Chapter 4

Buffy knocked impatiently on the door and waited, pacing the steps. Moments later, the door opened to reveal Spike's smiling face and perfect cheek bones.

"Morning love, what brings you knockin' on my door at this time?" he asked placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I need to talk to you." Buffy replied, inviting her way into Spike's house.

"My folks are out." He said shutting the door, then turned back towards the young blonde he had grown fond of, "What you want to talk about then love?"

"I can't do this anymore." Buffy said after a few moments of silence.

"Do what?"

"You and me, I can't do it." Spike looked hurt.

"May I ask why?" he spoke slowly.

"Spike," Buffy caressed his cheek with tears rolling down her face. She continued, "I can't tell you everything. But you have to believe me when I say it's for the best." She paused, "I don't want to hurt you Spike. And by us being together, I am."

I really couldn't tell him everything. I knew that if I did he would blame me; he would hate me that I let it happen. He seemed madder that I didn't tell him. He looked hurt that I didn't trust him enough to share everything with him. So, I swallowed my pride and told him everything anyway. i told him every detail, sobbed in his arms, then continued to tell him. It felt good, surprisingly, to get it of my chest. I thought he would hate me for it, but he didn't. He understood and told me it wasn't my fault. More importantly, I believed him, for a little while anyway. That soon changed, everything did. An even bigger guilt came back sooner than I had anticipated. I lost two years of my life that night. I haven't spoken a word since, not to anyone. You see, that night, I killed two people, and drove another person close to my heart to hate me.

"I'm coming in with you." Spike announced from the car.

"No, you can't." said Buffy, "I'll be okay."

"Buffy, I love you and I'm not letting this guy rape my girl, you've put up with enough already." Spike said kissing Buffy softly on the lips and catching a lone tear form falling.

"You love me?" Buffy asked. The peroxide blonde nodded.

"Yeah, I love you pet." He said and caught her lips with his.

"I love you too." The couple smiled.

"Come on, I'm coming in with you, we're getting you're stuff and getting out of there. Then we will call the police."

Our plan sounded so great, don't you think? To run away together, leave all of this behind us. Leave Sunnydale behind us. Giles wasn't home and neither was my mom. We would sneak off, call the police, then go. I would finally he rid of the nightmares of him coming into my bedroom each night. Of his hands all over me, touching me in places no guy should without consent. It didn't stop him thought, never did.

The plan me and Spike had was great, well it would have been, if it had gone all to plan. Instead it all went horribly wrong.

"Okay, pack only what you need." Spike said keeping his eye on the window while Buffy went upstairs. Buffy began to throw things into a bag, tears rolling down her eyes as she did so. However, she wore a smile on her face the whole time. Then, something caught her attention in the far corner; she walked over to find a picture, a picture of Joyce and herself. The smile faded for a second and she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Here's to a new life." Buffy said placing the photo on her bed. She then made her way back to Spike, before one last check to see if she had everything.

Suddenly, Buffy heard a noise that chilled her to the bone.

The noise went through every nerve in my body. I could have sworn it was a gun shot, but that was stupid, the only person downstairs was Spi… then I ran. I dropped my bad as I did so. When I reached the living room, the sight was horrifying. Blood, on the wall, on the floor, and then on Spike. He lay motionless. Then, there was Giles. Stood over him, gun in hand, smirking at his handy work.

"Spike." Buffy screamed and ran over to her lover.

She slapped his face to wake him up. His eyes opened slowly and he began to cough, drops of blood formed on the edges of his mouth. The life was being sucked out of him in front of Buffy.

"I love you." Spike gasped. Buffy pressed her lips to his cold lips.

When I looked at him, he was gone. I felt so guilty; I couldn't keep him warm anymore.

Giles looked down at the mess he had created. He ripped off his belt. This time, Buffy didn't flinch, she did nothing. It was almost as if she was letting him do this to her. He pulled her up by the arm and dragged her over to the couch. There, he raped her.

I guess I couldn't do anything about it, I couldn't move. I just let him.

Rupert Giles was truly evil. He rung the police and told them that Spike had tried to harm him and his step-daughter. Buffy had to go along with it. She wept as she stared at his body. He was so cold.

"I told you never to invite people over, look what you've done." Giles smirked. Buffy saw red, then flipped.

I didn't mean to do it. The guy drove me to it. No one else thinks that though, I guess that's why I'm writing this, to get my side of the story across. Most of what happened was my fault, I'm not denying that, but doing this next act, was self defence, I deserved to be free of him, right? I could've stopped, just scared him, but I didn't I carried on. I saw the gun beside Spike. I picked it up. He laughed in my face, dared me to do it. I did. I shot him, not just once. Until there was no more round in the gun. I would have shot him once, only he kept coming towards me. I had to do it. He fell to the floor the second my mom walked in.

Joyce stared in shock horror. Buffy dropped the gun and rocked like a mental person.

"What have you done?" Joyce screamed at her daughter.

"Didn't want to go to school, why do I have to mummy? It's not fair." Buffy said, almost as if she was the little six year old girl she once was, who didn't want to go to school.

Joyce called the police, and soon enough they came and took her away.