Chapter 5

After the trial they threw me in this place and drugged me up. Sunnydale mental hospital for the criminally insane. I've spent two years here and the time has come to get out. I'm not breaking out and they sure as hell aren't letting me go to live the rest of my life in freedom. No, I'm going to take my life. A mental hospital is no place for a young woman who just wanted freedom from being raped every night by her step-father. All I wanted was to get away form him, that wasn't so much to ask for was it? I guess so since I'm paying for it. I can't carry on living here, so this is my suicide letter. Feel free to do what you like with it.

One last thing I would like to say before I go to the place all sinners go, is 'sorry.' sorry to my mom, to Spike's family, to everyone who has ever had to misfortune of knowing me and last of all, sorry to Giles. I'm not sorry I shot you, you deserved that, I'm just sorry you were so sick as to rape a young girl and kill William aka Spike. Well, I guess now me and you will be spending more time with each other, I'll keep you company, and make sure you get what you deserve.

I know it's too late to apologise now, it's too late for me too. It's 5.30 now, when the night guards come in at 6.00, they will cut me down from the window pole which I will be hanging from.

Last of all, sorry mom. I know you wanted a daughter to be proud of, but that isn't me. I heard about little Dawnie, she's two now. I hope she grows up to be a doctor or a lawyer, hopefully nothing like her big sister. I'm sorry you had a disappointment like me, but it was him mom, he changed me. I hope you are happy with your new guy, Ethan Rayne, sounds like a great guy. Anyway, I must go now, it's too late for me.

Goodbye.

Buffy put down the pen and paper, tied the rope around her neck and stood on the chair, then, she let herself fall.

At 6.00pm, the night guards came and cut her down. They found a piece of paper, a suicide note.

…………

Joyce sat at home and put her feet up after the long day of work she had just got back from. Little Dawn was in bed so she tuck the time before she woke up to rest a while.

"Hey honey, post is here." Ethan said handing her some letters. Joyce flicked through them and found a strange one.

She opened it and read, her face turned pale as she did.

"What's wrong?" Ethan asked. Joyce showed him the letter that began like this…..

The feeling inside. What is it? Is it sorrow, happiness, guilt? Nobody knows. It touches us all in some way, it comes in many forms be it sorrow or happiness. It touched me with guilt. Exactly two years ago, something happened to me. A few things actually. The feeling inside isn't just one feeling, it's many, many different ones that leave you feeling confused. It left me feeling like an empty shell. Something happened to me two years ago, something which I am now still paying for. I have lost two years of my life because of one person and many different feelings. Feelings of guilt over something that I let happen. Here's where it all started…..