Lily was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling with a faint grin on her face. She had just left James downstairs with Harry. She couldn't explain it but somehow she felt better, more at peace, because she knew James was downstairs.
Except he wasn't.
She sat right up when she heard her bedroom door squeak open.
"Don't panic, it's only me," whispered James. Even though she wasn't scared anymore, Lily's heart started to race.
"James…what are you…"
"Shhhh…it's okay," said James, sitting down next to her on the edge of the bed. Then they fell into a silence.
"James?" Lily eventually said.
"Yes."
"Do you hate me? For everything I did to you… not just us…I mean do you hate me for not telling you about Harry, and then for me bringing him here? I mean both of those are unforgivable…"
"Not for me. I could forgive you for anything," said James. It was pitch black but they both knew they were looking each other straight in the eye.
"Why?" said Lily so quietly James could barely hear her.
"Because you're…you and I'm me," said James simply.
"James…"
"Shhhh. Tonight we play my way, but with your rules."
"I don't understand…"
"I want to stay here tonight…"
"James…" sighed Lily. They couldn't sleep together again, she couldn't do it again. She couldn't go back.
"I don't want sex Lily. I just want to sleep next to you, and then tomorrow we will play it your way and forget it ever happened," said James seriously.
"Okay," said Lily. She knew she shouldn't, she shouldn't be so close to James, but she also knew she couldn't help it. She couldn't refuse him anything, not after everything she had done to him.
"Okay," James repeated. Without another word, he conjured Harry's travel cot and placed him inside. Lily hadn't even noticed that James had Harry with him.
James undressed down to his boxers and a t shirt. Then he climbed into bed with Lily. He lay down next to her. He didn't reach out and pull her into his arms like he ached to do. He just lay there, enjoying being near his wife and son.
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Lily woke up the next morning and she immediately knew that James was lying next to her. She couldn't explain it, but she could just sense that he was there and he was still asleep. She had her back to him, so she turned round and there he was. He was asleep, facing her. He was gently snoring, his mouth was open just a little, and Lily couldn't have been happier to see him. She scooted closer to him, he was sound asleep he wouldn't know. She slid her head into the little nook in his neck, the way she used to. She could feel his body next to hers. Part of her wished he would wake up and wrap his arms around her the way he used to. But another part of her wished he wouldn't, because that would only complicate things and cause more heartbreak.
"Why does it always have to hurt so damn much when you're close?" she whispered.
"It doesn't have to," James whispered back.
"Wha…!" gasped Lily. James had just given her such a fright, that she jumped away.
"Lily…" he started.
Just then Harry started to stir in his cot.
"Sorry…I just…I thought you were asleep," she said.
"I was…" said James but then Harry started screaming, so he picked him up and shushed him. By the time he looked up again Lily was gone.
He picked up Harry and he walked down into the kitchen to find Lily standing waiting for the kettle to boil.
"Oh, there you are," said James.
"Yeah, I thought Harry would be wanting his bottle," said Lily.
"It certainly sounds like he does," said James. Harry was still screaming.
"Two minutes Harry," said Lily, deciding to magically heat the bottle instead. "Here," she said, handing James the bottle.
"Lily…" started James meaningfully, as he fed Harry.
"I thought you said we wouldn't talk about it," sighed Lily.
"I did say that. But I didn't say I wouldn't talk about what you said," said James, staring intently at her.
"I thought you were asleep."
"I was asleep until you woke me up," said James, searching her eyes for a sign to tell him what she was feeling.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to."
"Don't apologise."
"James, can't we just forget…" started Lily before James interrupted her.
"No we can't, not this time, not anymore. I don't want to forget anymore. I love you and I am going to do everything I can to win you back. So we are not going to forget about things like this, things that make me believe that you still love me as much as I still love you."
"I…uh…" Lily stuttered.
"That's okay Lily." He said seriously, looking into her eyes. "I don't expect you to fall into my arms right away. I know you better than that, I'm going to have to work really hard to get you to open up to me again. But I did it once and I'll do it again."