CHAPTER 10: FINDING
...Beep…beep…beep…
"Stupid alarm…" Greg mumbled from his bed as he lounged lazily on it, within the warm hugging covers. He was on his back, and when he rolled on to his stomach to shut off the clock alarm, which obnoxiously chose to alarm every night at seven like it had a mind of its own, he brushed his chest and stomach against the sheets and irritated the old scabs once more. He scratched it consciously, not caring about the doctor's orders. He just wanted to get back to work next week, and maybe get back to a routine. "Oh wow," He thought bitterly, "More paperwork probably. I suppose that's what I deserve for messing up my first and only solo case."
Bitter is what he had become in the last week or so since his abduction. Or maybe bitter wasn't he right word. Maybe resentful was a better word, resentful of his capture, of his treatment, of himself for being too weak to do anything about it and for even thinking about the whole ordeal, since Janine was dead and Cal was in jail. He sighed. Resentment was definitely what he was feeling.
He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, his face had returned to being not so pale, only the faint tracings of bruises remained on his jaw. His eyes scared him. They seemed almost black, and lifeless. He missed feeling lively, having youthful vigour. He must have aged five years in under a week and had been lazy ever since he had returned to his apartment. He had spent two days in the hospital for assessment, and treatments for his burns, and more for the larger gashes Janine had left on his chest, and the resulting infections. The memory caused him to smile slightly; Sara had been there when he woke up, as he had predicted, but they never really had a chance to talk, with his mom there, and the police questioning him. She had also seemed…withdrawn. Thoughtful maybe.
And he hadn't even seen her since then. He snorted. Grissom had her working like a dog, as usual, and hadn't allowed her any time to do anything but sleep and work. Catherine had been over, the day after his mom left a few days ago, with a delicious casserole. Catherine, his second mom, he loved her dearly. Their playful talk at work always made him happier. Would he ever joke again? Nick had been over too, with Warrick, for a little manly chat about video games and Warrick's wife problems.
He snorted in ironic laughter. Manly? Yeah right. He couldn't be manly if he tried. He had been pushed around by, who? A petite crazy woman who weighed about a hundred pounds? Pssh…what a joke. He flexed his arm in the mirror. Pathetic. He hung his head, shaking it, and stripped to get in the shower.
After letting the warm water cascade over his body for fifteen relaxing minutes, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower into the steam filled room. He was thankful; the steam made sure he didn't have to look in the mirror at himself. He used the towel to absorb the tiny collected droplets on his shoulders and chest, which still stung when the water and towel hit it, and then wrapped it about his waist. He exited the bathroom, steam trailing him like a foggy cloak out into the hall. Greg heard something down the hall of his apartment, and, a little jumpily, he looked down and stopped in his tracks.
"Hey Greg." Sara greeted cheerily as she stood in front of his apartment door. Her cheeks were pink from the unusually cold and windy Las Vegas night, but her russet eyes were sparkling. Greg just stared at her. "Umm…" She looked around, starting to become uncomfortable under his scrutiny. "Can I come in?"
This knocked Greg out of his stupor. "Oh…oh yeah, sure, just make yourself comfortable in the kitchen, I have to get dressed, if you, haven't noticed…"
"Oh." Sara said, acting as if she had just noticed he was only in a towel. "Yeah, sure, go ahead."
Greg nodded, and like lightning ducked into his room. He heard the click of his lock, and then started to curse himself. "What the hell was that, Sanders?" He thought to himself, anger channelling through him. Any other time, any other situation, he would be all over this. Sara was in his house, and one of them was basically naked. Can you ask for a better scenario? Greg sighed, getting dressed. He knew what was the matter, but if he didn't get his act together, someone else would discover that he wasn't right, and pry into it. He didn't want that.
He exited his room once more, clad in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He came into the kitchen where Sara was already at work. She had the coffee starting to brew, and was making sandwiches. "Someone's made herself very much at home I see," He said with a grin.
Sara looked up and smiled also. "I figured you were hungry, and it's my night off, so…" She looked him over carefully. "You look like you've lost weight."
Greg was taken aback by that statement. Had Sara seen through his façade so quickly? No way. "Maybe a little." He replied a little awkwardly. "I haven't exactly gotten back on an exact schedule."
Sara placed a slice of bread on the last sandwich, and took them and the coffee she had just poured to the small kitchen table. She motioned for him to sit in silence with her, and as he did so, she sighed. He looked at her intrigued, but she never returned his gaze. "You've got to talk to someone, you know."
This took Greg not only by surprise, but made him confused and offended. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Don't take it wrong, Greg, but…you just went through a horrible ordeal, and I know for a fact that you haven't mentioned it to anyone. Not Catherine, not Warrick or Nick, not your own mom. And I feel that you should for your own sake."
Greg was suddenly not hungry. "Well, that's one person's opinion. What, did Grissom send you?"
Sara looked at him now, but her expression made Greg turn his head. "No, Greg. Grissom can't offer you what I can. A friendly ear, as I am one of your best friends. I'm worried about you, and want to help you. I know what it's like."
Greg looked at her, feeling both bitter and challenging. "You know what it's like? You think you have any idea what I went through?" He looked away, at once calming down. He chanced a glance at Sara, and saw the hurt in her eyes. "Geez Sanders, nice move. You're so manly you're fighting with your best friend who is genuinely concerned and offering to help you." "I'm sorry."
Sara took her hand and laid it on Greg's. "Eat, and then tell me about it?" It was more of a question then a statement, but Greg obliged, his hunger returning and becoming noticable to him once he took a sip of his coffee. He hadn't been eating normally, or really taking care of himself since he had returned home. He was too busy thinking over the ordeal, and beating himself up about not being able to defend himself.
He made a crack about her finding his secret stash of Blue Hawaiian after tasting the familiar rich coffee, and she laughed, and the conversation eased into innocent chatter until only crumbs remained of the food and all the coffee had been drained from the bottom of their mugs. The room tensed again. Sara was the first one to stand, taking Greg's hand with it.
Greg exhaled and he stood with her, leading her to the living room where they could relax on the cushions of the large couch. Sara had to say, she was impressed. The place was immaculate, and organized perfectly. The colours weren't bad either, not loud nor abhorrent, just a soft mahogany that gave the place a comforting feeling. She and Greg sat on the couch, both turned to face each other slightly.
"Greg…" Sara started, knowing that he wouldn't, "Are you okay?"
"That's an odd question." Greg dodged, not wanting to talk about this at all.
"No, I don't think it is." Sara said, "Everyone's come to me, and they're worried. Catherine, Nick, and Warrick all said that you seemed out of it, and your mom said so too before she left. And you know no one knows you like your mother knows you."
"When were you talking with mom?" Greg asked her, once again dodging.
Sara held up a house key, one that was identical to the one Greg owned. "She gave this to me before she left. It's how I got in to your apartment, in case you were wondering. We've been keeping in touch; she's a wonderful woman. I like her a lot."
"Yeah." Greg said, reclining a bit in his seat. "She's great. I'm going to miss her."
"Yeah." Sara said, taking her legs and curling them underneath her. She took a breath. Greg looked at her expectantly. He knew it was coming. "Greg…about what happened to you…"
"I'd rather not talk about it." Greg said almost before the words came out of her mouth, surprising both he and Sara with the quavering tone of breaking they took on.
"Believe it or not, it will make you feel better, please," Sara coaxed, "trust me?"
Greg looked to her. His eyes were watering, and he was fighting his feelings. He was bottling them inside, and had been since the abduction, and even if only for a week, it was almost more than he could take. "How do you know?"
Sara gave a knowing, albeit, sad smile. "If I tell you my darkest secret, will you open up to me? An eye for an eye, we'll both have something on each other." Greg nodded, very intrigued by Sara's proposal. Sara exhaled deeply, and started. "It's funny the things you remember. I remember the woman from child services taking me to this large building. I was so young. I remember the smell."
"You were in foster care." Greg said, remembering her saying so before. "You never told me why."
Sara nodded. "I never told you, or anyone, for a reason."
"You told Grissom."
"I would have lost my job otherwise. I was vulnerable, and that may be the only other reason why I told him. He doesn't understand. I think you might." She took a deep breath, preparing herself to reveal the horrible tale. The repulsive story of how Laura Sidle stabbed her abusive husband, Sara's father, would never leave his mind. The graphic images that Sara riddled off from memory scared and sickened him. How a little girl could grow up with that stigma, and the questions that came attached, hanging over her head was beyond him, and yet, that girl was now the woman sitting in front of him, trying hard to keep herself from losing her composure, attempting to help him with his own problems. She was more amazing then he had ever thought before, much stronger than he was. He felt guilty about not being able to trust her before. Guilty and more resentful.
"…And that's my deep dark secret." She finished, her voice quivering. She looked up at Greg, his eyes watering along with hers, but showing all the understanding she needed that words couldn't express. She sniffed, her resolve breaking with guilt. "I shouldn't have told you that story."
Greg immediately took his hands and placed them on her shoulders, stroking the bare skin with his thumbs, warming them. "Why's that?"
"Because you have enough to deal with, without me adding to your troubles."
Greg hesitated. "It's no trouble." He paused again. "I failed."
Sara looked at him. His eyes were closed, but he seemed troubled. "What?"
"I failed Sara, plain and simple. It was my first solo case, and I failed it miserably. I ended up becoming another victim. There were a million things I could have done to prevent this. And worst of all? I nearly got killed and raped by a crazed psychotic woman, and what did I do? Nothing, and do you want to know why that is? It's because I'm weak."
During his confession, he had become worked up, breathing hard and raising his voice. His last words were whispers as tears streamed silently down his cheeks.
Sara watched this with complete awe. She took a thumb and gently stroked the tears away. "How can you even think that you're weak?" She said softly, so tenderly it made more tears stream down Greg's face. "You went through more with her and Cal then anyone should have to go through, especially someone as kind and sweet as you. And you came out alive."
"I shouldn't have gone through it," Greg whispered harshly, more to himself than Sara, "because I should have been able to fight back. I should have overpowered them."
"Two on one? Cal wasn't a ninety-pound weakling Greg, I doubt even Nick or Warrick alone could have taken both him and Janine on, and remember that you were drugged. You did manage to escape them, but with the drugs in your system? There was just no way you could escape them completely."
Greg nodded, as if realizing she was right all along, and that he was being way to hard on himself. However, she continued. "Strength doesn't mean brute force, Greg. You managed to beat them in the end, don't you see? You outwitted them, and managed to stay alive through their torture until we could save you. Don't you see how strong that makes you?"
Greg nodded again, and looked up, his tears finally stopping, but when he looked up at Sara, he could see she was crying now, her cheeks wet with salty drops of water. It immediately made him guilty again. "Oh Sara, come on, don't cry, I'm all right now."
Sara shook her head. "You don't know how scared I was Greg." She flung herself at his chest, wrapping her arms around him like a child. Greg was bewildered, but tried to calm her down. "When I found out her plans, I was just so terrified. I thought I was going to lose you, and I just couldn't go through that."
"But you didn't lose me." He said quietly. "You found me. And I'm right here, and I'll never leave you again."
Sara slowly stopped her hysterical sobbing, enough to sit upright again. She looked at Greg, eye to eye. "I found you." She formed the words slowly, letting them slide off her tongue as if not realizing what the words meant. She repeated herself, her voice stronger now, as she understood what the words truly intended. She wrapped her arms around Greg's neck, and his around her waist, as their lips met. Softly at first, but passion overtook rationality and their kiss deepened to something wonderful and as expressive as words could ever hope to be. They broke their kiss only moments later though, and they looked at each other. Their eyes spoke for them, as actions so often speak louder than words.
"I'm not ready for that yet. Not now." Greg's eyes spoke to hers.
"Not now." Sara's eyes agreed.
"So…um…" Greg started awkwardly, "you were right, about feeling better after telling someone. It's not quite so bothersome now."
"Yeah." Sara said, her arms slowly lifting from his neck as she felt his grip loosen from around her waist. "So, I'm glad I could help make you feel better. Umm, I better get going…"
"Sara." He said, voice pleading. She stopped herself from rising from the couch. "Can you…stay? For the night I mean. Just this once?"
Sara smiled at him. "Sure." Greg returned her smile with one of his kilowatt grins, and his eyes lit up which made her laugh. It was genuine this time. She was afraid that she would never see that charming boyish smile or those lively eyes again, but seeing it now reassured her. Everything would be all right in the end.
"We'll just watch a movie until we get tired." Greg said, hopping up to grab his movie collection. "Your choice."
Sara laughed again, looking at the wide variety of movies. "I think…this one." She chose a DVD case that had a man and a woman on it. "Oh…The Notebook?" She questioned when she realized what she picked. "You have The Notebook?" She grinned.
"Hey, it's a great movie." Greg said as he took it up and put it into the player. "Great chick flick for the ladies."
"Yeah, sure." Sara said, not sure if she was treading on thin ice. She had just heard Greg question his own masculinity, and wanted to try and keep off the territory of, 'going to far'. However, she deemed that normality was what Greg needed, and so their playful banter would be the best thing.
Greg noticed her hesitation, and realized why, but he appreciated her attempt at their normal talk. He realized she was right, and with time, the scars would fade from his body and soul, and his life would return to normalcy. This was the best way to do it. He smiled as he plopped down next to her. Only a few minutes into the movie, he put his hand around her shoulder hesitatingly, as if questioning it, but she grabbed his hand and pulled it down to fully rest on her shoulder, giving him permission. Quarter way through, Greg settled down in the crook between the arm and back of the couch, with Sara settling onto his chest. Halfway through, they were lying down completely, their eyelids growing heavy. And as the final credits rolled, Greg was fast asleep, the first peaceful sleep in a week, with Sara close to joining him.
However, Sara was deep in thought. She wasn't worried about Greg anymore. After hearing his problems, allowing him to get them off his chest, she was sure he would be fine with time, just as she was. He was strong enough to get through this, and she would help.
No. Her thoughts were drawn to his mother, Lillian Sanders. Sara smiled as she thought more and more about it. Had Lily known this was going to happen? She had given Sara his house key, and told her to 'get him to open up'. Lily had talked with Sara the whole while she was in Las Vegas about Greg as a child. They had bonded. So, the question was still out there. "Did Lily know we would start…this?" Then another question popped into her head. "Had she wanted this to happen all along?"
She heard a small snore escape from Greg's lips, causing her to smile and giggle slightly. Her head rose and fell with his breaths from where she lay on his chest, and she heard the consistency of his heartbeat. It made her feel safe, to feel and hear these signs of life, strong within his body. She was pretty convinced that Lily had wanted this all along. Silently, she thanked the stars that Lily had come to Las Vegas and as bad as everything was, she had to thank God that this whole ordeal happened. She had to think, if this hadn't happened, would I have ever gotten with Greg?
It was too horrible a thought to even think about, so she let her thoughts drift like flotsam on a river to Lily once more. Her thoughts still resounded in her mind. Sara let the words escape on her breath, soft and feather light. "Finding…"
There are many definitions for finding. One is the coming upon of something by chance. Another is to obtain or locate through search and effort. The last is to discover.
Sara smiled, and closed her eyes. Lily was truly a wise woman. She finally understood the intricacies of that word and its definitions.
Janine Crawly had found Greg by chance. She had found all of her victims by chance. Then, Sara and the whole team had found Greg through much search and effort. Greg had put in his own effort. Without his clues, she would never have found him in time. Then there was the last definition, to discover. She heard Greg snore underneath her again, and she smiled in response. She reached up and pulled the blanket that was draped haphazardly over the top if the couch onto their forms. She snuggled into the blanket and into Greg, kissing him on the forehead, and then on his lips, savouring his unique taste, and whispering 'I love you' into them. He was with her now, and she was happy beyond belief. She had definitely discovered something wonderful.
The End
I hope you enjoyed reading 'Finding' everyone, as much as I enjoyed writing it. There you go, that's the end. So, that's all I guess. I hope you enjoy, once again. Until my next story, so long;)