"The Ninth Millenium Item"

Chapter Four

"Who's there?" Pegasus looked around his office. "I could've sworn—"

He turned around, and gasped in horror. There was a dirty baker standing there, with a loaf of bread in his hand.

"Are you a Pegasus? You don't look like a horse with wings to me," Zoole said, as a matter of greeting.

"You've been watching too many Disney animated films."

"No, I've been living too many Disney animated films. I just got rejected by Ariel and Mulan, both stellar pulchritudes. My conscious is Jiminy Cricket, and my favorite drink is Herculade."

"Okay, enough details of your personal life. Just tell me what you want, and get your loaf out of here."

"I desire all your food-related cards that have yet to be released."

"They will come out next September, in a set called Cuisine of the Duelist. You can wait like every other chap in the dueling world."

"I don't think it's a good idea to wait. Jiminy tells me I must have them now, or the whole world will go defunct."

"Do I think I care what some imaginary character said to you?"

"Who dares question my reality?" called a tiny green figure from the ground, holding a purple bumbershoot.

Pegasus saw the cricket and wore an incredulous expression on his face. "Fine then, the world will go defunct. But do you comprehend what you're asking? The food-based cards are the most powerful cards that ever existed, if used properly."

"So you'll give them to me?"

"On one condition: you must secure a date for me with Cinderella."

"Deal."

Back at the duel, Minkth mustered up the courage to use all he had in defeating Sillus.

"I summon the Peanut Fairy!" A three-foot fairy who looked like the mascot for Planter's without the eyeglass, was now on the field. It had tiny wings sticking out of its back as well. "The Peanut Fairy attacks you directly!"

4000/2700

"Now I equip Peanut Fairy with Asher Rod & Reel! This handy-dandy spell card prevents him from being destroyed in battle."

Sillus yawned. "Yes, a vanilla monster always requires an equip. Speaking of vanilla, I wish I had some chocolate syrup right about now."

"Whatever for?"

"Never you mind. Its my move, and I activate my trap card, Cartoon Hammer!"

"What does it do?"

"It turns Peanut Fairy into a toon."

"But there's no Toon World on the Field!" Minkth shouted, suspecting legerdemain on Sillus' part.

"Exactly!"

A giant mallet the size of Neptune fell from the sky and smothered Peanut Fairy. When it was removed, the fairy now looked like a cartoon character, with a goofy grin. Then he withered away.

"Now that you have no monsters on the field, I'm free to summon Mataza the Zapper in attack mode. I have it attack you directly."

2700/2700

"If that isn't enough, Mataza has a special ability, which permits it to attack you a second time."

1400/2700

"Then I end my turn," Sillus said.

"I remove two monsters with LIGHT attributes from my Grave, in order to special summon Chaos Fairy from the Devon Seas!"

A monster with black and blue markings on a tan body, with fluorescent wings, was summoned to the field.

"First, the effect of my monster kicks in. One equip in my Graveyard is returned to my Hand, and of course I choose Asher Rod & Reel. And now, Chaos Fairy attacks Mataza the Zapper!"

1400/2100

"Your turn, Sillus."

"I summon Cwazy Rabbit, which allows me to Special Summon Blue Eyes Baby Dragon!"

Cwazy Rabbit looked like Bugs Bunny with a pirate's patch over his eye and carrots for legs. His ears were made of lettuce. Blue Eyes Baby was a three-foot tall version of its parent, with a mischievous grin and sparkling eyes.

"By giving up five hundred life points, I have Blue Eyes Baby attack you directly!"

0100/1600

"Back to you, Shadow Puppet."

"Unless you have something to protect Cwazy Rabbit, you're about to lose this duel, Sillus. Your monster only has 300 ATK, which means you'll lose 1600 when my monster strikes it, and that's all you have left. Chaos Fairy, attack the rabbit with Atlantic Superduster!"

Zorgrath saw that Sillus was about to spring a trap. "Don't do it," he warned, with a stern stare.

Sillus did not obey; he wanted to win. "Activate Mirror Force!"

Chaos Fairy was sent to the Graveyard, before she could do any damage.

Minkth could not do anything. He ended his turn, knowing all hope was lost.

But Zorgrath seemed to be on the Shadow Puppet's side, for he caused Sillus to forget that he was playing Duel Monsters.

"I tap Blue Eyes White, causing him to break two shields," Sillus said through his delirium.

"Will he stop with the Duel Masters rubbish?" Minkth asked aloud.

"Your move, Minkth."

The Shadow Puppet activated Change of Heart, to take control of Blue Eyes Baby. Then he sacrificed the dragon, in order to summon Violent Angel. This monster actually appeared to be of the DARK attribute, even though it was a fairy. Its eyes were the color of blood, and its skin was as black as night. It held a sword of fire, which it brandished back and forth, calling to mind the story of Eden.

"Violent Angel, attack Cwazy Rabbit!"

0100/0000

"I win!"

"Yes, and Sillus loses. Which means that his body will be reabsorbed into mine."

This procedure was done abruptly. Sillus turned into a glowing orb, and traveled at the speed of light toward Zorgrath. When all traces of Sillus were completely gone, Zorgrath breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now my humerus has returned. I can make jokes again. But now its time for serious matters," he said. "I will now duel Krissa, my feminine side. If she wins, she goes free. If not, she'll follow Sillus. You, my dear Shadow Puppet, can remain a spectator."

Turning to face Krissa, Zorgrath pulled out his deck and Duel Disk. "Let's commence!"

4000/4000

Back at Ammon's headquarters, Dextel was working with complex numbers on a sketchpad. Suddenly, he exclaimed, "Hey, guys! I just found the end of infinity!"

Scoby gazed incredulously at his fellow Shadow Puppet. "You realize that that's impossible, right?"

"But I have the data here to prove it!"

"And, pray tell, what is the end of infinity?"

"90, 462, 811, 766."

"That's ridiculous! Have you never heard of trillions, and quadrillions, and nonillions, and all the rest?"

"They don't exist. The number I've stated is as far as you can possibly go. There is no such thing as 90, 462, 811, 767."

"Okay, if you say so."

Ammon was staring at his clock. "I wonder what's taking Minkth so long. I was sure he'd be back by now."

"I know what we can do to pass the time," Dextel offered.

"What?"

"We could go buy a urinal, turn it on its side, and call it 'art'!"

"It's already been done."

"It has? How come I've never heard of it?"

"In the twentieth century, Marcel Duchamp bought a urinal, signed it 'R. Mutt,' and took it to a museum. He was a Dada artist, which prized itself in exalting found objects, such as coal shovels and tooth brushes," Ammon informed his Shadow Puppet.

"I think I'll go check on Minkth," Scoby said. "Give him moral support, you know."

"That's a great idea! Why didn't we think of it before?"

"Because we're all incredibly slow and we don't like each other."

"Best answer I've heard in years!" Ammon said. "Now what are you waiting for? Go!"

Scoby went to Portal 14 without further ado.

Zorgrath was defeating Krissa badly when Scoby arrived on the scene. He was just about to deal the finishing blow.

"Phoenix Turtle destroys your Blade Knight, and you lose the duel!"

4000/0000

Minkth was quivering. He had never in his life seen a duelist win without losing a single life point.

"It's okay brother. I'm here," Scoby said, revealing himself.

Minkth hugged the other Shadow Puppet, the latter of whom was frowning behind the back of the former.

"Watch what's about to happen," Minkth said, his fear not abated one iota.

Krissa turned into a pink orb, though her data took a lot longer to process than did Sillus'. Finally, the orb floated towards Zorgrath, who opened his mouth wide to receive it. His jaws were awfully gargantuan compared to the size you'd imagine them to be.

Minkth shivered. Scoby turned to him "I have just the thing to help you win," he said.

Pulling out Towers of the Rising Sun, a field spell that made all FIRE monsters 500 points weaker, Scoby handed it to Minkth.

"Do you really think this will help?" Minkth asked him.

"Sure it will, if Zorgrath focuses mainly on FIRE monsters. But that's not all I have."

The next card Scoby gave the other Shadow Puppet was Chain of Bonding Ring. This card could be very powerful if used properly. However, Scoby knew very well that Minkth would not know how to use it.

Scoby was hoping that Minkth would fail, big time.