Updating early because... I have nothing else to do. Mah.
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ii
Retrospect
Parents to Riku
"Riku, it's your father. Your mother wanted me to call you and tell you that she'll be very disappointed if you can't come home for Christmas. She also hinted that you should bring someone with you next time you visit; well, maybe "hinted" is the wrong word. She's practically walking around the house grumbling about you being single. I should warn you, she's holding a spatula in a very threatening way.
"Okay, right. She also complains that your new book is slightly dry and that there is no romance in it. I don't know what she expected from a horror novel, but I'd advise you, nonetheless, to heed some of her words.
"Oh, we got a letter addressed to you a couple of days ago, and well, you know your mother. So, she opened it and learned of a long reunion your old boarding school is hosting. She's been blathering on and on about all the exciting things that could happen during the trip, for days now. I don't care if you say yes or no, but please, do try to get her to quiet down. I haven't had this many headaches since your clumsy phase when you were a teen.
"I think I'm running out of time for this message, son, so call me back as soon as possible and let your mother know what you're up to. She hates it when you're a stranger. Oh, also –!"
Beeeeep.
"Riku? Sorry, it's your father again. I remembered something important I had to tell you, but I wasn't fast enough and your machine cut me off. Anyway, your uncle's best friend just died and we have to go to the funeral next weekend. I know you were planning to come visit, but I think it would be best if you just stayed home – you didn't even know that guy and I know how funerals make you uncomfortable. Just give us a call back, okay?"
"Hey dad, tell mom the single life is great, that I'm not adding in romance to my baby, and there's no way in hell that I'm going to that reunion. And thanks for the funeral warning, I'll be sure to stay clear of the house. I guess you guys must be out shopping or something, so... yeah. You don't have to call me back, later."
"Riku, it's your father again. I know you didn't need us to call back, but your mother found it... imperative... that we give you another ring. She... is a bit unhappy, to say the least, at the message you left last night. We were shopping for some nice clothes for the funeral, and missed you by a hair... it wasn't the smartest thing to do, leaving a message like that, you know.
"Please don't try to rile up your mother; she's already tense enough with comforting her brother. Um, she told me to tell you that you only think you like being single because you've never seriously been "off the market". Also, that you should listen to her advice for your novel because she's the type of audience you're aiming for and because she's your mother. Oh, and –
"Honey? It's mommy, Riku. Just wanted to say hi and that you're going to that reunion regardless of your actual feelings about it. By the by, the funeral is actually pretty close to your apartment, so we're going to stop by after the burial. Clean up your apartment and cook us a nice dinner! Love you, here's your father again!
"...
"Sorry about that, son, she, uh, grabbed the phone out of my hands and had that rabid look in her eyes. You know how it goes. Well, I think we've covered everything we needed to-"
Beeeeep.
"Mom? It's Riku. I'm not going. Love you, can't wait to see you guys this weekend."
"Riku, sweetheart? You're going. If you don't, I'll throw away all your old comic books."
"You are the epitome of evil. You wouldn't dare."
"Riku, dear, exactly how old do you think your Golden Edition: Super Commander Trent, issue 9, is? And do you think it's flammable?"
"Let's not do anything rash, okay, mom? Alright, alright, I'll go to the stupid reunion. Don't expect me to be a happy man anytime soon, though And put down my Golden Edition: Super Commander Trent comic book! And, for the love of god, why do we keep missing each other's phone calls?!"
"Honey, it's mommy again. Of course you're not a happy man, Riku, you need to get laid first. Your comic is safe, don't worry, but you better not be lying to your mother! And as for missing each other's phone calls, I don't know why-"
"Mom?"
"Oh, hello, Riku, I was just leaving you another message."
"Yeah, sorry about that, I was out with some friends and I heard the machine going when I got in the house. Speaking of which, stop talking about my love life."
"You mean, lack thereof."
"Mom..."
"Really, sweetheart, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl; I just want to see you happy. Take precautions either way, though!"
"Wha- but, I- argh, no! We are not talking about this right now! My sexual orientation and love life are now strictly forbidden topics. Understood?"
"-sigh- If you insist, dear. I just want you to be happy..."
"You want to talk about happy? Then let's stop threatening my comic books. Do you know how long it took me to get my Golden Edition: Super Commander Trent, issue 9?"
"It took you 4 months, not including those 3 weeks you tried to bribe us into paying that ridiculous sum for it, and those 2 months you spent working for the money since we refused."
"Exactly! So leave Commander Trent and his army of humanoid robots alone!"
"I will if you go to that reunion."
"I told you I would, didn't I?"
"Riku, I'm your mother. Do you honestly think I don't know the difference between you meaning something sincerely and you saying something to get me off your back?"
"..."
"Thought so. Promise me, Riku, that you'll go."
"Why are you so insistent on me going, anyway? You hated that school and always wanted me to go to Destiny High instead."
"It'll be... good for you. Regardless of how I feel about Hollow Bastian's Boarding School, you did spend most of you teenaged years there. Plus, it's a reunion – in essence, a big party! Who knows? You may meet someone nice there! This is a good opportunity!."
"That's a forbidden topic, you know."
"Promise me, Riku."
"Mom...!"
"Riku."
"Alright, fine, I'll go. I promise and I'll send the reply letter ASAP. But, man, those other kids hated me back then... do you even know what you're subjecting your only son to?.!"
"Rise above it, Riku, and show them the fine man you've grown up to be! I'm sure it wasn't that bad!"
"You're sure it wasn't that bad? Argh, this is just great. Come on, you sure there's no chance of me being able to get out of this?"
"Yup."
"Lovely. Just... lovely."
"See you this weekend, darling!"
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