Hola, everyone! It's me, Snow Puff, and I swear to God I'm not dead! A lot of stuff has happened the past few weeks, so you must excuse my lack of updates. But I'm sure that you don't really care about all that. As an interesting P.S. of sorts, I've recently started going on Gaia Online like crazy. If you're ever doing anything on that site, leave me a comment or PM or whatever. (My user name's Yuki Pafu (means 'Snow Puff' in Japanese)) Like any of you honestly give a crap right? You're just waiting to see what happens next. Well too bad, I like torturing you like this. BWAHAHAHA! Eh, fuck it. On with the show!
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A First Class Script
Chapter 2: Disculpa Extrano (Strange Apology)
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Leon was pissed. Not just the normal 'bitch fuck off' pissed. Full-fledged 'where's that bastard? I'll pop a cap in his cracker ass, twitch, twitch, crazy' pissed. Thus far on his little 'adventure' through this crazy-ass castle, Leon had nearly been speared by some blind dude, burnt to a crisp, eaten by a group of monster dogs, speared by a group of spikes on the ground, had his face burnt off by acidic spit that some big-ass cricket had, speared by spikes descending from the ceiling, squished by a pair of giant Lord of the Rings-esque trolls, chopped in half by killer suits of armor, gotten shot at by monks, stepped on by a giant statue, killed in numerous horrid ways by a pair of very ugly body-guards who looked like they belong in the movie 'Alien Vs. Predator', and to top all that off, he'd also gotten harassed by a guy who was half his size.
Leon Scott Kennedy was in no mood for any more of Salazar's bullshit. Leon had been waiting for this one moment since he had first heard the castellan speak – Salazar was going to die and quite frankly, Leon would enjoy every single second of it.
Not to say that Leon was a bad person, of course. He was doing his job first and foremost. It was his job to kill the annoying little bastard. Was it such a crime if he enjoyed his job so much?
"Strangah!" an easily recognizable voice shouted at him, as Leon walked by.
"Hi, uh… Merchant dude…" 'What's his name anyway?'
"Where're ya goin' in such a hurray?" Leon was still in 'Die Salazar' mode, and while in said mode, he was in no mood to talk to people or buy things. With all due respect to the Merchant who had helped him out of numerous binds, he really needed to shut the fuck up right now.
"In there," Leon said pointing at the door leading to the only possible place Salazar would be. "So, if you'll excuse me, I need to be go-"
"Strangah, don't underestimate him; he's stronger than you could imagine." Leon raised a disbelieving eyebrow at the Merchant. "Yer gonna need a new gun!"
"Jesus Christ! I do not need a new gun, you freaky-ass British nut-job!" The Merchant's eyes widened in shock and maybe a touch of fear. If Leon had paid attention when his British Lit. class read Alice in Wonderland, he would have realized that the first slightly-strange thing that happened to a person would lead to something that was much stranger all together. If he had paid attention when that same class read Through the Looking Glass, he probably would have compared the door into the ritual room as stepping through the looking glass. Or at the very least he would compare the two afterward.
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Leon wanted Salazar to die, that much he knew. Which completely explained his over-reaction when he saw the younger man in a heap on the ground with tentacles sticking out of the back of his now tattered coat and a small puddle of blood around his hand. Yup, completely explained it.
"Goddamn it!" Leon shouted as he dropped his handgun on the ground as he sprinted forward. 'I'm lucky that didn't go off…' he grimly thought as he knelt down beside Salazar, checking his pulse as he did so. Weak, practically non-existent. Before freaking himself out, Leon checked his own heartbeat; just as weak. 'Okay, then… I'll blame it on the parasite.'
"Oi!" Leon shouted, giving the smaller man a hard slap across the face. "Wake up, idiot!"
"Aye… Ma cabeza…" Salazar mumbled, rubbing the back of his head gently.
"You're lucky that your goofy hat broke your fall, or you'd have more than just a bad head-ache," Leon said, confusing himself in the process. 'This guy's the enemy! I wanted to kill him about five seconds ago. Why am I talking to him like we're old college buddies?' He mentally chose to blame it on the parasite again and grabbed the castellan by the arm and hoisted him to his feet. "Damn, dude; loose some weight…"
"Shut up…" The order was half hearted and followed by a squeak-like sound as Leon pulled Salazar's injured hand under one of his arms, pinning it. "Aye! Largar!"
"I'm not letting go!" Leon shouted trying to grab a can of First Aide Spray off his belt with his free hand.
Salazar wrapped a few of his tentacles around the arm Leon was using to grab the aerosol can filled with healing fluid and wrapped one around the blonde's neck as a crude threat. "Let go of me. Now."
"Jesus! I'm just trying to fix your hand!" Salazar's grip relaxed as Leon sent a glare his way.
"You could have just told me that!"
"You never gave me a chance to!" Leon sprayed the can on Salazar's pale left hand. "There you go," he mumbled releasing Salazar's thin arm. The younger man flexed his fingers, staring at his hand with a piercing golden gaze. "Try not to use it too much for the next few days…"
"Mister Kennedy," Salazar said, turning to face Leon, "I grow very weary of your false kindness. If you're going to kill me, just do it."
"Who said that I was being false, huh?" Leon said, combing a hand through his hair while sitting down on the stone floor.
"The fact that you were the one who gave me this wound in the first place."
"Look! I didn't have to heal you, ya know? For once, could you just stop being an insufferable little brat and be thankful! It's no real mystery why the villagers never liked you with an attitude like yours! You know what? There are people in worse off positions than yours! You live in a castle, for Christ's sake! You get to do basically whatever the fuck you want to! And you know what else? If you weren't such a miserable shut-in you would probably realize how good you have it! I mean honestly – "
Salazar rolled his eyes and walked up to the babbling idiot, who was still ranting about something or another. The castellan leaned in and planted a kiss on his enemy's lips. "You talk far too much, Mister Kennedy."
--- Author's Notes ---
Giggle. Twitch. Explodes. Maniac laughter.
I might have enjoyed this chapter a touch too much. (lol that rhymes!) Anyway, y'all know what to do. That's the end of chapter two. Please review. And I'm through with all of you. (lol more rhymes!)
Peace Out!