perfect poison
. helium lost .

Author's Notes: Inspired by a passage in an abnormal psychology textbook detailing the development of a man's masochism. The man had had to have a fractured bone set without anesthesia, so an attractive nurse held his head to her bosom and comforted him through the pain, making for a situation where he was in intense pain, yet experiencing pleasure, at the same time.

As always, any and all feedback, constructive criticism, etc. are greatly appreciated :)!

Theme: #22: cradle (揺り籠)

Date: 7/7/2006

"Hey, wonder what's at the top?"

The two boys stand at the base of the tower of garbage, shielding their eyes from the glare of the mid-day sun.

"…Does it even matter?" says the shorter of the two boys.

The taller laughs. "Nah, not really. But it'd be fun to get to the top, don't you think?"

The shorter boy lowers his gaze and shrugs, putting his hands in his pockets. "I don't really care." He turns and is about to walk away, but the other boy grabs his arm and pulls him back.

"Come on, Fei," he says, eyes sparkling. "It'll be fun."

Feitan sighs, then turns, tilting his head and looking at the other boy. "Yeah?" he says. "And if it's not?"

It is the other boy's turn to put his hands in his pockets and shrug. Then, he grins a crooked grin and echoes, "Does it even matter?"

Feitan smiles back. "Fine, fine."

Phinx claps a hand on Feitan's back, laughing again. "Yeah, there we go! C'mon, go."

Feitan raises an eyebrow. "What, Phinx, you're not going up?"

Phinx shakes his head 'no.' "I'm too big and heavy." And afraid of heights, he thinks to himself. "You go instead and tell me what it's like."

Feitan narrows his eyes and says as he walks toward the tower, "I don't know why I always follow your stupid ideas."

He takes a hold of something jutting out from the pile, gets a footing, and begins scaling his way up to the top. The tower begins to sway as winds begin to pick up near the top. In moments, with Phinx cheering him on from below, he is at the top, sitting on some sort of box and swinging his legs over the side. He looks down and sees Phinx, a dot on the ground below.

Cupping his hands around his mouth, Phinx calls up to Feitan. "So what's it like?"

Feitan pauses, looking over to the city on the distant horizon, then shouts back, "I'm sitting on a pile of crap—can't say it's too great."

Phinx laughs heartily. "Yeah, I guess so! Well, it's too bad, I guess—come down when you're ready, eh?"

Feitan rolls his eyes. "Fun, my ass," he says, reaching down and finding holds. He begins climbing down, foot slipping a couple times before finding a stable footing.

"Oi, be careful!" Phinx shouts.

"Tch," Feitan says in return. "I am."

He makes his way down much more slowly than when he climbed up. The winds are even stronger now, making the tower sway ominously. Pieces of rubble begin to roll down the side of the tower as various objects within it creak.

Then, before Phinx can react, the edge that Feitan is gripping comes flying loose. For a moment, he appears to be defying gravity, dangling in the air, before dropping, back arched, like a droplet of water waiting to hit the ground, other pieces of rubble following in his wake.

Though watching him fall felt as if it lasts an hour—every moment of anticipation, waiting for the impact, horrified, yet, at the same time, feeling a guilty feeling of exhilaration with the suspense, the guilt of wanting to see that body hit, and, maybe even splatter—the true fall lasted maybe only a few seconds. Phinx hears a dull, sickening crack, then a yell.

Phinx runs up to Feitan's crumpled body, noticing how quiet he is as he lies there… Hurriedly, Phinx turns Feitan over, and Feitan yells again.

"Ow! Fuck, don't touch me!" Feitan says, groaning.

Phinx bites his lip, then asks, "What's hurt?"

"My arm," he says, then curses again. "Ahh… make it stop!"

Phinx glances at Feitan's arm, bent at an awkward angle, and again at Feitan's face, where beads of sweat are beginning to form, and where his face is contorted into an expression of agony. Phinx furrows his brow and frowns.

"For god's sake," mutters Feitan, breathing heavily, "will you do something and stop just being there, staring at me?"

Phinx hesitates, then gets up and says, "I'll get Machi—just—don't move, yeah?"

Feitan rolls his eyes. "As if I can?"

Phinx dashes off and weaves in and out of the twisted maze that is Meteor City, looking for that blue-haired, cold-eyed girl that is the closest thing their sorry excuse for a city can call a doctor.

"Machi!" he wheezes out when he rounds the corner to where she is, and she looks up from her needle and thread, face hinting ever-so-slightly at annoyance.

"What?" she replies, taking in Phinx, who has a hand clutched to his side.

"I-it's Feitan," he says. "Broke his arm, I think."

Machi sighs and stands up, smoothing out her threadbare but good clothing before fixing Phinx with an icy glare.

"You're annoying, you know that?" she says, but follows him nonetheless, grabbing her bag, to where Feitan lies, sprawled out, breathing shallowly, eyes unfocused. Machi kneels down next to him, inspecting him with a cold eye.

"Now," she begins, pulling things out of her bag, "this might hurt just a bit…"

Feitan hmphs, then says, "Just do it."

Machi nods and gently takes hold of his arm. Feitan winces as she lightly feels the break; Phinx comes closer and kneels next to Feitan, brushing a strand of hair out of his face.

"…Sorry," Phinx says quickly, a bit sheepishly.

Feitan stares at him, then makes a movement as if to shrug. "Whatever," he says, then winces again. "at least this isn't boring."

Phinx laughs nervously, and Machi glares at him.

"Don't be so loud," she says. "I need to concentrate."

Phinx nods, lips pressed tightly against each other. Machi begins to work with a certain precision—almost deathlike. She feels for the pieces of bone and shifts them around into the right position as he makes those sounds of discomfort, sometimes squeezing his eyes shut, sometimes biting his tongue. Phinx hesitantly reaches out to hold Feitan's uninjured hand, squeezing it reassuringly. As Machi puts the pieces of one bone back into place, Phinx brushes another strand of Feitan's hair out of his face, then strokes his cheek with the back of his hand, murmuring words of whatever cheap comfort he can offer.

Feitan shouts and curses as Machi moves the fragments of his other bone, trying to pull away, but Machi holds his upper arm in a vice-like grip, and Feitan stills himself, breathing heavily. Phinx reaches down and gives Feitan's hand another reassuring squeeze, those meaningless words still coming out from his mouth in a continuous stream. Feitan murmurs something.

"What's that?" Phinx says, leaning over. Feitan gropes out with his good hand, then grips Phinx's arm, sinking his nails in and dragging them down to his wrist, as if the action gives him some sort of release. Phinx cries out and presses his other hand to the wounds, trying to stop the stinging as Feitan looks up at him, eyes half-lidded, a slow, lazy smile spreading over his face.

"I said, 'Don't stop'," he hisses, blood under his fingernails, a malicious glint coming to his eyes as a slight blushes tinges his cheeks. Phinx looks puzzled for a moment, but then, realization hits him.

"Oh," he says, then resumes stroking Feitan's face a bit clumsily with his left hand, figuring that it has been helping him get through the pain—or at least, a little bit.

But Feitan growls and says, "No, your other hand."

Phinx hesitates, the stinging in his arm still rampant, but a quick glance over at Machi and Feitan's arm is all the encouragement he needs. He starts to stroke Feitan's cheek again, his hand trembling from the stinging. Blood starts to find its way down from the gashes and drip onto Feitan's cheek, sliding down to his lips, and Feitan smirks, a dazed look in his eyes as he absentmindedly sticks out his tongue and licks at the blood.

Phinx is only slightly aware of the change in his friend, but then Feitan's hand scrabbles out for Phinx's left hand, cradling it in a deceptively gentle way before squeezing it, tight, as he stares straight into Phinx's eyes, Feitan's eyes oddly cold and aware of what he's doing as he squeezes his hand until Phinx cries out.

Then, idly, Feitan begins to scratch at Phinx's left arm as blood from his right continues to drip onto his face, pooling up in the small basin where the edges of his eye socket is, then spilling over like bloody tears. Feitan smiles, running his nails down the length of Phinx's arm harder and harder as that rosy blush begins to spread more and darken, and Phinx tries to ignore the stinging pain, knowing that it's nothing compared to what Feitan is going through.

Moments later, Machi is done, tightly wrapping in the splints to hold the bone pieces together. She stands and dusts herself off, putting the rest of her materials back into her bag. She doesn't bother to help Feitan up (Phinx has already done so, anyway). She takes in Phinx's scratched arms and the blood on Feitan's face, but says nothing.

"…Thanks, Machi," Phinx says after a pause.

Machi nods. "Yeah, whatever. Feitan, you need to come see me every couple of days or so so I can check on your arm. And you guys owe me."

Phinx shrugs. "Whatever you need."

Machi smiles the tiniest amount.

"I'll remember that."

"God dammit," Phinx says, almost twenty years later. "I can't believe she actually remembered it!"

Feitan snorts. "Machi never forgets anything. Especially if it concerns her services."

"Yeah, but this is a bit much…" Phinx says, glaring at the bag he holds as if that would make it turn into a less obscene shade of pink. "Hell, I don't even know what Machi and Shizu would need half those things for… and paying it from my own wallet, just so I can be embarrassed further by the cashier, or else 'face her wrath'… ugh."

Feitan smirks, pausing before the dirt-floored alley between the two buildings. "But it was worth it," he says.

Phinx rolls his eyes. "Was it?"

Feitan suddenly drags Phinx into the alley and pushes him up against the grimy wall, then shoves him down into an uncomfortable squat so that he and Phinx are level.

"I'd say so," Feitan breathes, then pulls up Phinx's sleeve and idly scratches at his arm, where there are already dozens and dozens of other shallow scratches, while gazing into Phinx's eyes. When he feels the skin break and sees the blood well up and Phinx wince, he smirks, and a faint blush unravels itself over his cheeks as his breathing becomes a little faster.

Then, he leans in, and, closing his eyes, kisses Phinx.

Author's Notes: See that little drop-down menu and the button down there…? Well, making a starving author happy and leave a (preferably detailed) review. Thanks!

And shoot, upon rereading this, I've found that I have a lot of revision to do, especially with the flow of the story... that's what I get for hand-writing it fairly quickly ;