Chapter Thirteen

The waiting was by far and away the worst part. They could handle the unknown, they could handle running through alien landscapes being chased by the Wraith; they could even handle sitting on the edge of the abyss looking down at their own destruction at the hands of a Wraith armada, but this - this was worse, because this was incredibly personal and the pain of their potential loss cut deeper than anything else.

The atmosphere in the small cramped room had descended into a state of uncomfortable silence as each member of the team dealt with their anxiety in their own way. Teyla sat next to Ronon with her eyes closed in a state of calm meditation, her hands placed in her lap and her face relaxed as she waited for an update on her friend's condition.

Ronon had shrugged off the long coat that he had worn during the mission, and it now lay in a crumpled heap beside the chair that he occupied. He had stretched his long legs out in front of him and he now sat with his eyes also closed and his head resting against the grey wall behind him, keeping his thoughts to himself.

Rodney couldn't sit still; his anxiety was displayed on his sleeve for all to see, his eyes constantly flicking to the doorway, willing the doors to the surgical unit to open, willing the news to be good, not wanting – and certainly not prepared, for anything else.

Elizabeth had positioned herself at the desk itself, her fingers intertwined on the desk top, her soft hair tumbling over her lowered eyes, hiding the concern that resided there. She had been here before, as had they all, but this time was different, this time they didn't have a magic cure – a retrovirus – to alleviate John's suffering. This time his survival was dependant solely on the skill of the team that were operating on his injured body. This time, the only factor that would influence his living or dying was his inner strength and the skill of his surgeons and that was the hardest part to come to terms with, having no control. She lifted her head and looked around the room at her premier team and her face softened; they looked so lost. Rodney had the look of a small child waiting for the return of an angry parent, his face creased in concern. Teyla sat, seemingly lost in her own thoughts; but Elizabeth knew that she would be feeling the pain of the situation – she just coped in her own way. Elizabeth glanced across at Ronon. He was so difficult to read, his eyes characteristically lowered. He had settled so well into the team and Elizabeth knew that he would be finding it hard to sit still knowing that Sheppard was only the other side of the double swing doors that led through to the surgical suite; they had developed a strong friendship during the months that they had known each other; their regular sparring sessions had become friendly battles and their regular morning runs completed in companionable silence.

As Elizabeth sat back in the chair, pulling out the knotted muscles that had gathered in her shoulders, the door that led through to the operating and ICU rooms opened and Dr Keller reappeared.

The sudden sound brought each member of the team to their feet, alert at once. All eyes turned towards her as she walked across the infirmary towards the office, each of them studying her face for an indication of the news to come. As she entered the office and sat down on the edge of the desk, she paused to look at each of the team in turn before speaking.

"Okay, the good news is that he came through the surgery pretty well…"

"Oh, thank god.." Rodney sat back down in the chair that he had been occupying for the last few hours, but then looked back up at Keller, "Oh, I know, there's a 'but' coming now isn't there…I knew it!"

"There is I'm afraid Dr McKay," she looked around the room and pulled in a deep breath before continuing, "The surgeons have done a really remarkable job; they've managed to repair the torn lung tissue that the bullet nicked on its way through and the wounds themselves have been closed nicely,"

"That's good, isn't it?" Rodney looked up at Keller's face and the frown that had appeared.

"Yes, it is… but unfortunately they also had to graft a section of skin into the wound site on the Colonel's back because the skin there had been pretty badly torn up by the bullet's exit," she pushed a hand through her hair, "…so yes, all in all the actual surgery went very well, but - and it's a big but, … the infection that's now present is causing us more than a little concern. The Colonel's body had already been weakened by the trauma of the wounds themselves, as well as the lack of oxygen caused by his collapsed lung, …so I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit worried at the moment." She rubbed her hands over her face as she continued, " The antibiotics that we're pumping into him do seem to be keeping a check on the infection, but unfortunately it's a pretty nasty one and he's just not coping with it very well.."

"How 'not very well' are we talking about.." Rodney badly needed to hear something positive, but was acutely aware that that wasn't probably going to happen.

"If I'm being honest, at this moment in time, things really could go either way for him. His body is desperately weak, and even though we're giving him all the help that we can in the form of venting him to relieve the stress on his lungs and pumping antibiotics into him as fast as we can, he is struggling….."

Keller stood up and placed her hands behind her on the desk top, "there isn't anything more we can actually do to help alleviate what he's going through at the moment apart from deal with the symptoms as they occur. We've ruled out any sepsis at the moment, which is good, but my real concern is that he'll develop a form of bacterial pneumonia and with his lungs in the state they are at the moment, that wouldn't be good."

The silence that descended over the room was palpable. As each member of the group absorbed the latest round of news, Keller could do nothing but watch their pain, knowing that there was really nothing that she could say at the moment to help.

"Look, they're getting him settled in the ICU at the moment, so give me a few minutes to check that they're happy with things in there and maybe we can let you see him for a minute or two ..OK?"

"That would be very kind Dr Keller, thank you." Teyla had risen from her chair and smiled warmly at Keller's suggestion, "I am sure that we would all like to reassure ourselves that he is still with us.."

"Okay then. Give me a few minutes as I said and I'll come get you when we're ready.." she pushed her fingers through her hair once more as she paused by the door, "I have to warn you though, he doesn't look too good at the moment.."

"Well, he couldn't look much worse than he did when we dragged him back from that planet now, could he…"

Rodney was angry. He was angry at himself for feeling as he did, but more than that, he was angry at Sheppard for putting them through this again. He knew it wasn't the pilot's fault, but he just found it intolerably difficult to cope with this 'life and death' stuff, especially when the victim was a good friend.

Rodney's life had always been severely lacking in the friendship department until he had been stationed here; he had always struggled to control his ego and his snarky, sarcastic tone had seen off most contenders in the friendship stakes before they had even got to know him at all…but that was until he had met Sheppard, and had found the perfect foil for his dry wit.

The man infuriated him immensely, but he had over time developed not just an admiration for the laid back soldier, but a genuine regard for his easy manner and unguarded humour and Rodney's time in the city had become a lot less difficult since then. Now as he stood waiting with his colleagues, he dreaded what he was going to be confronted with on the other side of the double doors.

Keller returned to the group after a few minutes and silently beckoned them to follow her through the doors and into the ICU unit that lay beyond.

There was a pause before Ronon pushed himself up onto his feet and proceeded towards the doors, followed by Teyla, Elizabeth and finally Rodney. The Satedan pushed through the swing doors, following Dr Keller as she preceded him into the ICU room.

The first thing that struck Ronon as he entered the room was the unfamiliar sounds. The room was empty apart from the three beds that stood near to each other against the far wall and only one of those was occupied at the moment, so the sounds echoed slightly within the space and seemed far too loud.As he proceeded further into the room, the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor reassured him that Sheppard was indeed alive, but the hiss of the ventilator as it pushed life giving oxygen into the body of his friend seemed wrong, intrusive almost. As the group moved towards the motionless figure on the bed, their steps slowed – the approach seeming almost out of place in the sterile environment.

"Okay, as I said he's on the vent to help with his breathing at the moment – but also to take away any further stress from his body." Keller pointed to the various IV's that snaked from their supporting posts to finish at various points on the exposed skin of Sheppard's arms, "We've got him on a cocktail of antibiotics at the moment, we're just hoping that we can stop the infection that is present before it gets any worse. The rest of those are just fluids and pain meds…."

"And that…" Rodney pointed to the tube that snaked from the side of Sheppard's chest down the side of the bed to end in a clear tub half filled with a blue fluid. The tube held a bloody coloured clear liquid that disappeared down into the apparatus on the floor.

"That's the chest drain. When he came in, the space in his chest that's normally filled with lung tissue was full of blood and air, it was in essence stopping his lung from reinflating, sort of squashing it flat. By releasing the pressure in there, his now repaired lung has inflated properly and he's able to breath on both sides; the tube is there to ensure that the space stays clear of blood and any other fluids, does that make sense?" Keller wasn't sure how much she should tell them or how much detail they needed to know, but they were here because they cared and she felt that they deserved her honesty. "I'll leave you for a few minutes, but if you need me, I'll be just next door." She turned away from the group and headed back through the doors and into the main room of the infirmary.

Elizabeth was the first to approach the side of the bed, her hands shaking as she stopped beside the broken body that lay there. As she reached out her hand towards Sheppard's arm, she hesitated and withdrew her fingers, suddenly afraid to touch Sheppard's skin. He looked so incredibly fragile.

His face was flushed and even his normally unruly hair looked limp and sweat drenched against the glistening skin. His eyelids were closed, but she could see that his eyes shifted occasionally under the dark rimmed lids, as if his unnatural sleep was disturbed by vivid dreams.

She hated the vent. The machine was an incredible intrusion, all be it a necessary one – but she understood the important role that it now played in keeping Sheppard alive as she watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. His chest was exposed and the stark white dressings that covered the wound on his ribcage contrasted sharply with the flushed skin underneath, the bandages swathing around his body to meet underneath where the second wound was hidden. A thin sheet covered the lower half of his body, but she noticed more tubes that snaked away underneath the covering, disappearing below the level of the bed, their purpose obvious.

The steady rise and fall of his chest reassured her that Sheppard was still with them and that he was fighting, but Dr Keller's words prayed heavily on her mind as she stood with her hand resting gently against the warmth of his skin. Teyla drew closer to the bedside and stood with Elizabeth, her eyes closing slightly as she offered a silent prayer to the ancestors for Sheppard's recovery. Rodney also moved forward slightly, his eyes fixed on the monitors, their steady beeping a constant reassurance that his friend was alive. As they stood deep in their own thoughts, the door opened once more and one of the ICU nurses appeared and approached the bed.

"I'm sorry, but I need to note his stats, if you don't mind..?"

"Of course, we'll leave you to it." Elizabeth motioned that they should leave the room, and the grateful nurse turned her attention back to noting down the necessary information that she needed from the various monitors around Sheppard's bed.

"We'll be back later Sheppard." Ronon's words caught Elizabeth off guard and she drew in a deep breath as she felt the situation start to overwhelm her. Teyla glanced across at Elizabeth's face as they left the room and she placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "He is strong Elizabeth, he will come through this, I am sure."

"I wish I had your confidence in that Teyla, he just looked so…fragile, so 'not' John Sheppard.."

"I know Elizabeth, but he is still here with us, and if I know him at all, he will fight, tooth and nail."

"I hope you're right Teyla, we need him – the city needs him. I can't imagine this place without him."

"Then we should not, we must 'stay positive', as John likes to say.." Teyla smiled at Elizabeth's grimace.

"You're right of course, but did you have to bring that up!" Elizabeth smiled back at Teyla, grateful that the mood had been lifted slightly, "I suppose I need to go get some work done, are you staying here?"

"Yes, I believe that I will stay for a while longer." Teyla looked enquiringly towards Rodney and Ronon.

"I'm not ready to leave yet," Ronon had already positioned himself back into the chair that he had vacated earlier, his long frame sprawled in the small chair in preparation for the long wait ahead.

"Well, I'll go get a coffee and then I'll probably stay too …anyone else want ..um ..anything?" Rodney indicated towards the direction of the mess hall, ignoring the looks of surprise that greeted his offer, "No, okay then, I'll be back in a few minutes, if you ..um, need me for, you know.. anything, you'll know where I am."

"Yes Rodney, I'm sure we will be fine." Teyla gave Ronon a long suffering look as Rodney headed towards the door,

"Right then, I'll go…." The blaring of alarms stopped Rodney in his tracks and his face dropped in horror as Keller ran past the doorway and threw herself through the double doors to the ICU.

"Oh no,no,no……."