Parent Hood
Today was strange, in a word. Don't think any of us have been able to take it all in. Roy's gone. Not just gone, as in gone out to get more food, or firewood. He's dead. Kaput. Seized to exist. Roy was probably the most reluctant about us joining them, at the start. But he came round, and became one of us. A true and loyal friend. Don't know how John's coping. He's trying is best, but you can tell he's heartbroken. Roy was like his little protégée, his best friend, someone he could always rely on. Now, he's left with us. Just hope it'll be enough.
On a happier note, Annie and Seth are safe, away from Gisbourne, and should have a good life. You can always rely on Marian to sort it all out. She was so good with Seth. The way she held him, it brought back all the dreams, of us and our children. Some day, I plan to make them more than dreams, and watch Marian act like that around our own children. Just hope that I can. This being apart is killing me, so slowly. Even the feel of her hands on my arm caused me to nearly lose control. Thankfully she was as composed as ever. If she had held my arm for a second longer, I don't think I could have been able to be held responsible for my actions. No joke!
Something happened to her I can tell. Her hair's shorter and her demeanour seemed all wrong. There were only slight changes, doubt anyone else would have noticed, but I did. The way she spoke, her nervous eyes and her twitching fingers, something happened. I'm going to find out what, and when I do, so help me God, whoever caused her that pain is going to suffer. I hated seeing her like that. Last time I saw her like that, must have been when we got caught by her night nurse sneaking out of the stables! Jeez was that woman mad! Not quite sure what happened next, just remember not being able to see her for a while, and finding it rather painful to sit down! Damn my father's harsh whip!
There was something in her voice too as she said 'Always different directions.' I'm not sure what; I can't quite place the emotion. Annoyance? Desperation? Sadness? I don't know, but it's killing me. How can she manage to have this affect on me, from just three words? Heaven knows, because I don't.
My Marian. Except she isn't. This whole outlaw business, helping others less fortunate than myself, it's all good, but who's going to help those that need something more than gold and food? Marian is comfortable in her life, but she's still missing something important. Where's someone worthy enough to love her? I love her, but I know I'm not worthy. I doubt if I ever was, or ever will be. As hard as it is to say, I wish that she finds someone soon, who she deserves. Someone who will look after her for a change. Someone who'll take care of her when she's in need. Someone to just love her and listen to her. Whoever he is, he'll be one lucky guy.