"WHAT?!" Demanded Eliza
"What do you mean "what"?" asked and indignant Lily "I should be asking you WHAT!"
"But Lily," Eliza whined "You never liked him in the first place!"
"Yeah, well…" Lily thought for a moment "Hey, you never liked him either!"
As the girls squabbled, Sirius tried to figure out what was happening. Tried. As far as he could remember, Eliza and James had always gotten on fairly well.
"Hey, what's going on?" he asked rather stupidly
Remus groaned and put his head in his hands.
There was a thumping sound. Lily had remembered she was carrying a wand and had frozen Eliza solid.
With Eliza out of the way, Lily was free to talk to Sirius
"Sirius," she began, but was interrupted
"I've got it!" Shouted Jen
"Got what?" Asked Sirius
"CHOCOLATE SPREAD!"
"What?" asked Eliza and Sirius in unison
"That's why we think Eliza and Lily are fighting over you! The chocolate spread is making us Hallucinate!"
"How do you know that?"
"Well, did you have chocolate spread for breakfast?"
"Um…"
"He did" assured Remus
"And is this the kind of thing that Lily and Eliza would normally ever do?"
"No"
"Well, put two and two together than!"
Sirius thought about it for a moment
"Eureka!" He shouted "It's the CHOCOLATE SPREAD!"
"Crazy, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is!"
"Oh for goodness sake!" Exclaimed Remus "You are not hallucinating!"
"We're not?" asked Sirius
"We're not?" asked Jen
"You're no" Stated Remus
"What are you talking about?" asked Lily
"How do you know we're not hallucinating?" Asked Sirius, ignoring Lily
"Because I'm seeing the same thing you are, and I haven't eaten any chocolate spread. Besides, have you hallucinated before when you've eaten chocolate spread?"
"Maybe Remus is a hallucination too…" Sirius trailed off
"For a hallucination he makes a convincing argument" Jen pointed off
"You know, I don't think that I've hallucinated after eating chocolate spread before…"
"Which means this is all real"
"Which means…" Sirius looked over at Lily. She seemed very annoyed at being ignored.
"Bugger"
"Check mate" said James
"That's not a check mate!"
"Is so!"
"No, that's not my king!" Peter exclaimed, pointing to a piece of scrambled egg
"Yes it is!" Last turn you said I couldn't check it because your bacon was in the way"
"My bacon is still in the way"
"No it's not; I got it with my toast last turn!" James brandished a small piece of bacon in front of Peter's nose"
"I meant the other bacon. That's my night, not my queen!"
"No it's not; I wouldn't have captured it then. It put my pastry in jeopardy!"
"I swear that's my night you're waving at me! See? The queen has that burnt bit on the left side."
James looked
"Oh f-"
Peter glared at James
"… iddlesticks…"
"This is boring" Peter sighed
Silently James agreed, but he would never admit it because it had been his idea. Stupid ideas James told himself What kind of person thinks of playing chess with breakfast food on a table cloth checkered five different colors?
The two marauders sat in silence for a very long time.
"Well, let's go see what Remus and Sirius are up to" James suggested after ten or so seconds.
"Okay" Peter said quickly, having had enough of silence to last him several weeks
They both leaped out of their seats and raced out of the great hall.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
"Sirius Black, get back here!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
James hurtled down corridors, coming to a halt when he saw his friends. Then he saw Lily chasing Sirius in a circle around Jen and Remus.
James felt his stomach knot up nervously: Lily looked so beautiful.
He started towards her, but stubbed his toe on the still frozen Eliza and hopped around in pain instead.
"Seriously, Sirius. I need to ask you something!"
"Never!" Sirius grabbed Jen's shoulders and held her in front of him like a shield.
"Back, you scurvy fiend!" He shouted "return to the black abyss from hence you came!"
Lily cocked her head to one side "I'm not going to hurt you Sirius"
"You're not?" Asked a surprised Sirius. Usually saying something like that to Lily would earn him a jinx at the very least
"Of course not!" Lily laughed, and Sirius noticed for the first time what a pretty laugh she had "Hurting you is the last thing I would do"
Sirius suspected a trap
"I suspect a trap" he said
Lily laughed again "It's not a trap" She took a deep breath "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to go out with me"
Sirius stared at her blankly
"She means on a date" Jen said, "Could you put me down now?"
Images flashed through Sirius's mind:
Lily recovering from the spell and killing him. James killing him. Lily's friends killing him. Loosing the bet… And if he said yes the one person he really liked would think he liked someone else.
"AAAAA!!!" Sirius screamed, dropping Jen and then hiding behind her and Remus "Save me!" He pleaded
"How?" Jen asked
"I don't know! Get rid of her somehow before she kills me"
Meanwhile James had recovered from his toe-stubbing incident and was starting to work out what had happened.
He couldn't remember having been this angry with Sirius before.
"Curse you, Sirius" he muttered under his breath
"Curse you, curse you, curse you"
Remus finished whispering to Jen and Sirius just as Lily said in the sweetest tone possible:
"Sirius, will you please answer my question?"
"In a minute. Jen here was about to ask me a question, weren't you Jen?"
"Oh, um… yes" said Jen blushing furiously "I was…wonderingifyouwouldgooutwithme"
"Sorry, didn't catch that" said Sirius who seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. That is until Remus started elbowing him and ruining all the fun.
"I said" said Jen "Will you go out with me?"
"What?!" asked Lily, outraged. She would have said more, but refrained so that she could hear Sirius's answer.
"Oh, I don't know" said Sirius as he examined his fingernails "I'll have to check my schedule, but – Ouch! Don't elbow me Moony! Okay, yes. I'll go out with you"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" Screamed Lily "Jen I am going to kill you!"
Jen ran off down the corridor, Lily in hot pursuit.
"Whew!" said Sirius, wiping imaginary sweat from his brow once the two girls had disappeared down the corridor "That was close!"
Then he noticed James
"Uh, James! Great to see you" he stammered "Now look, you can't really blame me for that, I mean, it's not as if it was my fault that they…" Sirius trailed off after seeing the expression on James's face
"Sirius. You. Are. So. Dead."
"AAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Sirius sprinted down the corridor, James right behind him
"Guys!" Remus called after them as he started to follow "Padfoot, Prongs! This wasn't part of the plan! Come back here!"
All Eliza saw was ice.
Then suddenly she was in the corridor where she and Lily had fought, and there was a red headed boy with glasses standing in front of her. She supposed he was the one who had defrosted her.
I suppose I should thank him
"Thank you" she told him
The boy ignored her thanks "Why were you frozen?" He asked
"None of your business"
"It is so; I just defrosted you, didn't I?"
"Well… Maybe… What's your name?"
"Arthur"
"I make a point never to trust people with the name of Arthur. They may be toxic"
"What?!"
"Oh, I don't know. Can you just leave? I need to go maim my friend."
"Why?"
"Because she froze me solid!"
"Oh…"
Eliza noticed that there was a disgusting smell that seemed to be emanating from him. She looked him up and down. He was carrying a bag of dung bombs.
Dung bombs! She thought Dung bombs + anger + grudge REVENGE!!!!! Wow, think of the possibilities…
"Hey kid, give me your dung bombs"
"Fifteen and a half"
"What?" Asked Eliza
"I'm Fifteen and a half. I'm not a little kid"
"Whatever. Just give me your dung bombs"
"Why"
Eliza was getting annoyed
"Why?" The boy (Arthur, was it?) asked again
"…because… I'm studying to become a doctor and I need them"
"For what?"
"Doctor… studying?"
"That's dumb"
"No it's not, now give them to me"
"No"
Eliza lost her temper
Five seconds later
"Sorry!" Exclaimed Arthur "Here are the dung bombs, sorry to have caused you any trouble. Bye!"
The kid dropped the dung bombs and ran
Now thought Eliza what havoc can I wreak with these?