500 Miles Hellfire 2
By Princess Alexandria
"Where do I see myself for this month?" Raven muttered to herself after she left Karen at her own bedroom door. Karen's idea of taking the future in small chunks made sense to her; it was less anxiety producing to not think of the big picture just yet.
Raven checked Tessa's bedroom quietly and found the woman missing again. Raven stood in the doorway staring at the bed, glancing around the room, and didn't make any move to walk away. She'd talked about her feelings about Tessa for a while today, but she felt she needed to talk with Tessa about it all. What would Raven say? Finally giving up Raven sighed and turned back to her own room to try and sleep.
It took a long time to manage the task, her thoughts and concerns kept stopping her. After she managed, it didn't last long and Raven found herself waking up to some noise. The light suddenly leaking through the closed bathroom door told her that Tessa had finally returned.
The faucet turned on and Raven listened to the interrupted spray as Tessa brushed her teeth and washed her face. Raven heard that water turned off just to hear the shower start up a minute later. It brought back images of a naked Tessa bathing with her and Christy. How perfect Tessa's body had been, Raven rolled onto her back and just listened to the water and the way the sound changed with Tessa's movements. Did Tessa have new scars like Raven had before she mutated? Did her back still look as perfect as it had or were there whip marks on it? Raven's legs shifted under the sheets as she listened to the shampooing she was sure she was hearing. She didn't even remember enhancing her hearing, but she could hear Tessa sigh heavily. It sounded troubled. Raven sat up and debated about going in there to talk, but aside from the time in the Hellfire club, they'd never been casually naked around each other.
The water turned off as Raven debated and Raven stayed in bed quietly until the light went back out in the bathroom. She got up and shifted into a long t-shirt much like the one she used to wear years ago and moved for the bathroom door. Knocking softly on the other bathroom door which connected to Tessa's room Raven spoke quietly "Tessa?"
"Come in." Tessa answered her and Raven opened the door to see Tessa sitting up in her bed with the soft light from the night table on. She smiled just a little to see that the elegant Tessa was still wearing an oversized t-shirt to bed, her wet hair brushed back, looking very different from her normal look.
"You always go to bed late and wake up early." Raven complained quietly as she moved towards the bed to sit down. "I can't need more sleep than you do."
"I've just been rather busy lately investigating how deep the Professor's plots have gone."
"So you aren't avoiding me?" Raven asked while staring into Tessa's eyes.
"I considered it giving you space."
"Don't." Raven's eyebrows drew together in irritation. "Ten years is enough space. I'll tell you if I need more." Raven let out a loud breath. "With you giving me space and Emma refusing to I just don't know what to do with either of you. If I need space I'll tell you Tessa, and I know you'll actually listen." Tessa remained quiet, as if she knew there was more that Raven wanted to say. Raven couldn't bring herself to tell Tessa how confused she was; worried that Tessa would think she needed even more space. Space wasn't helping Raven understand anything. "I was thinking of," Raven's voice became hesitant, "just temporarily, moving in here."
"Why temporarily?" Tessa asked gently.
Raven's hands started to play with the sheets that Tessa had partially tossed off of herself as she thought. "I can't make long term plans just yet." A short humorless chuckle escaped her lips. "One day at a time is all I can handle and I don't want to lie to you and say I'm moving in, when I don't know. I'm still figuring it all out. All I'm saying is I'm willing to stay for now and that I'll go get my things from the house."
"Do you need help?" Tessa smiled just a little, showing Raven she liked the plan.
"I need a van." Raven thought about the paintings that she hadn't put in storage yet. Lady Heather was going to be surprised by the size of the next delivery. Raven's eyes fell from Tessa at that thought as she considered why she had sent the paintings to Lady Heather, and that it wasn't really valid anymore. Still she wanted Lady Heather to protect her art. "But I want to get the stuff myself. I shouldn't show other people Mystique's home." And the blue woman might still be there and eager to play embarrassing tricks on Raven. It was one way Mystique showed her affection, but Raven wasn't feeling up to public humiliation.
"That won't be a problem." Tessa shifted a little in the bed, making more room for Raven by moving her feet. Raven scooted back into the vacated spot.
"Well, good." Raven felt like a coward, so she forced herself to look back up into Tessa's eyes. "Kissing you," Her words trailed off, as if running from her and leaving Raven unarmed.
"I liked kissing you too." Tessa leaned forward a little. "I always liked kissing you."
Raven blushed and felt a shy smile on her own lips, which she tried to get rid of. It made her feel like the girl she used to be, talking like this with Tessa. A darker thought helped her do it. "Tessa, what are we now?" She needed to know what Tessa's thoughts were; maybe they were clearer than her own.
"I don't know. I can't answer that for you Raven. We have to figure that out together."
"It's been so long." Raven leaned into the hug Tessa had moved to give her and let Tessa hold her. Raven's voice was mournful and Tessa caressed her hair in a soothing move. "Several lifetimes ago."
"There's no rush to figuring this out." Tessa spoke softly. "I'm just glad you're back. When I heard you'd actually done it, that you'd actually left. Well Christy had told me I might never see you again and that haunted me. I didn't want the last thing I ever said to you to be that." Tessa held Raven in silence and Raven nestled into the dark haired woman without saying anything as they cuddled sitting up. When Tessa shifted she pulled Raven down onto the bed with her, partly laying Raven on top of her and Raven just let her, enjoying being held and listening to Tessa's heart beat.
She didn't fall asleep and she could tell Tessa hadn't either, but Raven was careful not to move too much, afraid it would shake Tessa out of the trance that was keeping Raven in her arms. She didn't want to have Tessa let go just yet. When Tessa shifted a little Raven tensed up a little and did her best to just readjust her own pose to be comfortable for them both, rather than pulling away.
"It's okay." Tessa whispered and held Raven a little tighter. Raven relaxed into her and took a deep breath, smelling the soap and shampoo from Tessa's shower.
The silence became comfortable and comforting, but Raven finally moved back and up, looking down into Tessa's face. "Are you okay?" She finally asked.
Tessa didn't pretend she didn't understand, she just sighed heavily and stared past Raven at the ceiling. "He was into a lot of things Raven." Tessa spoke quietly. "It didn't stop with us." Tessa was too hesitant and Raven looked at her with concern. "He had a network of spies. He duplicated what he did to us, he made a couple care about each other, but this time he encouraged it, he saw how well our love worked on us so he tried to duplicate it, and," Tessa's voice dropped to be even quieter, "they died. Third mission out, one did short missions, and she was killed. Her lover went after her and never got out. She died as well and the Professor just wrote them off so coldly. Barely a word of remorse, no concept of his guilt, just regret that he didn't train them better but nothing about how he'd manipulated them. They were tools in this great dream of his just like we were and they died alone. No one even knew they existed. I used to have nightmares of something like that happening to us and," Tessa shook her head and Raven noticed she was just staring. Tessa's eyes were too glassy to ignore and finally Raven found she could move, pulling Tessa closer to her. "That came so close to being us Raven."
"But we made it." Raven spoke soothingly, in spite of her anger at that man. "We made it Tessa."
"Yes, but they didn't." Tessa shook her head in disgust and sighed heavily again. When she moved to sit up Raven felt the loss of contact and wondered at how after all these years it could have felt so very right to be cuddled up with Tessa. "Night after night I work on his computers and every night I find something else that makes me wonder how I never knew, how I followed him, and I feel disgusted with myself for not protecting you better; for leaving you here with him to be manipulated for years." Tessa stood up and was pacing so she didn't see the shocked look on Raven's face, and Raven managed to cover it up before Tessa turned to look at her again. "Of leaving you so long and with so little information that you'd actually look for me, come to me in that place. If he had just told you what was going on." Tessa shook her head in disgust. "I deal in probabilities and potentials, not in what ifs, but I can't help but recalculate the past and try and find a way it could have been better, and Raven, there were so many times where a different choice would have made all the difference."
"My mother used to say hindsight was 20/20." Raven never quoted that woman anymore, but it fit here. "We can't relive and fix it Tessa, we just have to deal with it." It almost felt like Christy had said those words and maybe she had at one point and Raven was just repeating something she didn't remember hearing, or maybe, just maybe she'd actually come up with that one herself. "We've all made choices we aren't proud of." Raven's eyes fell to the floor as she remembered the one she hadn't told anyone but Mystique about. "But the difference between us and them Tessa, is that we were trying to do good."
"The Professor thinks he was doing good." Tessa's voice was deeper with something self hating and cold.
Raven sighed just as heavily as Tessa had earlier, seeing that this wasn't a simple issue at all. This day was filled with difficult talks and too much introspection, but Raven forged on. "Irene knew I'd go to Genosha and she knew how much it would hurt me, but she didn't stop me." Raven sat up completely and looked up into Tessa's eyes. "But Irene told me that there were two paths and the other one lead to something worse. Still she apologized and she hurt because of the fact I hurt. If a precog can't find a way around all of life's pains Tessa, how could anyone else?" Raven stood up. "And the difference here is that she knows and cares that I went through that and she didn't force me to go through it for a goal of her own. If she could have found another way she would have. Tessa, that's the difference. He put his goals above people and he did everything he could to make us do the same. Irene could have turned me into a terrorist by now, it wouldn't have been nearly as hard for her as I would like to think, but I'm still just an artist. She didn't twist me into her warrior; she made her vision protect what I really am. I'm a better artist now than when I left, she sent me into lives and cities that did that for me."
Raven reached out for Tessa and took a hand that had been holding Tessa's other elbow. "And don't think I'm innocent of hurting people." Raven debated about admitting it and her teeth nibbled on her lower lip a little nervously as she played with Tessa's hand. Tessa's fingers moved to hold her own and Raven looked back up into Tessa's eyes. Her own were slightly pleading and Tessa's expression softened. "Christy, she came from an alternate future." Raven emphasized the word future as she stared into Tessa's eyes. "And I lived with a precog for a little while, before Irene sent me to New Orleans. Knowing the future is hard, it's a lot of responsibility and sometimes you end up hurting people you don't mean to hurt." Emma's pained expression watching another student die come to mind and Raven knew even back in the beginning she wouldn't have wanted that. And those kids that died because Raven said nothing. Raven's eyes fell back to the hand holding her own and let go, moving away and wrapping her own arms around herself as she talked quietly. "Christy was ready to warn," Raven's words trailed off. She started to pace and Tessa let her. "Irene told me something and it was up to me to make the decision." She forced herself to stop walking and look into Tessa's now concerned eyes. "I came upon a fork in the path, and I took the most traveled one." She semi quoted a poem she barely remembered. "I kept quiet and let the future play out like it had in other worlds, people got hurt and people died." Raven took a deep breath. "Children died, and it was the better path, I tell myself that, but it was the selfish path too because I picked it based on what I wanted."
"You knew about Selene's plot to take over the Inner circle." Tessa whispered it and sounded shocked. Raven wasn't surprised at how quickly Tessa put the puzzled together even with missing pieces, Tessa was always good at that. Raven's head fell forward and she stared at the carpet. "The Hellions."
"Yes." Raven admitted.
"Did you do that to punish Emma?" Tessa asked softly.
"No. The other path…" Raven's head shook from side to side. "I didn't want to hurt her, even then. I had a letter for her I carried around and every day I considered sending it," Raven's voice grew teary. "God." She stared up at the ceiling. "It was so hard, but the other path was ugly, too ugly."
"You did that for me?" Tessa's voice was a little harsher. Perhaps Tessa had liked those children, Raven should have thought of that before admitting this. She'd never told Emma because it would hurt her, the blonde would want all the details and hearing what her kids would have done to her would have hurt her, but Raven hadn't considered Tessa's feeling attached to the kids.
"Not just you." Raven's watery eyes moved from the ceiling to Tessa's. "Emma, and the kids Emma went to teach afterwards. I even did it for the kids that died. They were being raised in the Hellfire club Tessa, some of them would have become monsters like Selene, and others… well, death is better than being that woman's slave." After an awkward silence Raven gave a humorless smile. "So you see, there is plenty of guilt to go around Tessa, you don't need to take more than your fair share. I understand hard decisions, I really do. I had to decide that kids had to die."
"Oh Raven." Tessa stared at her and Raven felt nervous and anxious for some hint that this would be okay, that she would be forgiven. "Emma's not going to take this well."
"I know, that's why I didn't tell her."
"But you will." Tessa sighed. "I know you Raven, and if you start to care about her you can't lie to her."
"That was before I spent five years lying to everyone around me in the mansion and another five lying to everyone else." Raven shook her head. "And who says I'm going to care about her?"
"Raven," Tessa shook her head, "You already do. She told me about how hard you worked to not hurt her in Genosha, about your offer to leave her so you wouldn't hurt her and we both know that you weren't entirely sure you'd survive on your own especially if you were leaving her with the tunnel the two of you had cleared, basically you were going to give her the only ticket out. I saw you try to stop Storm from hurting her. You can't even spar with her without worrying. Raven, this is why she doesn't give up. You claim one thing, but all your actions say something else. You care." Tessa's voice wasn't very welcome at the moment. "Or was it all guilt?"
"No, I," Raven started and then shut her mouth and clenched her jaw as she glared at Tessa. She was angry that the dark haired woman turned this into something about Emma. It wasn't guilt, but Raven didn't want to care. "I'm going to bed." Raven announced and started for the door.
"I understand, and even though I don't feel you'd ever do that if it weren't the only thing you could do," Tessa called after her, "I forgive you Raven." Raven felt like the words loosened her control, but she just turned and gave Tessa one long lingering look. "And when you do tell Emma, realize that her first reaction won't be her only one." Raven just nodded before leaving.
………………..
"I wish you wouldn't do that." Raven leaned forward and stared at Karen from the seat across from her.
"Do what?"
"Become Dr. Freud all of a sudden. I agreed to spend some time with my friend and you go and turn into a counselor. Save it for the kids and just," Raven sighed. "Just be my friend." Raven couldn't deny that taking the job here had been good for Karen so far, but it was also changing her. A month living and working in the same place probably messed with her head. Raven wondered how Karen would feel if Raven turned the tables and brought that issue to light making it all about Karen.
"I am being your friend. A friend that is concerned about you and has a degree in something useful." Karen answered. "I've offered to help you find a psychologist of your own Raven, but if you won't do that then what am I supposed to do, just let you flounder?"
"Yes!" Raven's voice rose a little too much and she closed her eyes and grimaced as she fought to control the portal that wanted to answer her call. "Yes." She whispered once she had it under control. "Just let me deal with it."
"Are you though? Are you dealing with it?" Karen's voice was cold and Raven glared at her. "Because from here I don't see it. I see you spending time with the very person you ran from months ago. Does the term Stockholm syndrome mean anything to you? Let's not forget about survivor's guilt."
A low growl escaped Raven's throat as she stood up. "I think we should just cancel this fun little afternoon."
"I heard people saying that Emma Frost raped you." Karen pressed on and Raven's face reddened in anger.
"Well they don't know what the hell they're talking about."
"She terrified you Raven, when you first saw her you were terrified." Karen stood up and all four hands moved to rest on her hips. "Dammit Raven, I care about you. Stop holding it all in, it'll destroy you."
"It wasn't her." Raven's eyes glowed. "It was who I thought might be with her."
"Then who was it?" Karen pressed and Raven held up her hands, palms out, "Don't push me away, tell me."
"You can't understand. Just leave this alone."
"So only Emma and Tessa can understand?" Karen pressed on, her voice irritated.
"Yes." Raven glared at her friend. "Dammit Karen, just leave this the fuck alone."
"No. I can't just let it go Raven." Karen's voice was cold. "You are stuck in something so unhealthy and you can't even see it. Every morning you let Emma into your room and I have to wonder why and what you do in there. And Tessa let them hurt you, rape you. Did she help them?"
"Who the hell is telling you this shit?" Raven demanded, ready to hunt the person down.
"Can you tell me it isn't true? It isn't important who's telling me this, just that it wasn't you. You didn't tell me."
"No one here can understand." Raven spoke slowly while tears trailed down her face. "You push and you push, but you don't understand Karen. If you were my friend you wouldn't push me like this. It isn't Stockholm syndrome, it isn't me crawling back to my captors, it isn't. You can't understand, and I can't explain it to you, so just drop it." Raven shook her head. Karen had tried the gentle approach weeks ago, but apparently she thought it was time for the brutal one.
"Tell me it isn't true." Karen sounded like she really thought Raven couldn't say that and not lie.
"It isn't true." Raven stared right into Karen's eyes. "But you don't have the clinical distance needed to hear me do you. You're just an angry woman wanting to punish me along with the people you think hurt me. There is a reason psychologists don't treat friends, it's because they can't hear what a friend is saying, but you keep this up it won't be an issue because I won't be your friend."
"This isn't about punishing you Raven, why are you feeling punished?" Karen still had that damned clinical voice.
"Because you treat me like I'm crazy for being near them, like I'm sick and warped by my past and can't," Raven's voice cracked, "stop people from hurting me, but I can. I'm strong Karen, stronger than you'll ever know and I don't like being treated like a weak victim. I'm not a victim anymore." Raven's vision was bleary as she shook her head from side to side. "You can't understand what that club was like, what I went through, and telling you wouldn't make a difference, because you can't listen. You want it to be so black and white, this person is good, that person is bad, but that's not how it works. That time was different and it goes beyond black and white." Raven felt tired and it was only one in the afternoon. Her shoulders slumped with the emotional drain. "I can't talk to you."
"You say I can't understand, but I could if you explained it to me." Karen's voice was softer, pleading.
"No," Raven started for the door, but called out, "Have a telepath check you out, you seem too emotional. The Empath might have been playing with you again." Raven's fists clenched as she kept walking away.
Two hours later Raven stood in the kitchen doorway with narrow eyes glaring at the blonde man looking through the fridge. "Hello Bobby." Her voice was cold and he looked up at her with a slightly confused expression. "You've been talking to Karen haven't you?"
"Well, she lives here of course I talked to her." He gave Raven a smile but Raven didn't return it.
"And I was thinking the comments she made sounded a lot like you. No one else would suggest Tessa," Raven's jaw clenched, "held me down for them." She didn't like talking about this, but she wasn't letting this go.
"I didn't say she did, I just said I wondered." Bobby's smile was gone. "A week is a long time to be in that club and you won't talk about it. I'm just concerned, and I talked to the psychologist."
"No, you were using what happened to me to create drama and make Karen hate Emma and Tessa like you do. That's disgusting Bobby, I'm glad you find my rapes so useful for you." He looked stunned at her words, but Raven didn't give him a chance to speak she just turned around and walked away. It was safer for him that way, because she wanted to hit him. He'd been her friend and now he was spreading rumors, ugly rumors.
Raven slipped into her room and started to draw, hating how the familiar interior of that club filled the paper, but with everyone else thinking about it today she was forced to. Shaw filled the paper, sitting on a chair and Raven's pencil moved harder and harder on the page until it ripped. She had her own form of therapy and it had been working for her for a while. When Bobby's face filled another page, Raven didn't feel any remorse at destroying it as well. She felt hurt and betrayed and she wouldn't be talking to him for a good long time.
After her vengeful drawings Raven pulled out her art supplies and started to paint again. She didn't pay much attention to time and while she did turn the lamp on she didn't really notice herself doing it or that it was getting late. Raven was too absorbed in painting something so abstract she didn't even know what she was doing; she just let the paint flow from her brush in bold strokes. It took shape, but Raven kept moving without taking the time to analyze it. It was something she'd learned in her travels, to sometimes just let the art take her hostage. It was freeing.
The knock startled Raven out of her artistic trance and she glanced at the clock to see she'd missed dinner. That was probably why someone dropped by. Her hands were speckled in colors and Raven started to wipe them off as she moved toward the door. "Raven," Emma's voice filled the hall and Raven just sighed heavily before opening the door. The sight of the blonde holding a plate of food was almost expected. "You missed dinner. I hope you know that you owe me for leaving me alone at the table with Karen."
"You had Tessa." Raven reached out and took the plate, but left the door opened for Emma to follow her inside.
"No, Tessa's team went on a short mission." Raven looked up, feeling nervous for the dark haired woman. "She should be back later tonight." Emma finished and moved to look at the canvas Raven had been working on. "Well, that's certainly different from your other work."
Raven sat down and looked at the canvas from the distance for the first time. The whites and blacks, the burgundy's and navy's, all the colors looked random, until Raven looked harder and a very abstract picture started to form. Women, Raven chuckled as she noticed the swell of a breast, and a hand cupping it. Her subconscious was more lecherous than her conscious it seemed, Raven tilted her head and studied the art piece, finding flaws that she doubted others here could see, but that stood out to her.
"It's passionate." Emma spoke softly, studying the piece. "wild and energetic." Emma tilted her head and stared at it, Raven found herself watching the blonde wondering what she thought of Raven's art. "This is a beautiful piece." Raven usually just considered these pieces throw aways, they took little time in relation to her other work and were more an explosion of her emotions than anything else. She kept them, but she didn't really value them. "Can I buy it?" Emma's words surprised Raven and she turned to look at the piece again.
"It isn't even done." Raven slowly picked up the fork and took a bite of the vegetables.
"But I already like it." Emma smiled. "And my office is rather bare. I know you'll only make it better."
It was a throw away, but Raven felt strange giving it to Emma, even for money, because these pieces were so personal. "What do you see?" Raven asked quietly, curious about what drew Emma to this piece. Emma had seen other works but hadn't made an offer on others.
"I see your passion." Emma studied the painting, "and I see a bed with two women on it, making love," Emma moved and Raven knew she was being looked at, "and another woman watching." Raven's eyebrows drew together as she tried to see the third woman, she'd found the first two. "Here." Emma moved her hand to point to the left corner and it took a while to see how Emma would call that a woman, but it seemed a bit of a stretch to Raven. "Passions witness." When Emma said that Raven decided that could be the name of this piece, it sounded right and these things were so hard to name. She could flesh out that third form, make it a bit more like a woman. Raven set her plate down on the bed and moved closer to the canvas, reaching out for her palette and brushes. "No, you eat first Picasso." Emma sounded amused and Raven blushed a little at a witness to her inability to control her muse.
Raven's relationship with Emma was complex and it looked like at least for today it wasn't a struggle for control, Emma seemed willing to just let Raven be. Raven never knew what she'd get when she let Emma into her rooms, but the pushy sexuality had calmed.
While she ate dinner she stared at her art and negotiated a price. It still felt odd, but it would give Raven money, and she needed that. She'd gone through too many canvases lately and her wallet wasn't bottomless.
When Raven finally got to paint, she ignored Emma's watching her, well mostly ignored her. Raven did glance at the blonde a couple times and watched how the blonde's eyes caressed the canvas, or the softer look on her face when she didn't know Raven was looking. "You know you're easier to get along with when you paint." Emma spoke as Raven filled in that third woman Emma had seen in the painting. "I'm still amazed how it keeps you calm."
"I can ignore you easier." Raven muttered quietly and put her brush to canvas.
"Now you're just doing it to be contradictory." Emma sounded like she was smiling. Raven ignored her in favor of the canvas, but she couldn't help but think about how Karen wondered what she and Emma did in her rooms. Telling people they normally just had coffee wouldn't go far, and saying that they usually argued wouldn't be believed. Why would anyone let someone into their room just to argue? Raven thought and she couldn't really answer it even though she knew she should be able to.
Raven liked arguing with Emma. It was warped, that was true, but she did like it. She didn't have to be nice to Emma, didn't have to be polite. Emma didn't expect it of her. Emma didn't give her the wounded expression that the others did if Raven said something rude or got angry. Emma didn't treat Raven like she was fragile and gave just as good as she got. She didn't act like Raven was weak, like the rape was proof of it. The others may not even realize they treated her differently, not all of the others, but too many.
A slight shifting of position from Emma reminded Raven she was painting and she put the brush back on canvas, ignoring the blush of being caught staring blankly at her canvas now as she thought about the woman behind her.
"The summer term is almost over. Soon the students that were able to go home for the summer will be returning." Emma started to talk about her own job, which happened more and more in these talks, during the lulls in their arguments. "Scott and Jean arranged a little field trip for the children that were left behind before they return, apparently a little trip to make them feel better about the fact that their parents don't love them." Emma's voice was bitter.
"Yeah, that'll make it all better won't it?" Raven sighed as she finished up the one figure and looked over the canvas for anything else that needed more work.
"They're making an entire day of it, but one stop is an art museum." Emma's tone made the offer clear. Spend time with the children and get to go see art. "When we do the other little stops you could go shop."
"I have no money, don't need clothes, and don't have a real home." Raven turned to look at Emma. "What would I buy?"
"Well, I have to work, but Tessa does still wear clothes. You could take her with you." Emma smirked at her. "And maybe you'll learn to shift on new clothes, something with more style. I've grown tired of your casual look, and the start of the term dance would be a good opportunity to show everyone you have some style. You must, you are an artist."
"Don't be so sure," Raven smiled just a little, "I'm also a lesbian." Emma laughed.
"Oh, you're more than a stereotype dear, much more." Emma shook her head and smiled. "So far you've never been as bad a fashion disaster as Tessa was when I decided to teach her how to buy clothes."
Raven's smile faded as she thought of that. Things that Raven never got to do with Tessa, and it would have been a young Tessa Emma took shopping.
"What is it?" Emma asked.
"Just lost time." Raven grimaced and moved forward to sign her art.
"All the more reason to take her out now."
"Okay."
…………………..
The next morning Raven found a shame faced Karen waiting to talk to her when she came downstairs. "Raven, I'm sorry." Karen's four hands twisted at each other. "I was influenced by that empathic kid, but still, I had no right to push you like that. And now Bobby is upset with me because what's said in a session isn't supposed to be talked about, and while I never told you he said that, you figured it out."
"I still meant everything I said." Raven's voice was cold. It wasn't like Karen hadn't said what she thought, she just lacked that bit of herself that stopped her from saying something. Raven knew now where Karen stood and she didn't like it. "I don't want you analyzing me."
"I'm sorry." Karen reached out slowly and Raven's body tensed up when she was touched. Karen looked hurt and Raven forced her body to relax.
"It's not Stockholm syndrome." Raven glared at Karen.
"I'm sorry I said that to you. And I'm sorry I said that about Tessa." Raven noticed Karen didn't apologize about Emma though. "The kids are going on a trip today. Maybe we could spend the day…"
"I'm going out with Tessa." Raven's voice softened when she say Karen's disappointment. "Maybe later."
"Yeah, later." Karen took a step back. "Max probably misses me anyway."
"Yeah." Raven gave Karen a small smile, just to reassure her but not large enough to tell her it was all forgiven, because it wasn't, not yet and if Karen didn't lay off it might not be. That hurt. Raven left Karen in the entry way and made her way back to the office Tessa was using, the Professor's old office. Tessa didn't know she was going out with Raven just yet. Hopefully the dark haired woman wouldn't make a liar of Raven.
Raven slowed as she got closer to the slightly opened door because she could hear voices, and a familiar laugh, "Emma, I am not going to go change."
"You're going to be asked out, shouldn't you look your best?" Emma's voice wasn't a surprise now and Raven glanced down the hall guiltily, before moving to the side of the empty hall to listen.
"That doesn't really help her." Tessa's voice softened. "Raven gets nervous and stammers, or at least she did. It was so cute the first time she tried to ask me out. I had to drag it out of her. She was so afraid I wouldn't be interested, even though I thought I'd made it so clear I was."
"I can see her doing that." Emma's words only made Raven's blush more intense. The blonde's voice lost some humor and became more serious. "Tessa,"
"I know." It sounded tender and Raven struggled with her desire to hear more, to know what Emma hadn't said but Tessa had heard. She wanted to, but this wasn't really about her and no matter how much she might want to know, Raven felt like this was private. She walked away.
Tessa never had answered Raven's question about her relationship with Emma and Raven felt like she needed to ask it again.
Raven found herself wandering around the library aimlessly, not really interested in the books at all, but she made a weak effort to look at the titles as she waited. She had no idea how long she should give Tessa before going to ask her to come with her today, not that it was a surprise with Emma warning Tessa. Raven's eyebrows drew together as she thought about that, and the way Emma was trying to talk Tessa into dressing up for it. It didn't make sense and really didn't fit with the scene Raven felt was probably going on in the office now.
It wasn't really a date Raven was asking Tessa out on, just time together. Raven picked up some book by Laurell Hamilton and moved to sit in the window seat. Would Raven have agreed to ask Tessa on a full date? Not just yet, she decided. There were too many unanswered questions for that.
She'd finished the first chapter and decided that maybe she'd actually read this book. The main character was interesting and raised zombies. Strange powers, but then Raven knew all about strange powers.
"Raven." The voice was soft and Raven looked up to see Tessa wearing a sweat shirt, that was probably what Emma was objecting to but it made Raven smile back, her mind replaying fond memories. It was probably intentional, since it was summer and Tessa couldn't really plan to wear that shirt into the city.
Raven didn't stammer, and she didn't get nervous. She wanted to believe it was because she was older, but it probably had more to do with the fact that she knew Tessa was here so that Raven could ask. Why Tessa didn't just say yes and avoid the asking was beyond Raven, because Tessa knew. "The kids are going to an art museum. We could go and then ditch them, maybe do some shopping?" It felt a little strange to give Emma's idea for the day, but at least Raven didn't plagiarize them, she never said I thought we could, just that they could.
"Sounds like fun." Tessa smiled softly.
"Yeah." Raven felt that familiar flutter in her chest that told her she'd never fallen out of love. She just didn't know what to do about it, but she did let herself feel it. "They're leaving in an hour."
But what was going on with Emma and Tessa, and her, Raven had to admit she was a part of the confusing puzzle.
"I'll be ready. I'll meet you at the bus. An hour is enough time for me to finish up something I've been working on."
"Okay." Raven's smile was a little shy and she watched Tessa walk away, before slowly opening her book again to kill time.
…………….
The bus trip was a little stressful. Raven had to sit on a bus filled with teenagers and a small handful of adults to keep them under control, and for the bus ride Raven found herself acting partly as a warden, glaring at a student or two that acted too wild. Her glares worked better than ever, or her being the mysterious stranger made the students more cautious about ticking her off.
"And you actually choose to do this." Raven muttered quietly to the blonde telepath sitting in the seat in front of her and Tessa. "Are you sure you aren't a masochist as well?" She could see the curve of Emma's cheek move as the blonde smirked, but was still facing the front of the bus.
"No, that isn't one of my vices." Emma turned just a little bit and looked at Raven with amusement and a slightly searching look, it made Raven blush as Emma's eyes seemed to say, no that's your thing isn't it? Tessa's hand moved to gently rest on Raven's shoulder and Raven turned to look at her.
"K.I.S.S.I.N.G." A girl started to semi sing behind them and Raven turned to glare at her.
"No one here could stop me from killing you and tossing your body off the bus." She calmly told the girl. "Power has its privileges."
The teen stared at her in shock and Raven gave her a small cruel smile, feeling more like Christy in her bravado than ever, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say more like Emma, but the noisy bus was irritating enough. She wasn't going to let that noise find her as a target. The girl looked away and sat up straighter, clearly a little nervous and Raven didn't feel at all remorseful.
"Once you are done there I believe there is a ten year old in the back you could make cry." Emma spoke, but while her words weren't too friendly sounding, Raven noticed the slight curve of Emma's lips, hinting to the telepath's amusement.
"I hear that the museum has a new collection." Tessa interrupted with something else, perhaps thinking that joking about that surrounded by kids wasn't a good idea.
When the finally got to where the bus was dropping everyone off Raven was eager to get off. Still she waited in the way kids learned very young, for her turn to leave as seat after seat emptied in front of them. Jean paid for all their admission and that was the only moment she actually had Jean's attention, when Jean nodded that she had it taken care of.
Raven stood in the entryway of the museum far enough from the kids to be separate. "How about we wait and see where they go and then go somewhere else?" Raven smiled and spoke quietly to Tessa, whose quick nod was the only hint she'd had enough of the kids as well.
Jean, Scott, and Hank in an image inducer moved with the group of kids in one direction, but Raven noticed Emma standing back from them, not following. Raven stared for a moment as Emma stepped closer to a painting in the entry way. "Raven, what do you think of this one?"
Raven glanced at Tessa, who gave Raven an encouraging look. Raven felt puzzled by why, but she moved closer to Emma and looked at the reproduction. The real art wasn't kept near the doors. "Well," Raven stared at the painting. "I always felt these splash of colors on canvas weren't art." She really tried to see the art in it, tried to see something about the composition, the placement, but she just couldn't. "I could make this in fifteen minutes."
"Doubtlessly it would be better, even as a splash of color on a canvas." Emma complimented her and Raven felt a little out of her element. "Tessa, when we get back I have to show you the painting I purchased." Emma looked past Raven to Tessa. "It isn't Raven's normal style, which I do so love, but it is exquisite. It has more passion in a square inch than this has over the entire canvas." Emma's tone made it clear she wasn't a fan of the painting in front of them. Raven didn't know what to feel about the extreme compliments, a mixture of embarrassment and pride, some gratitude mixed in, swirled through her. There was also a hint of suspicion, but Raven saw the smile on Tessa's face and let that emotion go.
"I'd love to see it." Tessa's smile moved to Raven, but she still talked with Emma. "She has grown so much as an artist. I remember her frustrated groans as she struggled to learn how to draw, whenever she struggled with hands or feet, or when a pose or shadowing had her tossing papers on the floor and starting over." Raven blushed as she remembered that as well.
"You were always so patient." Raven spoke quietly. Her eyes trailed over to Emma just to include her in the conversation. "I had to teach myself and Tessa was my only model for a year. After I could move around and didn't have to hide I tried drawing Jean or even the boys, but no one else had the kind of patience with me Tessa had."
"Well if you need more models now, I wouldn't mind posing for you again." Emma's words reminded Raven of those sittings and she went quiet. "I was hoping I could tag along with the two of you and hear what an artist has to say about the art."
"I had no training."
"And I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't better for it." Emma stood up a little taller and Raven glanced over at Tessa. Tessa's expression wasn't giving away her opinion of the question.
"Okay." Raven didn't want to be a jerk after Emma had been so nice in front of Tessa, and really her time with Tessa alone didn't start until they left the museum.
"You don't have to watch the children?" Tessa asked as the three of them started toward a hall going in the opposite direction of the others.
"We brought one extra teacher, so we are trading off on events we don't have to watch the little monsters at."
"This isn't really a fun field trip for them is it?" Raven asked, knowing that even she would have hated this place as a teenager. Her interest in art didn't happen until she was locked up in the mansions basement with little else to do.
"It's a cultural outing. Really it would do the little heathens good to know some culture." Emma's tone made it clear she'd been partly responsible for planning this. Raven didn't elaborate on how bored the kids would get.
"Oh, this piece is nice." Tessa offered, stopping their slow walk to study a piece Raven was familiar with. She'd seen this one in Italy, but apparently its tour had taken it here now. "I love the use of color."
"The brush strokes are bold too." Raven stepped closer, starting a discussion with Tessa on the merits of the piece.
"I still find the piece a little too masculine." Emma offered a less enthused comment and Raven had to move closer to Tessa to make room for Emma as close to the work as Emma wanted to be. "Angular and too bold." Emma clarified when Raven just stared at her waiting to hear what constituted masculine work. At least it wasn't the use of blue, Raven thought and noticed the slight smile on Emma's face. That woman probably liked the painting just fine but wanted to force Raven to defend her appreciation. Clearly Emma liked arguing just to argue.
Occasionally on their trip through the museum all three would agree on a piece, but when Emma stared at a clearly horrid example of someone's work and claimed it was a masterpiece even Emma couldn't keep a straight face. "Okay, so it's horrid." She admitted and Tessa chuckled, shaking her head. Raven noticed the affectionate glance Emma got when Tessa must have assumed Raven was looking at the art one last time before they moved on. That affectionate expression was aimed at Raven moments later when Raven told a story about the artist of the next piece, a story she'd told her students during her time as a Professor. Raven just noticed these things and promised herself that once she had Tessa alone she'd actually ask about it.
The sound of teenagers preceded a heavy sigh from Emma, a resigned sigh. "Looks like it's almost time for the next stop."
"Oh don't look so glum, you love them and you know it." Tessa teased Emma. Raven felt a wave of guilt as she heard that, knowing that Emma did love her children. She'd seen the blonde's face as she watched the last of her Genosha students die, and she'd been partly responsible for the first children dying. Raven's head bowed as she felt the weight of her guilt, but Tessa moved to rub her shoulder against Raven's shoulder in a cat like move of affection as Emma turned to look at the teenagers coming their way.
"Well, it has been nice. I'll see you two later." Emma hadn't caught Raven's mood and Raven did her best to cover it up when Emma looked back.
"See you later." Raven told Emma and felt Tessa rest a hand on her shoulder as she fought to appear normal.
……………….
Raven and Tessa left the museum a little after the others and caught a cab rather than walk to the little shop Tessa wanted to see and Raven never remembered seeing before. With the cabbie right there Raven decided to wait to ask her question. They'd have more privacy in a crowded room than in that cab. Especially with the way the cabby kept glancing back at them, clearly impressed with their appearance. Tessa wasn't wearing her sweatshirt anymore and Raven had dressed herself in something a little low cut, but not scandalous. No the scandalous award went to Emma, who actually wore that white outfit out in public.
Once they were on the sidewalk Raven decided to wait a little longer. Tessa was already in shopping mode and looking at something on the manikin in the window. "No, you need darker colors. Pastels and light colors make you look washed out." Raven spoke quietly. "You look amazing in dark colors." She added with a shy smile.
"I was just looking at the cut, but thank you for protecting me from a bad purchase." Tessa teased her.
"Anytime Milady." Raven teased back, as they approached the door. While they shopped Raven gave advice, noticed clothes she wanted to try and learn to form on her own body, and encouraged Tessa to use her as the pack mule holding all of Tessa's potential purchases while Tessa looked.
They'd never done this, but it still felt like old times.
After shopping they really didn't have that many bags, three wasn't that bad. Raven knew Tessa wouldn't be the type to load them down with bags of clothes she wouldn't have time to wear and Raven loved that about Tessa, loved her practicality.
"A late lunch?" Raven asked as Tessa held the doors for her. She had to give Tessa a fond smile at the familiar move. Tessa barely nodded.
"Any suggestions? I rarely went to eat around here and it's been years. Anything I know could be out of business by now."
"I may have one idea. It's just a few blocks away." And so they didn't need a cab. Raven didn't really care for the cabs in New York, so that idea won.
As they walked Raven readjusted her grip on the two bags she was carrying and finally asked. "What exactly is your relationship with Emma?"