Chapter Five

"So you think Mickey will come along with us?" Rose asked the Doctor as they walked along the sidewalk.

"Heh, I think if Martha has her way, he will." He said.

He leaned in.

"You see the way they were looking at each other?" he asked.

Rose giggled.

"Yeah, I think they like each other."

"Could be two sets of people havin' sex around the TARDIS then." The Doctor said. "We'll have to start making frequent stops at the pleasure planets so we can have some privacy."

"Sounds good to me." She said.

She giggled when the Doctor leered at her. Sighing contentedly, she rested her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.

"So all black this time, eh?" Rose asked, glancing down.

"You don't approve?"

"I like it. It's just different." She said. "Even in your 9th life, you still had a splash of color when you wore the black jacket and pants."

"Well, the past couple of years I have seen a lot of darkness in my life and when I regenerated I chose this outfit to reflect that." He said.

"Losing me?" Rose asked him.

"That was a big part of it, but there was also the death of Boe, the reappearance of the Daleks, the Master, the Valeyard…"

"The Valeyard. You were gonna explain what happened." Rose said.

She noticed the pained look on the Doctor's face.

"You don't have to." She said quickly.

"No, it's okay. I can talk about it." He replied.

He noticed a bench nearby and led her to it. He put his arm around her as they sat down.

"About six months ago, Martha and I went to this remote planet called Falfana Major. It was a mining planet that had been abandoned for years. The TARDIS had gotten a distress signal and that's why we were there. We set off looking for the source of the distress signal and soon found ourselves right in the middle of a trap."

"The Valeyard." Rose said.

The Doctor nodded.

"Who is he? Was he someone you knew before?"

"Unfortunately, yes, and he knows me quite intimately."

He looked at Rose.

"Because, he is me." He said.

Rose stared at him.

"You? This guy is you?"

"Yes, he's a future version of myself. A dark, evil, twisted version made up of the dark sides of all my incarnation's personalities."

"Evil? You're going to turn evil?" Rose said in disbelief.

"I don't know. He might be a possible future that I can avoid, or it might be my destiny. I'm not sure. Whenever I meet up with him, I try not to ask too many questions. I spend my time just trying to stay alive."

"He wants to kill you? But if he's you…"

"Why would he want to kill himself? Search me. I don't know and frankly I don't want to know. The man is a menace and I've tried to stop him, but so far he's managed to escape."

He sighed.

"This last time though, it cost me a life, and it almost cost Martha her life as well."

Rose took his hand in hers. The Doctor looked down at it, and smiled at her as he scooted nearer to her.

"Anyway, the Valeyard's flunkies captured us, and the Valeyard took my sonic screwdriver from me and threw us in a dark cell to await our fate. For about a week, he left us there; only giving us a daily ration of water to survive on. Other than that, he starved us. Or rather, he was starving Martha. He knew I didn't need to eat very much to survive, so my suffering came from watching Martha starve and not being able to do anything about it. After about a week, when we were weakened enough, we were dragged from the cell and taken to separate torture rooms. He made sure they were right next to each other so I could hear Martha's screams as they tortured her."

He paused a moment and took some time to compose himself before going on.

"Martha's torture was purely physical since, in the Valeyard's eyes, it was me he was after. She was just an afterthought to him. Another way to cause me suffering before he killed me. The torture he used on me personally was much more dark and twisted."

He paused again and took a deep breath. Rose cuddled up to him trying to give him her strength and support as she sensed what she was about to hear was going to upset them both.

"It was you, Rose. He knew how deeply I loved you and he used it to torture me and break my will and drive me insane."

Rose grabbed his hand and he held onto it in an iron grip.

"He administered some kind of drug that made me hallucinate and doubt my own eyes. The Valeyard brought in a robot of you or maybe it was my mind imagining you there. I still don't know what happened for sure and what was real and what was illusion. But what I saw was you standing before me naked and bound and with pure terror on your face. I nearly drove myself mad right then and there just trying to get out of the chair I was strapped into. Then I saw…"

He bit his lip and tears fell down his cheeks as Rose put her arm around his neck and kissed the tears away.

He let out a shudder.

"I saw him rape you, Rose. And all the time he was raping you. You were crying and begging me to help you and the Valeyard just lay there on top of you and mocked me while he did it."

"Oh God…" Rose said feeling the tears coming to her eyes.

The Doctor swallowed back the lump in his throat.

"The only reason I didn't lose my sanity then and there was because I knew I had to hang on for your sake." He said. "I didn't know what the Valeyard was capable of and if he really had found a way to cross over to this universe, snatch you and bring you back to Falfana Major. Like I said, the drug he gave me erased my ability to tell what was real and what wasn't. All I knew is that some twisted version of myself was on top of you brutally raping you and I couldn't stop it. Add to that, Martha screaming in the next room and I was nearly on the edge of insanity."

Rose felt him let go of her hand and wrap his arms around her.

"Oh my precious Rose, thank Rassilon it wasn't real. I'm so glad you didn't go through any of that." He moaned.

Rose held onto him tightly and buried her face in his chest while he rained kisses down on the top of her head.

"I don't know what I would have done if that had all been real." He said. "I think I would have gone insane and never recovered."

Rose leaned her head up and kissed the nape of his neck. The Doctor buried his face in her hair and sighed. They stayed that way for a moment and then he leaned up and laid his cheek back on her head.

"He kept the drug going…"

"Doctor, you don't have to talk." Rose said quickly.

"No, it's alright. I didn't tell Martha what happened because she was just as messed up as I was and by the time we both healed we just wanted to forget it but I've been carrying around the memory of it for six months and talking about it and finally getting it out in the open is helping me get past it."

He looked at her.

"Unless, this is disturbing to you. I don't want to dump my burdens off on you."

"No, I want to hear. You never talked to me that much about the things that you kept inside and I want to help you heal. Please go on. I'm strong enough to hear it."

The Doctor smiled.

"Yes, you are." He said proudly.

He kissed the top of her head and leaned his cheek back on it.

"Um, I was saying, he kept the drug going so I never fully recovered my senses. He kept me chained to the chair and I though you were chained up across the room. Like I said, it could have been me imagining that, but…anyway, um, for the next week or so…I couldn't tell the passage of time very well either, but in that time, he raped you repeatedly and kept the torture up with Martha. I also started to feel the effects of having no food and I began to weaken both physically and mentally. He kept the torture going pretty much round the clock since you were constantly crying and begging me to free you."

He paused for a moment.

Then…and don't ask me how because Martha wouldn't go into it, but somehow she managed to free herself and muster enough strength to come and free me. After all the torture and starvation she went through, it took all she had in her to get me back to the TARDIS so we could escape. Especially since I was howling at her to go back and free you and she was screaming back that there was no one there. So there was Martha trying to walk and drag me along as well and suddenly there was the Valeyard right in front of us. He had a laser blaster and he was going to kill Martha with it, but somehow I got enough of my sanity back that I could tell what was going on and when he fired, I flung myself in front of her and the bolt hit my stomach."

"Oh, God, Doctor." Rose murmured.

"I remember falling to my knees in pain and Martha flinging herself at the Valeyard and grabbing the blaster from him somehow and firing a shot back. It got him in the arm; I think…or was it the leg?"

He shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. Anyway, it got him somewhere on his body and he ran off down a corridor or something and that's the last thing I remember before I passed out. The next thing I knew I was awake and in a new body with Martha right beside me. I had warned her about my ability to regenerate because I didn't want a repeat of what I went through with you so she understood what had happened. At that point, the physical damage I had suffered had gone along with the effects of the drug and I managed to grab Martha and get us back to the TARDIS before the Valeyard returned. After that, it took us both several days to recover and I stayed in that suit of mine until I was strong enough to choose a different outfit. And I chose this one." He said, gesturing to his outfit. "Somehow after all I'd gone through the suits didn't seem right anymore."

"So the Valeyard is still out there?"

The Doctor nodded.

"Yes." He said.

He looked at Rose.

"Are you sure you wanna go with me again, Rose? The Valeyard is as ruthless as the Daleks. Maybe more ruthless and he will not hesitate to use you against me. Martha found that out and surprisingly she chose to stay on."

He paused.

"I think it's because that was the first time she had really been near death and us going through the same torment kinda bonded us on some level. I think it's the same thing that happens to survivors of plane crashes. Anyway, she was determined not to let that stop her and she threw every once of strength into her recovery."

He smiled at her.

"I really do think you'll get along with her, Rose. She's got amazing inner strength and she's very gutsy just like you are. I think you both will be running me ragged before too long."

He smiled when Rose giggled softly.

"I want to come with you, Doctor. I love being with you and I'm not afraid of this Valeyard. If he tries anything with me or you or Martha, I'll let loose a big can of Bad Wolf whoop ass on em."

The Doctor laughed.

"I know you will, my angel, and I'll enjoy watching every moment of it." He said, kissing her cheek.

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