Chapter 17: Lost and in Pain
Lily opened her eyes to a bright, white light. Her first thought was that she was dead and that she would see her parents again. When she opened her eyes for the second time, she discovered her thought was incorrect. She sat up in the bed she was lying in and looked around her. It was the Hospital Wing. She felt tears rush into her eyes as she was once again disappointed that she did not get to see her parents again. She almost wished she were dead just to see them.
Lily, you are much too young to die now. You have so much to live for. Enjoy your life, Lily, as it will be shorter than you imagine. Don't worry, Hun. You will see us soon enough. Lily heard the familiar voice resound around her and she turned her head left and right in search of her mother's voice. She realized that it was all in her head and she curled up into a ball on her bed. She felt cold and abandoned.
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James walked into the Hospital Wing after Thursday's classes and quickly located Lily's red hair amongst the piercing white. He quickly rushed to her bed and saw that she was fast asleep. He sat down next to her bed and looked over the Head Girl that was asleep.
Lily's face was stressed and stained with tears. She had her legs folded to her chest and her arms securely around them. James stroked her unruly red locks and placed a strand behind her ear. She stirred under his touch but did not awake. Madam Pomfrey was not in the room, so James placed a lingering kiss on her cheek and left the room.
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James woke with a start Saturday morning. He had fallen asleep pondering on what Bellatrix had said and his dreams were laced with feet and digging. Of course he hadn't realized what it meant the night before, but now it was only crystal clear. How he could have missed it was a mystery to him and he cursed himself at his slow uptake. He quickly got dressed, stumbling as his foot got stuck in his pant leg.
Remus yawned and rubbed his eyes as James shuffled around the room trying to locate a t-shirt.
"What are you doing, Prongs?" asked Remus yawning once again.
James had of course told his best friends of the terrible incident that had befallen Lily. They had been surprised and saddened by the news. Sirius was probably the most affected because the people who did this to Lily were friends of his family. He resented them and was in a foul mood for a long while.
"I just discovered something about Lily's parents and I have to talk to Dumbledore," he said quickly, still searching.
Remus sat up in his bed at the mention of Lily's parents. "What is it?" he asked.
"No time to explain now. I have to see Dumbledore," said James.
"There's a t-shirt lying in your trunk, mate," said Remus. "Wake me up when you get back," said Remus.
James quickly rushed over to his own trunk and looked through it. Indeed, Remus was right about his t-shirt and James cursed again.
He ran quickly to the Headmaster's office and said the password. James made his way up the steps quickly and knocked on the door. The voices on the other side of the door instantly ceased as Dumbledore called for James to enter.
"Professor! Bellatrix Black had something to do with it!" said James as he entered. He was out of breath from running all the way to Dumbledore's office.
"What is it that you are accusing my great-great granddaughter?" asked the portrait of Phineas Nigellus after James' outburst.
"James, you are going to have to explain yourself as I have no idea what you are talking about," said Dumbledore, ignoring Phineas.
James breathed deeply and explained what had happened when Bellatrix had approached him.
"And she asked me if my in-laws had six feet for digging underground! That means…" James face tinged pink a bit. He hadn't really thought of the actual explaining to Dumbledore, all he knew was that he had to do it. It was going to be a bit embarrassing.
"Yes?" asked a patient Dumbledore. Now, all the portraits around the room were listening avidly to James' speech.
"Er, right. Well…" James coughed uncomfortably. "I think she meant my in-laws as Lily's parents, because of well…you know," he finished, pulling at his collar.
"I'm afraid, James, that I don't know," said Dumbledore, his eyes shining with amusement.
James blushed slightly and gulped. Was Dumbledore actually going to make him say it out loud? "Er, well because I, uh. I like Lily, so I guess she assumed that we were going to get married or something," he finished very quickly.
Dumbledore looked quite pleased, but urged him to continue. "I see. Would you care to explain the rest?" he said.
James nodded. The hard part was over. "And the 'six feet for digging underground' represented the six feet underground that people are buried! She had something to do with it because she knew about it before you or I did, sir!" he finished.
Dumbledore contemplated James' explanation and stared at his hands. James waited impatiently while Dumbledore thought.
"Very well. Thank you, James. You may leave," said Dumbledore.
James gaped. "What? You mean that's it? What about Bellatrix?" he asked.
Phineas Nigellus scoffed from his portrait. "I told you, Dumbledore. Teenagers have no respect for their elders these days," he said disapprovingly.
They both ignored him and Dumbledore answered James. "We cannot do anything about Bellatrix since she did not admit to being connected to the deaths. All that she revealed was that she knew about the deaths, which she could have found out from a different source. All we can do is keep an eye on her, that is it, I'm afraid," said Dumbledore.
James nodded glumly. He was so convinced they could put Bellatrix away for this, clearly he wasn't thinking everything through and was a bit naïve. He hung his head and walked out of the office, mumbling an apology for intruding while he left.
…………………………
Lily had stayed in the Hospital Wing since she came back and it was now Saturday. Madam Pomfrey made her stay because she insisted that Lily needed the Dreamless Sleep potion on a regular basis. Lily would wake up in the middle of the night crying and Pomfrey would have to rush over and give her the potion before she was able to fall back asleep. She had gotten slightly better since Thursday; meaning that she no longer cried during the day, although she still felt an ache and hollowness in her chest.
Lily had had plenty of visitors during her stay in the Hospital Wing but only allowed her close friends to visit. She didn't want only acquaintances coming and having a Pity Party for her. She wanted people to be genuinely concerned and not just come to see her because she was Head Girl and they felt they had a certain responsibility to wish her the best.
Marlene had visited Lily the most out of everyone. She said that James had told her what had happened when he found out. She wanted to be there for Lily as well, but McGonagall wouldn't let Marlene ask Dumbledore for permission to leave the school. Marlene and Lily had both cried in each others arms when she came to visit Lily in the Hospital Wing. Shortly after Marlene came, Nicole and Melissa visited which caused even more tears to come.
Even the Marauders had come to visit her. They had brought her chocolates and things that might amuse her. Sirius had even given her Lily flowers and put them on her bedside table. Lily hugged them all and cried once more.
The only person that hadn't come to visit her was James. She was disheartened that he had not come after he comforted her at the funeral. Did she not mean anything to him? Didn't he know that Lily depended on him to keep her safe? That he was the only one left to protect her? Well he would know if you told him, she thought to herself bitterly. Well fine. If he wants to avoid me like that, then I guess two can play at that game. I don't need him anymore. Lily was quite shocked when this thought popped into her mind. Where had that come from? Why had she thought that? She knew that she never would be able to do that, but a part of her wanted too. She shook her head and pushed the thought to a corner of her mind.
On top of all the thoughts of James, were still millions of thoughts of her parents. She still got dreams; they were the reason for her prolonged stay in the Hospital Wing. They were always the same; Lily would be frozen in her place as she witnessed her parents being murdered by black cloaked figures. Even though the dreams were not getting better, she was going to beg Madam Pomfrey to let her out of the Hospital Wing that day. It was too sterile, too white, too blank, too perfect. It reminded her of Petunia and the perfect life she led. It was a constant reminder that her jumbled life would never be as calm, collected and normal as Petunia's. She had to get out of there, and quickly.
"Madam Pomfrey, please. I have to get out of here. I can't stand it anymore," said Lily in an emotionless voice. The only emotion she would show now was sadness.
Pomfrey regarded her with sad eyes. "Are you quite alright now, Ms. Evans?" she asked.
Lily nodded although she knew that night would be the same as always. "Please. I need to get out."
Pomfrey continued cleaning, then looked up at Lily. "Very well, Ms. Evans. But take some potion, just in case," said Pomfrey.
Lily nodded and took the potion from her hands. She thanked her for her kindness and rushed out of the pristine walls of the Hospital Wing.
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James numbly walked around the castle. He had Quidditch practice in a few hours and he had time to waste. The short meeting with Dumbledore had lowered his spirits quite a lot. He knew that Bellatrix did this to Lily. She deliberately wanted to see Lily suffer. She wanted to see her hurt. She wanted to bring pain to Lily's eyes. The thought of it made James' blood boil and his hands clench. His heart would thump widely in his chest and his look would turn murderous at the image of Lily's pain-filled eyes.
But, at the thought of Lily, he would feel guilty. The anger directed at Bellatrix was now directed at himself. He hadn't gone to see her since Thursday and she wasn't even awake then. It was obvious that he was avoiding her, but he didn't really know why. Was it because it would be awkward the first time they talked after the funeral? Was it because he wasn't sure how Lily would react? Was it because he was hurt at how Lily had shouted at him? James didn't know.
As he walked onto the floor that held the Hospital Wing, he stopped. His mind did some quick thinking and he debated against himself. Finally, he made a decision and stomped in the direction of the Hospital Wing. At the door, he stopped and thought for a moment.
Should I go in? he thought.
Of course you should, you prat.
But what do I say after not seeing her for three days?
Don't think about that now, just go in and see her! You know you want to.
James thought about that point for a second. It was true enough. He did want to see her. Badly. No matter how horrible she looked, she would always be beautiful in James' eyes. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, touch…ahem. Anyways.
Stop being a chicken and go in there already, Potter!
James nodded to himself and opened the door to the Hospital Wing. His heart was thumping and his pulse was racing. Who knew going to visit someone in the Hospital Wing would make a guy so nervous, eh?
"Hello, Mr. Potter," said a solemn voice from his side.
James turned towards the downcast matron.
"Where's Lily?" he asked, confused.
"She left this morning. She said she couldn't stand the Hospital Wing anymore. I had to let her go," she said. "Poor girl, never seen someone so broken in my life," she said sadly.
James gulped as his stomach twisted into uncomfortable knots. Lily was broken and he had been avoiding her. He wasn't there for her. He instantly felt so guilty and bounded from the room. He ran all the way to Gryffindor Tower where he ran into Remus.
"Whoa, Prongs! Where are you rushing too?" he asked after steadying himself.
"Have you seen Lily, Remus?" he asked urgently.
Remus gave him a queer look and nodded. "She just came in. Gone to sleep, I think. She looked pretty tired out," he said.
James closed his eyes in frustration and dropped into the armchair closest to him.
"What's up, mate?" asked Remus.
"You know that I haven't visited her since Thursday?" said James, looking down at his shoes.
Remus looked shocked. "But, you said you did," he said thickly.
James grimaced. "I chickened out," he said.
Remus furrowed his eyebrows at James. "Why?"
James shrugged lamely. "I'm not sure. Something just stopped me from going. I don't know what," said James. "I think I was scared of what her eyes would show," said James suddenly.
Remus looked confused. "And what would that be?" asked Remus.
"Pain."
Remus made no expression on his face and looked at James. James looked down at his shoes and both boys remained silent.
"You should see her James. I think that you are the one she really needs right now," said Remus quietly.
James looked up at Remus with a pained expression on his face. He knew it was true but he didn't know if he would be strong enough to support her. He didn't know if he would be able to endure Lily's anguish with her. He hated seeing her so distressed when he knew he couldn't do anything about it.
"I don't know if I can do it, Remus," said James gravely.
"You have to, James," replied Remus.
"But how do I know if I'm actually helping her? How do I know if I'm doing anything right?" he asked desperately.
"Whatever you do, James, it's better than what you're doing now," answered Remus.
"And what am I doing now?"
"Backing away because you don't know what to do. You're being a coward."
"Well, you try being in my position!" James exploded. Remus had insulted him and James thought it was uncalled for. He stood up and gave Remus a hard look. He couldn't take it anymore. He was stressed and confused and he was going to let it out. "BLOODY HELL!"
Remus didn't reply and his face didn't show anything. He wasn't confused, shocked, angry, nothing.
"BLOODY SAY SOMETHING!" said James, angrily. The whole Common Room turned to look at James and Remus.
Remus just stared back with a neutral face. "Just go and see her, James." And with that, he stood up and left.
James stood there huffing, his face red and his head turned to the portrait door. All eyes were still on him and he glared at all of them. He stomped upstairs to his dormitory. He quickly grabbed his broomstick and put the invisibility cloak over him.
James rushed down to the Quidditch Pitch without being seen. He hung his invisibility cloak in the Quidditch Locker Room and quickly flew up into the air. The sky was cloudy and the wind was cold. His face was set and his jaw clenched as he flew around trying to clear his mind and forget about the words that Remus spoke. He took sharp turns and did flips in the air, but the words still stuck in his mind. You're being a coward.
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"Good practice, team. Hufflepuff in two weeks, keep your heads up," said James as the Gryffindor Quidditch team left the locker room.
That practice had been hard on the team. James was frustrated and he took it out on the team. He worked them twice as hard. And to add on to his pushing, it started to rain and the autumn weather was really coming on. So when the Gryffindor Team left the locker room that Saturday afternoon, they weren't so pleased.
"Oi, mate. What's up with you?" asked an irritated Sirius, towel drying his sleek black hair.
James didn't answer but sat down on the bench and rubbed his face roughly.
"Prongs?" asked Sirius.
"I don't know what to say to Lily," he replied.
"What do you mean? Haven't you been talking to her for the past few days?" asked Sirius.
James shook his head miserably.
Sirius looked confused, much like Remus. James groaned. He didn't want to go through this conversation again; he already knew he overreacted and he had to apologize to Remus. He knew that Remus was right, no matter how much he hated the truth.
"What, have you two been having snogging parties instead of visits?" asked Sirius, unbelievingly.
James ignored Sirius' comment. "I've been avoiding her," he said gravely.
"Why, mate?" asked Sirius, sitting down across from him.
"Because I don't know if I could take seeing her suffer that much. The funeral was hell for me," he said.
"But she's the one who lost her parents, mate," said Sirius.
"I know! And I don't know why I'm being such a coward!" said James, getting up and starting to pace.
"Well, she always wanted for you to leave her alone," said Sirius quite bluntly.
James gave Sirius a wounded look and didn't answer. He kept pacing the Quidditch Locker Room. "But at a time like this? When she has no family left and she needs her friends the most?" he said desperately.
"If you thought like this, then why didn't you go and see her?" asked Sirius.
"I DON'T KNOW!" said James.
"Merlin, James," said Sirius, getting up and packing up his things.
"What?!" said James, glaring at his mate.
"Just go and BLOODY talk to her," said Sirius. It was the same thing Remus had said to him, just a bit more forcefully.
James furrowed his eyebrows picked up his invisibility cloak angrily. He left the locker room without Sirius and went upstairs.
What the bloody hell was wrong with him? He was lashing out at his friends and avoiding the girl he loved. James had problems.
After taking a quick shower and leaving the dorm, he walked down into the Common Room. There were mostly younger students playing games and doing homework. From the corner of his eye, he saw the sight that he was depriving his eyes of for so long.
Lily was shivering although she was sitting right in front of the fire. Her bright green eyes were no longer bright and were staring into the flames. The fire light was bouncing off her hair, but her face was not glowing as it did when she was happy. She looked like she didn't care what happened to her next.
James took a deep breath as his heart rate pumped quicker and his gut twisted into knots. He bravely went towards Lily and sat down to her left.
"Hey, Lily," he said carefully. She turned to look at him with no emotion on her face.
"Hi," she said quietly.
At least she's talking, thought James thankfully. "How are you?" he asked, fidgeting in his seat.
"Tired. Good night," Lily stood up and left all in the time span of two seconds. James barely had time to register the thought until she was already half way up the stairs. What the hell was that? Some kind of pay back? He sighed dejectedly. I guess I deserved that, he thought miserably. It'll be a couple of days, but she'll return back to normal. I know she will.
…………………………
Lily swiftly went up the Girls dormitory staircase and stopped in front of the door. She closed her eyes as tears slowly streamed down her face. Why had she done that? Why had she avoided him like that? He was sorry, she could tell by his face, but her body seemed to disobey her. Her mind seemed to want to do what James did to her, but her heart disagreed fully. Of course her mind took control and Lily had no say in it. She knew James was confused and probably hurt, but she told herself that it would all work out in the end. She just needed time to get over it. It would be fine. Right?
…………………………
Days turned into weeks and then the new month was upon them. The Gryffindor Quidditch team were successful against the Hufflepuffs thanks to their hard practising. James apologized to Remus and Sirius and the Marauders were back to their normal selves. Head duties were still a pain in the arse, but the two Head students didn't fail to live up to their titles. The only thing that wasn't going smoothly was Lily.
As a stranger, you would see a happy, red-headed girl with no problems. As an acquaintance, you would see a content Head girl who had recently lost her parents, but was doing find. As a friend, you would see a struggling girl who needed to be comforted. As a close friend, you would see a hurt girl who had lost two of the people who loved her most in the world, and now she didn't know what was worth living for. As someone who loved her more than anything, you wouldn't just see, but you would feel exactly what this miserable girl was feeling and want to die just so she would be able to live a normal, happy life again.
Lily Evans just lost her parents. Her sister disowned her. She is avoiding one of the only people left in the world that she loves more than anything. Head duties and NEWT studying has consumed her life. She no longer goes out to Quidditch games or Hogsmeade weekends. She puts on a happy façade so that no one knows what she's really feeling. Even though the pain is too hard for her to endure, she does not cry, she keeps with it. What is going on with this miserable teenager? Pain is consuming her from the inside and enveloping her heart. Pain is making a prison out of her heart to keep people out. But, doesn't she know that prisons are made to keep things in and not to keep things out? What will become of this grieved Head Girl?
…………………………
Lily walked into her dormitory to the sound of her best friend crying. She quickly put her bag down and rushed over to her friend's bed.
"Marlene! Marly, what's wrong?" she asked.
Marlene sniffled some more and hugged Lily tightly before responding. "I feel like I'm losing you, Lily," she said as more tears streamed down her face.
Lily was confused. Lily had been spending more time with Marlene and less time with the Marauders since she was avoiding James. How could Marlene be losing her when she was never with anyone else?
Marlene seemed to read Lily's mind and answered her questions. "You're still with me physically, but it seems like you're closing yourself off. You won't let anyone in. Lily, you're scaring me because I'm losing you. We're losing you," she said.
Lily was shocked. She didn't know that Marlene could read her that easily. She thought that she had been hiding it well. Even though she told everyone she was okay, she knew she was far from it.
Lily remained silent so Marlene continued. "You don't laugh anymore, Lily. I know this must be terribly hard on you, I don't know what you are going through. But Lily, you can't shut yourself in like this. And what about James—,"
"Don't," said Lily sternly. "Don't bring him into this," she said.
Marlene gave Lily a watery look. "Why not? He sees it too, I know he does, and it's tearing him apart. He loves you so much and all you're doing is avoiding him—,"
"I said don't," said Lily getting up. There was no emotion on her face but there was an edge to her voice that showed she was angry.
"Lily, listen to me, please. You have to stop, let us help you," said Marlene desperately.
"You can't help me," said Lily in a quiet voice. She picked up her bag and left the dormitory.
…………………………
James sat in his armchair and stared at the ceiling moodily. Remus was reading a book to his right and Sirius was flicking paper balls at Peter who was trying to do his homework.
"Would you cut it out?" Peter squeaked.
Sirius cackled and just continued.
James sighed heavily and started playing with a quill that was in his bag. It was the beginning of November now and Lily was still avoiding him. He would try talking to her during patrols, but she would reply with one word answers or a shrug. It would frustrate him to no end and he desperately wanted it to stop. Now, Marlene and Lily wouldn't even sit with them anymore. James would try and talk to them, but Marlene would shrug apologetically and Lily would ignore him. It reminded him of when they were younger and Lily would ignore him because he was an immature prick and was always asking her for a date. Now, James wanted to be her friend first and his date-seeking was put aside until he knew that she was alright and would talk to him.
Suddenly, Lily came back down the stairs after going upstairs without a word to the Marauders. There were tears coming down her face and she was there and gone in two seconds. James quickly reacted and jumped up. He quickly followed the crying Lily to where she was going. He was going to get some answers.
"Lily! Lily!" he shouted as he followed her.
His shouting only seemed to increase her speed and soon she was out of his sight. James clenched his jaw and ran faster. He didn't recognize the direction she was going in, but he would figure it out. There wouldn't be a place she could go without him knowing, after all, he showed her most of the secret rooms and passageways this school contained.
James was wrong. Losing her from his sight was a bad idea as he couldn't find her again. He checked everywhere, but no sign of her anywhere. He even went back to the dorm to check the Marauder's Map, but still found NO sign of Lily. There was no way she could have just disappeared from the map. He checked the Room of Requirements and there was no one there. Sirius offered to check Hogsmeade as Padfoot, even though James doubted she would be there. Eventually, James agreed and Sirius went to the one-eyed witch that led to Hogsmeade.
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Lily ran away from James' voice and pushed open a door that was unfamiliar to her. She didn't know where she was or where the door led too. She wiped her face of the tears that had suddenly come flowing from her eyes. It was the first time she had cried since her day back from the Hospital Wing which was two weeks ago.
She looked around the mysterious room she had come across and saw that it was decorated with reds and golds. There were two desks and couches in front of a fireplace. On the wall above the fireplace were the words, 'Head Common Room'. Lily looked around in awe at the new room she stumbled into. Why hadn't she or James found out about it? Where did it come from? Why didn't Dumbledore tell them about this?
She continued to look around the room that supposedly belonged to her and James. There was a letter on one of the desks and Lily picked it up.
To the Head Boy and Girl;
Congratulations on becoming Head students this year and finding the Head Common Room! Not many Head students have actually found this Common Room and never had the opportunity to use it. No doubt it would be useful for you both to organize your Head Duties! This room is an old, ancient room that is protected by the ancient magic of this castle. The founders made it so that only the appointed Head students may open it. Others may come in only if the Head student opens the door for them. It is hidden to all who do not have the badge and will remain so long as they are not Head Boy or Girl. So, congratulations again! Not many know of this ancient room, so be sure to keep it hidden so the next Head students may find it on their own.
Use it well!
Lily put down the letter and looked around once again. She had found a room hardly anyone else had found. She found a room where she could be alone and not have anyone glancing at her to see if she was okay. She didn't have to put on a happy face for anyone anymore. Her eyes filled with tears and Lily lost herself.
…………………………
When Sirius came back with no luck, James gave up. He had searched the whole castle and just didn't know where Lily had gotten to. He asked Marlene when she came down from her dorm later on if Lily was in there, but she said that she had no idea where Lily was. He totally forgot that he and Lily had patrols that night or he would not have tried so hard.
When eleven o'clock rolled around and Lily walked into the Gryffindor Common Room, James stood up suddenly. He saw that her face was still emotionless and her face was red. He immediately went towards her.
"Lily, I've been looking for you everywhere. Are you okay?" he asked.
Lily didn't make eye contact or answer the question directed at her. "Patrols are starting, we should go," she said quietly.
James was frustrated that she once again avoided conversation but nodded anyways. She turned around and walked back out of the Common Room with James following her.
The patrol was tense as James fumed and Lily looked at her feet. Neither talked or made any sort of noise. James finally broke the silence.
"So, where did you get off to?" he tried.
Lily shrugged.
James tried again. "Why'd you run off?" he asked.
"It's none of your business," she snapped. They both stopped walking. Lily was glaring at James and James was staring shocked at Lily. She hadn't used that tone of voice with him since last year.
"Sorry, Lily. I'm just trying to help," he said.
"You can't, so just stop," she said angrily. She started walking again with James following her.
"Why can't we help you, Lily? Everyone is so worried about you, why won't you just respond?" he asked, getting angry himself.
"Oh, so you cared when I was in the Hospital Wing and you didn't come to see me once? You thought that after the funeral, when I needed you most, that I would be alright? Did you care then?" she asked with tears flowing again.
James froze. Her words struck him hard and his stomach dropped like a stone. The pain and need was so evident in Lily's eyes that James almost cried with her. He didn't think that Lily would need him so much and that she depended on him so much.
"I—,"
"Aww, did the Mudblood lover do something to make the wittle Mudblood angry?" asked a mocking voice from the shadows, interrupting James of his explanation.
"Sod off, Bellatrix," said Lily, not taking her eyes from James.
"Kiss your Mummy and Daddy with that mouth, Mudblood?" asked the voice of Lucius Malfoy. "Oh wait, didn't they pass away, Mudblood? So very sorry to hear that," he said, not sounding sorry at all.
Lily wiped her eyes and faced her adversaries. There was a fire ablaze in her eyes that seemed to shine in the darkness. James usually loved making her angry when he was younger because of that angry spark, but now he was scared of it. He actually felt sorry for the Slytherins; they had never been on the receiving end of Lily's rage as James had many, many times.
"Leave, now," said Lily in a low voice. It was so stern and demanding, James was surprised that the two Slytherins didn't bolt right there; James almost did.
"What are you going to do, Mudblood?" asked Bellatrix. Most of the mocking voice was gone and was replaced by a fear that she was afraid to show.
"Leave, now," she repeated, her eyes flashing.
"You can't tell us what to do, Mudblood," said the sneering voice of Malfoy.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," and with that, Lily wordlessly pointed her wand at Malfoy and Bellatrix. A light shot out of her wand to hit Malfoy with the Bat-Bogey Hex and hit Bellatrix with the Boil hex. They both shrieked as neither of them had any time to react because Lily was so fast.
"Leave," she said once again.
Bellatrix gave a horrid shriek as boils started popping up from her face. She gave Lily a look of loathe and disgust before stomping towards the dungeons. Malfoy was groping the walls blindly as bats attacked his face. He swatted at them aimlessly before following Bellatrix's resounding footsteps.
James was frozen in his place. He would have laughed if it was any other situation and if Lily wasn't so angry. She didn't turn around but she spoke to him.
"Maybe we should cut patrols short," she said. Her voice was thick with emotion but none of them showed on her face. James couldn't see her eyes but knew that they would match her voice.
Lily didn't wait for a reply as she started walking back to Gryffindor Tower. She didn't look back at James or wait for him to catch up with her. She marched on as James struggled to keep up.
Lily didn't say a goodbye to James when they entered the Common Room and just went upstairs. James watched her go with an anguished look on his face. He didn't know the amount of pain he had caused Lily and he deserved so much more punishment than she was giving him. She could ignore him, reject him, curse him and hex him, and it still wouldn't be enough to pay James back for his stupidity. He sat in the one of the armchairs and closed his eyes. He put both arms on the armrests and held his head. He felt like a bloody idiot. He was so bloody tired.
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