Resolutions

By Neurotica

Six

The full moon that month started out normally enough. The wizards of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place had an early dinner before retiring to the library for the evening. Sirius took care of the soundproofing and locking charms, careful to allow sound in but not out in case Naomi or Emmeline needed something during the course of the night. Harry brought in a stack of fresh clothes for Remus to change into at moonset and placed them safely on the desk. Remus, who'd been lying on the sofa since midday, got up only long enough to say good night to his wife before returning to the library. Ted Tonks had assured him that Emmeline would experience no ill effects during the full moon—"if anything, she might have a bit of indigestion, but nothing that will harm her," the Healer had said. Though the twins Emmeline carried would not be werewolves themselves after their birth, they still carried the werewolf gene, and that alone had Remus more worried before his transformation than he normally was.

Five minutes before moonrise, Remus sent Harry and Sirius out of the room until after his transformation was complete. The pair returned to the library once they were sure Remus was ready for them and transformed into their Animagus forms. Moony, Padfoot, and Harry (Sirius decided the boy really needed his own nickname) went through their usual full moon ritual—the werewolf watched the big black dog and golden snidget chase each other all around the room. He participated later into the night, once he finally stopped his worrying about how Emmeline would be affected by his condition—Naomi hadn't come to the door in a panic, so he assumed everything was okay.

The grandfather clock in the corner of the library chimed midnight, and Padfoot began to bark happily, wishing Harry a happy seventeenth birthday in his own way. Harry did a few rapid laps around the library while his guardians watched him fondly.

But the celebration was cut quite short when a bright green light flooded through the bay window, filling the library eerily. Moony and Padfoot stared at one another with wide eyes while Harry fluttered down to land on the dog's shoulder. Moony cautiously approached the window and put his front paws on the ledge, looking into the neighborhood below him for the source of the light. It didn't take long for his eyes to focus on a bright green skull with a snake protruding from its mouth high above the middle of Grimmauld Place. There was a small pop behind him and he looked over his shoulder to find Sirius had transformed back to human, Harry still resting on his shoulder, both of them looking out at the Dark Mark.

"If I didn't know any better," the Head Auror began darkly, "I'd say Voldemort's wishing you a happy birthday, Harry."

Moony turned away from the window and looked at Sirius, silently calling him an idiot by moving his eyes in a werewolf-eye-roll. "You two stay here," Sirius said, business-like. "I'm going to go check on the girls and contact Dumbledore." Harry flew off his godfather's shoulder and landed on Moony's head. They both nodded, Remus a bit more carefully, and Sirius grabbed his wand from the desk, taking down the locking charms before leaving the room. He went to the second landing to where Emmeline and Naomi were supposed to be relaxing in Emmeline and Remus' room—they weren't there. Sirius raised an eyebrow and guessed that either they hadn't seen the Dark Mark and were getting a late-night snack, or they had seen the Dark Mark and were already contacting Dumbledore like the good little Order members they were. When he reached the kitchen, he found his second guess to be the correct one. Naomi was leaning against the table while Emmeline kneeled as best she could in front of the fireplace talking to the headmaster.

"Did you see it?" Naomi asked quietly, if not fearfully, when he walked behind her and wrapped his arms just above her belly.

He nodded. "We all saw it," he said, looking at Dumbledore. "What do you suggest, Albus?"

Emmeline stood and moved to sit beside Naomi and Sirius so she wouldn't be in the way. "Stay inside," Dumbledore advised them. "I will contact the Ministry and have Aurors sent to investigate. Voldemort and his Death Eaters cannot find you so long as you do not leave the house."

"But why would they set off the Dark Mark in the middle of the street?" Emmeline asked. "Do you think they know we're in the area?"

"It is possible," Dumbledore replied, "that one of the Black family members not on our side has told their master about the house. But they could not have spoken the address due to the Fidelius Charm."

"All those chances I had to get rid of Bellatrix, and I passed them up," Sirius muttered.

"Do no forget the threat Narcissa Malfoy could pose for us," Dumbledore warned. "She is quite bitter that her husband has been forced to spend so many years in exile, and she would not hesitate to hand over valuable information that could possibly cause harm to those who've forced him away."

"Meaning Sirius," Naomi said dryly, leaning back into her husband's embrace. "You know, Emmeline, I think you're the only one in this house who hasn't pissed Voldemort and his arse-kissers off yet."

Emmeline scoffed. "I married one of their main targets, and I live with three others. If that doesn't piss them off, what will?"

"Not to mention you helped develop a map that let the Boy-Who-Lived navigate through Voldemort's supposedly secret hideout," Sirius pointed out.

"Yes, there is that," Emmeline responded, looking rather proud of herself.

Dumbledore actually chuckled. "Well, I will not intrude upon your reflections of what you've done to infuriate our enemies. I will contact you in the morning if there is any further information."

The other gave variations of "thank you" before the Headmaster's head disappeared from the fire with a quiet pop. Sirius looked at the witches silently for a few moments, wondering if he should stay with them or go back to the library with Remus and Harry. But Emmeline answered his silent query when she said he should be getting back upstairs, that she and Naomi would be fine—there was nothing they could do, after all. He nodded and kissed Naomi before heading back to the library.

Sighing, he opened the door and set eyes on one of his worst nightmares.

Harry was very near the high ceiling of the library, his tiny wings working hard to keep him in the air. Moony was just below him, snarling and jumping, trying his best to catch the tiny bird. And this was no game.

"MOONY!" Sirius bellowed, slightly confused and unaware of what he was doing. All he knew was that a werewolf was trying to get his godson.

The werewolf finally lost interest in Harry and turned on Sirius, his lips pulled back in a very threatening snarl, a low, menacing growl coming from deep in his throat. Moony stalked up on Sirius slowly, and it took the wizard a minute to realize what was happening. Once his mind woke up a little, he transformed into Padfoot just in time for Moony to launch himself upon the other canine. They wrestled and snapped their jaws at one another, each trying to force the other into submission.

The fight only went on for a few minutes until Moony bit down hard on Padfoot's back ankle, tearing the skin. The werewolf seemed to loose interest in the fight just as quickly as he had in Harry and backed off. Padfoot realized a few seconds too late why: he'd left the library door wide open and Moony was headed out. He transformed back to human and stood up as best he could on his injured leg. Forgetting the pain as he thought about what the werewolf (he stopped thinking of the animal as his best friend—that was not Moony) could do to Emmeline and Naomi if he found them. He ran out the door, drawing his wand as he went. The Auror limped down the hall as fast as he could and caught Moony just as he was about to whip out of sight and down the stairs.

"STUPEFY!" he cried. He heard repeated thuds and knew he'd hit his target—Moony had fallen down the stairs. "Sorry 'bout that, mate," he muttered, rushing down the stairs to where the werewolf lay at the bottom, motionless and bleeding from a gash in his head. To Sirius' great relief, the werewolf's chest was rising and falling normally—he hadn't killed his best friend. But he could have killed someone else, he thought, wondering what had gotten into the werewolf. Sirius hadn't seen Remus go after anyone like that in years.

"What in the name of Merlin?" gasped a voice. Sirius looked over his shoulder and mentally sighed in relief as Emmeline and Naomi rushed to him. If they'd come up from the kitchen just a few seconds earlier... "What happened to him?" Naomi whispered, her eyes wide as she looked at Remus, then at Sirius. "And what happened to you?"

Sirius shook his head. "Don't know," he said, putting the werewolf into an enchanted sleep and levitating him with a wave of his wand. "I walked into the library and he'd just gone mental. Harry was up on the ceiling trying to get away from him. He spotted me and came after me instead. Then he realized the door was open and took off down here..."

"Is he okay?" Emmeline asked quietly.

Sirius looked at her. "You've never seen him like this have you?" She shook her head in response, studying her husband's transformed state closely. Sirius sighed again. Remus definitely wouldn't be happy that she'd seen him for the first time like this (on top of other things to be upset about), but there was nothing he could do for that right now. He carefully guided his werewolf friend up the stairs and back into the library. He glanced at Harry sitting on the desk, back in his human form, making sure the boy wasn't injured in anyway before he placed Moony gently on the sofa. "All right, Harry?" he asked once he was sure Remus wasn't going to wake. Harry looked a little pale, but he was no worse for the wear. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Harry took in a deep, shaky breath as Emmeline and Naomi walked into the library. "I don't really know what happened... It happened really fast... You left, Sirius, and everything was fine. I transformed back to stretch a little, and Remus and I were looking out the window, trying to see if anyone was out there. Next thing I know he was growling and looking at me as if I was his next meal. I panicked and transformed again, and a few minutes later you walked in."

"He just... flipped out?" Emmeline asked quietly, kneeling beside her husband and rubbing a hand along his graying fur. She used her wand to conjure bandages to wrap around his head. "But the Wolfsbane..."

Sirius sighed, glanced at Naomi, and ran a hand through his own hair. "If the potion wasn't going to work, he would have been like this at moonrise. I'd say someone cast Imperius on him, but the Death Eaters can't get a spell through here..." He had a sudden thought of Harry, his eyes red, pointing his wand at Moony and speaking the Unforgivable Curse. But he shook it out of his head. If that had been the case, Harry (or Voldemort possessing him) would have had control over the werewolf, and would have let him out of the library, instead of the boy trying to avoid being eaten. Unless Voldemort didn't want anyone to know Harry was being possessed again, said a cynical voice in the Head Auror's mind. Or Voldemort possessed Harry long enough to have him put Moony under Imperius. And then he used Moony to attack Harry...Sirius suddenly had a very bad headache. "We'll figure it out tomorrow," Sirius said, feeling completely exhausted. "I'll stay with him in case he wakes. You can all go to bed if you want."

Emmeline shook her head. "I'm staying," she whispered, glancing at Sirius' still bleeding leg. "Want me to fix that?" Sirius nodded and the witch tapped the gash with her wand, taking away any chance of infection and sealing it with one spell.

Sirius muttered his thanks and looked at Harry and Naomi. "I guess you both want to stay too?" he asked wryly.

They both nodded and Naomi went to sit next to her husband in his armchair—it had been enlarged a month or so ago so they could both sit comfortably, even with Naomi's ever-growing belly. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Déjà vu, eh?" she muttered in his ear.

He snorted humorlessly, watching Emmeline rest her head on the side of Moony's chest. "I won't be surprised if he reacts the same this time as he did then..."

"Me either," she agreed.

"What're you talking about?" Harry asked, finally crossing the room to sit in an armchair opposite the Blacks. Emmeline rose from her kneeling position on the floor to sit next to Remus, looking to Sirius expectantly.

"Story time, eh?" he said with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Well, it's Naomi's story, really. You feel like telling it?"

Naomi shrugged and sighed, not taking her eyes from Remus. "It was the first full moon after we all left Hogwarts," she began quietly. "And it was his first at home since his parents were killed. I wanted to say good night to him—I'd done it every month since we'd gotten together, and I didn't see any problem. But I was running late and didn't even realize it. When I got to the cottage, he was already in the basement, and I wasn't paying any attention to the time... He transformed while I was there, and I went down thinking he'd recognize me, and I would say good night and get out before anything happened...

"To make a long story short, he didn't recognize me as anything but fresh meat, he chased me up the stairs, and he would have gotten me if Sirius and James hadn't gotten there right then. I was too frightened to Apparate, so James brought us both back to my flat and yelled at me for about an hour about what I'd done and what kind of stupid idiot would go into a room with a werewolf without any defense."

"What happened?" Harry asked, his mouth slightly open.

Naomi shrugged again. "Next afternoon, I went to check on him, and he was really upset that he'd almost attacked me. Said it was too dangerous for me to be with him, and he needed some time to think. So I left, crying my eyes out because I thought it was over between us. I didn't hear from him for three days—Sirius, James, Julia, and Lily were all going back and forth from me to him, passing messages that I loved him and we could make it work. He showed up at my flat at three o'clock one morning, apologizing for everything. I apologized for putting him in that situation, and we made up. After that, it was okay. On full moons, I said good night to him at noon and left him until the next day."

"He wanted to break up with you?" Emmeline asked quietly, something looking like fear in her eyes.

"He was afraid," Sirius said. "He'd had a close call with Snape only a year or so before, and he hated Snape. He loved Naomi and he'd almost hurt her... He thought he was doing the right thing by her." Sirius shrugged. "If he starts that this time, I'll have to slap him. Something went wrong tonight, and it wasn't his fault."

"Thought you didn't want to discuss it tonight?" Naomi asked

"I don't. I want to sleep. Emmeline, I wouldn't recommend sleeping so close to him in case he wakes during the night."

Reluctantly, Emmeline nodded, kissed the side of Remus' head, and conjured her own armchair to relax in. Sirius made sure his family was comfortable before dimming the lanterns in the room enough for them to sleep, but so that he could still see the werewolf on the sofa. He placed wards and silencing spells around the sofa—if Moony did wake, he wasn't going to be able to move from the spot he slept on—the wards would wear off at moonset; and if he slept through the night, and nobody woke before his transformation back to human, the others wouldn't be awoken by his screams of pain. Sirius had woken to those sounds many times in his life, and it was never pleasant. Without meaning to, his heavy eyelids slid close an hour later, his wand still held tightly in one hand, the other resting on his wife's swollen belly.

Remus woke the next morning feeling strangely disoriented. He blinked the bright sun out of his eyes and wondered why his head was throbbing so horribly. He touched the side tentatively and furrowed his brow when he felt bandages under his fingers. He looked around the library further, wondering why Sirius, Emmeline, Harry, and Naomi were around him. Wasn't the full moon last night? It had to have been... He remembered his transformation at moonrise, but not the one at moonset, and he couldn't remember anything in between. He tried not to panic as he recalled the last time he'd lost his memory over a full moon night had been before he'd had the Wolfsbane... The night he'd seen Wormtail for the first time in five years...

"What happened last night?" he asked himself hoarsely. His voice echoed dully off invisible barriers, suggesting someone had put silencing charms around him sometime during the night. This did absolutely nothing to alleviate his worries.

But looking at his family, none of them seemed to be hurt—Thank god—and they were all sleeping peacefully. Well, not Emmeline so much, who he noticed was starting to wake up. He watched her without a word—not that she could hear him anyway—waiting for her to blink both sleep and confusion from her eyes. It took her a moment to realize he was awake, but unlike every other morning they'd woken with one another, she didn't give him the bright, sleepy smile he loved so much.

Glancing at the other three sleeping beings in the room, she slowly got up and crossed the room to sit with him on the sofa. "Morning," he said hoarsely, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"Morning," she said, not looking him in the eye. "How're you feeling?"

He nodded slowly, trying not to aggravate his throbbing head. "Been better," he said. "Why are you all in here?"

Emmeline bit her lip nervously. Apparently, this was the question she hadn't wanted to be asked so soon. And all that did was fill Remus' stomach with lead. "Do you remember anything from last night?" she asked, reaching for his hands.

He stared at the fingers she was intertwining with his. Answering questions with questions... And of course it had to be the hard question... "No," he said after a moment, "I don't remember anything..."

She nodded and increased her grip on his fingers before telling him about the night before—the Dark Mark, Dumbledore, Harry on the ceiling, Sirius fighting with him, his escape from the library and being stunned, causing him to fall down the stairs. By the time she'd finished, he had tears in his eyes as thoughts of what could have happened filled his mind. His worst fear had nearly come true, and if Sirius hadn't been so quick, Remus would currently be a murderer. "What am I doing?" he whispered, horrified.

"Remus," Emmeline said as he started to stand, pulling on his arm for him to sit again. "Please talk to me," she begged.

He shook his head and muttered that he needed a shower before pulling his arm from her grasp and limping out of the library.

Later in the morning, once everyone had been woken up, Emmeline found that her husband had locked himself in their bedroom and no unlocking charm would allow her to get in there with him. She asked Sirius if she should have even told him about what happened the night before, and the Auror told her he had to find out at some point. "He'll be all right," Sirius had said. "He just needs time to think..."

But Emmeline wasn't comforted by this. What was he thinking about? Was he thinking that he was too dangerous to stay with her and their unborn babies? She wanted nothing more than to hold him and tell him that what happened wasn't his fault; but since he wouldn't let her into their bedroom, she had to wait for him.

Though the day was one to be celebrated, Harry's seventeenth birthday was miserable for everybody inside Number Twelve. Sirius had left for the Ministry before lunch to find out what happened with the Dark Mark. He said to keep what happened with Remus between those who had been involved—they would find out what caused Remus to lose control, and nobody else needed to be informed right then. Emmeline had conjured a chair and set it just outside the room where Remus had barricaded himself. Naomi and Harry spent most of their time in the kitchen, trying not to talk about what happened, but at the same time, unable to get it off their minds.

Sirius returned to the house just past five o'clock and reported that the Dark Mark had been conjured by a couple of young wizards no older than twenty, as a joke. Neither wizard had a record of criminal history with the Ministry, and thought it would be hilarious to "freak out a few Muggles." They were found half a block from Grimmauld Place and charged with using illegal magic, and would receive six months in Azkaban for their prank.

On a hunch, Sirius had taken a flask of what remained of the Wolfsbane Potion Remus had taken the night before into the Ministry with him and had it analyzed by a potions expert. He said he couldn't think of anything else that could have caused Remus to lose control except for his potion not being prepared properly. The findings showed that a very minor ingredient—dried dragon claw—had been left out when it had been brewed. Without the ingredient, the drinker would only keep his mind for a few hours into a transformation.

"Who was your potions expert and how do you know he won't go blabbing about what happened?" Naomi asked flatly. "That's all Remus would need..."

"Ted Tonks examined it," Sirius answered. "He wouldn't tell anybody." Naomi nodded silently. "Are the Weasleys still coming over tonight?"

Harry shrugged. "As far as I know, yes," he said. "Unless somebody wants to owl them and put the party off a couple of days."

"Might not be the worst idea," Sirius muttered, looking at Harry apologetically. "We need to make sure Remus is okay and I definitely don't think he'll be up to a Weasley invasion tonight."

"That's fine," Harry said indifferently. "I'm not really in the mood, either."

Sirius nodded. "I'll go write the letter—mind if I use Hedwig?"

Harry shook his head, and the Auror made his way up the stairs, trying to think of a way to phrase his letter so Molly wouldn't come running to try and help out. They'd probably already gotten word on the Dark Mark, but had obviously been told by someone in the Order or the Ministry that it'd been a false alarm—no one had come through the fireplace and no owls had dropped by...

He stopped at the top of the stairs and mentally sighed, finding that Emmeline was still sitting outside her and Remus' bedroom. "He hasn't come out, eh?" he asked, approaching the witch.

She shook her head, looking utterly miserable.

Sirius nodded and went to the door. He raised a fist and began pounding on the wood. "Moony! Open the door!" he yelled. When there was no response, the Auror continued, "Don't make me blast this door off the bloody hinges, Remus. You know I'll do it." The door was yanked open and Sirius was faced with the pale face of his best friend. Remus' eyes were rimmed with red as though he'd spent the day crying, but he managed to glare at Sirius. "Talk to your wife before I hex you," Sirius said, not at all fazed by Remus' look. And he walked away, leaving the Lupins to their own devices.

Remus and Emmeline stared at one another for a few tense, silent minutes before Remus turned away from the door. Emmeline stood from her chair for the first time in hours, ignoring the stiffness in her body, and followed him into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She raised an eyebrow, finding two slightly battered suitcases open on their bed full of clothes. Remus had gone back to his wardrobe, taking out the rest of this clothing and possessions, and stacking them neatly on top of the others.

"Are you going somewhere, Remus?" Emmeline asked, staring at her husband in disbelief.

Remus didn't answer straight away. His body stiffened and he placed his hands on his wardrobe drawers, obviously thinking of how to tell her something. "Do you realize what would have happened if Sirius hadn't stunned me last night?" he asked, his voice painfully tight. Emmeline didn't answer, so he turned around to look at her, tears building up in both their eyes. "I would have gotten to the kitchen and killed you, our children, Naomi, and her child. I had no control over myself, Emmeline. You could be dead right now, or you could be a werewolf—"

"But I'm not," she argued firmly. "Remus, it wasn't your fault—Slughorn left an ingredient out of your potion—"

Remus laughed bitterly. "My life—your life—depends on a potion, Emmeline. Do you have any idea how unfair that is to you? And to our children... Emmeline, I can't do this... I can't go month to month for the rest of my life wondering if I'm going to do something to hurt you. All my life I feared hurting one of my friends, or my family. I nearly killed Naomi once, and you've got no idea what that did to me. I don't deserve to have any of you. I've been selfish by keeping you and Sirius and Harry and Naomi so near me for so long—"

"What are you saying?" Emmeline yelled slightly hysterically. "So you're just going to leave me three months pregnant with our twins because you're a little insecure?"

"A little insecure!" Remus roared, making her flinch. "Emmeline! I'm a werewolf! Without that potion that Slughorn so conveniently botched, I'm a viscous murderer! I'm a monster! People run from me when they find out what I am! Rita Skeeter writes articles weekly about how I'm not to be trusted!"

"You're listening to Rita Skeeter?" she yelled incredulously. "My god, you must have hit your head harder than we thought! It was an accident, Remus! It's never happened before and the chances of it happening again are slim! We'll find someone else, someone more reliable to make your potion. I'm sure Ted Tonks would be more than happy to do it. But you are not leaving me, Remus Lupin!"

Remus glared at her. "Are you even listening to me?" he whispered fiercely. "I could have killed you, Emmeline. I was trying to get Harry. I nearly ripped off Sirius' leg. I'm dangerous. I've got no right be around you."

"So what're you going to do?" Emmeline challenged him. "Are you going to go join Greyback's pack? You have family here who love you unconditionally and who would do anything for you. They would kill you if you even set on foot onto their territory. You think that's what you deserve?" She sighed shakily, trying to hold back the tears that were burning the corners of her eyes. "You're a good person, Remus, and there are people here who need you. I cannot live without you." She approached him slowly and his body stiffened even more as she put her arms around his waist. "I meant what I said in my wedding vows. You are my best friend. I don't know how it happened, but you became the most important thing in my life quicker than I ever thought it possible. Do you remember what my brother Michael said to you? He said all the things you're saying now, and none of it is true. Remus, you are the kindest, most gentle man I've ever met in my entire life. What happened last night... Yes, it could have been worse, but it wasn't."

"I don't ever want to hurt you," he said quietly, tears starting to stream down his cheeks as he began to finally relax in her arms. "If something ever happened to you, Emmeline, or these babies, or Sirius or Harry or Naomi... I'd never be able to live with myself. I can't stay here if there's a chance you could be hurt."

"You say you don't want to hurt me," Emmeline said just as quietly, tightening her grip around him. "But what do you think it will do to me if you leave? That would hurt me worse than anything that could ever happen on a full moon, Remus."

Remus looked away from her only long enough to glance at the suitcases on their bed. She could tell he was having a vicious inner argument with himself, but she waited for him to speak. She had no doubt that he loved her more than anything, that he would do everything and anything it took to keep her from harm, but the longer it took him to say something, the tighter her heart felt. At any minute, she was sure it would burst. She needed him and she was so afraid to lose him—she'd never before depended on anybody except herself, but right now, her entire life depended on Remus John Lupin and his love for her.

In what seemed like slow motion, he finally turned back to her, tears still rolling down his cheeks, his eyes filled with the spark she'd fallen in love with. But doubt was fighting its way through. "What if something happens and you or the babies are hurt?" he whispered fearfully.

"We'll take extra measures on the full moons," she told him.

"And my potion?"

"We'll talk to Ted first thing tomorrow."

Remus let out a deep, shaky breath that sounded a bit like a sigh of relief. "Am I still allowed to be afraid?" he asked quietly, resting his forehead against hers.

"Of course," she replied, squeezing his middle a little tighter. "I think we're all afraid to some extent..."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," he whispered, "but I must have mental to even think I could leave you..."