Author's Note: I know I said I would update once a week, but I got this written out this weekend and I couldn't wait until friday to post it. And besides, I'm a wonderful person...lol!

Just to let you know, this is a Dean-centric chapter and as you read along you will see why.

As always, I ask that you let me know what you think!

Dean was getting stir-crazy.

Not that he didn't enjoy Alicia's company. It felt good to have someone to talk to other than himself. It was nice to open up to someone else, someone he felt comfortable with. Besides, she wasn't bad to look at, either. With his luck Dean could have ended up spending all of this "alone time" with some nurse who could have doubled as a body builder—he'd had his fair share of those on his numerous trips to the hospital.

He got up from the small table and stretched his lean body until he heard several satisfying pops. He then walked over to Sam's bed and peered down at his sleeping brother. There still wasn't any change with him, but he wasn't getting any worse either. Dr. Stewart assured him, along with Alicia, Sam's vitals were good, improving even. While that information comforted Dean, he wished to hell Sam would wake up.

Plopping down on the chair next to Sam's bed, Dean let out a long weary sigh. Alicia had left ten minutes ago in search of some lunch that wasn't from the cafeteria, for which Dean was entirely grateful. He wasn't really sure where she would find it since he was pretty sure most, if not all, the restaurants in town were closed for Christmas. But he wasn't about to argue with the nurse—she told him she would find some food and he was confident she would.

Taking Sam's hand, Dean lay his head down on the bed. It wasn't the most comfortable position and he knew his body would protest, but at the moment he didn't care. He just needed to be near Sam, needed for Sam to know he was there. His head barely made contact before he felt his eyes close.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean shot up from the bed, hand going for his gun he kept tucked under his shirt. He stopped just short of pulling it out when he saw who was in the room. No friggin' way…

"Mom?" he managed to choke out.

Mary smiled at her oldest and looked down where his hand was. "You know you shouldn't have a gun in here, Dean."

Dean lowered his hand and shrugged sheepishly. "You never know when you might need one."

Mary chuckled. "How are you, Dean?"

Dean ignored the question. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, Mom, but what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing."

Dean looked down at his baby brother. "I want Sammy to wake up."

Mary moved to the other side of the bed and brushed the hair off of Sam's forehead. She smiled lovingly and looked up at Dean. "He'll wake up soon."

"How do you know that?"

"Mother's intuition."

Dean glanced at her, not buying her response. There was a reason his mother was standing before him, a reason why she showed up all of a sudden. He was happy to see her, sure, but he learned long ago not to take things with a grain of salt.

Mary must have sensed his uneasiness because she gave him an understanding nod. "Your brother is okay, Dean. I'm here to help him."

"You're going to work some mojo on him and make him wake up?"

"No, I'm afraid I can't do that. Sam is trying to find his way. He's troubled right now. His heart and his mind are in two different places, and he's not sure what he wants. He's looking for answers."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. He walked over to the window and glanced down at the scene below. There was virtually no traffic and snow still blanketed everything. Only a few pedestrians hurrying to their destinations. What did Sam need answers to? Why? What the hell was going on here?

"What do you mean Sam's trying to find his way?" Dean asked, keeping his back turned towards Mary.

"He's confused, Dean. About you, about everything."

"What?" Dean whirled around to face her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Dean saw Mary's eyes narrow just a bit and he immediately felt guilty for snapping at her He didn't mean to do that, he was just so frustrated. When he became frustrated, he snapped at anyone who happened to be near him.

"It stems from the fight the two of you had in the motel room."

"That stupid thing?"

"Sam didn't think it was stupid. It affected him, got him thinking."

"About what?"

"Several things. The main one being if you would be better off without him."

"What?" Dean sent a glare in Sam's direction. "Why would he think that?"

"What did you tell him at the motel, Dean?"

"He said I should do the next hunt alone and I agreed with him…" His voice trailed off.

Mary nodded.

Anger flashed in Dean's eyes. Sammy was definitely going to pay for this one. "I didn't mean that," he said, defensively. "He knows half the crap I say I don't really mean. Why would he think different this time?"

"He's been thinking it for a while, Dean. Your argument just pushed it to the surface."

Dean rubbed a hand through his hair, shocked. Why would Sam be thinking this shit up? Exactly how long had he been thinking it? Did he honestly think I would be better off without him?

"How long?"

"I'm not sure."

Dean walked back over to the chair beside Sam's bed and fell down into him. "Why in the world would he think something like that?"

"From what he told me, he thinks it will protect you, keep you safe. He's tired of seeing you get hurt, Dean, and he thinks it's because of him. He feels if you were by yourself you wouldn't get hurt as much."

"You talked to him?"

"I did."

"When? Now?"

"A little while ago. I showed him the first step."

"The first step of what?"

"His journey—Sam is on a journey. We're showing him the past, present, and future, how the two of you have needed each other. We're also showing him what it would be like if you didn't have him."

"That can't be good," Dean commented.

"Jess is now showing him the present. When she's finished someone else will come along and show Sam the future."

"Is he okay?" Dean asked softly.

"He is, Dean."

Dean nodded and looked at Sam. He looked so peaceful and so at ease, it was hard for Dean to picture a battle waging in the kid's mind. Dean wanted to shake him and tell Sam what a stupid ass he was being.

"I do need him."

"I know you do, Dean—we both do." Mary walked behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "You and your brother—together you make a whole. There can't be one without the other. What you've done for him, raising him, it's more than a mother could ask for. Sam has been blessed in so many ways for having you there in his life, he knows that."

"He's a blessing to me, too. He's the only thing that keeps me going, helped me in so many ways. I just wish he knew that."

"He does, Dean. Deep down, he knows. But he needs to see for himself, to know what you and I know to be the truth."

"So, how long is this thing supposed to take?"

"Another few hours."

"And he'll stay asleep the entire time? He won't get hurt?"

"He'll be safe, Dean."

"What happens when he gets finished? He'll wake up?"

"He'll have a choice to make: either he'll continue with you or he won't."

"If he doesn't, does that mean he'll die?" Dean asked hesitantly.

Mary nodded sadly. "I know that's not what you want to hear, Dean. You just have to have faith in his choice."

"I never was good in that department."

Mary smiled. "Maybe it's time you started."

"Maybe…"

"I want to show you something."

"What is it?"

"Do you remember when Sammy went off to school?"

"How could I forget?" It had been the hardest moment of Dean's life, watching his baby brother get on that bus and drive away from him. That night, all those years ago, Dean felt as if a piece of his heart left with Sam. It took everything in his power not to stop that bus and pull Sam off of it.

"It wasn't easy for him either, Dean. He never wanted to leave you, make you face the world alone. You don't know how close he came from turning around and running right back to you."

"I would have kicked his ass if he did that."

"I want you to close your eyes, Dean."

Dean was going to argue, but decided to do what his mother said. When he opened them again, he saw he was sitting on a Greyhound bus, across the aisle from his baby brother. Okay, this definitely qualifies as "out there…"

Sam was hurting, feeling as if someone had hit him with a Mac truck. It was an ache deep in his heart and he knew what it was—Dean. His big brother was missing from his life, the only person he'd been able to depend on for the last eighteen years of his life.

He let out a sad sigh as he watched the Colorado landscape pass him by. It was late summer and the July sunset cast a shimmery glow through the dense forest surrounding the long stretch of highway, He supposed to anyone else it would look peaceful, but to him, it was a stark reminder of what he was leaving behind.

That wasn't saying Sam didn't feel good about his decision. He needed to get away from the life of a hunter. He needed to see what else the world had to offer, besides monsters and ghosts. He needed to be away from Dean, not to live under the security blanket that was his older brother.

Sam didn't miss the hurt expression on Dean's face when he told him he wanted to go to Stanford, even though Dean covered it just as quickly as it appeared. He told Sam he was happy for him and he supported his decision. While Sam knew his brother meant every word he said, he also knew there was a hidden meaning in the words—Don't leave, Sam. I'm not ready to say goodbye to you yet…

"You okay, kid?"

Sam glanced at the seat beside him to see an African American man with graying hair watching him thoughtfully. He appeared to be in his late fifties or early sixties and his eyes were kind and wizened.

Sam nodded. "I'm fine."

The old man chuckled. "Kid, don't try to fool an old man. I can clearly see something is bothering you." He held out his hand. "The name's Henry."

Sam took the hand and shook it firmly. "Sam."

"That's a good name," Henry said, nodding. "My oldest boy was named Sam."

"Was?"

Henry nodded again. "Passed away a year ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's okay. My Sammy is in a better place. The good Lord can keep watch over him now."

Sam frowned and looked out the window once more.

"Don't look so glum now, boy," Henry said.

"Sorry. I've kind of had a bad day."

"You want to tell me about it?"

Sam shook his head. "I wouldn't want to trouble you. I'm sure you don't want to spend your bus ride talking to some kid."

"Nonsense, it's no trouble at all." Henry smiled at him. "How about we start with something easy? Where are you headed?"

"California."

"What's in California?"

"School—Stanford University."

"Oh, I'm sitting next to a smart boy."

Sam smiled bashfully. "I'm not so sure about that."

"Don't sell yourself short, Sam. Stanford's one of the top colleges in the country."

"Yeah…"

"Well, you're going to a good school, so what's bothering you?"

Sam hesitated. Did he really want to tell this complete stranger? He was extremely cautious when it came to talking to strangers. But Henry seemed willing to listen and Sam had to admit it felt good to talk.

"I had a bad fight with my dad. He didn't want me to leave."

"He's not happy for you?"

"I would like to think he was, but I'm just not sure."

"Did you ask?"

Sam chuckled. "You can't ask my dad anything like that. He doesn't want our family to split up and I refused to listen. It was time to do something for myself and not what he had planned for me."

"It's always hard to go against your parents' wishes."

"Yeah, but really, that's not what bothers me. I can take my dad being angry at me, he always is. It's my brother."

"You didn't want to leave him," Henry answered for him.

"Dean's my older brother, he's always looked out for me. And for the first time in my life, I won't have him with me and that scares me so much. Even now, I'm wanting the bus to turn around so I can go back to him."

Henry nodded, understanding. "That's a natural feeling, Sam. I remember when I enlisted in the army and I stepped on that bus. I wanted nothing more than to go back home and work in my daddy's auto shop."

"But you didn't?"

"I didn't. I stuck with the army and I served in the Vietnam War. I don't regret my decision, even to this day."

Sam nodded.

"Your brother will be okay, Sam. You will, too—you'll see. It's just going to take you some time. You'll always want your brother to be with you." Henry looked down and spotted the cell phone sitting in Sam's lap. "Besides, your brother is just a phone call away."

Sam picked up the phone and smiled. "Thanks, Henry."

"No problem at all, my boy." Henry smiled and leaning his head back against the seat, closed his eyes.

Sam tabbed through the phonebook in his cell phone until he came to Dean's number. Hesitating for a brief second, he hit the CALL button and listened to it ring several times before Dean's voice mail clicked on.

"This is Dean…leave me a message. If this is Sam, I just want you to know…I'm really proud of you, kid. "

Sam smiled, eyes watering. "Hey, Dean, it's me. Uh, I just wanted you to know I'm okay. And thanks…thanks for everything, Dean. I'll call you later…"

"What do you think?" Mary asked, watching Dean.

Dean looked around to see he was once again seated beside Sam's hospital bed. Mary stared at him expectantly and Dean honestly didn't know what to tell her. He just got finished watching something that happened years ago, for God's sakes. How in the hell was that possible? And was this what Sam was experiencing right now? How had the kid not woken up screaming by now?

"That was…different," Dean offered, not coming up with a better response.

Mary smiled. "It takes a while to get used to that."

"Yeah, here's hoping it doesn't happen again." Dean rubbed a hand over his face feeling the stubble; he hadn't shaved since yesterday morning. He then looked at Sam. "So, that—what I saw—it was real?"

"As real as you sitting in this hospital room right now."

Dean chuckled. "That's…oddly comforting."

"I wanted you to see, Dean. To see that leaving you wasn't easy for Sammy. He was so scared when he got on that bus and he didn't know if he was making the wrong choice by leaving you."

"I think it was the best thing for him."

"I do, too. Hearing you tell him you were proud of him gave him all the courage he needed. He had your approval, so he knew he was doing the right thing."

"He needed for someone to say they were proud of him. Dad was so blinded by his obsession, he couldn't even let Sammy know he did good."

"You know how Sam and John were—there couldn't have been two more stubborn men in the world. Knowing how distant the two of them were, I really don't think it would have meant much to Sam if it came from your father. It meant so much more from you, Dean."

Dean nodded. Sam and John were at constant odds with each other. They never could work out their problems and form a relationship. Sam always turned to Dean for guidance and approval and Dean was always there to give it to him. Thinking back, Dean wouldn't have it any other way.

Mary knelt in front of Dean and took his hand in hers. "Dean, I want you to know that I am so proud of you, for everything you've done. It's been an honor to see the life you've made for Sam and yourself. I haven't ever had to worry about the two of you because you were there to take care of everything, Dean."

"I had to, Mom. I couldn't let Sammy face the world by himself. There are too many things out there I had to protect him from."

"I know, Dean. You gave your brother a chance at a good life and in turn, he has given you the same. Your love for each other has been the deciding factor in everything—whether you live or whether you die. Love is what keeps you strong, Dean. Love is your guide."

Dean felt tears stinging his eyes but he quickly brushed them away. His luck, Sam would wake up right then and call him out for behaving like a girl. No way was he going to let his kid brother have that pleasure. "You're going sappy on me, Mom."

Mary smiled. "Take care, Dean. You and Sammy—you keep looking out for each other, be there for the other."

"We will, Mom."

"I love you so much, Dean, and Sam. Don't you ever forget that."

"I won't."

Mary kissed him on the forehead, smiling at the lone tear that managed to find its way down Dean's cheek. She wiped it away and eased his head down onto the bed. "Rest now, my son. Everything will be okay…you'll see."

Dean felt his eyes getting heavy, but he fought against it long enough to say one last thing to Mary.

"I love you, Mom."

Okay, the flashback above was for Dean. I figured I would change it up a bit. In the next chapter, we will get back to Sam and he will see how Dean would now be without him.

Update in a few days...