500 Miles Hellfire 2
By Princess Alexandria
The water beat down on her. Raven leaned on her arm, using it to help hold her up as she shifted larger to pull the water and then shrunk to squeeze it out. She was treating her body like a sponge, absorbing and wringing herself out until she felt clean.
"Raven." Emma's voice was too close to be outside the bathroom. "It's enough." Emma spoke quietly. "The water is cold and you've been in here long enough." Raven squeezed her body out again, shrinking to her own size and moved the other hand to lean on the wall with both as she stared down at the water leaving the shower. It looked the same as it always had. She couldn't tell if she'd gotten him out. "Dear, you really need to just stop before you freeze over like Robert."
With a heavy sigh Raven turned the water off.
"Tessa is still sleeping it off." Emma spoke as Raven stepped out of the shower. Raven's body formed clothes, but Raven paid little attention to it, even when Emma looked her up and down. "If you need to sleep you could join her."
"I can't sleep now." Raven wrapped her own arms around her body. It was still early in the day and Raven couldn't close her eyes without seeing them, feeling them, her memories were unstoppable.
Emma studied her and then moved to the bathroom door. "Then play chess with me. I have a set in the living room." Raven's eyebrows drew together at that strange request at this time. "At least you I might be able to beat."
"Tessa taught me." Raven spoke quietly and slowly started to follow.
"I know, I was there."
"No, you were there when Tessa taught Christy. Tessa taught me a long time ago."
"Well, then this might be challenging after all." Emma smiled just a little as she moved into her living room and Raven stood waiting for the blonde to set up the game, watching her.
"I didn't think it would work." Raven's arms wrapped tighter to her body. "That you would hear me."
"I always play white Raven, so you'll have to play black." Emma looked up from the set. Raven stared for a moment, seeing similarities between the two women in how they tried to pretend everything was normal. Talking about chess at a time like this seemed insane.
What was a time like this? Raven stared at the chess board and noticed Emma sitting at it. Mechanically Raven moved to sit at the other side.
"Play." Emma ordered her and Raven shook her head a little to wake up from her thoughts and moved a piece on the board. Emma let her stay in silence as she considered her own move, so Raven let her thoughts wander again. She'd killed him, and she'd wanted to do that years ago. He was a bad man, as Christy would tell her. Why was this bothering her so much if she'd planned his murder years ago? She'd purposely gone out to kill him once, so now that she succeeds Raven feels sick.
"Your turn again dear. Please do try to pay attention." Emma's words drew Raven's attention back to the board, where she noticed the move Emma had made. Raven didn't think too hard about her own move and then it was Emma's turn again. It wasn't that she killed him, Raven felt justified in that. She'd killed for less, Raven thought of her rescue of Mystique. No, it was how she killed him. What she was able to do and who it reminded her of. That Shaw was dead was nothing to mourn over. Tessa was safer for what Raven did.
It was the husk of the man left behind and the memories that stirred. Raven had seen Selene feed before, during that night. What Raven left of Shaw's body looked familiar, and it made some of the things Selene said true. "Raven, at least pretend to pay attention. It is your turn again." Emma's voice was slightly irritated and Raven looked up at the blonde. Emma was watching her and Raven could have sworn she saw concern in her eyes.
"I'm sorry." Raven muttered and tried a little harder to pay attention to the game, taking a little time considering her own move as if she cared if she won or not. "There." She said quietly after she made a move.
"So you used to play with Tessa." Emma muttered as she studied the board.
"Yeah, but we'd change it a little." Raven smiled just a little as a more pleasant memory hit her. "She'd only get half the pieces to start."
Emma looked up at her, "And with all of that did you ever win?"
"Not once for real. Tessa did pretend occasionally for me." Raven caressed one of her pieces with her finger tip as she watched Emma touch one, and then another piece, before moving it. "She's four years younger. In the beginning my pride was pretty bruised always being second best and trailing behind so much in everything we did. I think I told her I wasn't going to play her anymore, and the next time I won." Raven should have been studying the board, but she looked up into Emma's eyes. "I knew she'd lost on purpose, but she looked so hopeful that I'd fall for it and still spend time with her that I stopped complaining about losing, and every once in a while she'd let me win."
Emma smiled just a little and shook her head. "I've yet to win once."
"Why do you play her then?" Raven asked, but it wasn't the real question in her mind as she watched Emma.
"I'll tell you if you just move something." Emma looked at the board meaningfully. It didn't make sense why Emma was so insistent they play, but Raven took the time to consider her move and then make it. "Tessa is in a league all her own, and that can be a lonely place." Emma spoke quietly and Raven stared at Emma as the blonde studied the board. "I play her for the same reason you do, it isn't about the game. It's about the connection. She's more comfortable doing three or four things at once, more relaxed."
"It's her mutation." Raven added quietly. "She needs the stimulation. It used to drive her crazy sometimes, being locked up in that mansion with me. We had to come up with things to do or learn all the time."
"The club wasn't always crazy like you saw it. There were long periods of boredom between the parties and power games. And there were times when Sebastian just needed us around, but we had nothing to do." Emma looked up at Raven. "So losing at chess was more interesting than anything else." Emma's eyes stared into Raven's. "She'd play chess, keep track of what Sebastian was doing, and who knows what else. Like you said, her mutation means she actually needs that stimulation." Emma glanced down at the board to make Raven start to study it. "Of course I never could really challenge her, but just playing helped keep her from just thinking of things I'm sure you know weren't worth thinking of."
Emma hinted to the bad memories that club had to give Tessa and Raven's jaw clenched at the thought. Emma moved her piece and sat back a little. "Raven," Emma glanced down at Raven's body and Raven's eyebrows drew together at that. "Do you perhaps want to change your clothes?" Raven glanced down to see what Emma was talking about. Raven's body tensed as she saw the corset, the panties. Her eyes trailed to her arms and finally noticed the cuffs that matched what she saw on her ankles.
She shifted into leather pants and a halter, but Raven's face was paler when she looked up at Emma again. "You put those on after your shower and I wasn't going to bring it to your attention until you were doing a little better." Emma explained and Raven stared down at the board not seeing it. She couldn't believe she'd done that. "Seeing Sebastian had to be hard for you. I find it trying myself and I've never been abused as thoroughly as you have." Raven looked up at that honest comment from Emma and wondered if Emma might actually tell her about how Shaw treated Emma, but she didn't. "It's your turn Raven." Emma told her when Raven didn't start to move.
………………..
The game went to Emma, but Raven had challenged her for it. Used to losing, it didn't really bother Raven to lose this one. She hadn't really been thinking about the game too much anyhow.
Tessa came out as Emma was putting the pieces away and Raven watched how the woman moved slowly, tiredly into the room. Dark bruises covered her neck and Raven looked away when she saw them, feeling like she'd failed to protect Tessa. Some of the bruising was because she'd pissed Shaw off and he'd taken it out on Tessa.
"Well, I see we're back to the beginning." Emma muttered a little too loudly. "I'll go order dinner and you can ignore Tessa for a few minutes alone."
"I'm not." Raven raised her head and glared at Emma for saying that. Things had been rather comfortable between Emma and Raven for the game but now it looked like Emma's gentleness was gone. As Emma turned and walked into the kitchen, presumably to use the phone. Raven turned her eyes to Tessa and spoke more gently. "I'm not ignoring you." Tessa stepped fully into the room and came closer. Raven resisted the urge to back up for some reason and stood her ground.
"Raven," Tessa spoke quietly and reached out a hand to move hair out of Raven's face. Raven's own eyes fell to the bruises, clear finger shaped bruises on Tessa's beautiful skin. "I didn't anticipate him. I'm sorry." Tessa's words had Raven looking up into her eyes. "I was distracted and didn't see it in time."
Raven didn't bring up why Tessa might have been distracted, but she felt bad that she was so often up to the task of distracting Tessa to the point Tessa got hurt. "No one should always have to be on guard." Raven spoke slowly, meaning it in several ways. One of which was an explanation for what Tessa would undoubtedly want to talk about.
Tessa moved to sit on the couch, so Raven slowly sat down herself. "I assume that you found a new way to get the water you use to build mass to your body." Tessa spoke in a detached way, unemotional. Raven wasn't sure it was better than disgust or disappointment.
"Desperate times." Raven's answer wasn't very in depth. She glanced towards the kitchen when she heard Emma starting to talk to a restaurant, Chinese from the sound of it. "I couldn't let him hunt you like that. He said he'd just get you later once it was clear he couldn't take you then." Raven told her and Tessa curled up on the couch more, getting more comfortable.
"What happened? I missed a lot. I remember walking out of the bathroom and seeing him a fraction of a second before losing consciousness. When I came to I was on the ground and Scott was standing over me. You'd killed Sebastian, and three other men were littering the ground."
Raven told Tessa about getting suspicious while waiting for her. She hesitantly mentioned how she called for help and how she fought but she gave no details. Didn't talk about the comments and promises those men made to her, didn't mention that she'd been faced with some of her own rapists and had to fight for Tessa and herself. At some point during the conversation Emma came back and just leaned against the wall listening to Raven retell it.
"And when Sebastian tried to leave you stopped him?" Tessa asked when Raven slowed in her talking. Tessa glanced at Emma and directed the question to her when Raven didn't talk. "What happened?"
"Sebastian was preening and promising to continue another day when Raven moved into his way. He tried to push her away but she latched onto him and started growing and shrinking so fast it was a blur." Emma turned her eyes to Raven as she spoke to Tessa. "He shriveled up and died. I can't say it was pretty, but it was certainly understandable. You didn't hear their comments Tessa, but I saw some of them from the link I made with Raven when she opened up to me. She did incredibly well in not killing anyone before that point. They gave her more than enough reason to."
"Link?" Raven's eyes widened as she stared at the blonde, wondering just what she'd gotten into when she tore her walls down to scream for help.
Emma gave Raven a small smile. "I try not to walk into situations without knowing what is going on. With his telepath blocking them you were my only source of information, until Scott knocked that little man out.
"You aren't still…"
"No, you pushed me back out right before you attacked Sebastian and you haven't let me in since." Emma's words helped Raven relax and calm down. She still couldn't believe she'd let someone in, and that someone had to be Emma. Could she have let Tessa in if Tessa's telepathy still worked? Or was it like with Christy and only Emma would do? That didn't seem right that Emma's powers alone could do that. Raven glanced at Tessa and wished the woman could try, just to see what Tessa felt like inside Raven's mind. Raven was pretty sure Tessa would feel amazing, perhaps too fast and too orderly for Raven's mind, but the tenderness that Tessa had would translate to that mental touch wouldn't it? Emma's concern and caring had, Raven remembered that and frowned as she considered it.
"How did you know you could do that?" Tessa asked Raven. Raven wasn't sure what Tessa was asking about for a moment, thinking it was calling Emma, but she was pretty sure it was still killing Shaw that was the topic with Tessa.
"I didn't." Raven glanced over at Emma, who had unknowing planted the seed. "but I pull water out of the air like Bobby, I just use it differently. I figured if I could do that then maybe I could focus on what to pull the water from like he learned how to do." Raven shuddered a little at the memory of what she did with that knowledge. "Yours weren't the only training sessions I sat in on Tessa." Raven added. "It wasn't like I had any of my own." Raven's chuckle was soft and more disgusted than amused. "No one thought I had real powers."
…………………
Dinner was strange. Raven sat around Emma's kitchen table with Emma and Tessa the day Raven murdered Shaw and all they talked about during dinner was plays on Broadway, the art at the museum, and lesson plans for the students once fall classes started. The closest they came to talking about what happened was when Emma mentioned she'd need to return the car she'd mentally encouraged someone to lend her. The normalcy was appreciated, and Raven knew it wasn't that things were being ignored, but it still felt strange.
Night was starting to fall and there was still no talk about going back to the mansion. Raven moved to sit near the window and stared up at the sky, watching the sunset in the distance. She could hear Tessa and Emma talking in the living room while they played a game of chess. Raven looked over at them and couldn't help but smile a little at the wink Emma sent her way as Tessa contemplated her next move. That ended quickly because Tessa never took long to move. The fact that she had thought about it was rare enough.
As it grew a little darker outside Raven turned her attention to Emma and Tessa. Tessa was looking better, but the bruise was still there and would most likely be there a while. It was the cost Tessa paid for her beautiful pale skin, bruising too easily.
The sounds of Bach filled the room and Raven's eyebrows drew together as she looked around for a source, but Emma found it first by pulling a cell phone out of her purse. "Excuse me." Emma said to the room as she glanced at who it was from. "Yes." Raven stood up as Emma walked away from the chess game. "No, I think a break was just what they both needed." Emma spoke and Raven turned to look towards the blonde who was walking into the kitchen for semi privacy. Raven's hearing improved to cancel that. "Of course she did. If she hadn't I would have." Raven didn't risk making her hearing strong enough to hear the other end of the conversation because it would make everything closer to her way too loud. As it was Raven could hear Tessa breathing softly and tapping distractedly on a chess piece with her nail. "I don't know, why don't you tell me? I'm sure you have all the answers." Emma sounded irritated. "Before you talk about framing an innocent man, would you like me to tell you how many times he's raped Raven?" Raven's jaw clenched as she moved to sit back down to stare unseeing at the neighbor taking his garbage can to the curb. "I thought you'd see it my way." Emma responded to something. "They'll be staying the night with me. All your little xmen are safe and sound."
"Raven." A much louder voice so nearby made Raven cringe and bring her hearing back down to normal. "You were eavesdropping?" Tessa moved to gracefully sit on the edge of the chair Raven was in. Raven looked up at her, and couldn't help her eyes going to the bruises. Tessa moved the collar of her shirt a little to cover some of it up, almost seeming self conscious about it. "I could cover it up. I have some of the makeup I used to use." Raven pulled her eyes to Tessa's eyes. "I can see it bothers you."
"Covering it up doesn't make it go away." Raven sighed heavily and felt Tessa's hand pulling her closer. Instead of fighting it Raven moved forward and rested her head on Tessa's side, while Tessa caressed her hair.
"Emma wants us to stay the night." Tessa told her and Raven just let out a deep breath.
"I know. Eavesdropping."
"Are you okay with that?" Tessa asked her and the hand in Raven's hair moved to caress Raven's head again. "She has a guest room, but someone is going to have to double up." Of course, Raven thought wearily, of course they'd have to double up. It would have been too easy otherwise. No, there had to be an element of awkwardness or it wouldn't be complete.
"I could go home." Raven spoke quietly. "Call a cab."
"And face the hoard of concerned xmen wanting all the details before you can get to your room?" Tessa pointed out the flaw in Raven's plan. She didn't want to talk about it just yet, to explain herself or to explain how she managed to kill Shaw yet again. "If it's the sharing of a bed, I could sleep on the couch if it would make you more comfortable." Tessa offered and once she had Raven had no chance of picking the couch for herself. If she tried Tessa would fight her, but Tessa was sore from the beating her body had taken. The couch had just become a non-option. So either Raven would share a bed with Tessa while Emma slept alone and most likely was bitter about it, or Raven slept alone while wondering all night exactly what Tessa and Emma were doing in that other bed.
…………….
The chess game resumed when Emma came back into the room and Raven slowly moved to the couch to watch. Tessa still made quick decisive moves and Emma studied the board even more than she had with Raven. It seemed the opposite of the women in real life. In real life it was Tessa that studied and thought first, moving slowly, while it was Emma that moved decisively with little thought. Raven watched as Emma lost yet another piece and could see the blonde was soon to lose the battle.
It never even occurred to Raven to turn on the television and watch that instead of the other women. She watched Emma as the blonde lost yet another piece. Emma grimaced just a bit seeing Tessa was set up to Check. A woman like Emma, it didn't seem to make sense she'd agree to anything where she knew she'd lose, but she did that for Tessa. Raven looked down at the pieces and decided to give Emma a hand and remind Tessa of the other part of some games.
"Spy." Raven called out and moved closer to the board, reaching out for one of Tessa's pieces, moving it to one of her own pieces. "Check."
Tessa looked up with a small smile on her face. "Your spy is revealed."
"The game called for it." Raven responded and glanced back down at the board, looking for a way for Emma to win. It was still going to be a challenge.
"Spy?" Emma asked and Raven moved to sit down, this time on the chair closer to the board.
"It is a move only Raven is allowed to play." Tessa looked right into Emma's eyes and Raven watched the two stare. "She has a spy in all games she can call out at any time."
"Good move." Emma smiled just a little at her and Raven nodded, before watching the pieces again. It was Tessa's turn, since Raven took Emma's, but Raven had saved Emma from a Check on her own piece. The spy was taken out in the next move, it was a required move to the spy being revealed and the second allowance Tessa let Raven have when they played spy Chess. Still, after today Raven didn't like that the rule was to have to take out the spy before any other pieces after it was revealed. It was the move Shaw tried to make.
Emma looked slightly confused by the illogical move Tessa made, not knowing about that part of the game. Emma moved to take another piece, lining herself up for a Check Mate that Tessa was sure to block.
After another round of play Raven moved a little closer, debating about the other character she could call. Emma looked over at Raven as Raven came closer to study the board. Raven sat down at the table, watching as Emma took the only real move available to her, but it signaled the end of the game, unless Raven called her second handicap player. Tessa slowly caressed the top of one piece and smirked, showing she knew what Raven was about to do. Tessa slowly picked it up and moved toward another square.
"Coward." Raven spoke and looked into Tessa's eyes with a smile as Tessa was forced to put the piece back where it came from. "You can beat her now Emma." Raven told the blonde while looking down at the coward piece.
"It's my turn?" Emma asked.
"Yes, her piece was a coward and couldn't move." Raven turned to look at the chuckling Emma, who took the opening given her.
"I don't know that this counts as a win, but Check Mate." Emma said as she toppled a piece. Even with those pieces in their younger days, Raven had never really beat Tessa, not really. This might have been the first time that Tessa really lost.
"Are there any other strange pieces on the board?" Emma asked.
"The clumsy oaf, which falls two squares away from the intended target." Tessa replied evenly and Raven blushed at having revealed their childish method of leveling the game. "She lost the right to him betting against me once during a training session I had."
"Then there were the lovers, that couldn't move more than two squares apart." Raven said while toying with a piece. "But they didn't work and I had to give them up." Raven blushed when Emma stared at her too long. "We had way too much spare time." Raven defended the strangeness of her and Tessa's games. "And there was nothing really good on TV during our slow time, we were on the opposite schedule of the others and they got the good TV time off."
"Are you still complaining about that?" Tessa shook her head. "I taped your favorite shows."
"It was the principle of it." Raven sighed and felt a bit more awkward talking like this in front of Emma, revealing these little things no one but Tessa knew. "It doesn't matter." Raven muttered before she started an old and unimportant gripe she used to have almost weekly during their training. To a twenty one year old deprived so many freedoms it had been a constant irritation, but to the Raven of today after having lost other freedoms, it seemed silly now.
"Anyone for a night cap?" Emma asked and then closed the case that held the pieces she'd been putting away. "Raven?"
"Still just juice." Raven sighed, wishing for something stronger yet again.
"Tessa," Emma stood up to get them something. It didn't seem all that strange to Raven, but Tessa took a bit too long to answer. Long enough for Raven to realize that and look up as Tessa stared at Emma.
"I'd like a glass of red wine." Tessa finally answered and Emma nodded and left to get it. Raven watched as Tessa watched Emma leave the room. Something happened, but Raven didn't feel she could ask what.
Emma came back with their glasses and Raven tensely sat and drank, knowing that it was getting late and that any minute now someone would suggest going to bed. The options kept running through her mind because Raven knew Tessa was going to ask her to chose where she slept and Raven had to have an answer.
"Well," Raven swallowed when she heard that tone in Emma's voice, the rest of the sentence easy to anticipate. "After the day we've had I think it isn't too much to turn in now."
"Raven?" Tessa's voice was soft, gentle, and it just made this all that much harder. Raven's fist clenched just a bit out of sight as she looked up.
"Where is the guest room?" Raven asked, unable to look Tessa in the eyes as she did it.
"Down the hall across from the bathroom." Tessa told her and just had to add. "Raven?"
"I guess I'll see you in the morning." Raven stood up and didn't look back as she started to walk toward the hall.
Raven's hearing amplified without thought as she heard Emma speak quietly. "Well, that was unexpected."
"No, I expected it." Tessa sounded a little hurt. Raven just sighed and walked into the guest room, while shifting her clothes into pajamas. She got into the bed, a bed with soft sheets and blankets that would feel like heaven any other night, but Raven just stared into the darkness of the room, painfully aware of the choice she'd just made.
Raven knew it was wrong, and doing it to Tessa felt more wrong than doing it to Emma, which was merely survival, but Raven enhanced her hearing to the point she could hear the house settling, the neighbors dog barking, and Tessa's voice. "Not tonight. Raven is uncomfortable enough as it is. She doesn't need to wake up to get a glass of water and hear us."
Emma sighed, "She's the one that pushed you into my bed."
Tessa's voice was soft. "I don't need to be pushed to be with you."
"I can be so very quiet." Emma's words reminded Raven how eerily quiet Emma was during sex.
"No, not like that. You know I'd rather hear you." The following sound made Raven blush as she recognized it as a kiss. "And I'm actually pretty sore. It feels like Sebastian took the opportunity to kick me when I was down."
"Well, when did he ever resist the urge to do that?" Emma sounded bitter and angry.
"Not very often." Tessa admitted and Raven felt a surge of satisfaction at having killed him. Raven rolled over and reduced her hearing, in an attempt to sleep, but her mind kept going back to the fact that Tessa was with Emma and Raven had really wanted Tessa to be with her.
………………
Raven's body was wrapped up in the sheets, making it impossible to free herself, her unconscious body squirmed and struggled making the sheets tighter and making her move more frantically to escape as they did that. Her breathing was a ragged pained gasping.
"Don't scream." A commanding voice ordered her and Raven struggled to wake up. When a hand moved to her face, Raven's eyes flew opened and stared with terror in her eyes at the blonde holding a hand over Raven's mouth. "Don't scream. I can't explain my house getting tossed into another dimension to the neighbors."
"What." Raven's voice was gasping and her body shaking. The dream, which was just a more nightmarish one than normal still lingered in her mind. Real monsters haunted her.
"You were thrashing around and when I went to get water I could hear you." Emma told her and moved to sit on the bed. "You were starting to get vocal, so I had to stop you."
Raven tried to pull back, feeling unbalanced and shaky, but Emma didn't let her go. Tears started to stream down Raven's face, and she pulled back a little harder, forcing Emma to let her go. Raven turned away, not wanting Emma to see her tears. "I'm okay. You can leave now." Raven could hear the tears in her voice and hated that she couldn't pretend to be strong just a little longer. While Emma hadn't seen anything and couldn't now, Raven remembered to shift her pajamas back on. They always disappeared.
"And let you sleep again? You might still scream in your sleep and then my insurance rates go up." Emma's words didn't match her tone, which was concerned and caring. Raven turned to stare into Emma's eyes, well aware that her own tear streaked face was clearly visible, since the blonde had turned on the light on her way into the room. "You had a tough day." Emma spoke softly. "If you want I'll wake up Tessa, but you aren't sleeping alone. It isn't safe with your mutation to risk this tonight." Raven just sighed heavily in response. "Raven," Emma's voice almost reached conversation level volume. "In all this, don't forget you won. Many people that went against Sebastian didn't survive it, but it was him that didn't survive you."
"Yeah." Raven's voice was flat as she started to untangle herself from the sheets.
"If you fall asleep again, will you have more nightmares?" Emma asked and Raven just sighed, knowing she would. "If you lower that shield of yours again I could stop them." Raven stopped tugging on the sheets and looked up at Emma with shock and distrust. "Oh Please, as if I have nothing better to do than pick through your mind for interesting tidbits."
"I'm not letting you back in."
"Raven, think about this. There were two telepaths, strong telepaths in the area when you needed help. You didn't call for Jean, did you even try to? Did it even cross your mind?" Emma's question sent Raven's mind into circles of confusion. It hadn't even occurred to her to try for Jean.
"Christy said that only you could get past the shields."
"And you believed her. She was in love with an Emma, who else would she let in? I am powerful, but I'm not the most powerful telepath on the planet. Not even the second most powerful." Emma shook her head and smiled just a little. "It's cute that she thinks her lover is the only one that could get inside her mind. It's romantic, a romantic notion, to have an exclusive connection, but it's unrealistic. That's not how telepathy works. Not even with amazingly powerful mental shields."
"They're linked." Raven spoke slowly. "Christy and her Emma are mentally linked like Jean and Scott. Christy can feel her Emma's fear or pain from far away, further than you can project." Raven wanted to defend Christy's love, her romantic notions, even if it was with a double of this woman in front of her. Emma looked a little stunned with the revelation. "Still think she's imagining her unique connection, that's it's just romantic notions?" Raven's voice was a tad harsher.
"Still wanting to protect her I see." Emma offered after a moment of silence. Raven had seen the stunned look on Emma earlier, but it was covered up now. "You do know that links like that are very rare. I've only heard of Jean having one."
"I know."
"That kind of intimacy isn't done lightly, it isn't even consciously controlled."
"They didn't know it had happened right away." Raven finished untangling herself and flattened the bed sheets for something to do, feeling awkward about having brought this up. Nothing got to Raven faster than saying something about people she loved. It was her protective nature that got her into this awkward conversation, that and Raven's own respect of romance. She was just as bad a romantic as Christy was.
"Raven, do you refuse to let me in because you don't trust me, or because you are afraid that you and I have that potential that Christy and her lover did?" Emma asked and Raven's eyes moved immediately off the bed and to Emma's eyes. "Are you pushing me away because you are afraid that it was destiny for them, that some of that destiny exists here? Are you really that much of a romantic to believe something like that?" Emma shook her head, "You are aren't you? Your relationship with Tessa and how you pined for her for so very long all show a highly romantic tendency. You believe in that whole idea that there is one perfect love out there. Are you afraid your perfect love isn't Tessa?" Raven just gaped at Emma, too stunned by the sheer absurdity coming out of Emma's mouth to protest. "I mean, Christy had a mental link with an Emma. That is so rare. And you can open your mind to me, but can you open it to Tessa? You can't even try, because her telepathy is shut down right now. You can't prove to yourself that I'm not your one."
"Do you ever shut up? Did you get hit on the head during the fight, because you're talking insanity."
Emma waved a hand toward Raven, "And there are those walls again. You can't even talk about it can you? You hide behind your anger so easily, but let me ask you this. Do you love Tessa?"
Raven swallowed hard and looked away. "Go away, I need to try and get some sleep."
"I already know the answer to this, so just say it." Emma's voice was commanding.
"Yes. I've always loved her." Raven's eyes got watery and her jaw clenched.
"Okay, so we have some progress. A semblance of a real conversation." Emma's words were still harsh. "So if you love her so much why is she in my bed right now? It hurt her for you to not want her in yours."
Raven's knees came up so that she could hug them to her chest as she considered if she could answer the question. "Love isn't always enough." She couldn't believe she was talking with Emma about this. "It's never been enough."
"Why not?"
"She has you." Raven glared at the blonde.
"You gave her to me tonight." Emma pointed it out and Raven's eyes fell back to the bed.
"Go to bed Emma. I don't know what you want, but you aren't getting it here."
"You do know what I want." A hand moved to touch Raven's covered knee. "You know very well what I want, and what Tessa wants. You just choose to pretend ignorance and to pretend that it doesn't appeal to you."
Raven's hands clenched the sheets as she stared at the blonde's hand on her knee. Raven could feel the heat from Emma's hand through the sheet and Emma did it so casually, but there was a challenge in it. Raven looked up into Emma's eyes and prepared herself to tell Emma to move the hand before she did it for her, but Emma just caressed Raven's knee and started talking. "You can't sleep alone." Emma's voice was softer. "So do you want me to wake Tessa, who has had a rather trying day and needs her sleep, do you want me to stay, or do you want to join us?"
"I'm fine here." Raven glared at Emma, even though it was a lie. Raven was just going to not sleep.
"Don't be ridiculous. If you were going to be fine I wouldn't be in here now. You almost screamed."
"Leave me alone."
Emma's slowly moving hand on Raven's knees stopped moving and the blonde stared into Raven's eyes. "You don't want to be alone do you? Not really."
"I don't want to be with you." Raven stared into those blue eyes as she said it and the brief moment of hurt in those eyes surprised her. "Just go to bed Emma."
Emma's voice was colder, harsher, and Raven realized it was because she'd hurt the woman's feelings. "And how am I supposed to relax and sleep knowing that a single scream from you could bring the roof down on our heads, and that's if we are lucky and it doesn't toss us into some other dimension?"
"I won't scream." Raven said between gritted teeth.
"You were two seconds away from doing it just a few minutes ago." Emma waved toward the door. "If I hadn't been up this room at least would be gone."
"I won't sleep." Raven spoke coldly to the blonde, preferring that solution to sleeping with Emma.
"Oh, that's a lovely plan dear, stay awake until you pass out from exhaustion. Why didn't I think of that one?" Emma's voice was thick with sarcasm. Raven glared at her with an angry blush on her face, not sure what to say but wanting her anger conveyed. "Raven, you can't just not sleep."
"If you're so worried about your house, call me a cab. I can go back to the mansion."
"If you thought you could do that you would have already." Emma sighed. "After all, it would have gotten you away from me." Raven calmed as she heard something in Emma's voice. "I'm surprised that when you learned you could kill with a touch you didn't reach out for me, since you act like you hate me so much."
"I don't hate you." Raven was stunned to hear herself saying it rather than just thinking it. Her body seemed to sag as she looked into Emma's eyes. "I don't." Raven sighed and looked away, at the walls of the bedroom. "I wouldn't," Raven stopped talking and shook her head in frustration. "Just go to bed Emma."
"Raven," Emma's hand returned to Raven's knee. "I want to tear down the mine field between us, I've been trying, but even if this makes you angry I can't leave you alone to sleep tonight." The argument in her voice was gone and Raven couldn't find the irritation in her own body to snap back at her. Honestly, she wouldn't have left herself alone tonight if she were someone else, knowing what a single scream could do.
Raven leaned back against the headboard with a heavy sigh. "I don't," Raven stumbled over the words and her voice cracked a little. "I don't want to serve."
"Raven after today can you honestly think anyone could make you?" Emma said after a moment of silent tension. "I wouldn't, dammit." Emma's jaw clenched and Raven watched the blonde, amazed at how much more readable she was in the middle of the night. "I'll get Tessa."
Raven was shocked by her own urgent need to not let Emma walk away just yet. Her hand moved out to grab the blonde's before Emma stood up. "You came for us today." Raven's eyes felt watery as she stared into blue eyes. "Thank you."
"Technically it was yesterday." Emma was tense, but Raven watched the woman relax, whether it was real or not she couldn't tell. "And you trusted me enough to call me." Raven slowly let the blonde's hand go as Emma moved to sit a little further back, not leaving.
"I knew, I always knew, you'd protect Tessa." Raven stared down at the bed. "It," her words felt stuck in her throat, but she forced herself to finish it, "was something I've had to count on for years, that you could watch out for her." Her eyes looked up at Emma. "But she means a lot to me, and if anyone hurts her," Raven didn't finish the threat.
"What about you? You finish that sentence, that thought, and you'll hurt her." Emma spoke a little faster. "If you walk away and just give her to me you'll hurt her."
"She's a person, not a possession. Not a slave to be given away." Raven's voice rose.
"So you weren't just about to tell me to treat her right? You weren't hinting that she's mine, that you wouldn't have her?" Emma's voice was cold. "Because I can tell you it sounded like you were saying that."
Raven looked away from Emma, her pain and guilt making it hard to look into Emma's face. "I can't be what she wants."
"She wants you, whatever you can be, that's what she wants."
Raven sat up straighter, the sheets falling to her lap. "No, she wants what we had in that place, only I don't have Christy anymore and I don't think I can do that." Raven's hands clutched at the sheets in her lap and she stared at them. "She needs her Mistress and I can't replace, I can't be… I can't top her. The thought of doing that to her feels wrong, but you don't seem to have any problem with that." Raven didn't even notice that her body was rocking back and forth a little. Tessa's comments earlier made it clear that she was still Emma's slave at times and wanted it that way. "She needs you, you're all she's had all this time. It's my own damned fault, I should have figured the Professor out sooner and I should have looked for her sooner. And I should have dragged her out of that place instead of walking away when she told me no."
"And I should have seen how much she hurt when Christy was hurt and I should have done something more about it than I did. I should have insisted that when I left after my Hellions died she came with me." Emma sounded angry. "But the difference between you and I Raven, the real difference, is that while I made mistakes I don't let them dictate my future. And for the record, making Tessa do anything she doesn't want to takes a lot more than you had at the time. If I had to bet, I'd say you couldn't do it now."
Emma mentioning the Hellions made Raven's heart ache with guilt. "We've been forced to do too much already. I could never force her to do anything." Raven shook her head and hugged her knees to her. "But I can't be okay with this. The three of us."
"It's me that's holding you back, but it doesn't have to be that way. You could be with Tessa if you wanted. You could deal with the fact you can't dominate her, you might even work through that, but if not Tessa has me for that." Emma crossed her arms in front of her and let the silence fill the room as Raven considered what Emma was saying, that they could just share Tessa. Could she though? "And we don't always do that. There isn't always a Mistress in our bed, there had always been times it was just making love." Raven blushed a little at the comment, knowing it and hearing it were different. Still even in Raven's relationship with Mystique they didn't always do things that way either. Of course Mystique only found power plays intriguing, not satisfying in their own way. Mystique wasn't like Raven in that, but she was caring enough to give Raven what she wanted sometimes.
"But Raven, you're attracted to me. I'm familiar enough with people being attracted to know you are even without telepathy." Emma said it all so matter of fact. "Would it really be so bad to submit to that attraction?"
The calm thought that had been in Raven's mind as she considered something she'd never have thought she'd considered turned into a raging storm at the words Emma said, the way she said it, and the word submit. "I don't want to be part of this fucked up triangle."
"You didn't deny an attraction." Emma pointed it out and Raven blushed and looked away, angry at herself more than Emma. "You must be tired, you forgot to lie to me."
"I don't." Raven started.
"No, you lie to me all the time, and I don't lie to you." Emma spoke sternly. "You lie about how you feel Raven, even to yourself don't you?" Emma shook her head. "I know you're confused, but the lying is getting tiring. I've told you what I want. I've been very upfront with my intentions."
"You never told me you were with Tessa." Raven took a little too long coming up with that come back.
"You never asked me when you wanted an answer. And Tessa wanted to be the one to deal with that conversation. She thinks I'm too blunt and not sensitive enough." Emma studied her own finger nails. "Personally I think she was afraid to tell you because she knew you'd just bow out and walk away. She didn't want to lose you."
Raven went quiet at that. She didn't have a response. The quiet dragged on, until Emma moved to crawl up the bed on the other side. "Good night." Emma said and Raven's stared in shock as the blonde just crawled under the covers and pulled the blankets up. "I'm rather tired. I had an eventful day too you know."
"You can't sleep here."
"Now you have to pick a bed, but neither is empty." Emma smirked and rolled over. The way Emma dismissed Raven's existence in the bed felt familiar. Raven stared at Emma's back as her tired mind tried to decide what to do now. She didn't want to wrestle the blonde out of the bed, it didn't seem to warrant a physical attack and that would undoubtedly wake Tessa up. "Just turn off the light and go to sleep. I promise I'll be good, and if you ever wake up and realize what you could have I'll be very very good."
Raven hesitantly reached out for the light, pulling her arm back from it once, before actually turning it off. Her eyes were wide open as she laid down in the bed, feeling completely lost and outmaneuvered. Raven decided to blame it on lack of sleep. She wouldn't have normally just laid back down otherwise.
Tessa was in that other bed, Raven thought as she stared over at the door, still debating about leaving one bed for the other. Feeling foolish and not wanting Emma to comment Raven stayed still a little longer before trying very hard to slip out of the bed quietly. She was almost to the door when Emma spoke. "It's the door at the end of the hall." Raven froze for a moment, before opening the bedroom door and slipping out.
………………
Emma's bed was huge, Raven thought as she stared at it from the doorway. The light from the hall illuminated it and it was easily the size of the one Emma had in the club. What was that, a King? Bigger? Raven sighed as she realized she was stalling.
Raven's eyes enhanced to see a little better in the dark as she closed the door behind her, knowing Tessa would most likely wake up but not wanting to wake her up too much. Raven had enough late night talk with Emma and wasn't up to another serious talk with Tessa.
"Raven?" Tessa's groggy voice sounded confused for a moment as Raven slipped into the bed.
"Just go to sleep Tessa. You've had a rough day." Raven whispered as she moved to take Emma's space. She could smell the blonde on the pillow as she set her head down.
"What are you doing?"
"Emma said I can't sleep alone." Raven pulled the sheets up and stared off into the darkness, but her enhanced vision faded as she didn't need it anymore. "I was having nightmares and she's afraid I'll scream." Raven felt a wave of nervousness that with that fear out there she'd come to Tessa. "I won't. I'd never do anything that could hurt you like that."
"Raven, would it help if I held you?" Tessa said it so softly and Raven felt torn, not wanting to need Tessa like that but unable to say it wouldn't help. In her silence Raven felt the bed shift and then an arm wrapped around her. "It's okay Raven, I'll hold you." Raven slowly moved her hand to rest over Tessa. It took her a little while to relax, but she felt safer being held. It felt like there was something she was forgetting, but Raven fell asleep eventually in spite of the nagging thought that didn't surface.
………………
Raven's arms were wrapped around the body partially sleeping on her chest as Raven started to wake up. Raven's eyes opened wide when she felt a hand on her naked skin, Raven's face blushing furiously as she cursed herself for forgetting that she never stayed dressed at night. How could she forget something like that? Raven's body tensed as she felt Tessa caressing her. "Raven?" Tessa sounded fully awake.
"I'm sorry." Raven stammered out and shifted pajamas back on, muffling the caress and the feel of Tessa against her. "My clothes, I can't keep them on when I'm sleeping yet."
"Oh," Tessa sounded a little disappointed. "I thought maybe." Raven's heart ached at the longing in Tessa's voice as Tessa started to use her arms to push herself off of Raven as if it wasn't welcome for her to be there. Raven stared into Tessa's eyes and moved a hand to cup her cheek.
"I love you. I always have and I always will." Raven's voice cracked. "But this is," Her words trailed off.
"I love you too," Tessa's reply was soft. "Raven, I do love you."
Raven closed her eyes as frustrated and confused tears leaked past her lids. A soft kiss at her temple interrupted the flow of tears, and Tessa's lips and tongue soothed her as they kept the tears from rolling across Raven's cheek and into her ear. The kissed became licks and so softly done they almost tickled. Raven's breathing came a little faster and her tears stopped flowing.
Raven's mouth opened and a whimper escaped her lips, lips that were soon covered by Tessa's. Arching her back Raven pressed her body up, noting that Tessa was moving to hover over her. "Please." Raven gasped when Tessa's leg fell between Raven's. Oh Tessa was so close, Raven needed her closer.
"Raven, are you sure?" Tessa had to asked. Raven's jaw clenched and her head fell back to the pillow as one answer rang through her mind. No, she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure she could do this and walk away, that she wanted to walk away, or that she had what it took to stay. Raven wasn't sure. Raven's body started to shake and the touches and hug that Tessa gave her was comforting rather than arousing. "It's okay honey. It's okay."
"I love you." Raven muttered into Tessa's shoulder, more mournfully than those words were ever meant to be uttered. "Maybe," Raven's next sentence stalled and the ache in her chest expanded to take in her lungs. "Maybe I need space." She finally finished it. Hearing Tessa's soft gasp of pain didn't help. "Just for a little while, until this doesn't hurt so much."
Tessa moved to kneel, but she was kneeling above Raven, looking down. Raven could see the watery eyes. "What hurts so much?" Tessa asked.
Raven looked away and her jaw clenched as she fought for control. "I can't tell you not to want her, but I don't know how to deal with it."
"Raven."
"I know," Raven's voice cracked. "I know it isn't just you, but I don't know how to deal with it." She admitted it so quietly. Raven pushed gently at Tessa a little until the dark haired woman moved off of her so that Raven could get out of the bed. "That club was another world and what we had in that room, the three of us, it wasn't just me. I can't be that. I can't do that."
"I'm not asking you to." Tessa looked almost pleading the way she kneeled on the bed, and she looked like a slave to Raven in that position. "I wouldn't ask you to."
"You never ask for anything." There was a hint of accusation in Raven's voice born of her and Christy's frustrations with Tessa all those years ago.
Tessa just stared at her and Raven hated the mask that started to hide the other woman's pain. "Emma works at the mansion. I could go and give you some space, but she can't and she wouldn't."
"No, I'll go." Raven wrapped her arms around her body. "Just for a while."
"Will I ever see you again?" Tessa asked and Raven looked up to see the fear in Tessa's eyes. "Are you running from me now?"
"No, just for a while. I'll give you a phone number." Raven's body shifted to dress herself for the day in jeans and a tshirt. "I'm just going home to try and get my head on straight again." She'd been considering it for a while and with this new twist in their lives Raven needed it more than ever.
"Home isn't Seattle is it?" Tessa moved to the side of the bed and got off of it.
"No, it isn't." Raven's body seemed to want to move to Tessa, to be closer, but Raven resisted it for now. "Karen's been telling me I need a therapist." Raven was starting to wonder if that was true, but she couldn't trust just anyone with the role. There was only one person alive that Raven could trust like that. "I have someone I can talk to. She's helped me before."
"Where?"
"Vegas." Raven said after hesitating and considering if she should tell Tessa, but Tessa would give her space and not knowing would really make Tessa worry. "I have friends in Vegas that said I was always welcome to come home."
"The brothel?"
"Not just there." Raven didn't volunteer more. Words didn't do Lady Heather or Drahke justice. "But yes, I have friends at the Brothel. People that care about me."
"You know I wouldn't judge you for that." Tessa moved a little closer and Raven let the hug occur. "I'm glad you have friends you feel you can count on, but the xmen want to be that too."
"But they can't help me with this." Raven let herself lean into the hug. No, the Xmen were too involved to be able to help with this. Karen was too opinionated on the topic, too protective. No one at the mansion understood, maybe Logan could, but Raven needed more than Logan could give her.
"Emma is going to try and talk you out of this."
"She wouldn't want me if she knew what I did." Raven pulled back from the hug and stared at the bed while in thought. Maybe it was time to tell Emma, right before Raven left. It was a cowardly move, but survival might very well demand it. Raven was feeling more and more uncomfortable with lying to Emma about this. Not telling about something like this was just as bad as lying in Raven's mind. "I need to tell her."
"I knew you would." Tessa spoke softly, a hint of approval in her voice.
"Don't tell her where I'm going. I don't need another angry telepath chasing me." Raven smiled weakly to cover up her anxiety.
"She forgave me, it took a little time but she did." Tessa pointed out.
"But you weren't involved in her students' deaths." Raven took a shaky breath. "At least she can't kill me."
After Tessa finished getting dressed Tessa went out and started making breakfast, claiming that it wasn't more than self preservation because Emma couldn't cook. Once Emma joined them breakfast was kind of quiet. Raven was too preoccupied with the upcoming conversation, but Tessa talked with Emma about other things. It was a skill, pretending like that, one Raven knew she had to some degree, but didn't want to use today.
As Tessa put the dishes in the dishwasher after they all at she turned to look at Raven for a moment, before turning to Emma. "I was hoping I could borrow the computer for a little while. I have a few things I want to check on."
"You have your little…" Emma started to talk and waved toward the red glasses on the table before going quiet. Emma stared at Tessa a moment. "Of course, the password hasn't changed."
"Thank you." Emma watched Tessa walk away and Raven felt almost sick, but there was no putting it off now. "So, you wanted to talk with me alone?" Emma said and turned to Raven expectantly.
"Yeah." Raven noticed her voice was shaky and took a deep breath to try and calm down. She could see Emma was paying even more attention to her then. "I need to talk about Christy and the Hellfire club with you." It all started with Christy's knowledge of the future, and maybe when Emma really thought about the decision Raven and Christy made, maybe eventually she'd forgive Raven. Emma actually looked surprised for just a moment, before the blonde moved to stand up.
"Well, let's do this talk on the couch. It looks like it might take a while."
Raven didn't know where to sit in the living room, near Emma or out of range of a swift punch. Not that sitting further would save her, but it would give Raven some warning time. With a heavy sigh Raven moved to take the chair across from the space on the couch Emma took. Raven sat and leaned forward to rest her arms on her legs and stare down at her hands. Emma didn't say anything and Raven didn't look up, not just yet. "Christy was older than me by quite a few years." Raven started, remembering her doubt, the feel of her in her mind, the comfort and love. "She came from another world, a future world. Not exactly like ours, none of her doubles were Xmen that she'd seen." Raven swallowed hard and forced her eyes up to Emma's. "It wasn't our future, but some things were the same. One thing was the same. Her Emma had been in the Hellfire club, but left it. She told you that."
"Yes, she did." Emma was watching Raven's nervous slight movements with curiousity.
"Why did you leave the club?" Raven asked and could see the shadow of pain on Emma's face.
"My students died because of Hellfire club politics and games. They killed in an attempt Selene made to take control and the people I'd worked with there either died, were part of it, or in the case of Tessa and Sebastian were targets that managed to survive. I re-evaluated what was important to me after that, and it wasn't the Hellfire club." Emma sighed and looked apologetic for just a moment. "I'd been uncomfortable there ever since you'd been there, it was the last straw."
"Oh." Raven swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "Emma, I want you to know I'm sorry about your students. I am." Raven put it in now, when Emma might still hear her, but Emma sat up straighter catching up with her. Raven watched blue eyes widen and then grow cold as Emma started to see where Raven was going. "Christy knew that Selene was going to do that, it was what made her own Emma leave the club on her world. She wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you."
"What did you do?" Emma stood up suddenly and Raven flinched back. "They were children and you used them for your revenge? Did you hate me so much you'd actually help that witch murder my children?"
"I didn't." Raven's voice rose a little too much and her body shook with the effort to control the power. Raven saw the hand coming her way and closed her eyes tensing her body and waiting for it to hit her.
The impact didn't come and Raven slowly, cautiously opened her eyes to see a red faced Emma standing close and that hand was just inches from her face, stopped there. Emma stopped herself, but it looked like it could be a temporary reprieve. Raven looked up into the blonde's eyes, her own pleading for understanding.
"I want to kill you right now." Emma's voice was cold. "It would be in your best interest to leave before I try it."
"I had a reason for not telling you, it wasn't just to make you suffer." Raven's voice cracked, horrified to see hatred in Emma's eyes. She'd never seen that there before. "I couldn't save them. Death was better than what would have happened. Destiny told me the other potential future and it was bad Emma."
"Get out!" Emma took a step back and Raven stood up, but she didn't run.
Taking a deep breath, Raven's voice lost the pleading high tone and she stared into Emma's eyes. "Emma," Her sentence ended there. She wasn't sure she could tell Emma what would have happened if the Hellions had lived at that moment. It would just hurt the blonde more to know it. "Take care of Tessa for me."
"I take care of Tessa for me." Emma said and Raven just nodded before moving around the coffee table. Tessa had to hear what was going on. There really wasn't a good way to say goodbye when one was being kicked out of the house.
Raven had to walk a mile to get to a small store with a phone. She called a cab and while she waited she called the airport. In less than two hours Raven was getting out of the cab with the bag she'd picked up in her room and walking inside.
Long distance required a lot of change Raven thought as she feed the phone. "Hello." A familiar voice spoke and Raven felt a tight clenching in her chest ease.
"Heather, can I come home?"
"Raven?" Heather sounded a little surprised, but as normal that quickly turned to her normal voice. "I have a guest room just waiting for you."
"I don't know how long I'll stay, but I don't have to run anymore." Raven leaned against the wall as she waited. She really was imposing on Heather and it wasn't like Heather had even been a lover. She was a friend, and something more, but it defied description.
"We can talk when you get here. I'd love to know how you managed that, but I have some people here to ask a few questions. When will you get here?"
"I'm in New York and my flight leaves in an hour. I should be at your place in twelve hours." It felt good to be able to just tell Heather things now, to not have to hide things. Raven looked forward to talking to Drahke as well, telling Drahke her real name and what she used to be; things that as a lover Drahke should have been told years ago.
"That's coming in late. I'll pick you up." Raven gave Heather her flight information and felt a warmth and welcome that she knew she could count on, because Vegas was home. Heather would never have turned her away, and that was also comforting.