so here it is! Not as great as i had hoped but a new chapter by Sunday i promise (it's almost done) and no confused i still haven't said why she is leaving so just bare with me! I promise soon! Really soon! Oh and i don't own CI and Dick Wolf and NBC do and they don't renew the show so help me I'll organize an angry mob to go to New York...sadly it's only a dream.

Her-The minutes After

Alex had been walking out of 1PP when detective Jefferies had come up to her. He saw the box in her hand and guessed what had happened.

"You leaving?" He said gently

The last thing she wanted was to stand here and talk, she wanted to get away and just be alone, be alone to think.

"Yep." She said trying to end the conversation.

"Dose Goren know? He's going to take it hard. You're not leaving over a fight with him are you?"

"No." she managed to get out. "No...He knows...I just I couldn't stay." It was important to make him understand, to make everyone understand it wasn't Bobby it was her. "I just needed to move on you know. To get away, to...to start over." she finished lamely.

"Oh." Was his answer. "Well if you ever need a hand just give anyone here a call. Were all going to miss you Alex."

"Thank you." The words came out strongly, even now that she didn't work there anymore, not letting any of them see her weakness was just instinct.

She had managed to keep it together fairly well until after she had gotten home.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't she of stayed? Why did she do this?

Endless thoughts and questions swarmed around her head, Until finally she just sat on the couch and cried, cried like she had never cried before.

Sure she had lost partners before. Some had transferred out to purse other things. Some times she had left. But it was always with a smile, a handshake, a hug. Never had she felt so guilty and never had it hurt so much.

She sat on her couch for hours. Waiting until the sun went down to move again. Her legs were stiff but she couldn't feel them. All she could feel was a numbing sense of realisation. Of realizing what she had just done. It was over.

"Oh my God!" She cried out "I have to call Ross, I have to change it...I have too...I have to go back! I can't...Why did I?...what was I thinking!" She turned for the phone. She needed to fix things. Even as her hand reached for it her mind screamed to stop.

Her mind toled her that she couldn't and shouldn't give in to this. That she shouldn't change it. That she had done the right thing.

"No!" she screamed at nobody at all "I...I...I can't go back." Finally she said the truth. It was too late. And she knew that leaving was for the right reason. But god help her it hurt so much.

She needed to call him. To let him no it wasn't his fault. She reached for the phone again. But this time fear stoped her form dialling. Would he want to talk to her? Would he even still care? God she had to leave but why? Why him!? Anyone else and it would of been alright. But not him!

"Please...God...Bobby I'm so so sorry! I know that you won't ever understand...And I'm so sorry for that." her words were little more than whispers and finally she collapsed and the floor. And Alex Eames cried, and finally she let go.

so new chapter by Sunday! Please R&R!