Disclaimer- In Prologue... as always
A/N- I tried so hard to get this chapter up last night, but my document manager was not working, much to my dismay. But it worked today, and even one day later I think that it is still my most punctual update. Woohoo, go me!
This chapter is short, like all the others, but I personally like this one. I've always loved the character of Charlie and the dynamic relationship between him and his brother. Let me know what you think.
Charlie stood on the sidewalk in the middle of the suburbian jungle, looking at the large white house, nearly identical to the one next to it, remembering the last time he had seen it. He could hear the echo of his angry voice floating over time on the light breeze of the morning.
You did this to me! It was about the music! Music, Liam. You took that away from me...
Charlie wasn't sure how long he had been standing here, staring at his brother's house, torn between whether he should run inside and hug his brother or throw a rock at the window, hopefully shattering his brother's perfect life in the same blow.
He still loved and hated his brother in the contradictory way of siblings. He couldn't help but love Liam, he was his older brother; the person that he had looked up to in his younger years, before he knew better; the person he could depend on to get him out of trouble, be it with bullies, teachers, parents or friends. In the early years of their childhood, Charlie had positively adored Liam. But as they started to grow up, the perfect image Charlie held of Liam started to fade. It seemed as if all the ideals that Liam had when Charlie was a child were starting to become warped. Or maybe it was just that Charlie's perception of Liam changed now that he was older. Whatever it was, Charlie no longer saw Liam as a demigod. As Charlie's interest in music blossomed and became a near obsession, throwing him under the label "outcast" by his fellows mates at school, Charlie began to get a more acute picture of his brother. And what he saw he didn't like. The brother that he once thought was so strong and independent was now a weak person that went along with the crowd to hide his own insecurity. He was someone who would bully someone who was younger because of the rush he got to feel his authority over someone smaller than him. He was a brownnoser who never got in trouble so long as he flashed one of his charming, deceiving smiles. Charlie was glad that his brother never acknowledged him in secondary school, because, quite frankly, Charlie was embarrassed of him.
Charlie agreed to the contract with Liam solely because of his mother. His mother believed in him and said that his musical talent would save them. Though his music hadn't saved her, he was damned if he wasn't going to save Liam and his father for her. Unforetunately, the thing that was supposed to save him ended up being his undoing. Liam succumbed to the numbness of the alcohol, groupies and drugs in order to get away from the mistakes he had made. Eventually the stress of writing all the songs, touring around the world, taking the interviews, recording the albums and looking after his idle brother became too much, and Liam's sin pulled Charlie down into the darkness with him. Liam mooched off Charlie, stealing his time, his money and his talent.
Yet here Charlie stood, dispite all of the past disappointments, broken promises and bitter hatred, wanting to run into his brother's house, hug him and forgive him. Charlie knew now, from the tough lessons of the island and the even more inflexible regime of Locke, that he could never find closure by harboring this enmity towards his brother; he would only find peace of mind through forgiveness. But though he knew he needed the release of forgiveness, he still felt a deep river of rage overflowing inside of him. He couldn't step back into his brother's life and forgive him, just like that. He needed time to recuperate, to heal, to talk to his brother and tell him how betrayed he felt and then, finally, to forgive.
Charlie took in every detail of the house. It was the house had envisioned as a child, the perfect family house, the white house with the green shutters and the wraparound porch that he had dreamed so vividly about, the house that he had wanted to own with his wife and children and to live out his happily ever after in. Charlie couldn't help but feel there was a great injustice that it should be Liam who now had this life, the ne'er-do-well who had brought everyone down in his own ruin, almost killing himself, his brother and his band mates in the process.
But looking at this house, his brother's home, brought out a curious new pain. The pain of coming so close, to actually believing that he would have this life. On the island, Charlie would always fantasize about taking Claire and Aaron and going to live in the house of his childhood hopes. Now he didn't know where she was, who she was with, or whether she missed him as painfully as he missed her.
The light breeze picked up, whipping around his face and chapping his wet cheeks. Charlie wiped the back of his wrist over his face unabashedly. There was no one watching him, and so great was the well of pain, loneliness and anger in his chest that it wouldn't have mattered to him anyway.
There was a loud clatter and bang as the front door of the house swung open and then shut behind Liam's lean figure. For awhile, the two brothers stared at each other, Liam on the top of the porch, Charlie on the sidewalk. Liam blanched and gaped at his brother, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, while Charlie bit back his anger and tears and glared at his brother. Slowly, in a trance, Liam stepped down from his porch and towards his estranged brother.
"You never looked out for me, Liam. You said you would look out for me, you said that you wouldn't let me get lost in it!" Charlie said, bile raising up in his voice already choked by suppressed tears.
"You were dead. Charlie, they said you were dead!" Was Liam's reply; confusion, relief, devastation, and remorse laced through his voice.
"I was! You killed me, Liam!" Charlie responded angrily, his voice cracking as he felt a pain in his chest as if someone had stepped on his heart and snapped it like a twig.
Liam cringed visibly. "Why don't you come in, Charlie?" he said gently, his voice humbled by his brother's anger.
Charlie shook his head mutely. "No. No, I can't. I don't belong in there," he answered and turned his back on his only brother.