Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: I had some difficulties with this chap, and I doubt this will be the last difficult one. However, at least I got it done. And that's all that truly matters, right?

A Hundred White Feathers

005. Outsides

When Aziraphale slowly began to regain his body he was surprisingly unsure as of what to think about it. At first the only difference he noticed was that his senses of hearing and sight were getting slightly better. Then, the faint glow that had served as his image of himself was replaced with a body -- not a healthy one yet, though, only a thin cover that barely could contain him. He couldn't even move at first, just lying there, observing everything that was going on around him.

Gabriel was there with him as often as he could -- which was not very often, as he had all kinds of other responsibilities. Michael could visit practically never, he was so caught up. Raphael visited too, whenever he had time, always giving him a gentle smile, reassuring words, and a bit of healing power.

Uriel came by at times, too. He never said anything, just sat there, and unlike during other visits, Aziraphale didn't even try to make his body obey him enough to allow for words. Neither of them wanted or needed to speak, they were just keeping each other company. Although he did not know exactly what the archangel had gone through, Aziraphale could sense that Uriel needed somebody to just be there for him, help him concentrate on the here and now. Memories were too painful.

Even during these silent visits Aziraphale noticed that something had changed in Uriel. Something inside him was different from before -- and something outside him, too. To be exact, his eyes.

The blue in angels' eyes was a reflection of the Presence within them. As Uriel's was strongest, him being the Angel of Divine Presence, his eyes had always been the deepest shade of blue of all of the Host, only Lucifer's ever coming even close to their sapphire-like glow. Now, however, something had changed.

Uriel's eyes now were, instead of blue, filled with a deep, only vaguely blue-tinted green colour.

Of course, others noticed it as well. Aziraphale had heard Gabriel and Raphael quietly talking about it. They had come to the conclusion that it was a result of having to separate a third of the Host from the Presence. That was what Aziraphale thought, too. Although the almost overwhelming sense of Presence that had always surrounded Uriel was still there, but it had changed somehow. It only make sense that it might cause some outward changes to take place in Uriel along with the inward ones that could not be seen directly.

Slowly he recovered, regaining the ability to move a bit, and, finally, talk. It was by now that Gabriel once came to him, a very serious expression on his face.

"Aziraphale, I have something to tell you," his brother said, looking more serious than ever. As Aziraphale nodded slowly, not knowing how to react otherwise, Gabriel then continued, "I know this is hard to believe -- He knows that I didn't want to believe it at first. It must be very difficult to you, but you need to know it. Aziraphale -- Carowiel has Fallen." At the end of the sentence his voice had dropped to a mere whisper.

For a moment, Aziraphale couldn't say or do anything. He just lay on his bed, his mind slowly processing the information he had already known but hadn't wanted to believe.

Yes, he had known it. Of course, he had heard Carowiel siding with Lucifer, but even if that hadn't been enough, feeling Carowiel's aura behind him right before he was killed certainly was. However, even though he had known, he hadn't believed, had denied the truth. Now, he had to face the truth at last.

And it hurt. It hurt so very much.

"Oh," he said, and then again, "Oh." Then he forced himself to put on a brave expression. "Well, it was his own decision," he said. "Although I am sad about it, I can't really help it."

For a moment Gabriel just watched him, not saying anything. Finally, though, he nodded. "I have to go now," he said. "If you feel that you need to talk, though, I'll always be there for you. We all will." He reached out a hand to wipe a lock of hair from his little brother's face. "Don't bottle it up, dear."

And then, he left, leaving Aziraphale alone with his thoughts.

Gabriel sighed, shaking his head, as he walked through the corridor. Aziraphale apparently wanted to look like he wasn't affected by Carowiel's Fall even though it was obvious that it had hurt him a great deal. It was not good, not at all. Neither was the fact that Uriel and Michael were doing exactly the same thing.

He couldn't even begin to understand just how much Michael had to hurt. To imagine Raphael Falling was impossible. It was hard enough that a good friend of his -- and Aziraphale's best friend -- had Fallen. But to lose one's lover in such a horrible way? It was simply unthinkable.

And as for Uriel -- well, he was probably even worse. Although not unfriendly, Uriel simply wasn't one to give out his affection easily. Carowiel had been the only one he truly loved, well, aside from Him, of course. Being betrayed by the only being you held dear must hurt very badly.

Gabriel shuddered. Better not to even think about such things.

However, he couldn't help but still worry. It most certainly wasn't healthy, to let such emotions just bottle up with no outlet. Sooner or later it would most certainly lead to something unpleasant, and he was definitely not looking forward to when that happened, for he already knew it would bring about much grief.

Just then, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Having a bad day, love?" asked Raphael quietly.

Sighing, Gabriel turned around, beling immediately drawn into his lover's arms. "I'm just worried," he confessed. "Aziraphale is holding it all inside, and so are Michael and Uriel. This is bound to get ugly in the end, and I'm not looking forward to when that happens."

"Well, we'll worry about that when we get there," Raphael soothed him. "Now, relax, love. It'll do no good to anybody if you keel over because of this ordeal."

Gabriel gave him a halfhearted glare. "You're one to speak," he muttered. "You look like you'd just regained your body yesterday!" He wasn't even exaggerrating much. Raphael, being caught up with his healing work, hadn't saved much power for his own recovery ever since he'd first been able to heal others of their injuries. Of course, this did not please Gabriel, who was fearing Raphael would exhaust himself too badly and lose his body again. It was a very rare occasion, but indeed possible, and he didn't want it to happen. They had got enough grief as it was even without Raphael dying again.

Well, if it was up to Gabriel, it wouldn't happen. "Now, you're going to bed," he said firmly. "And no matter how many need to be healed, you are not getting out before you're fully healed yourself. You'll help nobody if you exhaust yourself too much." And with this, he started dragging Raphael towards their apartment, ignoring any and all protests the redhead happened to make.

Next prompt: Hours