Disclaimer: In Prologue

A/N: I know. I suck. Majorly. I was going to condemn this story to death, but I read through it first and realized that I couldn't do that. Not yet anyway. So, I understand if I have 0 readers left. My fault. Sorry.

Working with Sawyer, Kate easily got into the abandoned house. It looked untouched, the only difference being the thin layer of dust that covered everything. She slowly walked through the house she hadn't seen in months, Sawyer following behind her. She could feel the despair and lonliness working its way up her throat. This had been her only chance, her only hope of finding someone she could be at peace with. This was the only place she could find something that felt remotely like home, like family. The echo of her footsteps muffled by the dust covering the floor echoed in her equally empty heart. Her throat was seizing up and her breath was becoming ragged. All her emotions -- her frustration, pain, embarrassment, shame, regret, and self-resentment -- were finally catching up with her.

She paused at the threshold of her old bedroom, leaning against the doorjamb to regain her composure. She couldn't lose control, not in front of Sawyer.

But the thought of Sawyer just intensified her heartache. How could she have done this? Why did she do this? What must Jack think of her? How could she have done this to him again?

Because you are a destroyer, said a small voice in her mind that sounded like poison. You only know how to wreck things, to kill them, murder them... blow them away.

A strangled sob escaped her, which she tried desperately to suppress. She couldn't do this. Not with him. He had to leave.

"Whoa, steady, Freckles," came his voice from behind her. He put a hand on her arm, she supposed he thought it would comfort her. Instead she felt like brushing it off, scourging him off of her. She didn't want him or his touch or his comfort. "Don't lose your head, Sweet Cheeks. This place is perfect. There's obviously no one living here or keeping it up, it's in the middle of nowhere, funished and just waiting for us to hide out in it. Granted, it's a little dusty."

Kate just shook her head vehemently, she didn't trust herself to talk. No, this place wasn't perfect. Not with him here.

"I'll go find us something to eat," he said, rubbing her arm with his hand and then leaving her. She was vaguely aware of hearing him get into his truck and driving off. Slowly pulling a little of herself back together, she continued her tour of the empty house.

Eventually she made her way to the kitchen, and into the little pantry. Leaning up, she felt for the panel. She wasn't quite sure why she was doing it, there was nothing there. In her mind, she wrote it off as nostalgia, trying to recapture what had been lost. Finding it, she lifted it away. She looked at it, the small secret compartment that had been the only bit of the house she had considered her own. She had always loved secret compartments as a child, secret places to hide from Wayne, anywhere that was her own private sanctuary that no one else could cheapen or vilify, someplace she could be alone and peaceful. It had probably been an early warning sign of the life she now led, but at the time it had seemed natural and perfect. She wished that she could go back to her child self and warn her that as peaceful as secret hideouts were, they were also unbearably lonely. Looking into this secret compartment, she gave a small start when she saw that it was not empty, as she thought it would be.

Reaching in, she took out its contents -- a lonely letter that had her name on the front. Well, the name he knew her as.

She took the letter out of its unsealed envelope, hoping for details of where he was, what had happened to him, some comfort and closure knowing that his betrayal had at least paid off his mortgage.

Annie,

The top story in the news today is that Oceanic Flight 815 crashed. I heard about it at the bank today, while I was paying my mortgage. I didn't pay any attention to it at first, but then I heard the list of people on the plane. I didn't particularly care about the story, but as with most disasters, you can't help but watch it with some interest. They started with all of the "important" people that had been on the plane. A washed up rock star, a renowned surgeon, a lottery winner. And then they talked about a wanted criminal that had been on the plane. And it was you. Annie, I don't think I can ever really convey how I'm feeling, must less on paper. You know that. In your time staying and working with me, you know how much we talked about feelings. Never. We didn't really talk about much, but I could tell that you were pretty beat up. Maybe we should have talked more, but I don't think that words hold much for either of us. We are probably more alike than either of us are willing to admit. I guess the main thing I feel like I have to say is that I'm sorry. We were companions, coworkers, friends, and at the end of our time together I'd even begun to think of you as a daughter. When I saw the wanted sign for you at the post office, you don't know how difficult it was for me to turn you in. If it hadn't been for the reward and my mortgage that needed to be paid off, I wouldn't have done it. But even then, if I'd have known then that I was turning you in to be killed in an airplane crash, I wouldn't have done it. I'd never have done it. I'm so sorry, Annie. I loved you, and I killed you. I only ask that you forgive me, if you can read this from wherever you ended up, so that maybe I can forgive myself.

Ray

Kate felt another part of herself shattering. She had brought about his destruction too. Because of her, he lived out his days criticizing and hating himself.

"I forgive you, Ray! More than that, I understand! I understand and I forgive you!" she called out to the emptiness around her. Finally letting go of all her reservations, Kate let herself properly mourn for Ray, for Tom, for Kevin, for Jack, for her own self that she had lost somewhere in the mix.

Sobbing, her despair clouding over all other thoughts, she heard from somewhere in the back of her mind Jack's voice from the first time the met, as clear as it had been that day.

"So I just made a choice. I'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for 5 seconds, that's all I was going to give it."

Taking in a shaky, teary breath, Kate began counting. "1...2...3...4...5."

She dried her eyes, took a deep, calming breath, and stood up from the floor that she had crumpled to after reading Ray's letter. She put the letter back in its envelope to put back in the compartment. As she was about to put it in, however, she noticed something else hidden in the inky black shadows. She stretched to pull it out, and when she brought it into the light, she saw a wad of money held by a rubber band. She did a quick estimation looking at the hundreds of one-hundred dollar bills and guess that there was about 20,000 dollars there. Most likely 23,000 dollars -- Ray's reward for turning her in.

Looking at the money, then at the envelope she held in her hand, she knew what she had to do. Run.