Chapter Eight
Willow wandered around the cave checking the various supplies, the amount of propane left, and the different foods. As far as evil-hide-aways go it was well stocked. There were eight boxes of Meals Ready to Eat from some military base. Willow remembered reading that the new freeze-dry technology allowed MRE's to be stored up to forty years without them going bad.
Forty years? She'd be nearly fifty-eight in forty years and her best friend's mother would still only be a gleam in the eyes of her grandparents.
1899, she was in 1899. Remember the Maine; American imperialism was at a fever pitch, Manifest Destiny. Maybe if she stayed she could stop some of the Muckraker newspapers from pushing us into the First World War? Without defeating Germany and abusing them so badly afterward Hitler might never have gained his following . . .
Or what about Social Darwinism? Maybe she could help implement the "New Deal" before industrialists pushed the world into The Great Depression? The Depression happened because of corporate fascism. So many things she learned in history that were going to happen could be prevented . . . except, now that she remembered it, women didn't even have the right to vote yet.
"No, Faith, please . . ." Willow looked back into the tiny alcove at Buffy. The Slayer was tossing in her sleep. Willow didn't know what to do . . . if she woke Buffy up then she would be in pain, if she didn't then the nightmare might turn into a terror. Willow felt like she was planted to the spot by her indecision. After a few moments the blonde seemed to settle back into a peaceful sleep.
Forty years . . . 'By the time my best friend is born, I'll be 99 years old. I don't know anyone 99 . . . Am I really going to have to stay here? Am I really going to have to stay here and guard the Hellmouth until Buffy's able . . . oh God, I've already done it.'
Willow started her aimless wandering again until she found herself staring down at Faith. The dark slayer, the evil one, didn't look so evil at the moment. She, too, was crying in her sleep. 'Everyone is crying in their sleep . . . Everyone is crying and it's my fault.' She looked at the protection amulet that Wolf-like had draped around Faith's neck. 'I've caused so much damage. I've caused so much grief. Why couldn't I have given Faith that amulet, why? Why must I pay so much for just one mistake?'
There were no answers for her so Willow did the next best thing she could think of–she sat down on the ground next to Buffy's bed to keep watch. She had to take things one step at a time, first they had to get Buffy better, then she had to figure out a way to get Buffy and Faith home. However once she sat down, just like Faith before her, the warmth of the cavern combined with her exhaustion put her to sleep.
Faith stared in horror as the huge monster drew the knife across Katie's chest. The young Slayer struggled with Mr. Trick and the two other vampires holding her.
"We found her for you," Mr. Trick told the monster "It wasn't hard, another dime bag and her mother set everything up." All Faith could see, as the vamp dragged her into the cold deserted warehouse, were Katie's eyes. Bloodshot and nearly swollen shut, Katie still held herself with the dignity Faith had grown to depend on.
"Good, more to join our little party," the monster said as he turned to leer at Faith. As she got a better look at the huge monster she saw that he was actually a vamp--an old one--a very old one. He still had the hoofs and bat ears--even the Master the other Slayer had killed hadn't look like this one.
"Stay calm Faith," Katie said, only to have her face smashed the next instant by--what--just what was the monster's hand called? Katie fell limp in her chains, the ties the only thing holding the Watcher up.
"I was getting tired of her anyway," the huge vamp shrugged. Faith was able to see Katie clearly for the first time when the vamp moved and she knew, the last blow had killed her. Just like that Katie was dead. Faith watched as the last of her Watcher's blood spilled on the floor. She watched as the only person who ever loved her died--and rage filled her.
She didn't know she could feel such power. As she looked up into the monster's eyes
she kicked out with her steel toed boots and connected solidly with the vamp holding her. Then before she knew what she was doing she grabbed the knife out of the monster's hands and slashed him across the face with it.
He backed up howling and then she was tackled to the floor and her world became one made up of fists--blow after blow landed on her body. Kick after kick, until she was finally able to push up to her feet and she ran . . .
And ran and ran . . . knowing that the only person in the world who could save her was the other Slayer. The other Slayer had killed the Master, the other Slayer had killed Lothos, the other Slayer had killed the Judge. The other Slayer was perfect; the other Slayer would understand her fear and her hopes.
They would be best friends, she would be safe.
Faith's journey across the country was a blur of one nightmare after another. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat . . . she imagined the other Slayer to be like Xena, tall, proud, the true Warrior that Faith could never be--and then she met her.
A fucking tiny, blonde, California Valley girl--Buffy had everything--a mother that loved her and was down with the Slayer lifestyle. A Watcher who was alive and friends--real friends--would die for her type friends.
There was no place for Faith in Buffy's life.
Faith didn't know when she had woken up from the dream of her Watcher's death--her thoughts seemed to run together--it all seemed to run together. She could see it all as if her soul had been laid bare. How hurt she was that Buffy wasn't some mythical hero who could make everything better. How angry Faith was that Buffy was just as big a mess as she was, just in another way . . .
No Faith was the bigger mess, Buffy had never killed a human.
Faith could see all her mistakes lined up before her, she could touch them, understand them, but she would never be able to forgive herself for the pain she had caused. She killed people; she'd kidnapped Buffy and brought her here. She had wanted to see Buffy suffer and she had gotten her wish.
Only now Faith couldn't understand why she had done it?
Why had she been so angry? Why had she gone against everything Katie stood for? Katie would be so ashamed of her Slayer.
Faith wanted to hide her head in her hands and couldn't--they were tied--it was only what she deserved. She was a murderer, she should be tied up.
"Faith? Are you awake?" 'Fuck! Willow. So Glenda, the good witch of the west really is here. Like duh, who else tied me up?'
Faith blinked opened gritty eyes to see Willow kneeling in front of her with a cup of water. And the shit just keeps on rolling, she just could not take Willow being nice to her, she couldn't--however what choice did she have-–she was the one who was screwed up. Faith knew now if was time to take her punishment.
"Are you evil Faith or good Faith?" Willow's quietly asked question caught her off guard.
"Huh?" she mumbled realizing that her throat was dry.
"Here drink some water," Willow told her holding the cup up. At Faith's suspicious look, the Wiccan added. "It's just water, I promise. The time of lying or being mean or jealous is over–for the both of us."
Faith didn't know what to think. Was the super friend rubbing her mistakes in her face? She allowed Willow to hold the cup while she leaned over to drink. The water helped ease the dryness in her throat.
After she finished drinking she noticed that the tarp separating the small bedroom alcove was pulled closed and that Buffy was on the other side. She couldn't see the Slayer and that made her pulse pound in terror. She tried to stand but both her hands and feet were tied. Faith didn't know how Willow knew why she was panicking but the Wiccan grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her.
"Faith look at me, she's ok. I love her too, remember?" Willow's words reached the young girl and Faith stilled. Was her love of Buffy that clear? Did everyone know how much she cared about the blonde except Buffy?
"Wolf-like cleaned her wound and gave her something to help her fever. It helps her sleep, that's why we moved you out here so we could talk." Willow said with a small sad smile. Faith was too confused and groggy to speak; she remembered the vamp with a soul from earlier. She remembered the rage she felt at Willow, she remembered it, she just didn't feel it, And that confused her too.
"Ok, so I'm starting things off? Huh?" Willow said as she stood up. "I can do this, I have to do this," the Wiccan began to pace. While Willow's back was turned Faith checked the bonds and found she couldn't break them. Then Faith realized she didn't want to break them. Willow had tied her up; it's what she would have done in the same situation.
"Habit," the dark Slayer said out loud drawing Willow's attention.
"Excuse me?" Willow asked and now the confusion was written on her face. Faith could only shake her head, she couldn't come close to explaining that she wasn't angry or upset with the witch . . . she was just sick at herself.
"Right, nothing? Ok I can do this, Crowley said to try begging . . ." Willow wasn't making any sense and Faith began to worry. The witch turned towards her, "Faith would you please forgive me?"
"What the fuck?" was all Faith could say.
'I'm the murderer, I'm the kidnapper, and she's asking me to forgive her? Willow, holier than thou Willow, who has the two perfect parents and lives in a great big house?
"What are you . . . why do . . . " the more Faith stumbled, the more her confusion grew, and when she was confused and frustrated she always fell back on the one thing she could depend on--anger.
"Just what the Hell are you playing," she shouted. "Tie the psycho murderer up and then have your fun with the mind games?" When the word murderer left her mouth it was like she had hit the Wiccan. All color drained out of Willow's face and she honestly thought the girl would faint.
"How many Faith? How many more died? Besides Alan Finch how many!" Willow choked out the words as she wrapped her arms tightly around her middle. All the anger flowed out of Faith once again because she knew that Willow's reaction wasn't some part of a mind game or a way to rub her nose in--her mistakes--her murders.
'Oh God I killed people! I took my knife and shoved it into anyone the Boss told me too! I'm a killer, I'm a killer!' She knew what she was doing, she understood the words, but sitting there watching Willow as the witch crumbled to the floor of the cave suddenly drove everything Faith had done home.
The dark Slayer remembered hideous power she felt as she pushed the knife into her victims, the warm gush of blood on her hands drove her wild with pleasure. 'I became the monster. I am the monster. God I killed a father! Just like Dad, we were happy before, mom was a real mom before he died and now . . . I did the same thing. I am the monster--I became what Katie died protecting me from--I'm worse, I have a soul.'
The horror of what she had done the past few months was overwhelming her, until her vamp-dar screamed into the red, instantly snapping her out of it. Faith looked up to see the vamp from earlier push aside the tarp and step next to her . . . the Slayer was fighting to escape her control so she could kill him. But Faith kept it under control, no more. She would never kill another--human or what ever he was—she wouldn't kill for pleasure again.
Faith watched as he stalked up to Willow and pulled the witch off the floor of the cave. He held her up by her arms, shaking her hard once.
"Enough!" the vamp shouted into the witch's face and when it didn't appear like she heard him, he shook her again. "Enough! Enough of these worthless tears, enough of feeling sorry for yourself! Enough!"
Faith was shocked speechless. Willow lifted her bloodshot eyes to the vamp and he dropped her. Her legs folded up under her like they were overcooked noodles. She fell onto her side, however Faith could tell that the Witch was calming down. She was reining in her grief and despair.
Staring down at the Wiccan, the vamp took a few unneeded breaths then stalked over to the entrance of the cave, stopping just short of the sunlight outside. His hand clenched at his side as if he wanted to hit something, anything, or maybe he just wanted to take one more step--the Slayer couldn't tell.
It was then that Faith noticed it was much warmer than she remembered, 'so the storm is finally over?' she thought.
"Faith," Willow asked. The Witch was sitting on the ground with her legs pulled up to her chin and her arms wrapped around them. "Are you still evil or can I release you?" The sound of defeat in those softly spoken words nearly broke the Slayer's heart.
"Faith, I need to know," Willow paused and the Slayer watched as she wiped her face on her bent knees. The girl seemed to shrink before Faith's eyes.
Then the Witch's words seem to get through to her and she was even more confused. Was she evil? Of course she was, less than 24 hours ago she was a killer for hire. Less than a day ago she had drugged and kidnapped the woman she loved! 'God what's wrong with Glenda ? Has she gone mental?'
Willow seemed to understand her confusion because she stood up and walked over to the Slayer.
"You were under a spell, Faith," the redhead explained kneeling on one knee in front of her.
"What are you, how do you," the Slayer started to ask, all kinds of questions running through her mind. How could she be under a spell? Hope sprung up, maybe she wasn't the monster?
Faith looked up into Willow's eyes begging her to tell her that she wasn't at fault, that she didn't kill those people.
"The spell was insidious in that it enhanced your darkest emotions," the Wiccan explained. But that just made Faith more confused, if all it did was make her feel worse then she was still responsible because she knew what she was doing, she knew everything she was doing was wrong, only she just didn't care--now she does.
'Oh God how I care!'
Faith couldn't wrap her mind around it; she had so many questions. She felt Willow's hand on her shoulder and when she glanced up the witch had a knife in her hand. "I'm taking your silence to mean that you aren't bad anymore, turn around."
Willow cut the ropes that held her and Faith rubbed her wrist as the blood rushed back into her hands. She was still in shock at what Willow had told her.
The witch then picked up the 'air freshener' that was now draped around her neck. She hadn't realized that it was there.
"As long as you wear this then you are safe from other spells," Willow told her sadly.
"Just what is going on here, Red?" Faith asked again, only to be interrupted by Buffy's weak voice.
"Faith?" And the dark Slayer was up and moving before she had consciously registered the fact that Buffy called for her. Knowing that Willow was there, knowing that Faith had betrayed her, Buffy called for her.
Mayor Wilkins stood next to his horse as he watched some of the shopkeepers clean up the town. He was anxious to get out and start tracking down what was responsible for the magical disturbance that damaged his town and set back his work for at least a year. Between the minor demons and this magically induced storm he wondered if the First's plan would ever work. He wanted to be out tracking the cause of the mess but being the Mayor he had responsibilities, to the people that called Sunnydale home and to the demon community that needed a meek and compliant populace to feed on.
So far it wasn't as bad as he feared. Thanks to the new building codes he was able to force pass the city council last year none of the buildings sustained structural damage. Same for the new telephone and electrical power lines the town had just finished installing that summer.
Wilkins attention was drawn to the man before him; the man was his very human assistant.
"So far the only real damage the town sustained was minor flooding from runoff and the melting snow," John Finch told him looking over his notes. Wilkins thought he appeared to be every bit the Eastern bureaucrat, with his modern suit and tie. The Harvard graduate cost Wilkins a fortune to bring out to California, still he had been worth every penny.
"Of course all that could change if the dam fails," John said as he looked toward Sunnydale Lake. The easterner took out his hanky and wiped the sweat off his face. As much as Wilkins hated this man's physical weakness, he loved his mind. Their weekly chess matches were the only thing that kept Richard sane at the moment. Wilkins considered his entire life up to now to be one big chess match and everyone knew the only way to win at chess was to control the board. Sunnydale was going to be his chessboard. Once he controlled the town on top of the Hellmouth the minor demons would deal with him. They would see that it was the most profitable way.
With his meeting nearly done the Mayor started walking down the mud-covered street to meet with the townspeople. John, sensing that the audience was over ran to catch up to the Mayor.
"Sir the Dam? Should I . . ." Wilkins stopped and turned to the smaller man.
"The dam is safe," then Richard paused. He had better make sure, that dam was the key to having indoor plumbing and the sewer hooked up by the end of next year. Those sewer tunnels were going to be important if the vampire population was to feel comfortable. "I'll have someone check it tonight," Richard said dismissing the man. John couldn't know that the Head Engineer of the Roman Army had designed and overseen the dam's construction. The First had helped Richard track the vampire down in Rome.
Richard himself had helped with the spells that made the dam's materials stronger.
Magic.
How else had some of the Roman's constructions lasted? Still it wouldn't hurt to be careful.
He watched as the Widow Turner came out of her store to meet with him. Richard needed to thank her for helping out when Edna Mae became ill last month.
"Oh John," the man ran back up to the Mayor like a good servant. Richard looked disgustedly down at the mud covering up his beautiful brick street. "Hire some of the loggers to start cleaning off these streets; we had them paved so we wouldn't have to put up with all this mud."
"Yes sir, right away sir," John told him writing a note in his notebook and scurrying off to perform the task. The Mayor smiled at the woman coming toward him . . . the disturbance would have to wait until night. Then he would find out who had done it and either bring them over to his side or kill them. Or at least discover their power source; if he could get his hands on that kind of power then he wouldn't have to share with the minor demons like Balthazar, they would be his servants.
The sight that greeted Faith when she pushed back the tarp was the very picture of an indignant Slayer. And she didn't think she had ever seen anyone in her life more beautiful. Buffy was extremely pale, with dark circles under her bright fiery eyes, and her hair fell dull and limp around her face, yet Faith was awestruck.
Buffy was sitting up against the back of the cave with her arm folded across her chest and the blanket pulled up to her waist. An old "I love Lucy" rerun ran through Faith's head –'oh Lucy, you have a lot of 'splaining to do'--and Faith thought that she did.
"You have one chance," the blonde said jutting out her chin. "One chance Faith, to tell me everything or so help me God" Buffy paused, "if you run again I'll-I'll. . . I will hunt you down." She finished and the young Southie knew the threat was real. Faith had just one chance to tell the truth, or the Slayer, the true Slayer would come after her. Only as she looked into Buffy's eyes she didn't see the Slayer staring out at her; she saw an incredibly hurt teenage girl. The difference threw her, as the guilt rose up again, like bile in her throat.
Then Buffy did the one thing Faith wasn't expecting, "Please?"
"I-I," Faith was thrown by the softly spoken word. The pain she saw in Buffy's eyes was crushing her.
"I-I" Faith tried again, however her mind went blank. "I . . ."
"She was under a spell," Willow's voice came from beside her. Instantly Faith felt relief as Buffy's attention immediately shifted focus to Willow. "The Mayor put a spell on her that enhanced her negative emotions," the Witch beside her continued in the same defeated monotone from earlier. "My guess is that the Mayor sent out a generalized spell that caught Faith in its web because she wasn't protected. You said yourself, Buffy, before Alan Finch you and Faith had wiped out at least four nests or maybe a hundred vamps and small demons. That kind of kill total had to be putting a serious crimp in the Mayor's plan whatever it might be."
Faith remembered to close her mouth as she stared at Willow. She briefly glanced at Buffy and saw a matching expression of shock. It wasn't so much that Willow had figured everything out and had come to Faith's rescue; the shock was from hearing Willow say so much at one time. Faith took a moment to really look at Willow and what she saw worried her. The Witch's normal perkiness was completely absent; Willow appeared weighed down by something. The girl's eyes no longer held the bright look of innocence, they now contained the darkness of guilt. She was no longer a girl, somewhere in the past two days Willow had grown up.
Faith watched as Buffy digested the information Willow had given her. She steeled herself to accept whatever the blonde demanded.
"You said that it enhanced her negative emotions?" Buffy asked the Wiccan standing beside Faith. "What do you mean by enhanced?" The dark Slayer wanted to know what it meant too. She felt like she was in control . . . during her murders.
"It means that whenever Faith felt or thought something bad--say for instance she thought you were ignoring her--then she would immediately think you were blowing her off." Willow explained, her voice still the same dull monotone. The Wiccan hadn't stepped all the way into the little alcove. It was like she was firmly planted in the doorway, standing there with her hands clasped behind her back.
"How could Faith think something like that?" Buffy started, then briefly met Faith's eyes before glancing away. "Ok, I get that it made things worse," the blonde nodded to Faith. "Did it make her do anything she didn't want to do? Did it rob her of her Free Will?"
And Faith held her breath waiting for the next words out Willow's mouth. Even though she knew the answer–she was a murderer–she was in control. It didn't stop her from wishing, wishing she could take everything back. Wishing that she had never thought of that lame ass plan to try and get close to the Mayor. Hoping . . .
"No, Faith had complete control of her actions during the entire time she was under the influence of the spell," Willow said it so matter of factly, in that horrible monotone, that it made her words more damning. Faith stood still as she watched the emotions play over Buffy's expressive face, watched as the blonde Slayer began to understand what a monster Faith was and that broke her. Something must have shown on her face because as she turned to bolt Buffy's softly spoken words stilled her.
"I don't care," Buffy said.
Faith turned around to face the blonde, she had to make sure she heard the words correctly.
Buffy wouldn't look at her. "I don't care what you did when the mayor zapped you with his mojo, nothing before today matters. We all made mistakes . . ."
Faith stared at Buffy in shock; did she hear her correctly? She turned toward Willow fully expecting to see rage on the Wiccan's face; instead the Witch sadly shrugged her shoulders, took a step back, and closed the tarp as effectively as if she'd closed a door.
It took a few seconds before the impact of both Buffy's words and Willow's actions caught up with her. Then she realized she didn't want Buffy's forgiveness or Willow's stoic acceptance, she wanted to be punished! She needed to be punished, she was evil, she was bad . . .
"I care!" Faith shouted as she took an involuntary step closer to the blonde. "I care what I did! What kind of Slayer are you? I murdered people!" She screamed, her voice so loud it echoed in the small chamber. She couldn't think, the faces of the people she'd killed started playing before her eyes. "I'm bad! I'm evil! You can't just . . . " her vision swam out of focus and she realized she was crying.
"I killed them, I killed them all," she cried. She felt the warm arms that wrapped around her, she was gently guided forward a few steps. The images in her mind wouldn't give her peace, they wouldn't leave her alone. How could she have killed those people? Why didn't she see what was happening to her?
"Sit please," Buffy told her and she complied. She had no choice but to do anything the blonde asked. Faith couldn't stop crying, she couldn't stop seeing and feeling each of the people she'd killed.
Buffy pulled her into a hug and then Faith was being cradled.
"I know, I know, I see it too," Buffy whispered close to Faith ear. "I know it's not totally the same – I didn't know what would happen with Angel – just like you didn't know what would happen with the Mayor." Buffy said while stroking Faith's hair. It took a few seconds for Buffy's words to catch up and break through her fuzzed mind.
"How . . . did you?"
"Know that you had planned on being a spy in the Mayor's camp?" Buffy asked her. At the younger girl's nod Buffy said, "It made sense."
Faith felt herself being pulled back until they were lying down with her head resting on the blonde's chest. The slow rhythm of Buffy's heart was lulling her, driving away the worst of the images. She felt the blonde take a deep breath and Faith knew the Slayer was gathering her thoughts.
"I don't know how I knew you had planned to be a spy; I just . . . " Buffy paused and took another deep breath. "I just couldn't believe–I mean I can't believe you would–I'm not saying this right." Faith looked up and saw the frustration on the blonde's face as she tried to explain the unexplainable. And the younger girl knew the answer, it was Buffy's blinding insight that bordered on being psychic. Maybe it was part of the whole Slayer package or maybe it was because the older Slayer just cared so much for people, Faith didn't know. And at this point in time it really didn't matter how the blonde knew,
just that she did.
It was suddenly very important to Faith that Buffy know the entire truth–about everything – including how much she loved her. But when the younger Slayer looked up she realized that Buffy had fallen asleep. The older girl's arms were tightly wrapped around Faith and the brunette just wanted to enjoy the feeling of being held.
TBC