Chapter Five
Eliza was halfway down the stairs of the girl's dormitory when she realized two things. One: She had remembered to put on her makeup and do her hair, but had neglected to change out of her pajamas; and Two: She was in love, and she only hadn't realized it because… something. But in any case, she was in love, and she was very annoyed at the person she was in love with for not asking her out before she had come to this revelation, because now she felt rather stupid (being in love and not knowing whether or not Sirius returned her feelings).
Well Eliza thought I guess then I'll just have to go find out.
And she headed off for the great hall
In the Great Hall
Jen went over to possible options in her brain
Lily has gone crazy.
Lily has really gone crazy.
I am having a hallucination.
Jen quickly stuffed the nearest piece of food into her mouth to give herself time to think. It turned out to be chocolate spread. Gross.
Lily was looking rather confused. She had woken up, fallen in love, put on eye shadow, fallen in love, told Jen she was in love, and the best Jen could do was shove handfuls of chocolate spread into her mouth? Gross. Perhaps she hadn't heard correctly.
"I said, don't you think Sirius Black is HOT?!" Lily repeated, emphasizing the word hot because she the idea of Sirius Black being HOT, rather than an idiot and a nuisance was becoming more and more apparent with every passing minute.
Now Jen was sure she was having a hallucination. Lily, under no circumstances, would ever say Sirius was hot. Being a (relatively) logical person, Jen looked around for the source of whatever was making her hallucinate. The two things she found were air and chocolate spread.
Jen decided that the culprit must be chocolate spread, because she liked breathing air, and because it would be much simpler to get rid of the chocolate spread than to wear an air proof suit and breathe helium for the rest of her life.
Jen spit out the chocolate spread onto her plate
"Ewe, gross!" squealed Lily and Jen simultaneously
"That's disgusting" Lily sniffed "and you're being tactless!"
"What?"
"Well, I'm trying to tell you how I feel about Sirius, and you're being so insensitive. You just-"
"AAARRGGG! I'm still tainted!" Jen cried out, assuming that she had swallowed enough of the chocolate spread to cause further hallucinations.
"See?" Asked Lily "That's exactly what I mean. Insensitive!" And with that she stalked out of the great hall, looking for Eliza who, she was sure, would take her more seriously.
"Stupid Chocolate spread" Jen grumbled as she tried to wipe some of it off of her hands. After a while she gave up.
Well, she thought I'd better go apologize to Lily... And she slowly wandered out of the great hall to find her.
"AAARRGGG! I'm still tainted!"
Jen's cry rang out through the great hall. A moment later Lily got up from her seat and left the Great HHHHall.
"I wonder what she's yelling about" mused Sirius through a mouthful of chocolate spread
"Sirius, don't chew with your mouth open" reprimanded Remus
"Sorry" apologized Sirius, quickly swallowing his mouthful of chocolate "but honestly, what do you think?"
"I'm sure I have no Idea" said Remus delicately
"Will you go find out for me?"
"No"
"Please?" Sirius gave Remus puppy eyes
"If you want to know, go find out yourself"
"But I want to eat my breakfast"
"You mean chocolate"
"Well… yes. Yes I do"
"Too bad"
"Re-mus" Sirius whined
"No!"
"How about you, James?" Asked Sirius
Sirius's question was met by James's icy glare
"Look," started Sirius "I'm sorry for what I did, okay?"
"No, not okay. Now Lily won't really like me; she will because she has to. It's just doesn't feel right."
"What?!" Asked Remus
"Well," answered Sirius "It all began in the common room the other night. It was dark and stormy, if I recall correctly…"
"No it wasn't" interjected Peter "It was clear that night"
"A 10 second summary will suffice, Sirius"
"Okay, well, here goes then: I got a hold of some eye shadow laced with 24 hour love potion, spelled it so that it's specific to James, and sent it to Lily. She puts some on and KAPOW! She's in love. Not forever, but long enough to make her realize her feelings for James. Unfortunately, I sent it to Lily before I told James and he seems not to have liked my course of action"
Sirius stopped and took several deep breaths, not having drawn one previously because he was trying to fit what he said into a 10 second summary and breathing would have taken up too much time.
Remus turned to James "Is this correct?"
James nodded curtly.
"Well, in that case" Remus turned to Sirius "Shame on you!"
"What?!" Sirius spluttered
"You shouldn't interfere with someone else's love life without receiving their approval beforehand, and almost all love potions are illegal."
Sirius opened his mouth to object, but Remus cut him off
"I can't believe you did that, Sirius! You need to go find Lily and tell her what's going on."
"Yeah!" Peter chimed in unhelpfully
There was a long pause in which all the marauders glared at Sirius and then -
"Fine" grumbled Sirius sulkily. He got up from his seat and stalked away, ruining the effect by running back to grab a piece of toast covered in chocolate
"Lily, come back!"
Lily ignored her friend
"Lily, please, I didn't mean to be rude. Lily? Look, it's not my fault, it was the chocolate spread! It makes me hallucinate!
Lily? Lily, please! I didn't-"
Lily disappeared behind a corner.
"Drat" Jen whispered under her breath
Why couldn't I have normal, predictable friends? Jen thought ones that aren't so easily offended and don't fall in love over night with someone they hate?
"Hello"
"AAAA!!!!" Jen jumped about a foot in the air
Sirius chuckled
"Don't laugh at me!" Jen said indignantly
"Why not?"
"It makes me feel-" Then Jen noticed the chocolate covered toast in his hand
"CHOCOLATE!!" She shouted, pointing.
"It makes you feel chocolate?"
"No, you're eating chocolate!"
"So?"
"So chocolate makes you hallucinate!"
"What makes you think chocolate makes you hallucinate?"
"Because I don't want to breathe Helium" (why couldn't she say something that made sense?)
"What?!" asked Sirius
"I said, 'Because I don't want to-"
"Oh, I heard you assured Sirius but why don't you want to breathe Helium? It's just so cool!"
"It is not, it makes your voice go all high pitched"
"I'm not sure if it does that all the time, just with some people"
"Well, it's still not cool"
"Is so!"
"Is not."
"Is so!"
"Is not."
Lily was running down one of the many corridors that led to the Gryffindor common room when she ran into Eliza.
"Where were you?" She asked indignantly
"Well, I came down to breakfast and realized that I was still in my pajamas, so I had to run back and change, only pulling my shirt over my head messed up my hair, so I had to fix it and… Oh Lily, I'm so exited: I'm in love!"
Lily gave a high-pitched scream of excitement "Oh my gosh, so am I!"
"Oh my gosh, that is so cool!"
"I know!"
"So…"
"What?"
"Have you asked him out?"
"I was going to, but I got nervous"
"Well, that's okay, I did too"
Lily giggled nervously "Well… how about I'll ask the guy I like if you ask the one you like?"
"Deal" said Eliza "But you have to pinky promise not to chicken out"
"Okay" agreed Lily, before racing her friend down the corridor.
"Immature" Remus grumbled under his breath "Can't leave him alone for five minutes"
Remus heard loud voices and ran towards the noise.
He emerged onto a large landing on which Jen and Sirius seemed to be having a shouting match.
"IS NOT!" screamed Jen
"IS TOO!" answered an equally loud Sirius
"Excuse me," asked Remus "but what exactly are you guys shouting about?
There was a long pause
"I can't remember…" Sirius answered after about a minute of awkward silence.
"Me neither" added Jen "My voice is really hoarse though"
"Mine too" Sirius started to laugh, and a moment or two later Jen started to laugh too, then Remus, until they were all doubled over, laughing so hard they found it hard to draw breath.
Eliza and Lily burst onto the landing. Lily hung back, but Eliza strode right up to the still laughing Sirius
"Sirius" she said a bit breathlessly "I have something to ask you"
"No, I have something to ask you" corrected Lily as she came up behind Jen.
The two girls looked at each other in confusion for a moment. Then it clicked.
"WHAT?!" Demanded Eliza