, in one way or another.
Everything's so beautiful in the moonlight. He's so beautiful in the moonlight.
'I want to kiss him.'
X;
Author's note 2: Were you waiting for Itachi? He's next chapter. So is Sai. (Yay.)
Thanks for making it down here, and don't forget to check out my C2 for your Naru x Sasu fics (fix. LOL. Did anyone get that…? I'm a dork.)
Still posing the happy/sad ending question, and if anyone wants to throw ideas out there… shoot.
Lyrics are from Five for Fighting's 100 years, Vanessa Carlton's The Wreckage, Vanessa Carlton's Afterglow, (my) I miss you, Blink182's What's my age again?, Anna Nalick's Citadel, Liz Phair's Why Can't I, Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles. Comments would be very much appreciated.