Story Seven: Hurting to Die
Featuring: Sesshomaru
Song: Johnny Cash: Hurt

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away…

Sesshomaru laid down the metallic object, now lightly coated in blood, his face twisted in a cynical expression, trying to decipher why he had turned down this road, what had made him this way, terrible memories, voices echoing in his mind. If only he could die, maybe he would escape the pain. Her scream of pain tore his heart and now he was dead inside.

...but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

All of his work seemed to hold no meaning, the money was worthless, what good did it do if you had no reason to spend? He looked at the wall where photographs of his family were neatly arranged, one stood out in particular. His mother, holding him in her arms as a baby, she looked so serene and he could see that he had smiled in the picture. How he needed her support but, she had gone too…

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

"I'm sorry Mother," He sighed and focused his energy to close the wounds. He felt so ashamed, he knew it would have pained her to see him this way.

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair…

He had become so caught up in the whirlwind of work and the fast life, so much so, he had become an image rather than a person. Caught in that dangerous place of self-abuse to deal with stress, his thoughts had barely kept their semblance to sanity. He stood and locked the door to his bedroom. Sometimes, he felt so alone. Sesshomaru slumped and flopped onto his bed to face the ceiling.

…beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

To save myself I have created a heart of ice. To save himself form that dangerous and destructive spiraling path downwards. He gave up his heart, his emotions was it better to be an ice lord than to be a nervous wreck? He supposed it was; now he couldn't fall in love again, that hurt, but at least he wouldn't feel that throbbing pain of loss anymore. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together.

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

He would give up his wealth and fame in an instant if only he could be returned to the past, where he had been whole. "I am but a shadow of the whole that once was." He whispered into the still air, the sunlight that leaked through the open curtains showed the dust playing and swirling on tiny currents. No breeze touched the room, it was a still and cold as his life had become. Once, there had been color…

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

He smiled at the memories of his Mother, of Rin. They had been so dear to him and within one month, they were both taken away by some god. Ripped from his life, in a car accident and, his fiancée by leukemia, such punishment but for what?

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

He heard footsteps; someone lay down on the bed beside him and wrapped her arms around him, holding him. He turned to face green eyes and a warm smile. His long forgotten demon-blood awoke, regaining him his acute senses, a voice spoke but the girls cherry lips hadn't moved. "I am here, to save you, I was sent by those who care, I am your angel."