Chapter 3

Buffy woke up that morning in a cold sweat. She threw back the quilts and pulled up her PJ bottoms. She was glad he had left her alone for once, since her mom worked nights Buffy would often wake up to him at the side of her. She could feel him breathing on the back of her neck, it made her cringe. She picked up some clothes,, made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She undressed quickly and jumped into the cubicle. The water immediately hit her and ran down her face, tears soon followed.

The way he touched me made my skin crawl, how could I keep letting him do this to me? How could I have driven such a gentlemen to that act of evil? I couldn't believe I was capable of something like that. him punishing me wasn't enough, I had to be punished more. I didn't mean to at first of course. I was just shaving and ended up cutting myself with my razor. It was a small cut, but hurt so much. I stood there and watched the blood fall form my leg and cover the cubicle floor. I was in a trance. How could so much hurt come from one tiny cut? Then I realised, one tiny cut wasn't enough. I had to do it more. I picked up my razor and began slicing it through the flesh on my arm. They weren't deep; I never went that far, they were just deep enough to let all the bad out. It felt so good after the first few times that I did it more and more, every night after dinner. After the first time I quickly got dressed and stared at the marks I had made. A smile appeared on my face, I felt so good about myself. The feeling of guilt was still there after the first time, that's why I carried on.

Buffy walked down stairs and into the kitchen. She was feeling a little light headed from the blood loss she had just experienced. Sitting down on one of the stools, she poured herself a glass of orange juice; she tensed up when Giles walked into the kitchen. He stared hungrily at his prey, and then smiled.

"Your mum's still in bed, I'll be taking you to school today." He said in his creepy English accent.

Sitting in his car, Buffy held onto the edge of the chair and remained tensed. All the way to school, Giles gave her that creepy look and sometimes even touched her leg. She couldn't do nothing more than just sit there tensed up and holding on to the seat for life. When outside her school, Buffy leaped out of the car, not even waiting for it to stop fully.

Inside the school Buffy felt safe, sort of. She was finally away from him, even if it was just a few hours she was glad of that, she just dreaded going home that night knowing her mom was working.

She made her way to her locker, opened it and gently placed some un-needed books inside.

"Buffy." An English accent spoke and placed a hand on her shoulder; Buffy jumped around and fell back into her locker. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Easy there tiger." The person in front of her smirked. "You okay pet?" it was William Wray, the hottest guy in school, also known as Spike to his friends. Buffy soon found her breathing again.

She nodded in response to his question before saying, "William, what's up?"

"Call me Spike."

"Okay, Spike." They both smiled.

"Listen, Buffy, I kinda need help." He paused then leaned in closer, "Art." He said.

"Oh, you need tutoring?" Buffy said sounding almost disappointed, she should have known that would have been the only reason a popular guy would want to talk to her.

"Yeah, and I heard your pretty good at art, so I thought you could help." Buffy blushed.

"Okay, when and where?"

"My house, Erm… tonight?" Buffy thought about it a moment, 'Giles is the only one home tonight' she thought, and then quickly nodded.

"Sure."

"Cool, meet me in the school car park after school." Buffy nodded, Spike leaned in closer and planted a kiss on her cheek. Buffy smiled as she watched the bleached blonde walk away, and held her cheek.

At the end of the day I met up with Spike in the car park. We walked to his house which was just around the corner. He took me up to his bedroom and asked me to discuss Leonardo Di Vinci's work and draw some stuff in the way Di Vinci did. I spoke while he listened, well I thought he listened, his mind seemed to be elsewhere.

"Are you listening to me?" Buffy asked.

"Maybe," Spike smirked, "you're really great at drawing."

"Thanks, but maybe you should listen, and then maybe you could learn something."

"Make me listen." He smirked, before Buffy could say anything in defence, Spike had picked up a stick of charcoal and brushed it on Buffy's face until it left a black mark.

"Spike." Buffy squealed and he then did it again. Buffy followed suit and the two were then rolling around painting black marks on each other. Buffy tried to win the fight by pinning Spike on his back; she failed and ended up getting pinned herself. They both stared into each other's eyes. Spike pressed his lips to hers and kissed her softly.

I felt so happy after that, Spike had admitted afterwards that he asked me to tutor him, not because he needed it, but because he wanted to talk to me and was too embarrassed to talk to me at school. I became a popular, and realised that they weren't as bad as I first thought. they treated me like a person, not somebody who needed to be punished for everything. I still carried on punishing myself though, Giles also carried on punishing me. I didn't let it get me down when I was with Spike though, nothing got me down then. We wasn't going out, we just held hands and kissed. One winter, when it snowed really heavily, I can remember me and him walking down the street together, hand in hand. It was so romantic. It was like something from a movie. I felt guilty for enjoying myself with him.

I'm a waste of space, someone who hurts everyone else around her. I had it break it off with Spike, to save him the pain I would bring him. It was so hard to do.