Disclaimer; I don't own Bleach. Nuff said.
Are you awake, little one?
She groaned, staggering to her feet in a field of yellow and red. Sunflowers, fire lilies, types she'd only dreamed of seeing, all somehow coexisting, surrounding her and moving gently in the lightest of breezes. Home, they said. You are home. Her hands felt raw, her head a jumble of thoughts and feelings, her whole body protesting at the slightest movement.
It is time to continue, Momo.
"How?" Her eyes focused on the sprite, wings almost comically large on the small frame. Hinamori may have been seeing things, the red and yellow surroundings affecting her perception of the crimson gold wings but she honestly doubted that. If they looked bigger, they were bigger. That simple.
You must come to terms with yourself. Your feelings. your memories. Each flower here represents some part of you that you refuse to give up. You do not need all these. Will you do it, destroy those you no longer need to hold onto? Can you place aside those feelings of admiration for a mirage and accept the betrayer that he is?
She didn't notice the tears falling down, but the wind had picked up slightly. Not only did the task itself seem impossible - there had to be hundreds, thousands of flowers before her - but Tobiume was still standing firm against her.
Start with this one, Momo. Start, and do not stop until you can tell me you understand why people hurt you.
Shaking fingers freed the clymacen flower from the sprites grip, and she closed her eyes, remembering the moment she'd first tried on her adjunct badge, the anticipation, the joy. Flames licked at her fingers but only the flower was destroyed, ash floating to the ground.
Hours later the tears stopped. The clearing was once again empty of flowers, and the trees surrounding her were starting to show signs of blooming. She didn't dare turn her body to look at Tobiume, almost afraid of those wings, afraid of what was changing about her even as she felt the change within her, the flames burning brighter, hotter, swirling around her protectively in a manner she'd never felt before. She was becoming fire, and Tobiume was growing. It seemed right, as it should happen, but the empty clearing only saddened her. The skies threatened to tear apart with a new storm and with a quivering lip she sought out the last flower, somewhere there, hiding amongst the trees. Her most precious thought, her tightly guarded memory -
She found the bird of paradise easily enough, hidden behind a peach tree, and she couldn't help but stare at it, stare and stare and stare, unable or unwilling to move at the sight of it. The flower itself was beautiful, the memory she knew contained behind it horrifying but also loving, a day she'd almost died, but a day she'd rescued someone and in turn been rescued.
He was using you even then.
She choked back another scream.
Those odd hollows were his fault.
She knew, damn it, she knew, but that didn't make it any easier to erase the first time she'd realized she admired him. It didn't make it any easier to lock away the part of her that thought she could come to love him.
Shinigami died because of him. You were wounded, the ice boy was wounded, the whole of Seireitei is on the brink of war, and you still want to hold onto the first time he graced you with a smile?
No no no, no, it was all wrong, he had smiled and the world had been put right, but he had smiled and she had sunk back to the ground, heavy, listless, bleeding, torn, broken, unable to move, no noise, no words, only the horrific sight of his crooked smile that smile always that smile and then the flower was in her hands and even before the flame could rise up to claim it she was ripping it to shreds, tearing apart the beautiful petals and letting the fire catch them as they fell back to the ground.
"There!" Her voice was raw and rough with desperation, exhaustion, pain, loss, a hundred other emotions all crammed into the sound of her scream. "I know! I get it!"
Will you trust him again?
"No." Bitter, edged, sharp. "No, I won't." A whisper, but strong, convicted. Truthful. Grown up.
Then find me, Momo.
She blinked watery eyes, looking around in panic. She hadn't even noticed that the sprite had disappeared, so focused on the task at hand, on destroying her own memories. But they weren't destroyed - she could still feel them, still see them, they were still there, inside of her, like they'd always been, but this time when she thought back on all she'd done she was suddenly aware of how much of it involved running around like an obedient puppy for a man who didn't really exist. "Did I really do all that, Tobiume? Am I a vice captain because of my own strength, or because it was easier to use me?"
You will question yourself and the path you have taken?
"I just want to know my strength."
Do you not possess my shikai form?
"Yes."
Do they not call you a kidou master?
"Yes."
Then why doubt your power, Momo? He may have twisted you accordingly and inhibited your growth, but it does not mean you did not grow at all. You only have to find your wings.
Hinamori pushed on through the trees. She would find Tobiume.
She was ice cold and his hands were shaking. He could do nothing, and Unohana watched as he stood over her body, holding back all his emotions. He wanted so desperately to reach out, take her hand and bring her back to them but he'd been warned of the consequences and so his hands shook as he kept them from her, as he'd kept himself from her for years.
"Does this mean she's getting worse?"
"No. I do not know her relationship with Tobiume, but I believe this means she has made progress." Dark eyes watched him bite his lower lip, fingers twitching as he continued to hold himself back.
"Unohana-taichou. Is there nothing-"
"We must be patient," she cut the blonde off, glancing out of the window. "Hinamori-fukutaichou made this choice herself, and we can only respect that."
"I... Understand." He stared at her still form, wishing she'd wake up there and then, grace him with that smile he knew and loved. But Hinamori stayed in her mind and Kira couldn't bring himself to do anything but watch. "If she wakes, and I don't get the chance, will you tell her I was here?"
"Of course, Kira-fukutaichou." Her smile was warm as she watched the blonde retreat down the hall, nervous, eyes downcast, expression somewhat pained. "Hinamori-kun, will you lay there until everyone has come to you? We're waiting, so don't let us down."
Has it stopped raining?
Yes. She understands.
You chose wisely, then.
He can grow too, Wabisuke. She will help him as much as she can.
Is that a promise?
They are friends. Even if the last time we were together was during a fight, they cannot change that so easily. It is her nature to forgive.
Her nature has left her in that state.
Her nature has made her strong. It does not rain here anymore. But perhaps, for you...?
I do not ask him to try, Tobiume. It must be his decision.
You will not push him to realize that he can be stronger?
No. He will wait for her, and I in turn for him.
You are more patient than Hyorinmaru. He seeks to own his boy with his ice and keep him from her.
You have my word that he will not be kept from her. He needs her.
And she needs him, although perhaps not in the same way.
They are friends.
And they will remain so.
I hope her flame can banish those tears these events have caused.
The next time you and I speak, she shall try.
A/N: Zanpakuto banter in this case is Wabisuke. (Get it? Whoever's talking to Unohana, their zanpakuto talks to Tobiume. I'm clever like that)
Just to clarify, I love the relationship between Hinamori and Kira. It's my Obvious/Oblivious OTP. I really like the way he acts towards her. I guess I'm a dork like that. --; But this fic isn't really about exploring that side of it, although there will be some diving into Hinamori's relationships with other shinigami later on (and there has been some already.) I know I'm laying down HitsuHina and KiraMori hints, but that is a large part of who she is, personally. I don't support one over the other (although if it came to it I'm sure I could make a choice. --;) so hopefully you'll all just bare with me while I write all this crap about Kira and Hitsugaya's 'feelings'. xD;
...And yes. I like to think that their zanpakuto's are smarter than them sometimes. :3
Also If anyone has a flower they associate with Abarai, Kira, or Hisagai, it'd be awesome if you let me know. I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with them at this point in time. D