Chapter 18: Found

Lily was frozen in her place once again. Her parents were getting ready for bed. Her father was reading a book in bed and her mother was in the bathroom.

"Hun, are you coming to bed?" asked her father, looking up from his book.

"Yes, I'm almost done," came Mrs. Evans' voice from the bathroom.

Lily closed her eyes tightly. She knew what came next. There would be a crash and two black-cloaked figures would murder her parents. She waited and waited, but no crash came. She opened her eyes to a white light.

There, standing in front of her were her parents, glowing and happy. The sight of them made Lily's eyes tear and her heart feel happy for once in such a long time.

"Mum? Dad?" she asked hopefully.

Her parents nodded.

"Lily, what are you doing, Hun?" asked her mother softly.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Why are you throwing away your life, Lily?" clarified her father.

"I'm not, what are you talking about?" she asked them. "I study hard, I follow orders, I do my Head duties…"

"Hun, there are more important things than school," said her mother kindly.

"What do you mean?" she asked again with her eyes tearing.

"Listen to your heart, Lily. Let people in. Love again and let people love you," said her father. Their images were slowly fading from view and Lily desperately reached out to them.

"Lily, you will see us again. Live out your life as it will be shorter than most. We love you, Lily." Mr. and Mrs. Evans were gone completely as Lily cried out in vain.

…………………………

"LILY! LILY, WAKE UP!" said an urgent voice from beside her. Lily's face was wet and there were soft hands wiping it. She felt comforting arms wrap around her and her shoulder was damp from someone else's tears. She clung onto the shirt as she cried. Her parents' words had unfrozen her cold heart and pumped the blood back into it. She was no longer closed off and hard, but she was vulnerable and raw. She was letting people in the longer she cried and cried.

As soon as Marlene let go of her, Nicole grabbed her and hugged her fiercely. They all took turns holding Lily as she cried. When she finally stopped crying, all four of them were covered in salty tears and it was 4:00 in the morning.

"Are you okay, Lily?" asked Marlene.

"I will be," replied Lily, sniffing.

Marlene gave her a watery smile and hugged her again.

"I'm sorry for making you guys worry like that. I thought I was getting over it, but I didn't want to let them go," said Lily.

"It's okay to hold on, Lily. As long as you move on as well," said Nicole, wiping at her eyes.

Lily nodded and smiled. It didn't really make sense, but she knew what Nicole meant. She was so thankful for her friends; she didn't know what she would do without them. They stuck by her even when she was unresponsive to them and never had fun anymore. They supported her and comforted her through it all. She was truly lucky to have friends such as these.

She would do as her parents told her. She would live her life to its fullest because life was short. She would let people in, no matter how much it would hurt when they were gone. But, it's better to love than to never love at all. She would let her heart make decisions and she knew what she had to do in the morning. But right now, it was telling her that she needed sleep.

…………………………

Lily woke up a few hours later with her face stained with tears and her shirt damp from the night before. She noticed that the three other girls in her dorm were still sleeping and looked worn out from last night's (or rather this morning's) events. It was still early, but Lily decided to take a shower early and prepare herself for that day.

It was a Thursday, so there were classes that day. She was thankful that it was a weekday and not a weekend, because if it was a weekend, the thing she had to do would come more quickly. At least now it would be delayed for a bit.

She was excited and nervous while she took a shower. Her old feelings were slowly returning to her body and it was foreign to her. Two weeks without feeling anything besides pain was a long time and all other emotions were quickly banished. There was still a dull aching in her chest, but Lily knew it would fade away eventually. She breathed deeply and closed her eyes letting the hot water wash away her loss. She saw the smiling faces of her parents in her mind and smiled back. She knew that she could live again; she would be alright.

…………………………

The Marauders walked into the Great Hall that morning, expecting a normal Thursday. They walked towards their usual spot at the Gryffindor Table. James sighed heavily knowing that he wasn't much closer to being with Lily; his chances were probably much lower now for not being there for her when she needed him most. He was such a bleeding idiot.

"Cheer up, James. It'll get better," said Remus, piling food onto his plate.

"How do you know?" he asked miserably.

"Because the girls are walking right towards us and Lily is smiling," replied Sirius, looking at the girls that were indeed coming towards them.

James, Remus and Peter followed Sirius' gaze and James was greeted with a sight he had long since seen. There was Lily, a stream of early winter sun hitting her hair. There was a small smile planted on her face, but it was a genuine smile all the same. James' breath caught in his throat and he gulped.

Lily looked a little timid as they walked towards them and James couldn't help but stare at her. Her overnight transformation had sparked a flame in his heart and he let a smile grace his mouth. Lily met his eye and blushed. James was pleasantly surprised. He hadn't seen her face colour like that since the funeral. Now he grinned like a fool as the girls sat down with them.

"Morning boys. Mind if we sit?" asked Nicole, sitting down even before the boys had time to answer.

"Go right ahead," said Sirius, smiling as they rest of the girls sat down.

"Welcome back," said Remus, beaming at them.

"We never went anywhere," said Marlene, giving them a sly smirk.

No one answered but they all smiled back. They all knew he was talking to Lily, but Marlene, God bless her, answered for Lily to avoid any awkwardness and interrogation.

The seventh years ate breakfast with cheery moods. Lily didn't talk much during the conversation, but everyone could see an evident change in her attitude. She was eating her food instead of pushing it around her plate. She was laughing and it showed it her eyes. She let her feelings show freely and finally looked happy.

Of course, James couldn't keep his eyes off of Lily. His chest swelled because he knew Lily was back. But this time, he wouldn't let her get away.

…………………………

Lily was happy. There was no other way to explain it. There would always be section of her heart that would be empty, but she knew that she could move on. Her parents told her to move on. She knew that she would see them again and that kept her going.

For the whole day, there was a smile on her face. Even if it was a small one, it was there. And they were real smiles, not the fake ones that she plastered on her face to appear like she was okay. She missed feeling happy and now she was making up for it. She was even happy that the Slytherins were glaring at her. Really, it's not like she wanted them to like her, she really didn't care.

She didn't say much all day, but it was not because she was dying on the inside, she just wanted to bask in the happiness of that day. She'd rather stay silent and watch all her friends laugh and take a break from worrying over her. They were all so faithful to her and she was immensely grateful for their patience.

No one brought up her parents and for that, Lily was thankful. After all, it had not been that long since their deaths, and even if she was finally moving on, it was still a raw subject. Lily reflected on what her parents had told her in her dream. They said to let people in and let them love her. Hopefully he still would.

…………………………

"He's smiling again, Remus."

"I know he is, Padfoot. Just leave him alone."

"But, what's wrong with him? Nothing's even funny and he has a ridiculous smile on his face."

"He's happy, Sirius. Leave him alone."

Pause.

"Hello? Prongs? Jamesssss…"

James ignored the hand waving in front of his face as his eyes rested on the red-head who was doing her homework. His lips moved subconsciously into a smile as he watched her tug her hair in thought. It had passed three days since Lily's miraculous transformation into her old self. Of course, she hadn't talked to James that much yet, but at least she was talking.

"PRONGS!" James felt a sharp jab in his stomach and he ripped his eyes away from Lily to glare at Sirius.

"What was that for?!" James asked angrily, holding his stomach.

"For that stupid smile," said Sirius, sitting back in his chair smugly.

James rolled his eyes but didn't look back at Lily. She would eventually notice he was staring at her and would embarrass himself.

He wasn't sure if she had forgiven him yet for avoiding her after the funeral; they hadn't really talked about it. The last time they had really spoken was the night of the patrols where Lily had lashed out. These past few days, she was recovering and still a little unsure; James could tell. But, he would be patient; it would only be a matter of time, right?

"So, patrols tonight, eh, Prongs?" said Remus, looking up from his book.

James' face drained of colour. Had he forgotten about patrols?

"I have patrols tonight?" he asked in a shaky voice.

"Yup," answered a voice, but it wasn't Remus. James looked behind him and gulped. Lily was standing right there.

"H-hey, Lily," he said, smiling weakly.

"Hey, James. We should leave soon," she said, smiling back.

James nodded as Lily went upstairs to put away her book bag.

Remus shook his head and Sirius snickered. "Just like the old days, innit?" said Sirius.

James glared and stood up. He didn't answer because he knew Sirius was right. He had lost all of his previous ability to talk to Lily and had to start from the beginning. Oh, boy.

Lily came back downstairs and James followed her out the Gryffindor Common Room with sounds of Sirius' laughter mocking him from behind.

They two Head students walked in silence as they patrolled the dark corridors. James was thinking of something to say as Lily looked like she was concentrating on something.

"How are you?" James asked suddenly, not able to find anything else to say. He mentally slapped himself. What an idiot thing to say.

"I'm fine. It'll get better," she said smiling at him.

James nodded. So far, this was going alright, right? James grimaced at his stupidity.

"Look, James. I'm sorry for yelling at you a couple of days ago, I didn't mean it. I was just really upset," said Lily quite suddenly.

James was shocked. That was certainly not what he was expecting. He was just about to apologize to her. But, if she didn't mean it, then did that mean that she didn't need him? Damn girls and their riddles!

"I—er, a-are you sure? I mean, I understand if you really are mad, I was an arse—"

"No, James. It's okay. I didn't mean to yell at you, I'm sorry," she said. She didn't made eye contact with him and it frustrated him because if she would just look up, he could make out what she meant; she was just too confusing.

"Er, um. Okay. I'm sorry, too," said James. "So, we're good?" he asked hopefully.

Lily seemed hesitant at first and James' heart sank, but she nodded her head and smiled. "We're good," she said finally.

James exhaled and smiled. "I'm glad you're back, Lily," he said thankfully.

Lily smiled but didn't respond.

The rest of the night, James and Lily exchanged polite conversation, not quite returning to their previous friendship, but moving forward all the same. James knew that Lily was still unsure about him and he accepted it. After neglecting her like that, he had it coming. He was selfish and wanted to be friends again so he could be that much closer to getting a date with her.

As they said goodnight in the Common Room, James noticed Lily hesitate a bit before leaving him to go upstairs. What could that have been? James didn't think about it much before going off to bed himself; his heart a little lighter than before.

…………………………

Lily's heart was pumping hard in her chest. She grabbed at it as she ran upstairs to her dorm. She had finally talked to James since that night when she lashed out at him. Lily had been neglecting her feelings and her heart so it was working overtime for the time she had lost. It had been thumping wildly all during the patrol even when she put on a calm façade; she had gotten good at that.

Even though she wasn't used to her feeling this much, it was a welcome change. Her firm, cold heart was once again the caring, feeling, beating organ that told her if what she was doing was right. As she thought about James' relieved face and happy eyes, her heart gave one more bu-bump and Lily knew she was doing the right thing.

Since the night of her parents' reappearance through Lily's dream, she had stopped seeing her parents being murdered. Anyone could tell that she was getting more sleep as her eyes looked more awake and were gaining back their usual shimmer. Her face seemed more coloured and not as pale. She seemed to smile a bit more and they were genuine. Marlene, Nicole and Melissa were relieved beyond relief and it seemed like a great weight was lifted off their shoulders. Not that Lily was a burden on them, but they were worried that they were losing a friend.

It was an understatement to say that Lily was glad to be back. She couldn't even explain the feeling of being able to feel again.

…………………………

Lily was sitting on the swings and gently swinging herself back and forth. She was eleven years old and Petunia had just called her a 'freak' again. Her knees were scraped from running and falling on the ground. It was embarrassing that an eleven year old girl had fallen down and scraped her knee; that was for five year olds, but right now, she didn't care. Tears were running down the girl's face and made water drops on her shorts. She sniffed as the wind chilled her and the sun slowly set in the horizon.

Petunia had always called her 'freak' and it hurt Lily so much. Was your older sister supposed to make you feel like this? Like you were an outcast in your own family? That you were so 'different' that she couldn't even look at you without being disgusted? Lily constantly wondered why Petunia was so resentful to her younger sister who only desired to be loved by a sister.

It was true, though, what Petunia said. Lily was the only one in her family that had red hair. Her father had brown while Petunia and her mother had blond. Petunia had always made fun of her for having the red hair, calling her 'carrot head' and 'tomato face'. It was very hard for the younger sister to endure.

"Lily?" A familiar voice grabbed Lily from her thoughts. She hastily wiped her eyes as the figure of her father appeared in the distance. She could tell it was him from the way he stood; his shoulders pushed back and his long legs walking swiftly. She gently waved to him, showing him where she was.

"Lily, Hun. What happened?" asked her father. He moved behind her and started pushing Lily on the swing.

Lily sniffled before answering. Her father hadn't pushed her on the swing since she was five years old. "Nothing," she said.

Mr. Evans stopped pushing her and leaned against the swing set so that he was in view of Lily.

"Was it Petunia?" he asked her knowingly.

Lily sniffed again and nodded as her swing came to a halt.

Her father sighed tiredly and rubbed his face. "What did she do this time?" he asked her.

"Called me 'freak' again," said Lily dejectedly in a quiet voice. She was ashamed that Petunia thought so little of her.

"Hun, you have to know that Petunia still loves you even though she may hurt you sometimes," he said.

Lily nodded, but she didn't necessarily believe him.

"And no matter what she says, Petunia, your mother and I all love you very much," he said.

Lily nodded once again as she looked down at her feet making patterns in the sand.

The two were quiet for a moment before Lily said in the same quiet voice, "Why does she always have to say things like that? If she loves me, why does she have to hurt me so much? I don't want her to love me if that's what love feels like."

Her father looked a bit shocked that an eleven year old felt and thought so strongly about love. He cleared his throat before answering.

"Well, Petunia has a different way of showing her emotions, Lily. When a sister loves, sometimes they show it in a teasing way, and sometimes it hurts. But, I said it before, she does love you, no matter how much she doesn't show it," he said. "And even if it hurts, Lily, you can't let that affect how you feel. Even if it hurts, don't be afraid to take chances and to let people love you. Sometimes it will hurt, but I promise you that it will all work out in the end. You can't shut yourself away from the world," he added.

Lily finally looked up at her father and smiled. Her eyes were tearing again but not because of sadness. Her father had a similar smile gracing his lips and Lily hugged him. At that time, she didn't know how much that advice would help her.

As she was hugging him, the environment changed. She opened her eyes to a white light. There, her parents were standing once again. She was no longer eleven, but seventeen. This scene was all too familiar to Lily.

"Mum, Dad," she said as her lips moved into a smile. They looked wonderful and the sight of them made Lily happy once again.

"Good job, Hun. We love you so much. Don't worry about Petunia, Lily. When the time comes, she will help you out when you most need it. It will all work out in the end," said her mother.

"You're doing the right thing, Lily. Don't forget what we told you. Pick your friends wisely. They will be your stronghold, but they may also be your downfall," said Mr. Evans.

Lily nodded as their images were fading once again.

"That James fellow is a good one, Lily," said her father.

Lily was shocked that her dream could actually be that clear and precise. She nodded as her parents slowly dissipated.

"We love you."

…………………………

One week passed and Lily was now almost just as she was before the death of her parents. She laughed, smiled, worked, all like before, although now, she thought of her parents more and more. They weren't sad thoughts; they were happy memories of her childhood.

But, another thought plagued her mind, thoughts of Petunia and what she was doing now. She had sent Lily half of her parents' money and some of Lily's things that she couldn't take with her after the funeral. But, Petunia didn't send any news of herself or any greetings at all.

Since Petunia had sold their house, Lily had no where else to live. It was obvious that Petunia would not take her in when school finished and Lily was worried. She didn't know what she would do when she graduated from Hogwarts; it had been her home for seven years. When she voiced her thoughts to Marlene, Marlene merely laughed and told Lily not to think about it now and it will be resolved when the time comes. She also said that her home was welcome to Lily any time she wanted. Lily thanked her immensely, but somehow, she knew that she could not intrude upon the McKinnons and that the idea would probably not happen.

Lily and James' relationship had bounced back and they were soon spending plenty of time together like they had before. James was understanding and Lily was forgiving. Everyone around them knew it was only a matter of time before bigger things took place.

…………………………

Lily and James walked along the dark corridors as their patrols progressed. They shared a comfortable silence as they walked together. It was nearing one o'clock and James yawned.

"Tired?" asked Lily, noticing his yawn.

"It's nothing. I'm a big boy," he said, smiling.

Lily smiling back and nodded. There was a tugging on her chest, telling her that she had to do something, but she couldn't. She started fidgeting with her robes.

"Should we head back, now?" asked James, distracting her.

She looked up into his hazel eyes and her breath caught in her throat. She nodded, not able to do anything else at the moment.

The two Head students walked back towards the Gryffindor Tower. That night's patrols had been uneventful, just a couple of sixth years after hours as usual.

"Hey, James. Do you remember when we overheard Malfoy and Bellatrix talking? What do you think happened with that?" asked Lily quite suddenly.

James seemed a bit shocked at her question. He knew what she was talking about and he also remembered what Bellatrix 'told' him after finding out about Lily's parents. He clenched his fists at the memory and set his jaw. He knew that she had something to do with it, but he couldn't do anything. James knew that it wouldn't be wise to tell Lily because she would either have another 'episode' or rage out against Bellatrix, much like that night where she lashed out at James.

"James? Are you okay?" she asked him.

James looked over at her, almost forgetting she was there. Her eyes were confused and concerned at James sudden anger and her hand was resting on his arm. It felt nice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I remember that. But since there hasn't been anything recent, it's probably been abandoned. I don't think we should worry about it anymore," he said finally.

Lily nodded in defeat. "I just thought we could have caught them in the act or something."

"I know. But there is nothing to prove. If we tell Dumbledore about what we heard, we'll probably get in trouble for being out after hours. And there is no actual proof besides what we heard."

"That's true. I guess we have to drop it then?"

"It's the only thing I can think of doing."

James and Lily resumed silence again as they approached the Fat Lady. James said the password quietly and they slipped into the Common Room.

Lily saw that there was still a fire lit and it was dying out slowly. She wasn't really tired and since it was a Friday, she thought she would stay up a bit. She walked over to the fireplace and placed in some more logs. The fire instantly jumped up and the room was filled with light. She sat down on one of the couches and James sat down next to her.

"You don't have to stay down here. You can go to bed," said Lily, even though she wanted him to stay.

"No, it's alright. I'll stay for a bit," he said with his eyes drooping.

Lily smiled. She watched as his eyes closed and his arm went around the back the couch. She inched closer to him and leaned on his shoulder. He responded by wrapping his arm around her waist. She could smell his musky cologne and feel his warmth against her. She breathed in deeply and looked up at his face.

James' eyes were closed but there was a small smile on his beautiful lips. She suddenly felt wide awake. She slowly moved her face closer to his and waited to see if he noticed. His eyes remained closed so she moved closer. She could now feel his warm breath hitting her face in small puffs. Her heart was doing leaps inside her chest. She dared to move her face closer to his. James' eyelids fluttered but they did not open. As she closed her eyes, she closed the gap between their mouths and kissed him.

A/N: HEY. Sorry for the long delay...what do you think? Like it:)

I only got 4 reviews for the past chapter...which is pretty sad. Umm, I think I am going to end it soon, maybe one or two more chapters cause I want to start a new one. This one is too clichéd, I think. So, if it seems rushed, you know why. Anyways, I hope this chapter was okay, I know the other one kinda sucked.

OH. And I wrote a one-shot called Mr Hangman. I was going to put it in this Fanfic, but I didn't think it fit this one at all. Anyways check it out, I think it's cute :)

I might also be changing the title of this fic into simply "Wanting" so keep an eye out.

R-E-V-I-E-W!

XD