Chapter Eight

Dinner was extremely uncomfortable for everyone. Pete and Rose kept glaring at each other across the table and everyone else stayed silent afraid that the slightest noise would spark off a confrontation. The Doctor held Rose's hand under the table as he tried to keep her calm and give her support. He knew this would be hard on everyone, but at the same time he knew he had made the right decision.

When dinner was done, Mickey and Martha volunteered to help Jackie clean up in the kitchen. Pete went into the living room with Tony and the Doctor followed Rose upstairs to her bedroom.

"God, I thought supper would never end." Rose muttered as she closed the door behind the Doctor. "Pete just gets on my nerves. I won't miss him one bit."

She let out an angry sigh as she felt the Doctor come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist.

"You won't have to worry about him for much longer." He whispered in her ear. "We're going to leave soon."

Rose shook her head and leaned back into the Doctor.

"I hate being angry at him." She said as the Doctor stroked her hair. "I mean, he's supposed to be my dad but he won't accept me as his daughter. I'm the daughter of a dead man, after all."

She walked over to her bed and sat down. The Doctor followed her and sat down behind her.

"Funny." She said. "He has no problem accepting my mum, and she's the widow of a dead man."

The Doctor said nothing. He began to massage Rose's neck and back and smiled as he felt the tension draining from her body.

"That feels good." Rose said softly.

"Plutonian body massage. I used it for years on my companions when they got stressed out."

Rose looked back at him.

"There's life on Pluto? I thought it was mostly ice."

"Now it is, but several thousand years ago Pluto had a closer orbit to the sun and there was a race of aliens there called the Spryrox. Highly intelligent beings. And very friendly. I used to take trips back every once in awhile and hang out with them. During one of my visits, one of the elders taught me this message technique."

"What happened? Why was the planet moved out of its orbit?"

"The Racnoss did it. They were trying to force the Spryrox into submission so they could use them as food, and when the Spryrox put up a fight they moved their planet further away from the sun so it would freeze up. The Spryroxians that didn't freeze or starve to death surrendered to the Rachnoss and they took the survivors on board their ships for food and basically exterminated the whole race. "

"Who are these Rachnoss?"

"Huge, ugly spider-like creatures."

"Ugh! Glad I didn't see one of those."

"Well, unfortunately I did. Well, Donna and I did, to be precise."

Rose looked at him.

"Donna? You had another companion besides Martha?" she asked.

The Doctor kissed the back of her head.

"I didn't invite Donna into the TARDIS. She got pulled into the ship right after the gap closed. Then, it turns out the Empress of the Racnoss was using her as a kind of key to wake her children sleeping at the center of the Earth. I defeated the Empress and destroyed her children and after that Donna and I parted company. Later on, I ran into her again and she travelled with me and Martha for awhile and then she left again."

"So in the two years we've been separated, you've had two different people traveling with you."

The Doctor chuckled.

Rose looked around at him.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"You're automatically assuming that only two years have passed for me. I do have a time machine, you know."

Rose frowned at him.

"Okay, well, how many years have passed for you then?" she asked.

"When I lost you, I was 901 and now I am 945." He replied.

Rose's eyes bulged out of her head.

"It's been 44 years for you?" she asked in disbelief. "That long? Martha's been with you that long?"

"No, Martha's only been with me for a year and a half." The Doctor reminded her.

"Well, how long was Donna with ya?"

"At first, she was with me for a day and then after that she travelled with me and Martha for about four months until it got to be too much for her and she went back home."

Rose turned around and faced the Doctor.

"You mean you were traveling by yourself for about 42 years?" she asked looking him in the eyes.

The Doctor shrugged.

"There are times when I travel alone for long periods. After the Time War, I was by myself for nearly 70 years before I found you."

He frowned when he noticed tears coming to Rose's eyes.

"Rose? What's wrong?" he asked.

"You were all alone for 42 years, that's what's wrong." She sobbed.

"Rose, I'm a big boy. I can handle…"

"Oh God, why did I have to be an idiot and grab that lever?" Rose moaned. "If I had just held on to that magnet thing I would have never gone into this universe and you wouldn't have been alone all those years."

The Doctor grabbed her hands.

"Rose, listen to me. My being alone was not your fault!" he said. "I made the decision to be alone because I needed time to recover from what had happened. Donna suddenly appearing in the TARDIS didn't help matters any especially since I had to go out and rescue her when what I needed was to be by myself and sort through what had happened. And that's what I did."

"You were trying to forget about me?"

"No! I wasn't trying to forget you. I could never forget you, Rose! I keep telling you that you mean the world to me. I was trying to heal myself so I could actually function. I couldn't do that for the longest time, Rose. I was an emotional basket case. You were a huge part of my life and suddenly you were ripped away from me. The shock from that almost devastated me."

He held up his hand when Rose opened her mouth.

"And I know what you're going to say, Rose. You're going to blame yourself and I won't let you. You did what you needed to do to save the world. If you hadn't done what you did the Daleks and Cybermen wouldn't have been sucked into the void and they would have taken over Earth and then the Galaxy and eventually the Universe. You sacrificed all we had to save billions and the pride I have for you is so strong, I feel like I'm gonna burst! What you did made the 44 years I spent separated from you worth it. If we had it all to do over again, I would hope to Rassilon you would make the same decision."

He cupped her face in his hands.

"You, Rose Tyler, are an amazing, incredible, fantastic, wonderful human being. You are a credit to your species and words can't describe the depth of my love for you. To put it in Earth slang; you kick ass, girlfriend!"

He paused.

"Wait, did that sound bizarre coming from me?"

Rose giggled.

"Very bizarre."

"Okay, well, I'll file that away in the never going to say again, ever, ever section of my brain then."

He smiled when Rose giggled harder.

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is please don't blame yourself for what happened. Trust me, the Time War was more devastating on me which is why it took about 30 years longer to recover. Now turn around, Rose, and let me continue my massage."

Rose smiled. She kissed the Doctor on the lips and turned around. She sighed as the Doctor began to massage her back. They were silent for several minutes and then, Rose looked back at him.

"So, in all that time you were alone. Did you ever travel to any planets or have any adventures?" she asked.

"Occasionally I did, but most of the time was spent flying through the vortex."

He reached across her shoulder, grabbed her chin and made her look at him.

"And if I tell you this next part, will you promise not to flip out and start blaming yourself?" he asked. "Because if you are, I'm going to leave it at that."

"No, I want to hear. I promise I won't blame myself." She said.

The Doctor nodded.

"I did a lot of crying and a lot of screaming." He said resuming his massage. "That's one of the reasons why I didn't take a companion again right away. They wouldn't have stayed long with an angry, bitter, yelling, screaming, crying alien. The only reason I invited Martha on board was because she saved my life and I offered her one trip in the TARDIS as a thank you. But once she was in there I realized how much I missed having a friend sharing my adventures with me and I offered her another trip after that and another and another and finally I just accepted her as my new companion. But…I made it clear to her that she was in no way replacing you and she never did. I never got over you, Rose and I never will. You have a hold on my hearts and I had to come over here to retrieve them."

He kissed the top of her head.

"And now that I have my hearts back, I can get in my TARDIS with my Rose and my friends and I can get on with the business of saving the universe and looking totally devastating while doing it."

Rose giggled.

"What? I don't look totally devastating?" he said.

Rose looked back at him.

"Yeah, you do, I just missed your playful teasing. It's like music to my ears."

His grin was a mile wide.

"Well, in that case, I'll be doing lots more of it. So much, in fact, that I'll drive Smith and Jones out there buggy."

He paused.

"Smith and Jones. Heh."

Rose looked back at him.

"What?"

"Nothing, private joke." He said.

Rose rolled her eyes and smiled as he kissed her cheek and continued his massage.