Chapter Two
The Flaming Turd In A Bag Trick But Not As We Know It
Disclaimer: I own none of the Harry Potter characters or places I only own the plot (Well, what there is of it) isn't that right Mr shoe!
"Are you sure this will work my lord?" Ron asked nervously,
"Quiet of course it will I saw it on the telly!" Voldemort whispered quickly. They were currently standing outside of number 4-privet drive with a brown paper bag.
"Go on Draco I made it freshly myself" he said handing it to Draco
10 minutes later
"Ok here's another one, DON'T eat it!" Lucius slapped the bag away from his mouth.
"Now put it on the door step set it on fire ring the bell and run away!"
"Ok!" unfortunately Draco was stupid and did it in the wrong order so when Harry Potter answered the door he found Draco running away with a brown paper bag in his hand on fire.
He looked at the bottle of firewhiskey in his hand the twins had sent him.
"I have GOT to stop drinking this stuff" he murmured shaking his head and closing the door.
20 minutes and a crucio later
"Right now this has got to work cos I did it myself" whispered Voldemort, Ron sniggered
"Hmmm a flaming brown paper bag, god this must be the oldest gag ever, lucky I've recently become all powerful and can control fire"
Voldemort cried
"Hey wait this isn't turd its galleons,"
Voldemort cried harder
"And Diamonds, rubies"
Voldemort cried even harder
"A how to kill Voldemort in 3 easy steps book"
Voldemort cried so hard that his eyes fell out
"And a meatball sub………mmmmmm meatball sub"
Voldemort killed himself
"Oh wait this IS turd I'm just drunk out of my mind"
Voldemorts ghost killed itself
"Errrrm" murmured Ron "I wonder where he kept the rest of that cake?"
"What cake?" Lucius whispered
"The chocolate cake!"
"We didn't bring chocolate cake!"
"So what did I just eat?"
"Hey guys where's that dog turd gone I wanna hurl it off potter!"
Ron fainted
"Well that was unexpected!"