PREVIOUSLY

"Because I can't trust you…. I won't put Harry through what we both went through. I can't do that to him, I won't"

"But…."

"No buts. It's not fair on Harry, on you, on me."

"And you think this is fair! I never know what you're going to do, kiss me or slap me"

"I'm sorry, but it's hard for me, having you back in my life. I don't know…."

"I love you. I love you so much, I never stopped and letting you walk out that door was the biggest mistake of my life, and I will always regret it."

Chapter 7

It had been over a month since James and Lily had spoken at the restaurant. Things couldn't have been more awkward between them. James could barely even look at her. And Lily was just avoiding the entire situation, and she kept tried to pretend it never happened.

"Oh…um we're back now," said James awkwardly. He had taken Harry to a Quidditch game and had just come to Lily's house to drop him off. Lily was in the kitchen pouring over stacks of documents.

"Already?"

"Uh…yeah, the game ended quite quickly. I can keep him for longer, though. I have the day off," said James, not looking at Lily but at a spot just behind her left ear.

"No it's fine, I'm sure you have plans," said Lily overly cheerily, trying to make things feel more comfortable.

"I don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you look like you have a lot of work to do."

"Well yeah. Why don't you both just hang out here until I'm done?"

"Uh…okay, that'd be okay…I guess."

"Great."

James took Harry through to the living room, and sat him on his lap so that he was facing him.

"Well little man, I'm pretty sure your mum hates me," sighed James. "It can't go on much longer can it? It can't be good for you to feel such an atmosphere between your parents. But I don't know what to do. Why is it I never know what to do with your mum? Maybe if I hadn't told her I kissed Kelly, she wouldn't have brought that guy home and we'd still be together. You'd be growing up in a house with both parents, who were happy together. Because I do love your mum, I really do. She just doesn't love me anymore, or trust me. I don't know which, maybe both."

"You really shouldn't use our son as your therapist," said Lily, trying to lighten the mood. She had decided to finish the rest of her work when Harry was in bed.

"Well excuse me. He actually listens which is more than some people do," snapped James.

"James…I didn't mean…"

"I assume you've finished working?"

"For now."

"Then I'll take off. I'll pick Harry up at noon on Friday," said James harshly.

"Okay," mumbled Lily. She took Harry from him. Just as he was about to brush past her she reached out and touched his arm. "James…" she said softly.

"What?" he said less harshly, the pain visible in his face.

"I don't hate you."

"But you don't love me either. You don't want to give our marriage another try?"

Lily didn't say anything, she just dropped her hand from his arm.

"I didn't think so."

"Don't hate me for not wanting to either of us to get hurt again," she said quietly.

But he was gone.

--------------------------------------------------

"Is he ready yet?"

It was Friday at 12 noon exactly and James was picking Harry up. He was always right on time now He didn't come early so he didn't have to spend any unnecessary time with Lily. But he was never late, he didn't want to give Lily any excuse to stop him seeing Harry, even though he knew deep down she never would.

"Almost," said Lily nervously.

"I did say I would be here at noon for him," said James, irritated.

"Yeah sorry, come in, though," said Lily.

"Alright."

"I actually need to talk to you about something anyway," said Lily as she closed the front door behind him.

"Unless it's to do with Harry, I'm not interested."

"It is," said Lily, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice any longer.

"Well then, what is it?"

"I've been offered a new job and I've decided to take it…"

"What does this have to do with me?" James interrupted.

"Well, if you would let me finish you would find out," snapped Lily. She was fed up with him talking to her like that.

"Sorry," said James sincerely. He knew he was being horrible to her, he just didn't know how else to deal with the situation.

"As I was saying. I've accepted this job and it's pretty far away, so we'll be moving."

"Moving where?" asked James. It was generally safe to apparate round Britain still. But Death Eaters had taken to intercepting foreign apparitions.

"Switzerland, the lab is based in Switzerland," said Lily nervous, about how he was going to react.

"Switzerland?"

"Yeah."

"As in Switzerland, the one next to Austria…"

"Among other countries…" said Lily, unsure of how to respond to that.

"And you're taking Harry with you?"

"Yes."

"You can't," said James in total shock.

"I can and I am."

"But…But…"

"Look, James, this makes sense," said Lily. She did feel bad for him, she knew how much he loved Harry. Maybe it was selfish, but she couldn't go on like this. It hurt too much to be around James the way things were between them. She had to get away and start afresh, and the job seemed like the answer.

"Makes sense? Alright, let's hear it then, Lily! How the hell does taking my son to Switzerland make sense?" said James, furious.

"Don't shout at me!"

"What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Talk like a civilized adult! Act like a grown up, a responsible parent!"

"I am a responsible parent!" snapped James.

"I didn't say you weren't, I just told you to act like it!" she shouted.

"You didn't answer my question!"

"Switzerland is safer! The war hasn't spread over there!"

"Yet!" James interrupted again.

"It'll take years to ever spread that far! It safer for Harry there, I want to protect him from all this! I don't want him growing up the way things are, where people are scared to leave their homes! I want better for him! I am not going to let those people kill my son!"

"He isn't in danger!"

"He is! Come on, James! I'm a mudblood that gave birth to heir of one of the richest, oldest wizarding families! That makes him a possible target, it makes both of us a possible target!"

"So you're running away?"

"Yes that is exactly what I'm doing! Maybe I am a coward, but at least when all this is over, I'll be alive and so will my son!"

"What about me?"

"The decision to live is yours."

"I meant me being able to see my son!" snapped James.

"I'll never stop from you seeing him."

"Moving to Switzerland is stopping me from seeing him! You know the restrictions on appartion now!"

"It means you won't see him as often. But you can come visit, come for holidays. You can spend weeks at a time with him."

"With the war, I'm lucky to get a day off, never mind weeks!" said James desperately.

"I'm sorry, James my mind is made up," said Lily firmly.

There was another pause, but this time it wasn't awkward. It was just painful. Pure, aching pain.

"When do you leave?"

"3 days."

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I know I haven't updated in a LONG TIME!! I hope it was worth the waiy

I'd like to say a huge thanks to my beta mystrymoviebrunette she came up with this idea for the strory and helped a little with it. So thank you ur the bestest.