Sorry, another quick chapter. I have to try to shake this cold. Thanks to all who've given well-wishes and reviewed my shamefully short chapters. Apologies for any mistakes, or if I've droned on too long about nothing…
Jack planted two hands on the twelve-foot solid silky oak church doors, leaning heavily against them to catch his breath. He tentatively curled his fingers around the cold wrought-iron ornate door handles, grimacing as if they caused him physical pain. Hesitating, he glanced over his shoulder at the rapidly approaching swarm of Vampire bats, sent by the Devil himself to claim his soul and damn him to Hell. Through the solid door Jack could hear the low mumble of the priest addressing the congregation as if he were the voice of God Himself, announcing Judgement Day. At his back he could hear the piercing cacophonic cries of the bats, intent on making this day his last day on earth. Jack turned and faced the quickly approaching bat swarm, contemplating which fate would be worse. A church service? Or a slow and painful death, most likely consisting of him becoming a meal for the looming tidal wave of malice that were the murderous bats, with their glowing red eyes, black hairy bodies, leathery wings, raking sharp claws and sharp pointed fangs, followed by the main course of eternal damnation in the fiery inferno of Hell. Tough choice.
Regarding the bats once more, Jack made up his mind and wretched open the heavy door. Any port in a storm. He darted inside and tried to shut the door behind him, but it was too heavy to close. Turning to run down the aisle to the ornate altar at the front of the church, Jack stubbled and fell flat on his face, the bed-sheet still attached to his foot caught in the door hinges. That may explain why the damned thing didn't shut. Jack glanced up quickly, shaking the hair from his eyes and causing his hair ornaments to rattle and jingle loudly, echoing around the high-vaulted church ceiling. His dark eyes settling on the bats only two paces away from him, Jack turned and began to madly scuttle on all fours up the red-carpeted aisle. The entire dawn-service mass congregation - decked out in their Sunday best - turned to regard his progress, some standing up in their pew to get a better look at the straggly stranger who was spidering past their seats. His movements looked both awkward and unconventionally graceful.
By now the bats had reached the church doors. Most stopped short, refusing to enter the holy and protected house of God. Several more foolish ones flew in after the cursed pirate captain, and promptly burst into flame, scattering ash over Jack and leaving small grey dust-patches on the plush carpet behind him. In purging His Holy House, God's choice of the most wicked and pestilent bane of His exalted existence - for once - had not been Jack. When God had smited the bats desecrating His Holy House, He had to battle between choosing the lesser of the two evils: to strike down the Vampire bats, or Captain Jack Sparrow. Both had it coming to them. Jack was not the only one making tough decisions that day.
Still half-crawling, half staggering, Jack finally reached the altar. With a final lunge he threw himself at the highly polished shoes of the highly unimpressed priest. The priest looked him over in distaste and disapproval. Feeling safe and victorious, Jack turned to glance over his shoulder at the carnage he had left in his wake. The church door was wide open, and the aisle was littered with still flaming and smouldering patches of ash that were once Vampire bats. Half-way up the aisle lay a twisted and torn bed-sheet, and further up rested one dirty and scuffed boot that had been accidentally kicked off by Jack in his scurrying hurry to reach the altar. Astonished and disgusted glares of the shocked congregation bore into the back of Jack's skull as he once more turned and glanced up at the priest sheepishly. Grinning his crooked half-smile, Jack bowed his head soberly in mock repentance.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."