Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or his travelling companions or brother. However Nekoyasha and her grandchildren are mine.
A/N: This chapter has citrus hints but nothing more than what I have posted before.
Chapter 16: Lonely Fears
It had been three days since Naraku's demise, and neither of thegirls nor Kohaku had awaken yet. However the boy had several episodes where he sat up and had called out. His eyes had been open, but there was a vacant stare to them.
Sango hadn't slept in that time. Miroku knew the lack of sleep and her worry for her brother were taking their toll. She hadn't even left Kaede's. He hoped to get her out of the house for a few hours.
Since there was not much more she could do for the group, Kaede had left to care for a villager. Shippo took Rin and they were staying with one of the village children.
That left Inuyasha in the hut with them. Miroku knew that his friend was also suffering. The hanyou'scontrol was slipping due to Kagome being unconscious and there was nothing he could do about it. Miroku sighed. He hated to leave the man alone, but nothing would get him to leave Kagome's or Nekoyasha's side. Besides, Inuyasha was fully capable of taking care of himself. He was in a friendly village. Plus Sesshomaru came in and out every so often.
Miroku helped Sango to her feet. She put up no resistance to him. She began to question him, but her eyes held a far away look. Miroku shook his head as he placed a finger to her lips.
He looked at Inuyasha. "Will you be alright for a few hours?"
Inuyasha looked up at the monk. Miroku didn't miss seeing the pain in his eyes. Slowly the hanyou nodded.
The monk nodded his head in return. He slowly guided Sango outside, stopping only to pick up a bundle.
Miroku and Sango quietly made their way to the river. The sun had just set, so most of the villagers were heading back home in the twilight.
Miroku lit a few lanterns.
"Houshi-sama?" Sango questioned softly.
He looked up and gave her a smile. "I know it is not a hot spring, but I thought a bath might make you feel better."
Sango sighed. "Houshi-sama, I don't need – "
Miroku placed a finger to her lips. "Yes, you do. You haven't slept in three days and you've barely eaten. I know you are worried about your brother, but I am concerned about you."
She stood there looking at him. "Are you going to stand guard while I bathe?"
He shook his head. "Actually I thought we could bathe together."
As she stood there in shock, Miroku opened the bundle. When he stood, he was holding two pieces of cloth.
He tossed her the light green one. She looked down at it, noting that it was one of the saris that Nekoyasha had given tem.
Nekoyasha. Right now the healer is in need of healing herself. She is lying next to Kagome, both unconscious. As is Kohaku… my brother.
Silent tears made their way down her face. She looked up and saw that Miroku was nowhere in sight.
Panic and fear gripped her heart. "Miroku?" She called out, her voice catching.
How could he leave me alone? I am almost defenseless. Where is he?
Her breathing became erratic. "Miroku?" she called louder.
Said monk emerged from behind a tree wearing an indigo sari around his waist. He had heard the fear in her voice.
He noticed that she hadn't changed, but he dismissed that quickly as he took in the rest of her. Her breathing was quick, and there were tears streaming down her face. She was also shaking. Violently.
"Sango, what's wrong?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her.
"You left me," she mumbled into his neck.
"I'm sorry. I thought that you might want some privacy to change."
She pulled back slightly. "Oh."
He let go of her and stepped back.
"I won't be far." He turned to leave.
Her hand on his arm stopped him. He looked into her eyes. There was fear… and loneliness.
He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. After he opened them, he took the sari away from Sango.
"Turn around," he instructed.
He halfway expected her to laugh in his face. Or slap him. He did not expect her to do as he requested.
Her back was to him. He had her complete trust, which scared him to no end. He knew that the last three days had been rough on her. He could probably grope her now and she wouldn't slap him.
He took a step forward. He draped the sari over his shoulder. Taking a deep breath, Miroku reached out and undid the bow of green top skirt. After it was off, he gently folded it and laid it near his own clothes.
Miroku slowly put hid arms around the woman, looking for the ties of her outfit. He was relying more upon his hands than his eyes. After untying them his hands went to her shoulders and began removing her travelling robes.
He was surprised to feel bare skin instead of the slayer uniform she usually wore underneath.
Sango now stood before him, nude, with her back facing him. She had yet to say anything, but at least she wasn't shaking anymore.
Pulling the sari from his shoulder, he unfolded it. Drawing upon his training as a monk to not give into temptation, he once again put his arms around her. The bare skin of her back brushed against his uncovered chest. Miroku gulped as he wrapped the sari around her. When he was finished, he placed a kiss on her neck and followed it with a sigh of relief.
After removing her hair tie, he bent to gather the bath supplies. He took her hand and led her to the river.
As he washed her hair, it was almost reminiscent of two years prior. Except this is not a hot spring. There are no laughing children. And Kagome and Nekoyasha are…
Miroku shook his head as he poured the water over Sango to wash the soap away. He would not let his thoughts depress him, especially since he needed to be strong for the love of his life.
They bathed in silence, and finished quickly due to the water's chill. Miroku noticed that she stayed close to him.
After they emerged from the water, Sango accepted the towel that he handed her. She grabbed his arm as he turned to leave. He looked back at her questioningly and she shook her head. He blinked at her and then slowly nodded his head.
Again he turned his back to her, but he this time he did not leave her presence.
Sango turned just enough so she could see him from the corner of her eye. She wasn't afraid that the monk would do anything inappropriate, she just didn't want to be left alone.
She quickly removed the wet sari and wrapped the big fluffy towel around herself. Glancing at Miroku, she saw that he still had his back to her. She stepped over and lightly touched his shoulder.
Miroku turned at the touch. He was shocked when Sango wrapped her arms around him. Cautiously he put his own arms around her and held the girl even closer. Her body trembled as soft sobs came from her. Miroku felt her tears fall onto his shoulder. He gently ran his fingers through her hair.
After a few moments her shivers stopped and she loosened her hold on him. He let go of her and took her hand.
Quickly he laid out a blanket for them. He slowly seated himself, pulling her gently down with him. Miroku put his arms around her and held her close.
Sango rested her head on the monk's shoulder. She found her hand making lazy patterns across his chest.
His body is so warm, and his heartbeat is strong. He is here with me now, and no longer has to worry about his curse. She stiffened slightly. He no longer needs an heir to carry on the curse. What if he doesn't want me? My brother and my best friend may not wake up. It would kill me if he decided to leave too.
She stiffened slightly.Sango looked up at him. He was watching her.
She leaned up and kissed him. Miroku was shocked, but he didn't pull away. Encouraged, Sango deepened the kiss.
Miroku relaxed into it. He carded his hands through her hair. His other hand ghosted over her arm. This was what he wanted, but something was off. He couldn't quite place it.
He felt the girl climb on top of him. Her kiss became hungry and needful. His heart hammered in his chest and he wanted to respond with his own need and desire. Both his hands ghosted along her nude form.
This is not right! Sango is not normally like this! Pay attention you idiot! His mind screamed at him.
Miroku inwardly sighed. It was then that he felt Sango's hands… They were struggling to undo the towel around his waist.
His eyes snapped open to reveal what his hands already knew. Sango had already discarded her towel.
Miroku broke the kiss, and gently pushed her off of him. He took a good look at her. Her eyes were filled with pain, fear, sadness, and… rejection.
"You don't want me?" she questioned softly.
He sighed. He cupped her cheek. "Of course I do. Sango, you have no idea how much I want you. But I am concerned that you don't want me."
Sango opened her mouth to object, but the monk placed a finger to her lips.
He continued, "Your emotions are stretched to their limits due to what has happened in the last week. You don't know what is going to happen to your friends… your family, and it's killing you.
"You wish to be with me because you know that I'm real and you need to feel alive. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow, or even weeks down the road and realize that you made a mistake by sleeping with me."
He smiled. "Besides, I want the first time we make love to be special. Because both of us want to, not because one of us feels the need to."
Sango's lower lip trembled. She leaned into the hand cupping her face.
"You won't leave me?" she asked softly.
Miroku pulled her close. "I will always be by your side. Even when your brother awakens and you go back to the demon slayer's village. I'll help you build it back to the way it was. And I'll stay as the village monk, even if you decide that you don't love me."
Sango wrapped her arms around him and cried into his shoulder.
Miroku laid them down. He slowly removed his own towel. Cuddling close to the girl, he pulled one of his robes over them to keep away the chill.
He carded his hands through her hair and rubbed her back as she cried herself to sleep.
xxxxx
A/N: So life in general has been quite interesting. For about a month and a half I was the only book person where I worked. And I have been working crazy hours. Have a new boyfriend… very exciting. So basically I haven't had a lot of time to type on the computer. I am very weird about writing on paper. Sometimes it works for me and sometimes it doesn't.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it's back to Miroku/Sango fluff, but hey, the other two females are still in comas. And this is soooo not a yoai story… (although there is nothing wrong with those and I do enjoy reading them on occasion…) So until next time…