500 Miles Hellfire 2
By Princess Alexandria
Raven stood a bit stiffly in the doorway, watching as Rogue and a tall man that had to be Remy standing and chatting quietly with a pair of blondes, a male and a female. Emma was looking at her and nodded as Raven walked up to her and Storm. Storm had lost the Mohawk. Raven smiled at the weather goddess when she was noticed. "Ma'am," Raven nodded just a little to Storm and the black man standing with her. There was another man moving to join the blondes. They had six Xmen in the house, and two more would be on the way. Raven returned her eyes to Emma. "Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes." It was already ready, but some of the guests were still working on taking their coats off. It wouldn't do to rush this.
Emma's eyes twinkled with mischief and Raven tensed up a little. "Well Gertrude." Gertrude? Raven grimaced at the name Emma gave her. "We could use some drinks. Why don't you open those two bottles of white wine I was chilling?"
As she stepped out of the room to get the wine Raven enhanced her hearing again. What had just been murmuring to her became words. "Who is she?"
"That's just Gertrude." Emma responded in an off hand way. "She's the help dear. I know how to pick good help, you don't need to be so tense about a caterer in the house. She won't burn the food."
"Fine, so what did you want to tell us about Raven?" Storm was being persistent. It reminded Raven of the time Storm tried to intimidate Christy for Raven's sake. That had touched her that Storm even thought of doing that for her.
"After dinner Gertrude will be leaving. That would be the best time to deal with other issues." Emma's words enforced a deadline for Raven to reveal herself. She grimaced and pulled the wine out of the fridge.
A search for a corkscrew came up with nothing. After the fourth drawer Raven just grabbed one bottle and transformed her finger to a sharp corkscrew. She used her other hand to twist the bottle enough to catch and she pulled the cork out.
"Handy." A voice startled her and Raven turned to see Gambit watching her. He smiled a charming smile and Raven felt like prey. He may not mean anything by it, but he was too intense. Her eyes darted around for Rogue. "So Cheri, do you need any help with the wine?"
"No, I've got it."
He glanced at the cork stuck to her fingertip. "Nice trick."
"You can see how I was destined to become a caterer." She gave him a small smile as she set the bottle down and removed the cork from her fingertip. She opened the second bottle as Rogue came in.
"There you are." Rogue smiled at Remy and then glanced over at Raven. "I don't believe I've met you." Rogue was so different from what she used to be. She wasn't so withdrawn and depressed. It looked like she'd blossomed in the years Raven was away. It made Raven smile a little.
She did her best to not wince as she introduced herself. "I'm Gertrude." And Emma needed to pay for that bit of irritation. She'd done that to Raven on purpose. What would be better, Gertie, Trudy… Trudy, "But you can call me Trudy." A little damage control on that name would make it less irritating. Raven poured two glasses of wine for the couple in her kitchen. With a nod she left and worked the room, getting wine into hands.
Storm was standing and talking with the blonde two that Raven still hadn't gotten names for. "Davis, you'll find that we attend a good deal of parties and dinners as well as fight." Storm was smiling when Raven walked up with her. Emma was standing nearby talking with Bishop. "Oh thank you." Storm smiled at Raven when Raven gave her a glass. It was strange to be right here in front of the people looking for her and they couldn't tell.
"You're welcome." Raven gave Storm a tense smile and started to want to shed her current form.
"So, have you worked for Emma long?" Storm was starting up a conversation, and if Raven didn't know about the tension between Storm and Emma she wouldn't see it now. Storm was hiding it.
"Not really." Raven glanced over at the blonde in question.
"Does she have many guests over?" Storm asked and it sounded casual, but Raven could see what Storm was really wanting. She wanted to know if the runaway Xman came to visit Emma. Raven gave Storm a small smile and decided to pay Emma back for the name.
"Every other night she drags someone home, but parties, no. Those are rare."
"I see." Storm clearly did. Raven turned to leave and caught Emma's eyes. She let an evil smile cross her lips for just a moment and watched Emma's eyebrows draw together in concern. A moment later Emma's eyes narrowed as Emma must have used telepathy, most likely on Davis or his sister to find out what was said. Raven's grin grew as she moved to see if the other man in the room needed anything to drink.
"Gertrude." Emma called out to her, drawing that horrible name out. "I believe we can start dinner soon. Sage and Logan are likely to be a tad later." Raven just nodded, but it wasn't eating Storm wanted to do, she wanted to interrogate Emma. Raven started to walk toward the kitchen. "Oh and Gertrude." Raven turned her eyes to Emma and noticed the slight smirk. "Please refrain from stealing any more of my silverware."
Raven narrowed her eyes at Emma and considered a few comebacks, but forced herself to not respond. The xmen didn't know it was her, so Trudy's reputation didn't matter. Emma was playing herself though. Raven just smiled and finished her trek to the kitchen.
Raven spent most of dinner in the kitchen, but that worked just fine for her. When she was in the dining room serving people talked about politics, art, movies, small talk, but when they thought she was out of hearing range, they talked about missions, other Xmen, the current situation for mutants and other important things. Emma clearly didn't correct anyone's assumptions that Raven wasn't trustworthy, or Gertrude as the situation was.
When Raven came out with the dessert Emma's eyes caught her, stared into her. "You could go home if you want Gertrude. We'll be fine." Raven swallowed hard and glanced around the room at Storm and the others. Stalling was almost over.
Her head bowed a little. "Thank you." She spoke softly as she moved to leave the room. Her heart was beating a little faster as she walked past the kitchen and toward the entry way. The door opened and then she closed it. As soon as it closed Raven returned to her own form, covering her glow and stood there waiting. Should she just walk back out there? Should she wait?
"So, what do you know about Raven." Storm's voice was loud enough that Raven didn't need to enhance her hearing. She did after she heard it though.
"A few things, did you want to be more specific or shall I talk about the color of her eyes, or perhaps her tendency to draw wherever she goes?" Emma's voice was cool, confident, almost condescending.
"No games Emma." Storm was the only one talking the other Xmen were silent.
"She alright Emma?" Rogue asked and Raven was a little surprised at the concern in her voice. It was Christy that spent time with Rogue, Raven had never bothered when Rogue started on the team, not really.
"She's," Emma paused, "cautious. It isn't paranoia if they really are out to get you, is it dear?" Raven took a step closer to the wall and focused more on her hearing. "She is a woman of many secrets. I ran into her again in Genosha, and you've heard what happened to us there."
"Scott said you two were found together." Storm interrupted and it felt like she was going to push. Rocking just a little in place Raven debated with herself about taking a few steps forward so she'd be in view and the others would see her.
"Are you asking if we're having a torrid affair?" Emma's voice was teasing. "I will admit we were spending a good deal of time together." Raven's eyes widened at what Emma was insinuating.
"That's because you were stalking me." Raven said loud enough to be heard as she stepped into the living room, which was fully visible to the dining room. All eyes quickly turned to her and Raven stood still and nervously waited to see what would happen.
While most people's eyes showed some recognition, it was Storm and Rogue that stood up. "Raven?" Storm was in motion coming her way quickly and Raven braced herself for a punch. She'd let Storm take the shot if she wanted to. "Oh Sister, you're here." Storm's wrapped arms around Raven and held her tightly, squeezing her to the point if Raven really needed air it would have been an issue. Raven wrapped her arms around Storm and relaxed into the embrace. Tears filled her eyes at how easily Storm expressed her affection.
"Missed you." Raven whispered.
"Where were you, why did you go?" Storm pulled back and was now clearly studying Raven, taking in the changed hair, the clothes, Raven felt very exposed. Raven couldn't answer both of her questions, so she went with the first one.
"I've been all over." A hesitant smile crossed her face. "I worked on some of my other languages. I didn't get laughed at in Paris like you said I would."
"So that's Raven." Raven heard Neal speak quietly. "Looks smaller in person."
Raven glanced over at him. "I'm standing next to Storm, gimme a break, she's an amazon." Remy chuckled at that and Neal smiled at her.
"Hey Raven." Rogue looked a little cautious herself, and her eyes seemed to be looking for anything out of place on Raven. Christy made a friend in Rogue and never really knew it, Raven figured it out when the woman she'd never really gotten to know seemed concerned about her.
"Hey Rogue."
"If we'd known the mysterious missing Xman was going to come to this party we would have brought flowers Cheri." Remy was just naturally flirtatious, more so than Mystique or Christy ever were.
"Not an Xman." She replied automatically, but Storm's attention was grabbed even more firmly by that.
"Come, sit." Storm motioned for Raven to join them at the table. Raven's eyes caught Emma's as she started in that direction and she just nodded to the telepath in thanks, even though the worst of this was clearly soon to come.
The knock at the door had Emma standing up and moving to get it. Raven wouldn't have minded getting it for the telepath just to put off the interrogation again, but at least Storm wasn't mad at her. Or at least she wasn't yet, once she found out Raven wasn't telling her anything important she might be.
"So last I saw you, you were possessed." Storm spoke and the brother and sister on the team got a really baffled look on their face. "So what happened? Why did you leave? And why didn't you ever write or call?" Storm's joy at seeing her was shifting Raven noticed. She glanced around and noticed the sympathetic look Remy was giving her.
Raven sighed and glanced around the table at so many new faces. New puppets to that man, her bitter side added. "I wanted out and he wasn't going to let me go. I wanted to call, I wanted to write, but you had orders didn't you?" Raven turned back to stare into Storm's blue eyes. "If you heard anything, saw me, capturing me was supposed to be a priority wasn't it?" A slight twitch in Storm's eye told her that Raven had guessed right. "I couldn't trust you Stormy, and it hurt." Her voice almost cracked. "I did what I had to." Raven reached out a hand and took Storm's. "I'm hoping I can trust you now."
"You wanted to leave." Storm's jaw clenched. "And orders or not if I'd known, believed, I never would have chased you, but you were possessed when I saw you last."
Raven didn't know what it was that crept up her back and urged her to turn around, but she slowly turned to see Emma standing just in the living room. Logan stood near her. It was neither of them that held her attention, it was the woman with black hair and pale skin, it was the woman that Raven never thought she'd see here. A whimper crossed her lips and her arms started to shake. "Tessa?" Her whisper was so quiet and Raven just stared.
"She's not with the Hellfire club Raven," Storm was talking but Raven stood up, ignoring her and took a single step towards the living room.
"Tessa?"
"Hello Raven." Tessa's voice filled the air and Raven's tears started to trail down her cheeks. Her hand came to cover her mouth and she stared.
"You're out." Her voice was a plea, a pained plea for it to be true. "You're out?"
"I am not with the Hellfire club anymore Raven." Tessa took a step closer.
"He won't make you go back." Raven's voice was firmer, her fists clenched as she promised that.
"You knew." Rogue's voice was shocked and Raven actually heard it but she didn't take her eyes off of Tessa in case this Tessa vanished like the hallucination of her had that one terrible night.
"Yes, apparently she did." Emma's cool voice spoke and Raven turned just a little to see the telepath staring at her with an unreadable expression on her face.
"My cover is ruined. Sebastian wouldn't take me back even if the Professor decided he still needed a spy in that place." So he couldn't make her, Raven stared at the belt Tessa wore and her eyes flashed as her own cover started to fail her and the glow returned. X, she wore an X. "I'm Sage now."
"Xman," Raven turned her head away and stared at the wall. After everything the Professor put Tessa through, put Raven through, Tessa still went back to him.
"Yes, I joined the Xmen." Tessa's voice was so matter of fact, so calm. Raven was a wreck and she could barely breathe.
"Why?" Her voice rose. "Why the hell would you do that?" She glared at the woman in front of her, the woman she'd dreamed about, screamed out for, was willing to die for. "Why the hell would you do that?"
"Raven."
"No." Raven spoke loudly and felt the rush. "Shit." She whispered and closed her eyes tightly, her body tensed.
"What's wrong?" Storm was by her side, Raven felt Storm touch her, demanding an answer but Raven was using all she had to try and stop the portal.
"Don't try to make her talk." Emma commanded and Raven saw lights in front of her eyes, felt a tearing in her soul as the portal tried to break free. "Raven, you can do this. You've done it before."
"What's happening?" Someone asked.
"Emma?" Tessa's voice drew Raven's attention, but Raven did her best to ignore it and control her powers. Control, she had to have control. Only Emma knew what she was doing.
"You can do it." Emma's voice was soothing. Raven risked opening her eyes to see all the people were standing now, looking ready to fight and unsure where the battle would come from.
It started to calm and Raven's shoulders slumped as the effort worked. "god." She whispered very quietly.
"Okay," Emma stood tall, "dangers over folks." Emma addressed the crowd. "It doesn't look like Raven will kill us today." Emma announced it so nonchalantly and Raven just flinched at the idea.
"What was that?" Storm demanded of Emma, since Raven was still taking deep breaths and trying to calm the last of the swirling power inside of her. "What was happening to her?" Surprisingly Emma didn't answer. Storm's attention turned to Raven, but Raven was now just staring at Tessa again. "Raven?"
"I have trouble controlling my powers sometimes." Raven quietly admitted but she was still staring at Tessa, taking in the strange facial tattoos that extended from the outside corner of each eye and down along her cheek bones. It looked strange seeing something like that on her, not bad, it was artistically done, but still when did Tessa do that?
"The Professor was concerned about the possibility." Storm spoke and Raven's jaw clenched.
"I just bet he was." Her words came out an angry hiss and she glared at Tessa for following him. "Let me guess, I'm supposed to be taken into custody against my will, dragged to the mansion and locked up for my own good." She spoke accusingly toward Tessa. "Will you actually do that to me Tessa?"
"No." Tessa spoke quietly, standing so stiffly. "No, I wouldn't."
"Are you lying to me again?" Tessa had told her once that she'd never lie to her, that with all the lies they would be trained to tell they would always be honest with each other. Promises of youth and love, broken ones, because Tessa also told her she'd never come home and here she was. Tessa flinched just a little bit, but her expression remained guarded. So guarded, it was like Tessa was behind more stone than Emma was in her new form.
"No, I'm not." Tessa spoke as softly as Raven had to talk. There was nervous fidgeting from the other Xmen and Raven could feel Storm staring at them. Raven's eyes caught Emma's and she held Emma's eyes for a moment, before looking away in disgust. Emma had to know who Sage was, she had to. This was one fucked up game if Emma thought it was fun to just drop this on Raven. It was cruel.
"You said you'd never come home." Raven's voice was full of accusation and pain. "Never is a very long time but here you are. You joined him."
"Raven," Storm interrupted and her voice was slightly tense, her eyes penetrating. "What are you talking about? Did you know Tessa before?"
"We were locked in the basement so the real Xmen wouldn't see us." Raven's eyes glared at nothing but her memories. "His spies, his puppets and fools. Cannon fodder he fully intended to sacrifice." Raven's arms moved up to wrap around her body as she turned to look at Tessa again. "I waited years for you Tessa, I waited years. Years I had no clue where you were and you were right there. Unlike me, you could have called or did HE tell you not to, that I was better off in constant pain. You could have written, you could have fucking said goodbye." Raven went silent as she fought a more human urge to scream and yell and cry. She couldn't do those things anymore and suddenly that felt like a huge loss. These pains were even older than the ones that sent her running, this anger she'd learned to repress while playing at being an Xman.
"And that's why you came to the club?" Emma's voice filled the room with her question, her understanding. "You found her. We thought it was a mission, but it wasn't was it? You were after Tessa, your lover."
Raven just looked away, staring at the ground and didn't answer that. This was too much, too much. "I can't do this." She shook her head. "I can't." Raven turned to walk toward the kitchen away from everyone. The other rooms or the front door, she didn't know.
"Raven." Tessa moved toward her and Raven just held up her hands to stop Tessa getting too close. Raven didn't know if she could hold it together if Tessa got any closer.
"All those years in that hell, he put you through that, me through that, and the first thing you do when you're free is join that bastard. Oh god Tessa." Raven felt more exposed than she had when Selene marched her through the halls naked to be raped. Her eyes moved around the room to see embarrassed strangers and confused and concerned friends, and Emma looking as guarded as Tessa had been when she walked in. Raven gripped the back of someone's chair and held it tight, focusing on the pain of wood edges pressing on her skin, until the damned thing snapped. "I would have died for you. I was willing to…" Raven couldn't say it. She just shook her head. "We told him what they were doing there, what happened to you and he wasn't gonna do anything. He didn't care, so of course it's him you follow around. What the hell does he have on you? Because he used you to control me, so what's he using to control you?" Raven stormed out the room and opened the front door.
"Well that went well." Emma's sarcastic voice followed Raven as she slammed the door behind her.
"What the hell was that?" Storm's voice rose loud enough to be heard on the street
The road was lit and blurred through Raven's tears as she ran down the residential street. Just away, she didn't care where she was as long as it was away.
She focused on the motion, the way her legs pumped, her arms, putting distance between them. She tried to block out her thoughts, her memories of Tessa. Tessa kissing her for the first time, Tessa telling her that she loved her, then Tessa disappearing for years, followed by Tessa telling her she couldn't leave her mission, that she let that bastard Sebastian touch her, Tessa telling her that she'd never come home. The wind blew a little harder and Raven kept running, tears streaming down her face. Tessa telling her she was an Xman after all that, when Tessa knew what the Professor really was. It was different with Storm or Jean, they didn't know, but Tessa did. She knew and she was staying with him.
"Raven." A voice in the air called to her and Raven just ran faster. She crossed streets without looking, not caring if a car was coming or not. Faster, she hit the next block and kept moving. "Raven," Storm called down to her again. "Raven don't run from me again. I want to help you, I want to understand why you're hurting so much."
Raven hit another intersection and she heard Storm yell her name before the wind picked up and tossed her off of her feet, pulling her up into the air. A fast moving truck scraped against her foot as Raven rose up, moving fast. Raven stared down at the truck that would have hit her. The rush of wind made it hard to hear, but Storm was yelling over it. "Raven," Storm moved in front of her and Raven felt trapped, without anything she could control suspended in the air. "We need to talk." They rose higher and Storm came closer, wrapping arms around Raven and helping to hold her steady. Raven wasn't used to flying but that wasn't why she hugged Storm tightly back. Raven started to cry, her body shaking as she gripped Storm with both arms and buried her face into Storm's shoulder. "Oh Raven." The caress started on her hair and Storm moved the hold she had on Raven into a hug. "What has he done to you?" Storm asked so quietly it was clear she wasn't expecting Raven to answer. Storm spoke so softly into Raven's hair. "Shh, it's okay sweetheart." It only made Raven's sobs vocal and Raven struggled to stop, she didn't want to be crying, but she couldn't stop. She disgusted herself with it. She wanted to be stronger, hell it had been years since she'd seen Tessa, why would it still hurt like this?
"Storm, tell me you found her." A southern voice was coming closer. "Oh." Rogue spoke that a little awkwardly and Raven knew the woman was behind Storm somewhere. "I'll just give you two a little privacy."
"Thank you Rogue." Storm spoke. "Tell the others we might be a while." Raven was embarrassed at the glance Rogue gave her, hating being found like this. Once Rogue was gone Storm pulled back a bit, but still held Raven's arm. "Are you okay?" Storm was looking at Raven so carefully, seeming to study her, and Raven couldn't hold her gaze. Her eyes dropped, which as soon as she saw how high they really were she wished she hadn't looked down. "At least okay enough to talk?"
"Yeah." Raven dragged her eyes away from the lights below them and the tiny cars.
"First thing, can you stop glowing, is that something you control?" As soon as Storm said that, Raven noticed why it was so easy to see Storm in the dark. With a sigh she dimmed the glow. "Looks like you have a lot to talk about." Storm was studying her, "but we can talk about your new powers later."
"He'd want me back if he knew," Raven's face contorted into an expression of pain, "how powerful I am now. I can't go back to that monster, he's a monster Storm."
Storm took a deep breath, her voice a little harder. "And that's why you left us. That's why you could never call and why I worried about you, because you couldn't trust him. You said he was making you and Sage spies, but you never explained why you became an Xman."
"I wasn't good enough." Raven stared down at the distant lights again. "Storm, he," Her voice cracked. "Do you have any idea what the Hellfire club was like? Did Tessa ever tell you?"
"No, she's rather quiet about that." Storm spoke slowly. "When she was kidnapped and Sebastian refused to pay the Professor finally told us she was one of ours. He'd left one of our own out there for years. Are you telling me it was worse than I imagine."
"He knows exactly how bad it was and my Tessy was just eighteen when he sent her, it was her birthday and I had plans and she was gone when I came home." The tears started again. "MY Tessy, I loved her and he never told me what happened to her. He never told me that they were hurting her all the time." Her body shuddered with her pain, finally telling someone other than Christy about this. Storm pulled her closer and hugged her. "I waited for years. I really loved her. And he made sure I never told anyone. I couldn't leave because she might come home, but he didn't want the other Xmen to suspect I was hurting I had to pretend. Pretend that dating was fun, or that every time her birthday came around I wasn't dying inside. I had to pretend so much. He thought I was a lousy spy, but I was just fine, because I was half dead all the time and no one suspected."
"Oh goddess." Storm exhaled it in shock and pulled Raven to her tightly. "I didn't know you were hurting like this." Storm's words sounded teary. "I hate knowing you went through this alone."
"I found her Storm and I went to the club." Raven was finding it hard to speak, but she pressed on. "That place really is hell. When you found me he told me to never tell, that Tessa might get hurt if I ever told you that I was raped repeatedly and that Tessa… god, Tessa had been there for years as their sex slave. He knew, he knew." Her body shook violently. "I couldn't pretend anymore, I couldn't pretend I was fine like he wanted me to. I just couldn't. He said he wasn't getting her out of there. The same man that told me not to touch her until she was eighteen sat there and told me he was leaving her there and Christy said he knew, he knew all along. He probably knew before he sent her. How could I work for a man like that? How could Tessa?"
She screamed. "WHY?" And let the damned power do whatever it wanted, because she needed to scream. "WHY DID HE DO THAT TO US? WHY IS SHE STILL FOLLOWING HIM? WHY?" The crack wasn't thunder this time and Raven felt Storm jerk them back as a third eye formed in her mind, her link to the portal. Raven's voice was a whisper and pain. "I left him, I couldn't stay. I lost you all to try and be free, and she just signs right up. Why would she do this? She knows what he is, no one else did, but she did and she just went right back. I had to leave her there in that club." Raven beat on her chest twice. "I had to leave her there and I hated myself for it, because she wouldn't leave his damned mission. I thought about what they would do to her. I couldn't take it, it hurt so much." Everything she could never tell fell from her lips in pain and Storm just held her and let her talk. "Storm, Storm, it hurts so much."
"I've got you little one. I've got you." Storm's voice was definitely teary and she hugged Raven tightly. "Go ahead and cry if you need to." Raven didn't need the permission she was already doing it. Her portal sat twenty feet from them, giving Raven a view of Storm's pained expression and the way Storm curled her body around Raven to hold her tight.
"She's not working for him." Storm spoke gently and caressed Raven's back. "She's working for me. I didn't know how bad it had been for Sage in the club, but I did know he'd left one of our own out there alone. I left him, his control, his mansion and I took a team with me. She's not following him Raven, she's not." It took a little while for what Storm was saying to sink it, but Raven's body sagged like a rag doll when it finally did. Storm had to hold her tighter and Raven took a moment to close her portal before they drifted into it on accident. "Our current mission is about keeping something dangerous out of his hands, because he can't be trusted with it." Raven remembered Rogue coming to look for the Destiny Diaries and had to agree he shouldn't have that, but it was amazing to think that Storm's team was free.
"Why didn't she tell me?" Raven felt shame as she thought of what she'd said to Tessa about joining that man.
"She isn't one to yell over people and you didn't give anyone a chance to talk." Storm's voice was less tense. "Not that any of us would blame you. Seeing her had to be a shock. I didn't know you knew each other, nevermind that she was your lover."
"Was." Raven was finding it easier to talk, the painful squeezing in her chest that was her emotional pain was easing. "A long time ago."
"Raven, you've said a lot of things today." The leader is Storm was starting to leak out. "Things I wish you would have said years ago. I would have stood by you, you know that don't you?"
"You wouldn't have remembered." Raven shook her head in disgust, "Just like Bobby doesn't remember I told him I had a girlfriend named Tessa and Kitty doesn't remember that Christy told her we were raped. Just like Scott doesn't remember finding Tessa and I in the kitchen one night when we were kids and Hank doesn't remember finding me crying the day Tessa went away." Raven stared into Storms now glowing eyes as thunder rolled. "Storm, do you even remember that Christmas party that Christy went to after you saved us? Do you remember her yelling at the Professor and giving him the present Sebastian sent me of all the pictures of me being raped? Do you remember that?" The look of shock on Storm's face was enough answer. Raven took a deep breath. "I was the only one he couldn't erase memories from, and it looks like I was the only one he didn't do it to. Rogue might still remember, she took Christy away that day and no one ever said anything about it."
"That bastard." Lightening filled the sky as Storm's features grew angry. "He really did make sure you were alone when you really needed us and he manipulated all of us to do it."
………………..
They landed in a small field and Storm held her hand as they walked toward the street. It was almost as if Storm was afraid to let go. Raven stared at their joined hands and took a deep breath to keep herself from tearing up yet again. She'd done enough crying, Storm's top was damp from Raven's tears. Still, Storm clearly loved her and it was so nice to be loved and believed. Raven had been so scared that she wouldn't be believed, but Storm believed her right away; her word over the Professor's. It wasn't something that Raven had even considered an Xman would do.
They continued down the street towards Emma's house. There were a few Xmen outside chatting and Raven noticed Logan turn first to stare in their direction, his own senses more powerful than the others. He stood, clearly waiting for them to reach him. "You found her Storm."
"She was hard to catch." Storm spoke to Logan with her right there. "Raven runs rather fast, if I weren't in the air I couldn't have caught up." She gave Raven a small smile as she said that.
"Yes, I needed a car to catch her in Genosha." Another voice filled in and Raven's hand was suddenly free as Storm spun around. Raven's eyes widened in shock as Storm reached out and grabbed Emma by the throat with a growl.
"You." Storm pulled Emma closer and all other talking on the lawn stopped.
"Don't." Raven moved to rest a hand on Storm's shoulder. "No."
"The White Queen." Storm glared and Raven really was afraid Storm would hurt her. "Hellfire Queen."
"Don't!" Raven's voice rose to an almost scary level for her, the power was just under her skin. "Goddammit Storm, not her."
"Storm." Another voice joined them, Tessa. "Let Emma go. Raven is asking you to let her go and while Emma can be annoying at times I don't think it warrants murder." Storm shoved the blonde away as she released her and Raven watched as Emma caressed her own reddened neck.
"Well, this party is really entertaining. I don't care for the guests assaulting me." Her eyes were cold as they stared at Storm.
"Are you okay Emma?" Tessa asked, but she didn't bother looking at Emma, she was staring at Storm, before glancing at Raven. Raven looked down, feeling guilty for telling and upset that she felt that. "Raven."
"Tessa." Raven looked back up into Tessa's eyes and didn't know what to say.
"Well this is amazing. All those years apart, so of course you talk each other's ears off, but please drink something or your voices will tire." Emma's sarcasm was thick and unappreciated. Raven turned a glare her way.
"You knew."
"More than you were willing to tell me, but I didn't know everything. It's been an informative night." Emma stopped rubbing her neck. "I really thought you'd be happy to see her. Aren't you happy?" Emma waved an arm in Tessa's direction. "Well at least you didn't punch her hello like you did me dear."
Raven just shook her head as she walked toward the front door, ready to go inside away from curious eyes and Emma's neighbors who had to be staring out at the near brawl on the blonde's lawn. Would it be wrong to stop Storm from beating on Emma just so she could do it herself?
"Are you running from me now?" A soft spoken question had Raven's head whipping to the side to see Tessa walking along side her.
"No." Raven's voice was quiet but that might have been her first lie to Tessa as well. She wasn't sure, she felt such a strong urge to just leave and leave all this pain and confusion behind. "Tessa, why?" Raven felt the word erupt out of her, why, she didn't specify because there were so many questions.
Tessa's hand was cold as she reached out to take Raven's. "Let's get some privacy." Raven just stared at the hand in hers until she was forced to walk or let go. Tessa let go first to open the door. "Emma has a rather nice office in the back we can use to talk." Raven wasn't so far gone in her own thoughts to not notice Tessa had been to this house before.
"Are you still with her?"
"Do you honestly still care?" The response had Raven's hands curling into fists. They walked down the hall in silence as Raven debated about different answers.
"I never stopped caring. It would have been easier if I could have stopped." Raven's voice was cold as she spoke. Tessa opened the door and held it opened for Raven. She always did little things like that, Raven thought as she went in first.
"Why is a pretty big question Raven." Tessa spoke as she walked into the room, seeming so confident like the Tessa in the club, not the girl Raven had fallen for. Raven moved to sit in a chair with a sigh and didn't speak. She just stared at the floor, at her own interlaced hands. "If you narrow it down I can start to answer you."
"Can you really?" Raven turned her head up and glared at Tessa. "Can you really make sense of all of this, because Tessa, it makes no fucking sense at all. None of it."
"So do you want me to start at the beginning?" Tessa folded her hands so neatly in her lap, it would almost look like she was in complete control if Raven didn't know what to look for. Tessa was nervous, the slight shake of her hands and the way she wasn't quite looking at Raven gave it away and it comforted Raven a little to see something of her Tessa still in there, something genuine and not highly controlled.
"I'd made reservations at a bed and breakfast on the ocean." Raven felt a tear slide down her cheek yet again as she remembered her excitement at planning the most romantic birthday ever for Tessa. "They'd put the roses in the room for me and I'd mailed them your favorite cd, or a copy of it I had to buy because you'd know in two seconds if I'd taken it."
Tessa took a shaky breath and stared at her hands. "The Professor called me up as soon as you left on that mission with the others to explain that I was ready and he had a mission for me. He was afraid of what was happening at the Hellfire club and he told me it would be a hard mission but that I'd save lives. He said I had to go right away and couldn't wait for you, that everything was set up." Tessa went quiet and Raven said nothing. "I had no idea it would take so long or that it would be so bad. Once I was in and gave what I thought was going to be my only report a few months later, before coming home he told me I needed to stay and seeing what they were up to, the money and power that flew around there. It made sense. It was what I was training for, but don't think for a moment that it was easy to stay there or to leave you."
"But you did it."
"Raven," Tessa's voice was thicker and Raven looked into Tessa's pained eyes, "I wasn't a virgin for you anymore by the time I gave my first report. I didn't think you would understand. You always had such a hard time understanding the idea of doing whatever we had to for the mission, and it was a line you never would have crossed. I had wanted it to be you that showed me, was with me that first time, but it just wasn't meant to be." Raven took a shaky breath. "And I was told how well you were fitting in with the Xmen and that you'd been given more responsibility that they weren't leaving you out as much, and I knew you had hated that. I heard you were doing well and it just didn't make sense to hurt you with this."
"I was acting." Raven shook her head in denial. "I couldn't sleep, I could barely keep food down. I was acting, I wasn't fine at all. If I didn't act well enough he'd pull me aside and warn me, or if anyone noticed they'd be made to forget. I hated watching anyone touch my friend's minds, erase pieces of life we'd shared, so I learned to act really well."
"Then I heard you were dating. It had been a while, I couldn't begrudge you not waiting." Tessa's voice was more remote, mechanical. It was her way of holding pain away, she'd talked like this when she'd told Raven about her childhood once. "At first I didn't really believe it, it didn't seem like you, but I saw you out once. It was at the Phantom of the Opera."
Raven's jaw dropped as she remembered the one time the Professor handed her tickets to a play and told her to have a good time. It had felt a little off then and she'd been talking about wanting to cancel the date, but he spent ten minutes talking about moving on and how it was just a date and she shouldn't stop living because of Tessa. He didn't even try to understand. "He set me up. Those were his tickets."
"You asked me earlier what he had on me to control me Raven." Tessa shook her head. "He had you. He never intended to make you a spy Raven, never once. He put us together for one reason and it worked, it worked better than he expected. It kept working until you changed the rules. I wasn't able to be objective about you, I wasn't able to be calculating or see all the angles. My love for you rendered my powers weak when it had to do with you because I would think with my heart first."
It hurt. Raven was pissed and hurt and really could kill, she could kill, and she wanted to. He'd robbed them of so much. Christy was right, they both would have been better off with him dead. "I'm going to kill him." Raven whispered and Tessa gave her a sharp look.
"You can't do that Raven."
Frustration had her staring down at her feet. "I could." It wasn't as hard to imagine anymore. "I really could."
"Have you killed, was that really you or did Christy do it?"
"When Christy did things, she didn't force me. She asked, she gave me time to change my mind. She was always very careful about giving me freedom and control, as much as she could. I helped plan that hit, and I was the one that screwed it up because I didn't trust our aim would miss you." Raven's voice was weary and deeper.
"Have there been others?"
"Yes." Raven noticed the shadow in Tessa's eyes, the regret that Raven had become this but Raven didn't really feel like she'd sunk to new lows, she'd just finally accepted what sometimes needed to be done. "I had a lover and some people captured her. I know what being captured can be like and I was sick and scared and I ran in and killed the whole lot of them while praying that they hadn't touched her. That for once I could actually save a lover BEFORE she was raped or hurt." That didn't get a response, but Raven knew it had been heard. "And I'd do it again. I am willing to kill to protect and I know the Professor claims that's evil, but really, what right does he have to judge. He's done worse, so much worse."
"Was she alright?" Tessa's voice was quiet and concerned.
Raven teared up and took a few breaths to stop it. "They didn't touch her, but she left me. Something about not being right for each other, but I think my getting shot scared her." Raven was careful to not say enough to let Tessa know who she'd been with. "So I moved to Genosha and you know how that turned out. My luck hasn't been all that great."
It still felt awkward to be sitting here talking with Tessa, the time apart was a physical thing Raven felt she was having to talk around as it sat right between them.
"You were able to be with a lover." Tessa spoke gently, with no condemnation.
"It was hard, but I found two women that were patient in the last few years and they took the time to help me relearn how to feel." It felt really wrong to talk about this with Tessa. Raven felt unfaithful, even though they hadn't been together. "You stayed there Tessa. You had to know the Professor was lying to you and you still stayed. I wanted you to come with me. I needed you." A look of guilt and pain crossed Tessa's face but soon disappeared.
"There were so many plans in action and so many things that I needed to be there for, to stop." Tessa leaned forward just a little. "I wish you hadn't found me, that you hadn't been there." Her hand reached out and Raven finished the stretch by taking Tessa's hand. "Having you there and being unable to protect you was hell."
"Having to leave you there knowing what went on was hell too." Raven squeezed Tessa's fingers and let go. "I almost completely lost it." That was as close as she could go to telling Tessa about that night Raven took a knife to her own body. "But Tessa, you choose the mission over me. You choose it so many times." Raven stood up and moved to the window to stare out at the darkened yard. "Do you have any idea how that feels? I adored you, I worshiped you, and you picked your mission over me." Raven moved to the door and opened it. Her voice became a whisper. "If it were me I never would have taken the mission, and I sure as hell would have left for you if I had. You were more important to me than faceless strangers and manipulative bastards that pretend to care while they stab you in the back."
"Raven, I'm so sorry." Tessa spoke softly and her voice cracked. "What I saw as possibilities if I left weren't good and in order to protect you and others I thought I had to stay, but I'm sorry that hurt you."
"It didn't hurt me Tessa, it devastated me." Raven told her and looked over at her to do it. "You really couldn't have hurt me more." She stared at Tessa. "I really don't know what to do now Tessa. You're back, you're apparently free, and I'm glad. I worried about you all the time and I'm glad you're free. But I'm not free Tessa, I'm not free and I doubt I'll ever be free. My enemies have long memories and lots of power, so I'm not free. I'm afraid to stand still for any amount of time and in the past few years I've been eighteen or nineteen different people. In the past month I've been three. The Raven you knew, I don't even know where to find her." She left the room feeling empty and numb. She left Tessa in there and the woman didn't come out.
The tension in the living room was a bit too much for already frayed nerves. Emma was clearly used to hostile glances, but still it was too quiet and Logan's glare had been added to Storm's now. "Emma, I just wanted to thank you for the use of your home for this." Raven spoke, startling a few people who didn't realize she'd come into the room. She still hadn't forgiven Emma for the stunt she'd pulled but she didn't want to leave the room like this. "I really don't think I would have been able to do this otherwise."
"That's fine dear." Emma gave her a small smile. "I'm glad I could help." Raven held Emma's eyes and let the woman see some of her irritation at what Emma did, the blonde's smile became a little tighter. "But you aren't thinking of leaving are you?"
"I've had about as much excitement as I can handle." Her voice was weary. "I just want to go home."
"Where is home?" Storm asked gently and Raven turned shiny eyes to her.
"I can't tell you."
"But Raven, what happens now?" Storm moved a little closer.
"He'll come home and he'll wipe everyone's memory of tonight. I lose you all over again." She stared at Storm. "And this time I'll even lose Emma and I'll have nothing." She should have thought of it sooner, but talking with Tessa and remembering what it had been like in that mansion reminded her how little progress she was ever able to make. "And if I tried to kill him my own friends would fight me."
"You're just giving up?" Storm's voice rose a bit and Raven looked away.
"Don't blame her too much dear," Emma spoke to Storm. "Slaves are beaten down enough that they never think to fight back." And the barb aimed at her didn't miss its target. Raven glared at the blonde. "Your Master is not all powerful Raven and you are not alone."
"You really don't know what you're going up against." Raven didn't take her eyes off of Emma, feeling lost and confused as the woman waved an arm dismissing her warning.
"It's he that doesn't know what he's up against." Emma replied and made it so clear that she was standing by Raven. Raven just looked at her in a bit of shock at the offer of real help from Emma.
"So YOU will lead a slave rebellion?" Her tone made it clear how ridiculous that was.
"Funny how things change don't you think?" Emma gave her a small smile, not a smirk or a calculating grin, a real smile.
"Why do you two keep saying slaves?" Davis asked, clearly uncomfortable with the word. Raven turned to look at him.
"Because that's all the Professor really has, they don't realize it but they aren't free." She didn't add that the word was something even more personal to three of the people in this house. Storm and Logan clearly knew but why should her pain be dragged out for strangers?
"He's going to be gone another two days Raven. It's enough time to try and do something." Storm spoke and Raven turned to look at her. "You wouldn't really leave us to him would you?" Raven flinched at that thought. "Some of us have died for his dream and now I wonder if it was even their choice to fight for it. Peter is gone. Doug is gone. Many others you may have never known." Raven's eyes filled with tears as she remembered both of those men, so gentle and so willing to spend time with her teaching her. The languages she'd been using to survive in these past few years came from Doug and her painting was improved by Peter the only other artist in the house.
"How can we fight a telepath?" She asked the room, still feeling hopeless.
"Why with other telepaths dear."
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