"Lily, what's ceviche?" Jen asked

"It's a kind of raw seafood dish I think, but it tastes totally gross,"

"Lily, why did you almost scream that you liked James to the entire common room?"

"Um… Can we talk about ceviche some more?"

"No, I want to talk about James"

"Did I tell you I loved the stuff? Yeah, it's, uh, really good.

"Lily, I'm going to say James's name over and over until we talk about him"

"You should try it sometime,"

"James, James, James, James, James"

Seriously, it's really good,

"James, James, James, James, James, James, James"

"It's very good really, almost as good as James. Wait, no, I didn't mean to say that!"

"Ha!" Jen Exclaimed "You like him! You like James!"

"I do not!" Said Lily, flustered "I just said James because you were saying it,"

"You did not"

"No, really, I was confused! I mean, how am I supposed to stop myself from saying James at least once when you're sitting right next to me going James, James, James, James, James, James?!"

"I was not!"

"WHAT?!" Lily screamed in disbelief "You were just repeating it over and over!"

"Nope"

"Yes you were!"

"You must have just been imagining it because you L-o-v-e luv James so much."

"I was not! You're such a liar!"

"And you're such a James fan."

"Leave me alone" said Lily huffily "You're messing with my mind."

Lily stomped over to her bed and sat on it, arms crossed

I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever admit I like him she thought not, of course, she hastily added that I ever liked him in the first place. Honestly, who could possibly like a show off like him? A very cute show off though… NO! Do not think like that Lily! He's not hot, or cool, or cute, or anything that is remotely complementary. Ever. Only he is… No! Lily, cut it out! You hate James, you hate him, you hate him, you hate him! "I hate James Potter!" She screamed aloud to reassure herself.

"I completely agree!" Eliza shouted in her ear

"Zombie! AAAAAAA!!!!!" Lily fell off the bed

"We really shouldn't have let you watch that muggle movie… Oh well. I'm not a zombie Lily; I was saying I agree with you. You hate James."

"What?" Asked Lily, a bit confused. Eliza was one of her only friends that was not prone to randomness. This was quite out of character.

"I said" Eliza repeated a bit impatiently "You hate James"

"Why are you saying this?"

"I want to inform your subconscious. You hate him. Always have."

"What?"

"I also think you should never speak to him again"

"But we have to patrol-"

"I said never, never ever ever. Ever."

"But what about head duties, I have to-"

"I also think you should not look at him, be near him, or let him say anything to you ever again."

"I'm confused. Why are you saying this?"

"If you never associate with James, he can never ask you out."

"Since when do you care-"

"I'm, uh, studying to be a doctor. It's for your mental health."

"I thought you wanted to be a-"

"I SAID A DOCTOR, ALLRIGHT?"

"Okay" Lily quailed

"Good, now, moving on. I can't decide on what shirt to wear tomorrow." Eliza held up two identical shirts "Which one do you think would look better on me?"

The Next Morning

Lily woke up to the worst thing she had ever smelled.

She sat up and saw something slimy and wriggling right in front of her face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

"Lily, what's wrong!?"

"Lily, what's that smell?!"

Jen and Eliza jumped out of their beds and hastened over to Lily's.

"Ewe. That's gross."

Jen and Eliza looked down at the breakfast tray that had been set in Lily's lap by a house elf no doubt. It contained a large lump of the most smelly cheese on earth, and a bowl of raw sea food, which wouldn't have been so bad by itself, but the seafood was still alive.

"What is that?" Eliza asked in disgust.

Lily groaned "Ceviche and aged cheese. My two least favorite foods."

"I can see why"

"What's this?" asked Jen, picking up a piece of parchment that had been resting on the tray "Complements of James Potter" Jen read out loud "Lily I'll make this for you every day if you go out with me."

"Ewe!" Said Eliza "That sounds more like a threat than and entreaty."

"I think it's sweet" Said Jen, trying to smile and finding it impossible in the face of the stinky cheese "I'll bet that this wriggling bowl of fish symbolizes his undying love for you!"

Lily stared at her friend uncomprehendingly.

"I think it's disgusting" Said Eliza, who always gave her opinion whether it was wanted or not. "Lily, I think you should march down to wherever James is and tell him that you'll never ever go out with him."

"Nonsense" Exclaimed Eliza "Nothing says 'I love you' more than a bowl of not quite dead fish and a chunk of smelly cheese"

"Oh, you're so naïve. It's obviously a sign that he's decided to stop perusing her. Just look: there's a green speck of something on that cheese"

"Green is the color of happiness and love"

"No it's not, you just made that up"

"Did not"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not- hey, where's Lily?"

"Uh… I don't know. I could've sworn she was here just a minute ago"

Lily, as it turned out, was in the bathroom. The smell of the aged cheese had gotten to her.

Later That Day

"So…" Sirius said casually

"So?" asked Eliza

"So. What did Lily do when she got her romantic breakfast this morning?"

"She threw up."

"What? That was her favorite food! She must be sick"

"No, it's her least favorite food. Now she hates James, or at least she will. Soon. You might as well give me my five galleons now."

Eliza held out her hand expectantly

"No" Sirius said "No, I think I've got the perfect plan to get Lily to say 'yes'. The perfect plan"