There was a sickening crunch of a male's …delicate areas… being rammed a good deal further up into his body. Alex had brought her knee up with deadly force, slamming into the Timoneer's groin area, and when he had pitched forward in pain, she powerfully head-butted the already-painfully injured navy man. Tim gasped in pain and collapsed against Alex, completely unconscious. Struggling to shift Tim's dead-weight off herself, Alex finally shrugged him off, letting him crash to floor. Staggering down the passageway back up to the deck - clutching her head in slight pain from both the effects of the alcohol and the head-butt - Alex murmured to herself, "You're right; I did enjoy that."
Smiling roguishly to himself, Jack materialised out of the shadows down the passageway. He had been worried about Alex's safety and welfare, but judging by the scene that had just been played out in front of him, he concluded that she was quite capable of handling herself, sober or not. He winced in empathetic pain as he passed the unconscious Timoneer, who had curled himself up into a foetal position. Stepping over the unfortunate man, Jack reminded himself never to try that move on Alex. Ever.
"Good job," Jack called to Alex's rapidly retreating figure. Startled, she turned back to face the gloom, tensed and ready for a fight. "Relax luv. 'S only your swash-buckling debonair scallywag of a Captain," he reassured her as he drew nearer, stepping into the flickering light cast by a torch-bracket. Alex looked like she was in deep contemplation for a moment, before wrinkling her nose up and fishing through the pockets of a red naval coat that some love-stuck lieutenant had given her.
"Merry Christmas." She slurred sluggishly, before turning on her heel and disappearing back into the gloom of the passageway.
"Wine." Jack remarked in surprise as he turned the bottle around in his hand, regarding the label. He sighed as he popped open the cork effortlessly, the bubbles spewing forth and foaming down his arm, "Pity; tonight's really more of a 'red' occasion…"
Alex lurched back up deck for some fresh air, trying to clear her head. She didn't trust herself amongst this polite society not to go blabbing something about Jack and his pirating ways, or insulting some pompous old navy man. Leaning against the railing as far away from the crowds of couples as possible, trying to get the sea air to sober her up but failing, Alex heard footsteps behind her.
"I couldn't help but wonder, have I met you someplace before?" The Vice-Admiral asked suavely in his fakely-exotic accent. It was the same officer who had cut in between Will and Alex, and it had taken Alex every ounce of skill she possessed to shake him off, but like a bad smell, he always came back.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." Alex replied. Hidden like a chameleon on a leaf - in the crowd gathering around Alex and Vice Admiral Stone - was Jack; by now finally extremely drunk and finally extremely satiated. He stepped out of the safety of the throng to try to lend a hand, despite harbouring a feeling that regardless of his best efforts, the end-note of this occasion would be a sour one.
"I said," began the Vice Admiral more loudly, looking slightly annoyed that his pick-up line was ruined, "Have I met you someplace before?"
"I'm sorry, I still can't understand you through that thick accent." Alex replied innocently, fed up with containing her temper and playing the nice, quite, polite fiancé charade.
At Alex's last words, most spectators managed to convert their grins to small smirks or hide them behind fans or hands, but Jack gave such a loud snort of mirth that the entire crowd on the deck went quiet. Vice Admiral Stone turned around to regard Jack resentfully, "What do you want?" The Vice Admiral hissed at Jack. Jack raised his hands in submission.
"The lady says she doesn't know you, savvy?"
The Vice-Admiral grabbed the lapels of Jack's coat and drew him close to his snarling face, "We'll let the Lady decide for herself, shall we?" Which left Jack with no other choice than to conduct himself in the proper gentleman-like fashion: he delivered a swift roundhouse that connected solidly with the Vice's chiselled chin. Staggering back a few paces, the Vice simply shook his head several times, as if to clear it. Jack looked on, slightly horrified that his blow hadn't felled the navy-man. Lightening fast, the Vice struck out, his hands latching on to Jack's neck and lifting him bodily off the ground. Jack's eyes widened in surprise as his booted feet peddled air. Alex rushed over and attempted to break the Vice-Admiral's iron-grip on Jack, pounding pitifully on the Vice's arms. Once she saw that her efforts were pointless, she tried to gain his attention in other ways.
"Actually, now you mention it, you do look familiar," she stated desperately, trying to distract him from throttling Jack. She achieved no reaction or acknowledgement from the Vice, who was determinately fixated on watching Jack's face turn from a bright-red to a deep purple. Noticing this, Alex forged on loudly, "You were the eunuch, right?" Vice Admiral Stone almost dropped Jack in his surprise.
"No." He hissed, and resumed strangling Jack with doubled intensity and vigour. Through his haze, Jack noticed Alex take aim, and winced in preparation for what was to come. For the second time that night, there was the horrible crunch of a booted foot connecting with a very fragile area of masculine anatomy. The Vice dropped to his knees as Jack ungracefully crashed to the deck.
"Well, you are now."
Eyes narrowed in rage, still bent over in pain, the Vice charged towards Alex like a maddened bull. Jack, still lying on the floor recovering and sucking in air, calmly stuck out a leg and tripped the Vice Admiral, who crashed over the ship's railings and disappeared overboard into the cold, dark sea. The entire crew and guests on the Virginia went quiet.
"I think I'm going to be sick." Alex murmured, clapping a hand over her mouth.
"Er, time to go." Jack said, peering over the side of the naval cutter, trying to gauge where the Vice had fallen. Jack wrenched Will away from Elsey the Vixen and made to follow Alex. He paused to apologise, "Sorry to bother you, had a great night, must do it again sometime," bowing with a flourish to every person he could find. When Jack could see he was getting nowhere he turned to plan B – blame someone else. (If that failed, plan C was enacted – run) "Who gave the poor, innocent lass grog anyway?" He demanded, rounding on the Admiral of the ship, who had the decency to look ashamed, even though it wasn't him that plied her with alcohol. The man who had done the deed was paying painfully for that error, Jack thought half cringing in empathy for the plight of the Timoneer.
"I'm sufficiently mature enough to be deemed accountable to judge the consequences of my actions, thank you very much!" Came Alex's indignant cry from the deck, before a gagging sound and a splashing noise followed swiftly after. There was a squawk of disgust from the waters bellow. Sounds like they had located the Vice Admiral. "I happen to enjoy spewing my guts over the side of a boat at midnight." Alex added, trying to save face. She peered down over the ship again and appeared to be studying the dark waters. "Sorry mate. You must admit though, it was a good shot." She called to the now very unfortunate Vice-Admiral.
"This would definitely be the opportune moment to unfortunatelydepart from this highly esteemed and enjoyable company." Jack muttered, tugging the smitten Will along in his tow and jumping the deck rail, landing in the jollyboat where Alex was already reclining. "Where were you when we were making new friends amongst the Navy?" Jack hissed at the love-struck young William. Getting no response, Jack peered closer at Will through the darkness, "What's the matter with you?" he asked uncertainly, waving a jewelled hand in front of Will's face, "Never mind that; row." He concluded, handing Will an oar, which Will took without even acknowledging it.
A few short minutes later, Will, Jack and Alex collapsed on the deck of the Black Pearl.
"Home sweet home!" Jack murmured, surreptitiously kissing the wooden planking. "Some mongrel neglected to swab the decks today…" He muttered, lifting his head from the foul-tasting deck. "Well, that was a waste of time," he finally conceded, rolling on his back and addressing the stars.
"Speak for yourself." Will replied dreamily. Alex grinned euphorically.
"I got rum! And ale!"
"Rum? Ale?" Jack repeated weakly in disbelief and disgust, "All you gave me was bubbly." Will managed to pull himself into the present; it seemed like the drug that was the flame-haired Elsey was finally wearing off him.
"Jack, she's –"
"completely smashed, I know…" Jack finished, "Even more so now than before... Luv," he addressed Alex delicately, "Do you have any rum left?" Alex gave a small hiccup then produced rum, fine chocolate, a bottle of vintage French wine and other delicacies from her red coat, laying them all out on the deck around her as she sat cross-legged.
"Ah, the royal benefits." Jack muttered darkly as he regarded the rum reverently, then took a swig. "Where exactly did you get all that from?" Jack asked, slightly annoyed Alex had discovered what he could not.
"The captain's quarters, in the false bottom of his trunk. You should see what else he has there." Alex weaved slightly, then gulped down some red wine. Jack was intrigued.
"What else?" He prompted.
Alex giggled hysterically for a few moments, took another swig of the wine then replied, "Dresses - all large sizes - wigs and undergar–" Here she burst into peels of laughter. She raised the bottle to her lips again, but Jack grabbed her wrist.
"Probably not a good idea, luv." He said gently.
No more than five minutes later, Will (now being the only awake and conscious crew-member aboard the Black Pearl) gently laid Alex down on her small, solid bed. She was out like a light, and Will wouldn't envy her the next morning when she awoke with her head pounding more fiercely than 12 foot waves barrelling against the side of a battered ship. Although she had already emptied the contents of her stomach rather accurately off the starboard side of the Virginia, Will turned her slightly on her side, just in case. In any case, he doubted she would be able to breathe properly, much less choke, in the dress she was wearing. It's a wonder she fell asleep at all, Will thought as he loosen the back of her dress and her corset as much as he dared, to at least allow her to breathe normally. He stood at her doorway for a few seconds before he closed the door gently.
Sorry this one took me so long to post – I wrote it all out, read it through, decided I hated it, cursed and cussed for an hour straight, deleted it and started from scratch again. And after all that, I'm still not completely happy with the result. I apologise and blame it wholly on the two straight days of QSC trials. No doubt there'll be more spelling mistakes and grammatical errors than there are holes in Swiss cheese – my brain is no longer functioning. But smah, whatcha gunna do?
Best wishes and good luck to all my reviewers that have exams. Find consolation in the fact that learning about integers will not prolong your life-expectancy, so in the long term, it's really quite pointless trying to remember them. But regardless, good luck and study hard:)
Oh, yeah: Next chapter – more mystery of the Drifting Maiden. The association between it and the rest of the story is revealed.