AN: Just to let you all know, I deleted the author's note I had as a chapter stating that I re-did Chapter Two. I don't think it was needed anymore, since the new chapter has been up for a while.

Also, please try to review. I want to know how I'm doing!

A Time to Weep

Chapter 5

When I got to my room that night, I couldn't believe what I had just done. It didn't even seem as if I were myself. Had I really turned so bitter as to break someone's heart? Actually, make that two someone's hearts. I had broken my own as well. Doing this to myself, and to Edward, was pointless. We loved each other, and now that I could be with him forever, I tried to convince myself, nothing else mattered.

But, the same question kept pushing itself into my rationale. Could I forgive what he had done? Would it not matter to me, ten years from now, when we were happy again? I couldn't answer that, at least not now.

I had a lot of time that night to finally process everything that had happened, and to get a shower. It felt good. I still couldn't quite grasp that I was a creature of the legends, and that I associated with mythical things. I mean, I'm sure everyone has thought "Wouldn't it be so cool if vampires were real?" Well, wouldn't they like to be in my shoes? It was so surreal.

Then there were the werewolves. In the legends little kids get told, they never came right out and said it, but it was always implied that vampires and werewolves didn't like each other. Of course, it was common sense, too. Why would they? But then, I find out, this is actually true, and they are actually sworn enemies of each other. Again, it was surreal.

And then, to think I could have some special power! It was every kid's dream to read minds, or see into the future. Any power would do. Then there was the super speed, hearing, vision, and smell. Apart from the blood sucking, it was the best thing anyone could ask for. And how could I forget the immortality! It was the world, not just American, dream.

I heard footsteps in the hall, the first I had heard since everyone had gone to "bed" last night. There was a knock on my door just as the sun was coming up. I knew I couldn't be left alone for long.

"Yes?" I said, dreading the thought of seeing Edward, or anyone for that matter. Then I would have to explain myself, or listen to someone tell me that Edward didn't mean it. I know he didn't mean it! I would yell. I'm not stupid, I can see how much I'm hurting him, and yes I will eventually forgive him.

"Could we come in?" I recognized the voice; it was Alice. Who was with her?

"Um…sure." I said, realizing I probably sounded more vulnerable than I had last night. She, and whoever with her, probably wanted some answers.

Alice opened the door and stepped into my room. Rosalie and Esme followed her. The Cullen girls. I smiled at them, hoping they wouldn't think I was mad at them too. The smiled back, although a little tentative.

The tension was almost too much. "It's so good to see all of you!" I started. They all let out sighs of relief as I jumped up and pulled them into a group hug. We stood there after the euphoric feeling wore off, wondering what we should do with ourselves. Who would make the first move? First, we all sat down in the sitting area in the front part of my room.

"How are you…feeling, Bella?" Alice asked. I thought about it for a moment, wondering what the right thing to say would be. I didn't think there was a right thing to say, so I answered honestly.

"Well, I'm a little confused at what to think." They all nodded in agreement, probably remembering their first days as new vampires. "Everything's so new and different, and there's, like, a some kind of war raging in my head, and no side seems to be winning at this point."

Surprisingly, Rosalie spoke up first. "I understand completely. I know how you're feeling, even the last bit about Edward. It is understandable, and what he did is very hard to forgive. You must be thinking awful things…" She was lost in some memory as she talked, staring at the ground with a far-off look on her face.

"I did, at first. I was bitter, then sympathetic, because now I know how he feels. I smelled human blood, and I almost lost it. Of course I forgive him, but how can I face him after how I treated him? There were all these emotions floating around in me, trying to be the first one out, and anger pulled out first. I feel terrible." Alice, who sat beside me on the couch, took hold of my hand. I smiled apologetically up at her.

"You shouldn't Bella. He thought you would hate him forever, and when I told him you were in Italy, he wanted to come right away and apologize to you until you wouldn't let him anymore." We chuckled at the thought of Edward doing such a thing.

"Oh, Bella. Look at how much you've changed." Esme said. She looked at me with more love than I thought possible for what we were to each other.

"I hope that's a compliment." I said jokingly. We laughed, not knowing what to say next. We hadn't seen each other in what felt like ages, but it was only about a week. It wasn't like we were separated for years, and this was the time we would spend catching up on what was happening in each other's lives. What else was there to talk about, but our impending, doomed futures.

"So I'm guessing you haven't talked to Edward since…" Rosalie left the question open, knowing I would know what she was going to say.

"No, and I don't know when I'll be able to. Does he hate me for what I did?" I was so scared of his reaction.

"Of course not Bella! He'll love you forever! You must always believe that above all other things it may seem he feels." Esme said. I looked down and my hand in Alice, and she squeezed, silently agreeing with her mother.

"Then, have you guys talked to him? What did he say?"

"He wouldn't really talk, when we tried." Alice said. I widened my eyes, horrified at his reaction after my rejection. Alice could tell I thought something horrible. "No, Bella, you mustn't think like that! When you talk to him, and make him understand…then everything will be okay."

I hesitated to say the one word that had brought me so much hurt: Promise. Promises could never be kept, so I didn't ask.

I had to go talk to Edward. I think I had inflicted enough pain for the punishment. And besides, it wasn't in my nature to cause the one I loved pain.

The only problem was, what would I say? What would we talk about, since there was so much? Even though I hadn't seen him for a week, there was a lifetime's worth to catch up on, and to analyze.

Alice, before leaving, had told me that his room was two down from mine, on the same side of the hall. My dead heart felt like it was beating so fast it hurt. The expectations were there, trying to make them known. I was so nervous about the whole situation. It felt as though I had just run a marathon, and I couldn't breath from the intensity.

I was in my room, sitting on the bed, contemplating on whether to get up. Should I go talk to him now? How would I start? Would he even want to talk now? So many questions, so much time, but would they get answered?

I couldn't take it anymore. I was up off the bed, opening the door, and walking down the hall. Now or never, baby, now or never…

Now comes the hard part. I stood at Edward's door, knowing he knew there was someone standing there. It was closed but I was breathing so hard and stepping so loud that anyone could've heard me.

I knocked and he said come in without any hesitation. He didn't know it was me. He was probably wallowing in self-pity, not even caring what was going on around him.

His voice…oh his voice. I had missed it so much. He spoke again, letting me know I could come in, again. Now or never, I repeated. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I found that his room was much like mine. There was a sitting room in the front and you could see the bedroom with a veranda in the back. It also had a bathroom, and a big one at that.

Then I saw him, laying on the couch in the sitting room, holding a book open to read. He was dressed in all black, a rare thing for him. I couldn't help but gawk. How could I ever be angry at this beautiful creature?

"Bella!" He practically screamed in shock. I didn't give him a chance to ask what I was doing here, or to ask anything else that was probably running through his mind at a million miles per second. Our eyes met, and everything slowed. It felt as though we were alone, with nothing around us but each other. There was no Italy, no Volturi, or any harm that could get in our way.

I had decided, on a whim, to start out pretending nothing had changed since we'd seen each other last. Act casual, natural, I told myself.

"So, how about this weather. It's great, right?" Our eyes were locked, not even thinking about looking away. He stared at me, probably wondering if I was really there, and thinking what my words met. Understanding peeked at the corners of his eyes. He had caught on to my game, or at least it seemed he had.

"Yeah…sunny." He deadpanned. Well, maybe he didn't believe me. Maybe he thought I was still toying with him. There was a chair next to the couch he was now sitting on. I decided to go sit on it, to get closer. I never took my eyes off of his, and the tension and pressure increased as I moved closer to him. It was almost too much to bear, being this close to Edward again.

I sat on the edge of the chair, with my hands folded in the lap of my jeans. What to say next?

"I hope your trip over here was good." It came out in a question.

"Yes…" He said skeptically. Ok, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he didn't know what I was doing; I would have to try a new approach. Before I could say something else be began talking.

"Bella…I don't know what you're trying to say…" He, almost, smiled apologetically. It was more of a confused, misshapen grimace at the effort I was putting in to not talk about what had happened.

I sighed. "Honestly, I don't either. I just knew I had to come talk to you."

"I guess it couldn't be avoided. It was bound to happen sometime. Talking, I mean." We were both stumbling for words, and it was most unusual for him.

"Yeah…" Once again, how eloquent I could be. I was the queen of knowing what to say. Not.

"So, how are you feeling?" He started. At least we were talking.

"Oh, pretty good, you know, considering." I winced. Stupid, Bella! It sounds like you're accusing him! He hung his head in shame

"No, Edward! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that." I moved over to the couch and sat next to him. I took hold of his limp hand with both of mine, trying to comfort him further.

He looked up in complete surprise at the quickness of my move, and the close contact. Once again, we were staring into each other's eyes. He looked on in horror.

"What?" I asked, anxious at his reaction.

"Your eyes. Oh my god, I did this to you. I am so sorry Bella. I never meant for this to happen. So sorry…" I wanted to cry so badly to let out all this pent up emotion in my system. Humans had it so easy.

I pulled him to me in an awkward embrace, but it was an embrace nonetheless. Our hands were still entwined, and he wrapped his other arm around me, pulling our bodies closer.

"Don't blame yourself, Edward, or we'll never get through this. I guess we're both at fault here." He pulled back a little, as if to protest. "And I know what you're thinking. I know I didn't bite myself, but I did leave. I was so mad and hurt, and if I had stayed, maybe we wouldn't be here right now. Maybe we'd be on some uncharted island that we could have all to ourselves." I smiled at the thought. Finally, we let go of each other. An awkward moment passed.

"I thought you would've hated me. In fact, I was almost sure of it." He seemed so sad still.

"No. I could never hate you. I think it was just that I was so mad that you were so stubborn. And then, when you left me to change alone, the anger built up through the pain. I went to the one place I could think of where you probably wouldn't come looking, hoping that you would never follow me." I left out the part where Jacob saved me. It was for the best.

"I see now though that I could never exist without you." I smiled at him and took his hand again. It felt so right.

"So…how's….oh, never mind." He wanted to ask me something, I could tell. It was something important.

"No, ask me. What is it?"

"It's not a good time." He tried to convince me.

"There's never a good time to talk about the hard stuff. Just go ahead and ask."

"Well, I was going to ask about your power. About the mind blocking and all that…" He started sheepishly.

"Whoa. Wait a second. You know about that! How?" I was shocked. I thought the Volturi were the only ones.

"Do you remember when you were at your dad's house? I know you knew I was there."

"Yes. I remember." Charlie's face took a hold of my mind, and then Renee's. I would probably never see them again.

"I tried to see if you were in the house, or if your scent was there. I felt someone block my mind from entering, and I smelled you. I knew it had to be you."

"That was the last time I saw him." I was in miserable mood now. Thinking of my parents, and thinking of never seeing them again was never something kids wanted to do.

"Who? Charlie?" I nodded, and he understood.

"It will get hard at times." Edward began to explain. "You'll think of something funny he did, or Renee did, and then you'll remember you won't ever see them again. It was like that with me and my family."

"I never expected this." I looked up at him, again wanting to cry. It would make things so much easier if I could just lie down and have a good cry for ten minutes.

"This is one of the reasons why I didn't want to change you. Being a vampire has many drawbacks. It's not an easy life."

"Yeah. I'm just beginning to understand what you meant."

He sighed and hung his head again. "I knew it. I knew you would hate it."

"No. Stop being so pessimistic. I knew that the feeling of knowing I will be with you forever would be better than anything. It would override the sadness and all the other bad feelings, just because you would be there. I mean, if you'll be there, for forever I mean."

He didn't hesitate. "Of course. There's no question." The moments passed as we stared in an un-awkward silence.

"So, what book are you reading?" I asked.

He smiled, and we were together again.