Harry, I am your Father

Author's Note: My amazingly wonderful beta is taking exams this week and couldn't get to this fic, and I couldn't wait to post it! So no one has corrected all my grammar and spelling mistakes and it might not be that good. Sorry. Read it anyways because the plot is awesome.

Once upon a time there were four amazingly powerful super wizards. Since they were so much more powerful than everyone else they started a school to teach other people how to be wizards (because back then no one was born a wizard, you had to work for it damn it). Well, sometime after this school was built two of the founders, Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin got a premonition. It showed them that in the future, long after they all had died there would be a great and terrible evil scourge to the land and the two lovers knew they had to do something to save their future bloodline people.

They had to do something, and fast, but what? The two lovers wracked their brains day and night, but it stressed them out and made them tired so then they went to bed and then they had slash, and it was good. It was so good in fact, that they conceived a child (even though they were both boys, because wizards can do that.) It was prophesized that since they were the most powerful wizards on earth, their child would either be pure evil, or pure good. Since the most evil thing in the world wasn't to come for centuries, the two lovers Gryffindor and Slytherin knew their child had to be good. They named their son Aneirin Branwen Bevan (1).

Since if they had their child in their time it would die before the ultimate evil came to be they knew they had to magic the fetus to the future. Slytherin then put himself into cryogenic stasis so that he would wake up and be alive when the great evil came.

Gryffindor was so in love with Slytherin that he kept the freezer right by his bedside at all times. However, it was so painful to him to live with out his lover making love to him every night that he began to have a love affair with his co-founder, the she-male Helga Hufflepuff. What Godric didn't know however, was that Salazar could see everything his one true love did because of a spell he put on him before he froze himself. Salazar became so enraged at Godric that the evil ate him.

Fast forward hundreds of years in the future. Voldemort, by many considered to be the ultimate evil, is at the height of his power. Because of a prophecy (not the one in the books, another, super secret one) he had gone on a hunt for the pure good child that Godric and Salazar sent to the future. Voldemort was going around and secretly collecting all the babies and testing them for the pure good gene. Until he found Harry Potter. Since the boy's parents thought (wrongly) that Voldemort would kill them all the love magic made Voldemort go away.

(the stuff in the books happens)

Harry Potter grew up just like he did in the books, hating Voldemort and wanting to destroy him, but there was something he didn't know. Meanwhile, Salazar Slytherin was on the hunt to find his one true loves baby. He had defrosted many decades back, but unfortunately he had made a mistake in the time that his child had been sent to the future and Slytherin was too soon. He was still angry at Godric for betraying him, when Godric had said in their wedding vows that they would be faithful forever, and forever wasn't over yet. Slytherin had come across his son a few times in his life, but no matter how he tried to tell him, the words never seemed to come out right. This was probably due to how much he looked like his father (Godric, not Slytherin) and it made Slytherin's rage grow ever the more fierce.

Then the fateful day came when Harry turned 17 and suddenly he started to feel really strange. He was all hot and tingly. Ron told him it was puberty (Harry is a late bloomer in this), but Harry was confused because none of his other friends had grown big black feathery wings when they hit puberty. He hid them under his deep violet and fuchsia veined furry trench coat he bought at Hot Topic (best store ever) and taped them down with spell-o-tape. But Hermione was too astute and she figured out that he was hiding something. She cornered him one day in the library and tried to seduce him, but when she took off her shirt and Harry saw girl boobies for the first time ever he screamed and ran away crying to the dungeons where he knew she wouldn't follow.

Unfortunately the room Harry went into was occupied by Draco and Snape. The latter of which was diddling the formers penie. Harry didn't run away though, because he thought it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. It was so hot in fact that he had to take off his deep violet and fuchsia veined furry trench coat, and the spell-o-tape fell off because the magic of the lust broke the spell that made the tape tape things. But then Snape and Draco see him so Snape gets mad (like he always does, you know…) and ties up Harry and takes him to see Voldemort.

When Voldemort saw Harry he was so shocked that he collapsed from a heart attack. As he lay on the floor, gasping desperately for breath, he told Harry everything (that he was really Slytherin). He told Harry that he was his and Godric's son and the ultimate good. And that the prophecy had been fulfilled and the world would live in peace forever because Salazar had become the ultimate evil through his hatred of Godric and Godric's treachery and the ultimate good had finally destroyed him. Then Slytherin died and Harry cried because he had never known his parents and just when he found his dad he accidentally killed him.

EPILOGUE

After Voldemort/Salazar had died Snape and Draco got married and adopted Harry because no one should have to not have parents (I mean, really, could you imagine something like that?). And when Harry became a man (that means he went through puberty) he fell in love with and married Buckbeak because when Harry went into heat Buckbeak was the one with the biggest and sexiest wings. They had nine midnight on the night of the new moon black furred and feathered hippogriff/wizard/ultimate good being children with raven black hair. And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END

(1) This was foreshadowing about Harry being the ultimate good because the name in Welsh means "noble beautiful raven son of Evan" and Harry is Noble and has raven black hair and Lily's last name was Evans.