500 Miles Hellfire 2
By Princess Alexandria
She stood outside the car, her hand on the roof as she stared across to Emma. "If it makes you feel better you could change." Emma's eyes were penetrating. "No one at the party noticed you, you are good." Those people at the party were getting into other cars, but someone was walking their way.
Raven didn't say anything, she just stared at the figure coming their way, Tessa. "I'll be riding with you." Tessa told them and her voice was mechanical and unfeeling again. It must have taken some courage to walk across that lawn and she was using her powers to maintain it. Raven just sighed and got into Emma's car. It shouldn't be like this, she shook her head, unhappy with the fight they were taking on and that Tessa was finally on her side in a battle, they were on the same team, and it didn't feel like she used to imagine it would. The back door opened and Raven could hear her ex-lover get in.
"Are they actually trusting me with their beloved Raven?" Emma grumbled as she got in, "Or are you supposed to be her guard now?"
"You almost had Logan, I'd think you'd be a bit more grateful Emma." Tessa's voice didn't take on a snippy tone, it even softened a little. "He's feeling a bit more feral than normal today."
"Lets just get this over with." Raven muttered and put the seat belt on. It wasn't a good feeling, this strange guilt she felt for telling.
"You had a right to tell Raven." Tessa spoke more softly, clearly reading Raven's body language very well. "I was angry when you told me he'd ordered you to be quiet about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of, it's just the timing is a little off. We weren't ready to confront him yet, but now Storm is determined to do it. My calculations of the odds aren't as positive as I'd like. Too many variables."
"You were going to though?" Raven asked quietly and glanced at the rearview mirror, barely able to see a corner of Tessa's head since it was angled for the driver.
"Yes. I was going to confront him after we'd strengthened our position, had more to work with. At least you gave us that. Once his more loyal Xmen see the tampering he's done it will be easier to convert them." They stayed away from personal things, it almost felt awkward how easily they both were able to pretend it was all okay and that working together didn't hurt. Spies, Raven thought with a bit of bitterness, realizing that now it could be applied to her as well. Nothing was as it seemed with spies.
"Yes," Emma spoke as she pulled onto the street. "And we'll need you to point out what memories were tampered with Raven to spot them, because he clearly knew how to hide his tracks if little perfect Jean hasn't caught on yet." Emma's irritation or light hatred of Jean was easy to hear.
"Is this really going to do any good?" Raven asked and turned her body to look at Emma, before glancing behind her to Tessa. "Or am I just putting myself out there to be caught again? I don't want my old room back."
"They still don't know how you escaped the first time." Tessa stared at Raven enough to monopolize Raven's attention. "I think you've developed more of your powers, haven't you? I saw no footage of a taxi returning with Emma, and that was the trick Christy had tried to play at the club." Raven smiled just a little and noticed the slight nod Tessa gave her, she knew.
"She's even better than Christy from what Christy had said." Emma actually bragged. Raven gave the blonde a slightly surprised look at that. "Raven can do the voices." Where did Emma get off being proud of Raven's power?
"So that's how he can't find you. You shape shift when you're out in public." Tessa spoke and was studying Raven for a moment before blinking. "I can't sense you anymore." Tessa sounded troubled, before turning her eyes to Emma for a moment. "Just you."
"You never could." Raven was a bit confused.
"No, with my other powers. I'm not getting a power reading from you."
Raven's expression went a little dark as she considered that. With a heavy sigh she got ready to put forth her theory, which really would explain it. "What was left of my body was, well," She hesitated.
"Left smeared against a wall in my old classroom." Emma just spit it out and Raven cringed a little wondering if anything bothered that woman. "It really was quite gruesome. I doubt there is enough DNA left in her for you to analyze."
"Thanks." Raven glared at Emma when Tessa's expression went from slightly troubled to very troubled. "I'm sure there wasn't a gentler way to say that."
"Why waste time Raven. You lucked out with your mutation even more than I did, because you really were right up against deaths door." Emma turned onto a main street. "Surely Tessa wants to know these things."
"No," Raven turned to the side window. "No she doesn't." Her thoughts drifted to other things that had happened to her and how Tessa hadn't wanted to see it.
"I do." Tessa spoke just as softly. "I want to know you Raven, this you." Raven just sighed and continued to stare out the window. She really didn't know what to say to that, but her heart ached to hear it.
"This Raven is a bit bristly." Emma had the nerve to answer Tessa's words. "But if she isn't willing to talk, I could always fill you in on the latest details."
Raven turned to glare at Emma a moment. "You shouldn't believe anything she says. She's a liar." She addressed Tessa while continuing to give Emma a cold stare. She didn't want to imagine the picture of her life Emma would paint.
Emma turned to look at her. "Liar? Tell us one time I've lied to you. I think you'll find it hard to think of one." Emma spoke with her irritating confidence and Raven pushed her thoughts back to different conversations she'd had with the woman. Turning away from Emma to stare out the window again she started to pick them apart, looking for the lies she was sure peppered every conversation. "See, you can't find one can you?"
"Just because I haven't caught you doesn't mean you aren't lying to me." Raven muttered, hating to admit defeat and a little surprised that this wasn't easier. There were some questionable things Emma had said, but Raven couldn't know if they were true or not. "And I didn't hear you telling me Sage was Tessa."
"That's an omission, not a lie." Emma smirked. "I didn't technically lie."
"I think not telling me something like that qualifies."
"Like you haven't withheld information before? I believe the entire reason the Xmen are marching on the mansion today and not years ago is because you don't tell anyone everything." Emma's words hit harder than the telepath realized and Raven turned to stare out the window again to hide her expression. She had withheld information before and people died, but it wasn't the same thing. Raven's eyebrows drew together as she considered it and she had to admit hers was worse. Guilt rolled through her and she viciously pushed it back again. "I had the best of intentions, reuniting you both, so I think I can be forgiven this one small infraction don't you? Your problems with Tessa are hardly my fault."
Raven wanted to snap at Emma and she wanted to apologize to Tessa for talking about her with her in the car like that, but she didn't do either. Raven just went quiet and eventually Emma and Tessa started to talk to each other instead.
"You realize that if you attempt to do it the Xmen will still have doubts. You have a credibility problem Emma." Tessa spoke and Raven tilted her head just a little to lean it against the side window as she listened in on the shift of conversation to something more serious.
"No erased memory is completely gone and with Raven telling us what was changed we can find it." Emma sighed. "I suppose if we can talk precious Jean into doing it that would solve the credibility problem."
"Yes, they do tend to trust her." Tessa shifted a little and Raven felt Tessa lean closer, between the two seats. "and she is a strong telepath. The only issue I see is if Jean would be willing to trust Raven."
"She'll listen." Raven sighed and answered quietly. Jean was very fair minded, she'd listen to someone claiming Scott was the lord of the underworld without judgment and look into it, even if she knew it wasn't true, so she'd do something about whatever the Professor did to the others.
"Raven." Tessa's voice was softer. "Are you okay? This mission is rather sudden."
Her voice grew irritated. "I know everyone thinks I'm utterly useless but I think I can walk into a mansion and tell the others they're being lied to. Even I can't fuck that up." Tessa hit the nerve easily and Raven didn't hold back her anger. "I'm not the most pathetic one anymore Tessa."
"You know I'd never call you pathetic Raven. I wasn't insinuating you couldn't do this, just that emotionally it could be difficult." Tessa's voice remained soft. "I never once thought you were pathetic or unworthy. I could always see the potential in you Raven, the potential to be more than you were allowed to be." The words cooled the instant irritation and Raven reached out just a moment to touch the hand Tessa was leaning on, before pulling it away awkwardly.
"I can do this." Raven knew that some Xmen would be angry with her, as if she'd done this to them, just lashing out at the messenger since the Professor wasn't handy. She could already imagine the angry looks directed at her. It wouldn't be pleasant.
"And if others want to punish Emma?" Tessa asked it almost casually, but Raven felt the weight of it.
"I didn't pull her out of Genosha just to get her killed here." A hint of indignation crept into her voice.
"Technically we pulled each other out of that hell." Emma added while pulling off the freeway onto familiar streets. Raven could see a few shops she used to visit while living in the area, as well as some new ones. She puzzled over what used to sit in the space a new building now resided, rather than admit out loud to what Emma said. "You really are quite stubborn Raven. Perhaps that will work in your favor yet again."
It took another twenty minutes to get to the garage and park. Storm was actually there before them, waiting for Emma to drive up to the garage. Raven took a deep breath before getting out of the car. Emma hadn't taken risks in picking a place to live, it was a full hour away.
"They are assembling what Xmen are on the premises and we'll meet them in the debriefing room." Storm told Raven as she fell into step beside her. "There are a few that aren't here. Kitty's left for college, and Kurt's team is away, but I have Bishop working on getting them to come. We need to see how far the Professor has gone with his manipulations."
"Okay." Raven took a breath and straightened her shoulders.
The debriefing room was a little overfilled now, leaving a few standing, like Logan, and two opened seats. Raven moved to lean on the wall, while standing behind where Storm moved to sit. Emma took the seat next to Storm and Tessa took residence against the wall next to Raven. Eyes were on Raven, and she could feel them, but she didn't look around the room, she just waited patiently, her focus on Storm and Emma.
"Raven." Jean called out and started to get up.
"We have a lot to discuss." Emma interrupted Jean's breaking up the meeting to talk with Raven. "And very little time to work with, so let's save the questions for afterwards."
Storm didn't look too happy with Emma, but she too turned to Jean. Storm's voice was friendlier. "Raven's revealed something, something very disturbing that I think we all need hear." Raven tensed as she considered what Storm might tell them. She didn't want her rape discussed here. "The Professor cannot enter Raven's mind, he cannot alter her memories and as such, I would be willing to bet money she is one of very few of us that hasn't been mentally manipulated by that man." The tension in the air got thick fast. "Raven has told me about memories that I should have had and do not. She's told me of being kept in her place, of being forced to lie, of being alone because confiding in others lead to the Professor altering their minds. Rather than put us through that she denied herself any real comfort for her pain and in the end had to leave us." Storm's voice shook a little by the end and Raven's eyes grew teary. "I had mentioned to a few of you why I left the mansion." Storm looked over her shoulder toward Tessa, then looked back at Jean. "But now that I know more of what was really going on I'm back."
"But," Hank looked stunned and his incredible vocabulary failed him for a little too long. "Can we be sure that Raven isn't suffering from," He struggled to find a way to make it not true and just the misguided words of a confused and weak woman that had been through too much. Raven took another deep breath and pushed that awareness away. It was just touch, a voice in her mind told her, reminded her of the words she'd heard in the Hellfire club and how those words urged her to go numb to the pain. A familiar disconnecting feeling filled her and Raven stood still while Hank tried to make this about her.
"Silence!" Storm's voice rose, because a few other voices, Scott's with Hank and Logan with Raven were debating the possibility.
Emma's voice filled the silence once it was achieved. "This is easily solved with a mind probe and a compass. Raven is our compass because she can tell us what the memories should be and when they should be. Once we uncover what he has hidden we will have more to talk about. Debating the possibilities now is a waste of time and energy, and you'll feel like fools for doubting her later." Her voice was commanding and drew Raven's attention easily, all of her attention. "So I suggest we ask Raven who she knows was tampered," Emma let the word drawl out emphasizing it, "with and Jean or I can work to uncover the truth."
"I definitely want Jean in on this." Scott was less edgy, but he didn't look happy at all.
"Raven," Tessa spoke quietly. "Give them the list." As if it were that easy. Raven finally looked around the room, taking in the pain in so many familiar eyes, doubt, betrayal, disbelief. They stared back at her in silence, clearly praying she wouldn't say their name. Logan, Scott, Hank, Storm, Jean, Rogue, and then the ones Raven hadn't known. "Rogue, do you remember that Christmas with Christy? The present?" She kept it vague and saw the understanding in Rogue's eyes. She did remember. "Okay, then I never saw it happen to you."
"What present?" Scott muttered and Raven turned to look at him with her own sad eyes. He tensed.
"Scott, Hank, Storm, Jean, Logan do you remember?" She asked quietly and he shook his head.
"I heard her yelling but I was smoking outside. Didn't catch what she was saying, but she was clearly pissed. If she hadn't rushed out the front door I woulda went in just to make sure she wasn't killing anyone." He shook his head with disgust. "If I'd known, I woulda helped her do it."
Raven gave Logan all her attention and her expression became less guarded for a moment. "She wanted to tell you, I stopped her." Her own head shook. "I stopped her from so much and I think she might have been right now." Her voice picked up a hint of steel. "She wanted to kill the Professor for me and I didn't let her." A few gasped at that, but Raven just shook her head and continued, "Well, anyway Logan I don't think I've seen him erase you."
"It's hard to read Logan, nevermind tinker with what's there." Jean spoke up. "Rogue is another that is a bit harder to tamper with." The redhead sounded thoughtful. "I barely remember Christy being at that party." Jean looked right at Raven.
"Kitty was altered right in front of my eyes as Christy was talking with her, and Bobby isn't so forgetful he'd forget a tearful conversation the next day. Anyone at the party who doesn't remember Christy storming out has a false memory. I don't know everything he did, but I do know he made sure I could never talk to anyone or tell them. I'm sorry I never told, but I really didn't believe it would do any good."
"Why now?" Scott asked, his voice a bit gentler.
Raven glanced at Tessa and then back at Scott. "He lost his hostage and I don't have to be quiet anymore." Scott's eyes widened as he looked at Tessa and then back at Raven. "Yes, I knew she was here. I was actually at the mansion before Bobby, and had lived here a year before we staged my moving in. You never saw us because we were locked in a secret floor of the mansion."
"Jean," Scott was still staring at Raven. "I want you to get in Cerebra and verify what Raven's telling us. If this is true we have a lot of work to do."
………………..
It was quiet and depressing to stand there and watch Xman after Xman realize their trust had been betrayed. Raven leaned against the wall and stared down at the floor with her arms crossed as if to ward off cold she didn't feel.
"I'm seeing a pattern in his work." Jean's voice was clinical and detached as she stepped through Hank's mind. "I see other markers here Hank. I believe I found more that he's done."
Hank's eyes were sad, Raven only looked up at them for a moment before looking back at the floor. A soft hand reached out and rested on her shoulder and Raven didn't bother to look up to see who it was, the perfume told her.
"Let's do it then." Hank sighed and then there was a soft gasp as he got another small piece of his life back. It was followed after a moment by another. Jean had only needed Raven's help for the first two, and poor Hank was benefiting from the telepaths new found ability to break the locks on their minds.
"Are you okay?" The soft voice next to her came with a gentle caress to her shoulder.
"I feel," Raven's fists clenched as she struggled for a word to describe this pain and guilt and sorrow as friend after friend had their illusions burned.
"Raven, you are the one that told them about this, not the one that did it." Tessa's hand warmed a spot on Raven's shoulder.
The hand slid off and they stood there in silent vigil for another heart broken as Hank stepped away and moved to sit down heavily in a chair, shaking his head.
It was done around one that morning, all the Xmen that were there had been checked except Tessa. Jean glanced at Tessa and then just started to get out of Cerebra, not even trying to hide her own pain. "I saw you once, with a cake in the kitchen."
"It was Raven's birthday and I had to wait until you all went to bed to use the kitchen." Tessa explained it quietly. "She was new and I wanted to do something special for her." Raven gritted her teeth and tried to control her pain as she remembered that night as well. She'd been reading and feeling a bit sorry for herself because she had lost her old life just a few weeks before her birthday and Tessa had interrupted her wallowing in self pity, the young girl had baked her a cake and told her they had permission to leave for the day the next day. They would have gone that day but Tessa hadn't known it was Raven's birthday until midday. It was when Tessa became a friend and not just someone else living in the area.
"Raven." Jean moved a little closer, studying Raven. "I wish…"
"I know." Raven spoke gently, focusing on her redheaded friend and the clear regret in her eyes.
"He always told us not to abuse our powers." Jean shook her head in disgust. "He was like family, we trusted him and he was lying to us every day. How did you live with knowing this?"
Raven stared at Jean, lost as to how to answer that. Denial was how she managed it, letting herself forget. It was Christy and that week in hell seeing how he'd treated Tessa that finally forced her to see it all. "There was nothing I could do to stop it but behave and do what I was told." Emma shifted a little and Raven felt a flush of shame color her cheeks as she remembered Emma's comments about her being the Professor's slave. "If I didn't make him unhappy he wouldn't steal moments of our lives from us, and I believed him when he said he was doing it to protect Tessa, I wanted to believe it. I did until Christy and I saw what his protection was worth." It only took a moment of confusion in Jean's eyes to see she hadn't heard the entire story yet. Storm would tell her, but she hadn't yet apparently. Raven just sighed and glanced over at Bishop, the last one that was checked. He was staring at the wall with a grimace on his face. Raven had never met him before but after Jean discovered the markers that told her a memory was repressed she'd brought the others in to check them.
"Yes, I'm going to go see how Scott is doing." Jean stared at Raven even harder. "The other team is coming in later this morning. Kurt estimated about ten last I heard. You should probably stay the night. I don't know where you've been living, but it isn't close is it?"
It was a couple hours away, but Raven didn't answer Jean. She was still protecting her home base. "I don't know." Raven spoke hesitantly.
"I'd planned to stay the night." Emma interrupted them. "But if it is too soon for you, I could drive us to my home. I suspect it's closer than yours."
Staying at the mansion or staying alone in a house with Emma. Should be an easy decision, shouldn't it, Raven thought to herself as she actually considered her options. When she'd left this place she'd promised herself she'd never stay under this roof again.
Jean interrupted Raven's thoughts. "Did you want me to show you to a room or are you leaving?" Jean asked again.
"Staying." Raven finally spoke, and she hadn't been sure what her decision would be until she heard it herself.
"I can set you up in a room, come with me." Jean gave a small smile to Raven, as if Raven had done something good. "Tessa, you staying as well?" Jean asked as they started to walk. Emma had already agreed to, so that woman wasn't asked.
"Yes. I need to be here." Tessa didn't say why.
It wasn't her old room. There was no way she should expect that it was still there, but it was strange to walk past it toward another part of the mansion. Three empty rooms all next to each other. Raven took the first one without waiting for anyone to say anything and closed the door behind her, a moment alone, finally.
Raven sat heavily on the bed and rested her hands on her head, rather than pulling her hair out. "This is a mess." She spoke softly.
The room was a guest room, not really as large as the other room had been. Raven looked up when a light started to shine under the other door in the room, the one to the bathroom. She stared at it as she heard the shower start up and then sighed heavily. She had no idea who she was sharing a bathroom with.
Raven just stared at the light under the door as she listened to the water. She could see some shadows after the water was shut off and Raven listened as the occupant finished getting ready for bed. It wasn't until the light went out that Raven moved to stand, finding herself pacing just a little in the small room.
The bed sheets weren't even pulled down a half hour later and Raven glanced at the clock telling her it was two am. She felt jumpy not knowing who was on the other side of the bathroom. Finally she opened her bathroom door quietly and moved towards the opposite door. Just a peek would tell her what she wanted to know. Whoever it was had access to her when she slept, Raven wasn't foolish enough to think locking the bathroom door would keep either woman out and Emma was likely to be found in Raven's bed in the morning if Raven didn't take precautions. The blonde liked to irritate Raven too much to miss out on that opportunity.
What would be a good precaution? The entire dresser up against the bathroom door? Raven could just imagine the comments Emma would make about that. Raven grimaced as she also thought about how Storm would take a move like that, it could get Emma seriously hurt.
The other door opened slowly and quietly, revealing a darkened room. Raven glanced around to find the bed and the lump in it before hesitantly moving into the room. The light from her own bedroom was soft and didn't show much, but as Raven got closer she could tell it wasn't blonde hair on the pillow.
Raven's arms fell to her side and she just stared. There was a time when she honestly believed she'd never see Tessa alive again. Raven's head tilted just a little as she studied the other woman's sleeping form as Raven's eyes adjusted to the darkness. Tessa always did look like an angel sleeping.
"You do realize that I heard you come in." Tessa's voice startled her even though it was whispered. "I would hardly have survived long if I didn't become a light sleeper."
"You always were a light sleeper." Raven finally answered, her own voice a small whisper.
Tessa didn't attempt to move or sit up, and Raven found herself relaxing again after being caught. It was a little surreal to be here like this with her. "And you always used to sneak into my room at night to talk." Raven remembered that. After she'd been sent to the Xmen she used to have to wait until the others went to bed to sneak down to Tessa and talk. Raven spent months sleeping in two shifts and the other Xmen thought she must sleep half the day. She went to bed early, woke up in the middle of the night to spend some time with Tessa, and then snuck back into bed to finish sleeping.
"I treasured those talks." Tessa told her after a moment of silence.
"So did I." Raven swallowed hard, remembering the teenage girl wiping sleep from her eyes and sitting up with a smile, happy to see her.
Tessa sat up. "They normally started with me asking what you did with your day, if it was a good one."
"And I'd talk about the classes or the other students, before I told you about how I wished we could have walked through the garden, or how I wanted to take you to a movie I'd seen with Jean or Bobby."
"Raven, it's been a while. What have you been doing with these years? Were they good?" Tessa altered the routine and Raven took a shuddering breath at the return to an old way of communicating and the familiar feel of it all.
"I left here for New Orleans," Raven sighed and tried to relax the tension in her back. "Was a bartender and became an alcoholic." She felt some shame as she revealed that, but it was not the worst of it by far. "Left there with the Xmen running after me, but Logan gave me money for the train. Went to Vegas and worked in a brothel." Tessa actually jerked back a bit in shock, not something she did often. "I was a madam." Tessa's body slowly relaxed. "Picked up a boy that needed a home and took him with me for a few years. We went to San Francisco." Raven hesitated.
"Raven?" Tessa could use one word and say so much. Raven forced herself to continue.
"I worked at a book store in San Francisco, and then the holidays hit." Her voice was filled with tension. "I drank more and more and it wasn't enough. I kept imagining what they were doing to you and I couldn't sleep. I was a mess, so when I saw the man selling drugs I bought." Raven didn't even look at Tessa now, she was talking to her own knees. "It was a bad trip, it was like Selene was there and you were helpless. She wanted me to kill myself, so I grabbed the butcher knife."
"No." A soft whisper was barely enough to interrupt Raven and Raven didn't look up at that.
"And slit my wrists. I was found and sent to the hospital, but it was close." A tear trailed down her cheek, but Raven didn't linger there. It hurt too much. "So after I got out of the hospital we went to Mexico to work in a hotel. It was easy work and I was a little too weak to do more. I just took reservations, checked in people. Then we moved to Vancouver Canada. That was actually pretty close to home, but I didn't bother driving to Seattle. Mother wouldn't have wanted to see me." Her voice was conversational, but it was to cover up her discomfort. Her hands shook a little so Raven held them in her lap. Tessa was just letting her talk. "Worked as a researcher for a newspaper. Then I went to Scotland, did some construction. My hands got rather rough," She gave a weak chuckle. "So going from that to being a masseuse took a lot of hand cream and work. Australia was nice in the winter, not like New York at all. My boy was afraid to leave me alone at all in December, he'd watch me like I'd explode if he wasn't careful. I got fired for punching someone that thought they could feel up the masseuses."
"Good." Tessa's voice was still quiet.
"I hit Europe after that, worked in Rome in the museums while studying art then hit Paris." Talking became a bit easier. "I worked in a police station in Toronto."
"You had a good cover then if you passed the background check."
"I had help." Raven admitted it again. She'd told Tessa when she left she had help. "Then I went to Texas as a farm hand." Raven shuddered a little. That wasn't one of her favorite jobs. She took care of animals. "Moved to Colorado and became a counselor for gay teens. Mostly it was organizing things, but I did some one on one work. My mom kicking me out was more than enough experience to help me with the closet cases. I stopped a few from telling their parents, told them to wait until they were old enough to leave if they needed to."
"Not every parent acts like yours did."
"Well, it's better to plan for the worst don't you think?" Raven sighed. "Trusting people to care and watch out for you doesn't always work." She thought of the Professor as well. "We learned that the hard way Tessa, but I didn't want the kids to."
They were quiet for a while and Tessa asked. "What else?"
It got Raven talking again. "Moved to Chicago in the dead of winter. Worked as a Nurse's aide in a hospital. Terrance, my boy, had a hard time leaving Chicago. He'd found someone, but he left with me. We went to Jamaica, and I worked in a bank approving loans. Even had to wear a business suit." She remembered telling Tessa that any job that required that of her wasn't a job she'd want. It was another late night conversation about what they'd do if they had a normal life. Tessa would remember that talk, she remembered everything. "Then we went to Wisconsin and Terrance started college. I taught art and when it was time to go, he stayed to finish school." Raven looked up and gave Tessa a sad smile. "He'd been running with me for years, but he was getting too old. If he wanted a future he had to stop." Raven sighed and kept her face on Tessa. "I was sent to Afghanistan, where my lover was captured. I knew the language, you taught it to me. I was two people there, the female tourist that checked into the hotel and the male Afghani that drove into a small town and got shot killing six men and freeing her lover. We went to Austria to recover and she left me. I gave up my physical therapy and moved to Genosha." Tessa was looking sympathetic and caring. She'd heard some of this story. "Worked in a gym as a trainer and at the market as an artist. Met a sweet girl that took care of me and ran into Emma." She said it like they were clearly opposites. "Emma wouldn't let three days go by without hunting me down and she tricked me into doing a painting for her. Ellie, she was a precog and she was nervous about her visions. The day she died we were going to get together after her school and figure out what do to about all the death she was seeing. She was in Emma's class and I held her as she died. I was returning Emma's keys, and you know, I am so glad I was there for her. I was able to tell her I loved her before she died." More tears trailed down her face, and her voice was a little harder, as if challenging Tessa to object.
"Loved?"
"She was too young, but if she weren't…" Raven's words trailed off. "She was so sweet and strong. She took care of me and I needed someone to do that. I'd just lost Terrance and my lover had left me and Emma wouldn't leave me alone. I was hiding in Magneto's country so the Professor wouldn't find me. I needed Ellie."
The silence extended for too long. Tessa finally spoke. "I continued spying after you left. It was hard. Emma went back to her school and the party was wrapped up. It went back to business as usual, but it wasn't the same. I continued to give reports and sabotage things. Selene and a few of her people decided to kill off the old leaders and many of the Inner Circle died, Emma was hurt and her kids killed. It was just Sebastian and I building it back up. I used the incident with Selene to convince Sebastian that those damned games he liked to play led to that. The points and the pointless betting created a culture that allowed Selene to offer points and privilege for killing the Inner Circle. It stopped some of the brutality there. When Emma created a new school working with the Professor she offered me a place as a teacher, not wanting to leave me there, but I turned her down. There were power struggles all the time there and I navigated it the best I could." Tessa sighed. "But when I was captured by Bogan and tortured, held for ransom, the Professor waited until he knew Sebastian wouldn't save me before he lifted a finger. Storm came and got me out of there and everyone found out that I was never really their enemy, but not everyone believes it." It was clearly a very brief and edited history, but Raven didn't think she could handle more. Her mind filled in the holes with horrors. "Storm broke free of his control and asked me to help her look for Destiny's Diaries so that he wouldn't have them. That was what I was doing when I heard Genosha was destroyed and when we got the call from Jean saying you'd been found."
"Was it really worth it Tessa?" Raven asked point blank. "All the torture they put you through, what you and the others did to me. Was it really worth it?"
"No." Tessa shook her head. "It wasn't. What you suffered, nothing I got out of that club was worth that." Raven wanted to say and yet you stayed Tessa, but she didn't. She just remained quiet. "I was always waiting for the chance to do something that would make it worth it, the pain I went through. I kept thinking it was just around the corner, the information that would be worth it all. Then after you I was desperate for it. Something to help ease my pain and guilt, something to point to and say, that is why I stayed, so I could stop that. It never came Raven. Sure I did some good, but every time I went to bed it didn't feel like enough."
Raven took a deep breath and just sat there, staring at Tessa. The woman stared back. "I guess we should sleep." Raven finally said that since she really couldn't think of anything she wanted to talk about at the moment.
"The thought that you could have died three times and I would have never known." Tessa shook her head.
"That's how I've felt for ten years. Alone worried helpless to protect you." Raven moved to stand up.
"And it really did almost kill you." Tessa added it quietly. "Oh Raven." Raven didn't know what to say to that, so she started for the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow Tessa."
"Thank you." Tessa's response confused Raven and she turned to look at the woman that had haunted her for years. "For coming in here, for talking with me again like old times. I really did miss our talks."
"So did I." Raven's voice was quiet, somber, and she turned to leave. It took her far too long to fall asleep that night.
………………..
"Stop it." Raven groaned and pulled the pillow over her head as the endless knocking continued.
"It is time to wake up Raven." Emma's cool voice called through the door. "Hiding under the covers won't make the monster go away. You have to be a little more proactive than that." There was a pause and the woman's voice softened a little. "Breakfast will be ready soon." Raven opened her eyes briefly and closed them again with a heavy sigh. It hadn't been a dream, she was at the mansion.
"Not hungry." She rolled onto her side and stared at the clock
"Honestly, you're worse than Jubilee dear." Emma sounded exasperated. "I could go down there without you and I'm sure that Storm telling everyone whatever you admitted to last night won't cause any harsh feelings or anger. They are all waiting to welcome me with opened arms." Sarcasm dripped from her voice.
"I have no problem throwing you to the wolves." Raven pushed herself up into a sitting position.
"Right, and that's why you were trying to hold Storm back last night when she wanted to choke me to death."
"It's only eight. Go back to bed." Raven scratched her shoulders and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Raven might have had four hours of sleep if she was lucky. She lumbered over to the bedroom door and opened it to stare at Emma. Her eyes traveled down the woman's body once she realized that Emma wasn't dressed. The tshirt Emma had borrowed to sleep in almost covered her underwear, which looked to be dark blue for a change. Raven stared at the underwear for a moment with a puzzled expression on her face a little too tired to realize that staring was going to be noticed.
"You've seen me in less." Emma spoke and Raven jerked her head up to look into Emma's eyes. "Also I wanted to know if you had any shampoo. I need a shower and there wasn't any in my room."
"I don't know." Raven moved to the side and let Emma in. "Lemme see."
"So you didn't shower last night?"
"No." Raven muttered as she opened the bathroom door and pulled the shower curtain aside. There were bottles of shampoo and conditioner. "Not your normal stuff, but beggars can't be chooser." Raven picked up the bottles, but almost dropped them when she turned and Emma was right behind her.
"Did you need them?" Emma asked as she gently took them from Raven's hands.
"No," Raven shifted her rumpled pajama clad form into jeans and a tshirt, with neat combed hair. "I don't need it and I'd rather sleep." Her pajamas faded back into existence and Raven turned to touch the bathroom door. "So go."
"How about I shower here and then we go down for breakfast." Emma put the bottles back down on the edge of the tub. "Tessa said there was a change of clothes I could use in her room."
Raven's eyebrows drew together and she glanced at Tessa's bathroom door. "She should be sleeping. Leave her alone."
"No, she's already working. She's the one that gave me a wake up call." Emma rolled her eyes. "Which is why I'm spreading the joy. I am here for you after all."
Raven went quiet as she considered that. Emma really didn't get anything out of this battle personally. With a slight slump of her shoulders Raven sighed. "Fine." She shook her head slowly from side to side in disapproval of the tactics to make her wake up. "You shower."
Raven was to the door before Emma spoke again, her voice soft. "Did you like being able to talk with Tessa again?" It stopped Raven's retreat and she turned to look at the woman in her bathroom.
"Thank you." Raven said it quietly and pursed her lips together for a moment, the words didn't come easily. "I wouldn't have come if you didn't push it." Her eyes softened just a little as she looked at Emma, allowing herself to believe in the good deed Emma had done for her, in spite of the underhanded way Emma went about it.
"I knew you'd want to see her." Emma folded her arms, with the two bottles hanging from one hand. "And she wanted to see you."
"Yeah, well," Raven reached for the bathroom door. "Thanks." She took a step out of the room, staring to pull the door closed behind her. It felt strange thanking Emma for anything, but the woman had more than come through for her in this. Raven really was stunned at how her friends were standing by her and she never would have known they'd do that if it weren't for Emma.
She gave up trying to sleep as she listened to the water in the bathroom and just got up to practice. Her morning routine was to work on her powers, and normally that would have been an hour long session, and she would have done it before bed as well, but being here ruined her routine.
"So this is what? A training session?" The voice surprised Raven. Emma's tone told her that the telepath didn't think much of the routine Raven had created.
"And how is the giant rock woman doing with her powers?" Raven snapped at Emma while moving to stand again. "Hardly the most challenging new power is it? Rock or not rock."
"It's diamond dear." Emma was toweling off her hair and was only wearing another towel. Raven's eyes widened just a little as she noticed that. "And I was about to offer my help, but if you'd rather just practice like this be my guest. I just think you're capable of more."
"Help?" Raven asked after a moment.
"Have you even considered seeing if you can alter your abilities with your shifts? Become stronger or faster? How about more flexible in a fight, able to dodge your opponent?" Emma pulled the towel away from her head, leaving mussed blonde hair as she stepped closer to Raven. "I am a teacher after all. I could help you. I have ideas."
"I don't know." Raven's body slowly relaxed as she considered the offer. Letting anyone know what all she was capable of was a risk, which was why she hadn't told anyone she was a shapeshifter and only Emma and Tessa knew.
"How about we get a bite to eat and go to the gym. I'll play your personal trainer for a change and if you don't agree I have good ideas for you I won't bring it up again." Emma's smile said the blonde knew she had something.
"No trailing after me, no stalking me until I give in and do what you want?" Raven felt like she'd been here before, believing a promise from Emma only to have Emma's built in loop holes become apparent. "No tricks? Just one session?" She was curious what someone else would make of her powers and Emma looked like she had something good to share, she was just too pleased with herself.
"Even a money back guarantee." Emma smiled fully.
Raven just continued with what she had been doing while Emma got ready to go, but her tension increased as that time to leave got closer. Emma had mentioned the others and how they'd respond to the former White Queen. It wasn't likely to be very relaxing downstairs if Storm did tell anyone else what Raven had said.
It was bad enough the others would find out what happened to her, why should Raven have to protect one of the women responsible for it? She really wished she could just ignore this and let Emma take the punishment the Xmen would dish out, but she couldn't.
As they walked down the stairs Raven tried to think of some way to convince the others to leave Emma alone. She could hear the talking and the clank of dishes. As they stepped into the room, eyes turned to them and Raven could already tell who knew and who didn't. A flush of shame crossed her cheeks at the tender, almost pitying looks Jean, Hank, and Scott sent her way. Logan was looking but without that same expression and he looked at Emma with less hostility than the others.
Tessa was sitting quietly, looking almost apologetic about the attention Raven and Emma were getting. Storm's eyes took in how close Raven was to Emma and it gave Raven an idea.
"I was thinking after breakfast maybe we could work out. I haven't been to a gym since, well, it happened." Raven turned partly to Emma, and took in the knowing look the blonde gave her for using this ploy. "I should see if I am any stronger now, I think I am."
"Well, they do still have a gym if that's what you really want, but the danger room is also a possibility." Emma moved to sit beside Tessa, so Raven took the seat across from both women.
"No, a gym is enough." Raven responded and reached for the orange juice carton.
"You should learn what the limits of your powers are." Tessa entered the conversation. "The danger room would help with that."
"I don't want to play with my powers today." Raven sighed a little as she focused more on dishing up than on the others at the table. Her metamorph powers were hers alone right now and the minute the xmen heard about them it would become a struggle to keep control of her own life. They'd want her to train and Raven wasn't really sure she wanted to be pulled back into that old life. With training came waiting for missions she never got to go on and orders she had to follow. No, Raven didn't want to deal with that just yet, and there was always the chance the Professor could win the battle and then Raven would find herself wishing she'd kept her powers secret.
"We've upgraded a lot since you were here Raven." Hank spoke, his voice still irritatingly soft, as if Raven had proven to be far too fragile for his real voice. Raven hated that, the feeling that others thought she was broken. "I believe Bobby likened it to the holodeck on Star Trek."
Raven's eyebrow rose, a little impressed with the upgrade, but still not willing to let the cat out of the bag about her powers. "Cool."
"Bobby will be delighted to see you again." Hank turned just a little towards her. "He will be coming in today, as part of Kurt's team." Hank's eyes were sad, Raven found she couldn't look at them and turned to look around the table just to avoid them. Storm didn't look away and her eyes stared into Raven's. In spite of Storm not being a telepath or empath, it looked like the woman was trying to send strength Raven's way.
"Who else is on that team, anyone I know?" Raven asked Hank, even though she was reluctant to keep the conversation going.
"Well, you know Kurt and Bobby. Warren is on the team as well." Hank seemed to relax a little, making this a little less painful. "Logan joins them sometimes, but you know Logan he'd join ten teams if it meant more fighting." Hank's smile was barely there, but Raven let her own shoulders relax into this polite chit chat that talked around the questions in Hank's eyes. "A former student of Emma's, Monet is with them currently, but she isn't normally a member of that team."
"Small team then." Raven spoke distractedly. "If it's only got three full members."
"It'll grow again. They always do." Hank was staring at her. "Maybe,"
"No." Raven said it softly, but it was firm. She wasn't going to sign up for Kurt's team.
"Are you going to stay Raven?" Hank asked her.
"I don't know." Raven sighed and tried to focus on her meal again.
"Still living on the run dear?" Emma interrupted them and her voice was almost weary. "No plans for the future?" It sounded like an insult.
"I don't know," Raven didn't let Emma get her angry, the woman wanted her to be. Raven was catching on to Emma's tricks, how Emma used Raven's anger to make Raven do things like see the Xmen, or meet her at Penn Station. "This isn't home anymore." She could feel it now, her doubts about where home was to her over the years were clearing up, and this wasn't it.
There was an awkward silence, and when Neal spoke he was just a little too loud to pull off casual. "I was thinking of running a Danger room session before the other team got here. Anyone want to join me?" Not the smoothest change of subject she'd ever seen. Raven looked down and hid her slight smile at his bumbling attempt. It freed her to eat while others talking about programs they could run.
After breakfast Tessa left, claiming to have more work to do, leaving Raven alone with Emma. They made their way to the gym, and thankfully no one followed.
…………….
"I'd say you've made progress." Emma smiled at her while leaning back against a wall. Raven was in the process of sitting up, her arms feeling bulky. She glanced at the extra mass and then let it fade back to her own toned but sleek form. "I believe that was twice what you used to bench press."
"You were right." Raven stood up and glanced at the weights again. It had been Emma's idea to let her arms shift before trying, and while it wasn't attractive it got results. Now if they could find a way to do that without the masculine arms Raven would be happy.
"Yes I was, wasn't I?" Emma said smugly, while holding the bottled water out for Raven. "You lost a bit of water in your shift, looks like you've been sweating." Raven just glanced at her wet shirt and then ignored it while taking deep drinks out of the bottle. "You don't need to drink water to build mass. Perhaps we should see if you are pulling it out of the air like Robert does."
"Bobby," Raven shook her head and chuckled. "He prefers to be called Bobby."
"But he was named Robert." Emma answered as if that was all that needed to be said.
"He didn't used to want people calling him that. He thought it was too stuffy."
"Yes, well." Emma grinned just a little. "It does annoy him when I call him Robert."
"You live to annoy people now don't you?" Raven shook her head and went quiet, thinking of how that really did describe Emma, a woman that liked to annoy.
"I don't call you Christine." Emma said it gently. "Because I assume you have a good reason for going by Raven now, but Robert is just trying to not grow up. He tries to pretend he is still a teenager, and it really is ridiculous for a grown man to aspire to nothing more than video games and jokes."
Raven had to agree with Emma, Bobby normally did act immature, but there was more to him than that. She was quiet for a moment, just leaning back against the machinery while in deep thought. "Tessa named me Raven." She spoke quietly. "It was something to hold onto her for a while, but then it just became who I was. Tessa got it from a poem."
"The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe." Emma seemed to look to the left unseeingly, clearly trying to remember something. "But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling," Emma paused as she tried to remember the rest of that small piece of the poem and Raven just watched her, "Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door; Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -- What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore Meant in croaking "Nevermore."" Emma shook her head and grinned. "Hardly the most romantic poem to use to get a name for a lover. An ominous bird of yore."
Raven smiled just a little at Emma's response and her recital. "My powers were an embarrassment to me," Raven sighed. "She made them special with that poem and the story about how Raven's foretold death. She gave me my codename when I couldn't come up with anything that wasn't bleak and cold to me. A codename that didn't make me feel like I was pretending to be more than I was, because really, in a battle I was always the weakest one."
"Well, it suits you. Those black birds have some dignity of their own." It was actually nice of Emma to say that.
"Nevermore." Raven wrapped her arms in front of her while thinking of that word. "A motto I can live by."
"You're strong enough to make that word stick now Raven." Emma told her, almost seeming like she could read Raven's mind. "Nevermore to the Professor, to the teammates treating you like a child, whatever you need it to mean. It isn't just your mutation changing that gave you that strength; there is more to you than used to be there."
Raven wasn't sure what to do with yet another compliment from Emma. A semi shy, "Thank you," was all she gave in response. She had changed, and that was why the Professor was underestimating her now. It would hopefully be his downfall, but then what?
"We should probably start towards the meeting. They are all here now." Emma glanced down at Raven's wet shirt for a moment and it reminded Raven to change her clothes. They dried and darkened and Raven stood taller in leather pants and a leather halter, with a leather jacket falling down to her knees. It was a copy of the outfit Lady Heather had gotten her years ago and it earned her a slight smirk and raised eyebrow from the blonde, but Emma just stared for the door.
Emma spoke over her shoulder, "Afraid they won't take you seriously?"
"This probably won't even help." Raven muttered as she took long strides to keep up with Emma. Emma stopped and turned to look at her again, forcing Raven to stop.
"The blue hair does make you look different than when you were younger, but tie it back." Emma studied her and Raven found herself listening. "Can you put a tattoo on?" Emma's hand reached out and a finger trailed over the exposed flesh of Raven's stomach, circling her belly button. It made Raven twitch a bit in surprise. "Blue to match your hair, perhaps a half a design fading into your pants." Emma's finger trailed in a semi circle in the path she wanted a tattoo. Emma's fingers were a little colder than Raven's body, but not horribly cold.
"Why?" Raven asked instead of commenting on Emma taking a liberty like this. She was curious about the reason for something like that.
"They haven't seen you exposing this, and it would show you've changed. Bring the waist of the pants down and put a tattoo on, you could even leave the jacket off and enhance your arms a little, not that you weren't impressive years ago, but to make you seem stronger." Emma looked into Raven's eyes. "I know how image works and how to manipulate it and people to get them to respect you. It was practically taught from the crib in my family."
Raven took off the jacket and let Emma see her let it go, and how the jacket just ceased to be when it wasn't in contact with her anymore. She closed her eyes and imagined a design that she etched into her skin, a blue arch with triangles off of it making it look vaguely sun like. It wasn't small, it would be hard to miss. She then pulled her hair back while it started going blue again, and a leather band came into existence to hold it back.
"There." Emma looked pleased. "Tough, strong, but not too refined." Raven wished for a mirror to see what Emma was seeing, but they started walking again. "You're more nervous today than I thought you'd be. You've already won over most of them dear."
"Warren never really liked me." Raven sighed as she imagined how he'd react to her news. "And Bobby won't be able to accept that the Professor isn't a saint."
"That was what you expected from all of them." Emma pointed it out as they went through the doors to another hall. The sound of voices rose and Raven grimaced as she heard Bobby's angry tone, even though she couldn't hear the words just yet.
"Yes, but it looks like Bobby's about to deliver." She sighed as they got closer to the noise.