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Chapter 21
"You Frustrate Me"
Point of View: Kairi/3rd Person
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"Take this. It's my lucky charm. Be sure to give it back to me."
"Don't worry. I will."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Don't ever forget. Wherever you go, I'm always with you."
Wherever you go, I'm always with y o u . . .
--
I hadn't even thought of it.
My charm. The one I gave him so long ago. He had never returned it to me. Had he just carelessly lost it? Or had he presented it as a gift to some 'oh-so-gorgeous' girl he had met over the years?
Promises.
Sigh.
I'm constantly thrown hopelessly into a tangle of pathetic, childish promises which have no means of being kept. Why bother? Memories? Ha! Don't make me laugh. Those lovely memories are so far behind...I suppose I really am the only fool who holds onto them. A mind as futile and gullible as mine... Is there really such hope for a lovesick girl in a world as cruel and cursed as this?
I don't suppose so.
He'll say it's too late. He'll say he has Janice now. He'll say "Go Home."
Oh.
What am I getting myself so worked up about?
Envisioning rejection honestly does one no good in her self confidence or in calming down the last minute jitters and changes of mind. I really don't know why I constantly allow myself to fall into the depths of my own nightmares. Habit I suppose.
The icy breeze swept into my locks, sending shivers up and down my spine despite my thick sweater. I clutched tightly to Riku's arm, expressing my anxiety in a less appreciated style. I snuck a look at Riku's face, and his expression was a numb one, seeming not to feel the pressure I was putting on his arm. I just realized I was cutting off his blood circulation and by then his arm was probably as numb as his expression.
I quickly released my 'stress reliever.'
"Heh...sorry..."
"Mmhm..."
Well! That was quite plainly put!
I found myself glancing at Riku again, his form so serene; so calm and collected. He seemed so...peaceful...maybe a bit too peaceful... Perhaps this was part of why I found myself more attracted to Sora than Riku. Sora's...well, normal, to put it bluntly. He's cheery, fun, alive...
Riku... He's much more sophisticated, so matured, and so charming. But sometimes it seems like he's lost some of the life I once saw in him. Sometimes it's almost like he has no time to laugh, he has no time to flap your arms and run about wildly... Oh I don't know... Maybe it's just folly, or maybe all this college has made me forget how my friends really are like...
"We are closing in on Pearl Island ! This is the last stop, so all passengers must disembark! Please have your baggage in hand, we'll be docking shortly! Thank you for riding with Destiny Waters, and we hope you have a good day!"
This new announcement stirred me from my thoughts. 'All passengers?' Quite sardonic, seeing how Riku and I were the only passengers on this foot of the ride.
My gaze fell upon the petty though gorgeous little island we were about to dock upon. It was a pretty sight, palm trees framing the little island themed inns, sunset setting a perfectly lovely background canvas for the scenery. The puffy cotton candy clouds dotted the sky, adding in the pinks and purples. Tropical flowers lined the walkways as far as the eye could see, and children's laughter put in the final touching.
I can certainly say this island quite literally took my breath away.
But my mind was not focused on the pretty flowers, or cawing seagulls; it was on finding and confronting Sora unannounced. Oh, I did hope Janice would not be with him... It would be difficult enough facing him alone, but with his girlfriend by his side... Oh...
At that moment, all I wanted to do was turn back, go home, and slip under the covers where I'd complain to Selphie and she'd be able to relate somehow.
I watched our only source of transportation slowly drift away into the platinum sea.
"Riku," I mumbled, tugging at his sleeve like an adolescent child, "I want to go home. I don't want to do this anymore."
"Next boat isn't until nightfall," he reasoned with me, "So you can either 'rip off the Band-Aid,' or just mope around here, never knowing what could have happened if you did what you set out to do."
Argh!
I groaned heavily. I hated when Riku did this kind of 'no-way-out' reasoning with me. And as usual, he was right again. Ugh. I hated that too.
"So, where do we start?" I asked him, referring to where we'd start looking for Sora.
"Dunno," he replied dully, "But this is a relatively small island, so it shouldn't be too difficult looking for him—or them."
Dammit Riku.
I was just starting to regain some confidence, and you just had to bring up that matter of them.
But I trudged onwards anyways, ignoring the lump that had formed in my throat. Might as well get this over with.
"God, Riku," I burst out; stopping abruptly "I might be ruining everything that I had with two of my closest friends!"
I thought about all those beautiful times I had spent with Sora.
--
"You know, I was a little afraid at first, but now I'm ready. No matter where I go or what I see, I know I can always come back here. Right?"
"Yeah, of course!"
"That's good. Sora, don't ever change."
--
"There's something about this musty place... It reminds me of the secret place back home, where we used to scribble on the walls. Remember?"
--
"This time, I'll protect you."
--
"I looked everywhere for you, but you were with me all along. Finally, we're together, Kairi."
--
"When I turned into a Heartless, you saved me, remember? I was lost in the darkness. I couldn't find my way. As I stumbled through the dark, I started forgetting things-- my friends, who I was. The darkness almost swallowed me. But then I heard a voice--your voice. You brought me back."
"I didn't want to just forget about you, Sora. I c o u l d n ' t ."
--
"Or you might be getting everything you've wanted since you were seven."
I turned to face him.
Suddenly, the chances seemed to turn a bit to my favor.
"...Maybe..."
--
He'd laugh-- oh how beautiful his laughs were-- and wrap his arm around her waist and then she'd look at him and beam, completely in love with him, and they'd walk off, happily ever after.
And you know what?
Their happily ever after was a knife cutting into my heart.
I stood by Riku's side, my knees weakened, stuck to my place, tears threatening. I had found him, and you know what? I found her too.
My so-called best friend.
--
Happy.
Janice was happy.
It was a strange sort of happy though. After all the horrible things that had happened in the past month, this was the best thing that had happened to her. Within a few phone calls with her friends from the city, she had learned that both Sean and Wendy were lying through their teeth.
And she was pretty damn upset about it.
Sean was lying through his teeth, with all that bull he had told Janice the last time they had seen each other.
Wendy was lying through her teeth, with all that pathetic shit about trying to make Sean like her.
The instant they went back, Sean was cracking up about that 'totally serious look on her face,' and Wendy was ranting about what a gullible fool that Janice was.
But that was all that she was.
A fool.
A fool who had somehow gotten mixed up with the wrong kinds of people.
But you know what?
She didn't care anymore. All that bad stuff that had happened to her? It was all in the past. It wouldn't hurt her anymore. 'Good riddance' she said. Because now she had Sora.
At first, she just felt sorry for him, he was so broken down about Kairi. But as the time fluttered by, the truth was, she had grown to fall deeply in love with him.
So now she could smile again, and the best part was...
Sora would always be by her side, smiling there with her.
How was she supposed to know that falling in love with Sora would trigger what could change their lives forever?
--
It was hard enough for me when Sora lived 3 frickin' hours from where I resided. But you know what it feels like to see the guy you've loved for the last eleven years of your life with the girl you thought was your best friend? It kills you from the inside out.
It makes you feel like the world has deserted you.
It makes you want to scream out and cry.
And it makes you want to run and run until you've no energy left.
And that's exactly what I did.
I ran.
I wanted to go somewhere where I could cry my eyes out, where I could find peace, where I could find hope. But you know what? There really is no such place.
So I went to the place I always went to cry.
I sat down on the wooden planks of the pier, let my feet dangle in the salty sea, and let my tears fall like rain into the platinum sea. And there wasn't a person in the world that could possibly care what I was feeling right now.
--
They were walking happily, there was nothing that could ever disturb them, she thought, but she was wrong.
Suddenly, without an explanation, Sora just started running into the distance, mumbling a single word.
"Kairi."
Her first thought was, "What...?"
But then she caught sight of a flash of silver staring back at her, sympathy in his eyes. Her mouth dropped for a second, disbelief capturing her for the moment.
"No..."
Kairi was here.
And they both knew Sora still loved her.
--
I was sobbing.
I cried too much.
Ripples over ripples formed in the gentle waves; tears and tears merging into the waters. They say it helps to cry your eyes out. But you know what? It made me feel no better, knowing I was too late.
"I...hate...you...Sora..." I choked between sobs.
"Why?"
My breath halted, that voice hauntingly unforgettable. How could I forget?
"S-Sora...?" I whispered, scrambling to my feet and turning around.
"Yeah..." came his reply.
My tears doubled now, joy mixed with sadness. I found my knees had lost their strength to stand, and I could feel myself falling.
I'm falling...
But I fell right into his arms.
I'll be there to catch you...
--
I'll give you the moon at night
I'll give you the stars to light your eyes
I'll give you the sun to make just one more dawn
So another day may come
I'll give you my heart and soul
I'll be there to catch you when you fall
When you ask me what I'll give to you
Girl, I'll give it a l l . . .
Author's Notes:
TWO MONTHS, BABY!!!
TWO LONG MONTHS, AND I AM BACK!!! XD
No, I have not given up on this fic, and I will not until the very words 'the end' falls upon the very last page! ::audience cheering:: XD
Lalala...it's Christmas Eve... ::laughs:: Ooh, and my brother's birthday's coming up soon too! He's turning 15 on the 27th! XD
Oh, and THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!! ::smiles:: I've finally gotten to (and surpassed) 200 reviews! ::throws confetti::
So a BIG thank you to wishingstargirl, madcow863, Astaldotholwen, Daggerly, Love is Destiny/Lvkishugs/Blowing Kisses (I can't believe you made ANOTHER account...), Kintora, x3Apolla, kerricarri, classengurl (you got the 200th review!), Ichigo Engine, Zanisha, Mai xp (I can't believe they omitted your review...), Zanisha, Shinimegami Sky, aliasfan, Hikari of Hearts (I finally figured out who you were after your change of name! XD), Mah, and Infrared Ray!
Ah...
This would be a lovely way to finish off the chapter wouldn't it?
Well guess what? I'm gonna squish in another chapter (and a half even)!!! XD
Well, I won't make this any longer than it already is, and a happy Christma-Hana-Kwanza-Kah to you! XD
Annie
"What are you doing here...?"
"I should ask you the same thing."
"I'm here to...to..."
"Yes?"
"To see...you...I guess..."
I could feel my cheeks burning up, the awkwardness of it all coming down on me like the tide to shore. Then I heard him laugh.
"Miss me that much?"
"Well I—um...yes..." I admitted to him, my shoulders drooping, my gaze falling into the water, where I found a small, nervous girl looking back up at me. "I missed you, Sora."
"Ah...sweet misery..." He commented, his goofy trademark grin plastered upon his face.
"This isn't funny!" I cried, playfully punching him, snapping out of my daze.
Silence passed between us. I guess we've sort of forgotten how to be with each other. I sighed. Maybe some things are meant to change...
"I missed you too, Kairi."
--
After some catching up with each other, Sora led me away, blindfolded, to some secret, secluded place he had found. My excitement had built up so much I could hardly bear it.
"What's the big surprise, Sora Landon?" I demanded between laughs, "Don't keep me in suspense much longer!"
"Alright," he chuckled, taking off my blindfold.
My eyes fluttered open, excitedly, happy to be rid of the cloth. And before me lay one of the loveliest places I've ever seen.
It was lush green.
A clear river flowed through the clearing; big, beautiful trees lined up along the bank. Smooth boulders were planted into the ground, and it wasn't necessarily grassless, but there wasn't too much grass. Little bamboo shoots shot out from the background, along with many other sorts of tropical plants; closing out the rest of the world. A gentle breeze whisked through, humming an unknown song.
"Wow..." I murmured.
"Gorgeous isn't it..." he whispered in my ear, "I come here to think whenever I feel homesick or depressed, or just to think."
"Sora..."
"Hmm?"
"I-I..."
I couldn't look at him, so I turned away. I didn't want to make this any harder than it already was.
"I love you..."
Silence.
I braced myself. What did I just do?! I've probably just ruined our friendship right there.
"I love you too, Kai..."
I turned abruptly, not quite certain what I just heard. "What...?"
"I said I loved you," Sora answered, his face serious, "It's always been you, Kai."
There and then, I suddenly started crying, unable to stop myself.
"What's wrong?" he asked me, holding me in his arms.
"I was so afraid you wouldn't love me..." I choked, "I was so afraid you'd tell me to go home..."
"But I didn't, Kai," Sora replied, so sweetly, "I could never do anything to hurt you."
There, he kissed me. Beauty and love erupting within me, happiness unlimited. I was happy. I felt content. I just wanted to stay this way forever...
--
Sora took me around the island, smiling at me the whole time. I wrapped my arm around his, letting my head lean into it. A small blush lay upon my cheeks, and a content smile below that.
If this is a dream...I hope I never wake up...
Sora and I sat outside an ice cream parlor, opposite of each other, cones in our hands.
"So I heard Wakka's found himself a girlfriend!" Sora suddenly brought up, his goofy smile there again.
"Really?" I laughed
I sighed, not so much happily or sadly or of regret in any way.
"I miss this, Sora," I said, looking down, smiling in a sort of sad way, "I miss joking around like this, and having fun... I guess what I'm trying to say is, well, I miss spending time with you..."
Sora stared at me for a second, the same expression on his face, "Yeah...I do too..."
"Maybe this 'different colleges' thing wasn't such a good idea..."
"Yeah...maybe it wasn't..."
Suddenly, I spotted Janice, and there, my friends, is where it all came crashing down.
"Hey Kairi! Look, it's Janice!"
I could see that...
"Come on! Don't you want to go say 'hi'?" he said enthusiastically, standing up.
I stayed where I was.
"Kairi...?"
"Let me ask you something," I said out of the blue, avoiding eye contact with him, "Is it true...what I heard about you...and Janice..."
"...Yeah. It is."
Snap.
"And...I also heard you said you loved her."
"...Yeah. I did."
Crash.
"But you don't anymore, right? I mean you love me now."
"Oh Kairi..."
I felt my tension release. He was going to say "You're the only one for me" or something of that sort.
"Oh Kairi...do we really have to talk about this now?"
BURN.
My eyes widened, "What?!" I exclaimed, standing up, looking him straight in the eye, "Do you mean to say you still love Janice?!"
"Does it really matter, Kai?" Sora asked.
Wrong answer.
"I see." I replied, looking away from him, trying to contain my anger, "I guess I'll be going now."
"Now be reasonable, Kairi!" Sora said in an effort to stop me, "You know I love you too!"
"Love me too?!" I exclaimed. What was his problem?! Does he have ANY idea how to talk to a girl?! I walked away, "I can't believe you, Sora Landon! You said you could never do anything to hurt me!"
"God, Kairi..." Sora groaned, hands entangled in his hair, "Why do you have to make this so difficult? Why—Ugh, you frustrate me ..."
I froze, tears starting to form in my eyes. "Fine. If I frustrate you so much, maybe I should just go!"
Silence passed between us for a second. Sora looked into my eyes, a hint of sadness and regret in his bright eyes. "Maybe you should."
It hit me hard.
Sora really wanted me to go.
So I did.
--
'Cos soon you can only watch and wonder
Where the girl you knew has g o n e . . .
I stared hard at him from the harbor. This couldn't be the same Sora I knew and loved, could it? How could he be so cold? How could he be so stupid? How could he be such a pigheaded jerk?!
No tears this time.
I was too frustrated to shed any tears.
He still stared straight at me, that sadness and regret still in his eyes. And you know what? I couldn't care less if he felt hurt or whatever the hell he felt. I just wanted to go home. But you know what? I just couldn't close myself of emotions. There was still something about him...that I loved
Something 'bout the way you looked at me
Made me think for a moment
That maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives separately
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
Why did things have to be this way? Why must there be a Janice? Why must Sora love both of us? Why can't love ever be easy and simple to understand...?
Oh why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving in but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
"It doesn't have to be this way, Kai," Sora called to me, "We don't have to end like this!"
Oh, but we did.
"I can't stay, Sora," I replied, "I can't stay here just to get myself hurt all over again."
You looked my way and said, "You frustrate me"
Like you're thinking of lines and times
When you and I were you and me
We took our chance out on the street
Then I missed my chance
And chances are they won't be coming back to me
"But—" Sora protested.
"Don't." I interrupted him. "Don't make this any harder than it already is."
Why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving in but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you-
We stared at each other, not quite knowing what to say to each other. This was hard. I never knew how difficult it would be to say goodbye to Sora.
"You better go."
So desperately
So desperately
He nodded, and turned to leave. And you know what? I felt a piece of my heart go with him. "You know I'll always love you..."
Maybe he would. But I guess he doesn't love me enough for me to be the only one.
Oh why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving in but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
And he left.
Not once looking back.
Not ever turning back.
And what should have felt good, breaking away from the past that was holding me back, felt horrible.
I want you so desperately
I keep giving in but I should know better
I keep giving in but I should know better
So desperately
I want you so d e s p e r a t e l y . . .
--
Five o' clock sharp.
The ship finally pulled in, and I was going to leave this island forever, and be rid of the horrid events that had come to pass.
I stepped onto the vessel, it departing almost immediately. The wind swept through my hair, sending chills up and down my spine. There was no one to wrap a blanket around me, like on our last night home. I sighed.
Old memories were painful.
"Kairi!"
The sudden outcall of my name woke me from my daze. Riku! I had completely forgotten about him!
I leaned over the railings.
"I'm sorry Riku!" I cried out, waving goodbye, "I'm going home now!"
"Wait Kairi!" he urged me to stop, "It's Sora!"
My eyes widened at the mention of his name.
"He's in critical condition! You have to come back!"