A/N: This is the scene from chapter 19 in K:DiaC. (Thanks for the ideas, Notebook!) Enjoy, and review!
Watching dancers from the corner of my eye
I'm sitting among paper, brushes,
paint, glass jars cold
with neglect.
Feeling a sudden urge
to take the brush and paint
(Like I used to)
It's a stomachache and I can't ignore
the longing.
Painting without a care.
Karma dances,
too good for a mongrel,
but beautiful;
pink-violet and mongrel beauty.
(I paint)
Closing my eyes so I don't see
the memories of throwing paint against the walls
and pretending it was blood.
I don't notice the nightmare I'm creating,
Until I stand,
finished with paint splotched hands and the need to hide.
Acelan's sister—too
Bold, too curious,
Iris too close—
"I didn't know you painted."
I don't.
Girl says I'm confusing, but I won't let her see
the painting.
Shaking my head,
I retreat to a frozen room to think.
Candlelight glinting in the mirror
To show me insanity
(crazy, oh yes
I am)
Painting is slipping from fingers numb with cold
Nail-bitten fingers
dyed ugly colors of the painting
(Ugly, ugly truth.)
Staring me in the face
I swear it's reflecting itself in my
Blue-violet eyes that are clouded with
fury.
Can't let this happen,
My voice is a whisper
(I'm crazy, hopeless, Mara.)
Ecl stroking me,
so soft on my skin and I want to disappear
in its icy warmth.
But staring instead
at the horrible painting—
so gentle, so horrid—
Black dias, no dancers,
Just my half-phoenix with
Beautiful—dead—mongrel in his arms
And they're falling
to my haven, won't ever come out.
Hand on my shoulder, I shiver--
it's too warm--
Acelan, smiling and asking what's wrong.
But I only shake my head and try to not cry
Hide the tears in my glassy blue eyes
and force out a smile.
You don't want to know, I'm thinking.
How I wish you knew.
"Come see our dance,"
Two mongrels in love
block the painting, the nightmare,
from my eyes—
and my crazy, crazy mind.