Giles picked up the phone on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hullo Rupert."

He was more disappointed than he logically should have been. He had known it wouldn't be her. "Olivia. Why are you calling?"

"Could you try sounding a little less overjoyed?"

"Sorry, I... it's been an off day."

"I'm coming to California next week. I might drop by for a couple of days. Thought I'd give you some warning this time."

"Oh. Oh, um, a-alright. That would be fine."

"Good. I also wanted to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"I ran into an old mate of yours the other day..."

"And?"

"What's a watcher?"

xxx

Willow got his answering service, which was fine with her because she didn't want to talk to him again any time soon if she could help it.

"Hi. Calling to say I told Buffy about our talk. Also, that we decided your fight was nothing earth-shattering, but just enough that you came to a mutual agreement to keep your distance from each other for a while. In case Xander asks. Bye." Willow hung up.

Buffy was laying flat on her bed, hugging her pillow to her chest. "You forgot to tell him to go to hell," she said.

"I was going for disdainful. Like he isn't even worth the time it takes to condemn him to sulphury eternal pain." Willow sat on her own bed, facing her friend. "Sorry."

"'Sokay. You're right. He isn't worth it. Totally. Not worth it." Her voice quavered. She had to whisper to keep it from cracking. "God, I wish I could hate him more."

Willow got up and sat by her friend's side. She stroked Buffy's hair until her breathing steadied again.

"Is the day over yet?"

Willow glanced at the clock. "It's two-twenty-seven."

"You're missing psych."

"So are you."

"I don't care."

"Riley will get notes for us."

"He's dependable like that," Buffy said after a moment.

"Buffy," Willow said tentatively, "I think maybe you should avoid men for a while."

"I know."

xxx

Generally, Olivia was an excellent judge of character. There was one time, though, about six years ago, when she met a fellow in a pub who was just so charming that she brought him home with her despite the twinge in her gut that told her he wasn't all right. She ignored it until his face went all wrinkly and he tried to bite her. She managed to get away from him somehow and ran away, out of her apartment and into the hall and right into Giles, who (as he told her afterward) had felt like dropping by. He was very chivalrous about it, pulling a stake and cross out from his jacket and taking her attacker on. He ended up with a black eye and split lip, and the vampire ended up dust. That was when Olivia found out about vampires, although Giles never told her how he knew about them. She avoided him for the next few months after that. She had to; the white knight type was all too easy to fall for.

When Olivia stood outside his door a week after he told her about watchers and slayers, she wondered if Giles remembered that he saved her life that time, or if killing vampires was so commonplace for him now that he didn't think anything of it.

When he opened the door he looked like he didn't remember her at all, or at least didn't remember why she was standing on his doorstep. But then he smiled blurrily. "Hello Olivia." He stepped aside to let her in.

She looked at him askance. He hadn't shaved or combed his hair for a couple of days, and his clothes were wrinkly, like they'd been slept in. After he closed the door he stood too close to her and she could smell the alcohol on him. "You've been drinking." Olivia was disappointed. She had seen him like this a couple of times before. It was never fun.

"Just a bit," he said in a low voice, leaning in to kiss her.

She backed away from him. "Very not sexy, Rupert."

"Call me Giles."

He tried to kiss her again. She backed into the door. She felt his hands on her hips, holding her in place.

"Get off me." She knocked his arms away.

He pushed her against the door again. "Come on."

She kicked his shin as hard as she could.

"Ow. Bloody..."

Olivia got away from him and stood in the middle of the room. He was leaning back against the wall, leg bent, holding his shin.

"What's wrong with you?"

He looked up at her like he didn't know what she was talking about. Then his eyes widened with comprehension. "Oh God." He looked more shocked with himself than Olivia was. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh God..."

She watched him for a moment. He looked thoroughly miserable.

"Go take a cold shower. I'll make you some coffee."

Giles nodded and walked to the bathroom, limping slightly.

Olivia looked around. The apartment didn't appear to be so much a mess as on a steady path towards chaos. A week's worth of newspapers were piled haphazardly by the door, unread. Next to them was a small city of empty liquor bottles. There were also a few bottles and tumblers left randomly around the living room. Everything needed to be dusted. The kitchen was the worst. The cupboards were emptied of clean dishes. Some of the dirty ones that covered the counter looked like they had been used twice. Olivia sighed and filled up the sink with hot water and soap.

When Giles came out of the shower in his terricloth robe, Olivia had a pot of strong black coffee ready, and the apartment was halfway to being clean. She sat down with him at the coffee table.

"So. What's the crisis?"

Giles opened his mouth to tell her, but then closed it again. He ran his hand over his face and tried again. "Can it wait until my brain is working again?" he finally said. He tried for a wry smile, but it was a pathetic attempt.

"Fine. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Thank you," he said softly. He got to his feet. "I'll take your things upstairs for you."

"Don't bother."

Giles looked at Olivia, vaguely puzzled.

"I'm sleeping down here," she continued.

He blinked. Then he was the proper English gentleman again. "'Course you aren't. I am."

xxx

It was a mistake. It didn't matter that it would be either impossible or inefficient to communicate with him any way other than face-to-face, or that the entire town losing their voices was a situation that required Buffy to communicate with her watcher. It was a mistake to come, she knew. As soon as she stepped inside the apartment she felt flooded...

Her mouth on his, back of his neck hot to touch, "Oh my God I'm kissing Giles," his tongue in her mouth, "Oh, God, he's kissing me..."

Her eyes searched for something to settle on that wouldn't remind her...

Hands gripping her arms, shoulders pinned, hard against the wall, sharp gasp, almost-cry, "I can't hurt you," "No," "Didn't think so..."

Xander was on the sofa with Anya. For that moment she hated Xander just a little, because he told her Giles knew it was wrong. He knew it was wrong; then why did he give in? When she said, breathless, "Let's do that again," why did he smile like that and take her upstairs?

She looked down. The floor made her think of finding her clothes in the morning, nervous already, while he changed into a clean outfit upstairs.

She raised her head as he was coming in. She felt the kind of hatred rising in her gut that made her want to tear his head off, hang it from the ceiling and use it as a punching bag; but then their eyes met. In a moment shock, joy, desire, hope, sorrow, guilt, penetance and anxiety flashed through his eyes, and Buffy could see each emotion and name it. She knew his eyes so well now. She wondered what he was reading in hers, if he could see that if only he came to her, and kissed her once and told her he loved her then she could forgive him and everything would be all right. Or that she was forgiving him already and just wanted so desperately for him to hold her.

She heard footsteps and turned around. Olivia was coming down the stairs.

Buffy wanted to die.

xxx

Averted eyes, stiff posture, allowing for more than enough personal space, not to mention the way Buffy looked at her when she came downstairs; Olivia wondered if Giles thought she hadn't picked up on any of it, or if he just didn't care.

She waited about two minutes after Buffy and her friend left and then walked her fingers across the page of the book Giles currently seemed to be engrossed in. He looked up and Olivia pointed to herself and then to the door. Giles nodded to show he understood and turned back to his research.

Once outside, Olivia started off at a jog, but she didn't have to worry about catching up. She found Buffy and her redheaded friend behind the ivy-covered wall on the way out of the complex. Olivia stopped short. The girls looked at her with wide, surprised eyes. Buffy wiped the tears from her face with her hand.

Olivia waved awkwardly.

The redhead frowned at her.

She pointed at her dry-wipe board.

She took it off from around her neck and handed it to Olivia.

Giles is an idiot, Olivia wrote.

The redhead looked at her suspiciously. "He send you?" she mouthed.

Olivia shook her head. "No." Told me nothing. Figured it out.

Buffy's face fell even more, like she was ashamed of being so easy to read.

Olivia wiped the board clean. He's severely depressed.

"Good," Buffy mouthed.

The redhead nodded.

Olivia wasn't surprised. She underlined "severely" three times. Then she drew an arrow pointing down and a spiral.

The girls frowned, concerned and looked at Olivia curiously.

She wiped the board clean again. Drinking a lot. Not taking care of himself. Then she added, I think... nothing to live for.

Buffy looked up at her. "You?"

Olivia shook her head. "No one has me." She wiped the board off and wrote, We didn't sleep together last night, by the way.

Buffy's expression seemed to clear. She seemed to almost smile.

"I'm worried for him." Olivia mouthed.

Buffy nodded, understanding. "Thank you."

Olivia nodded back and waved goodbye. She walked back inside.

Giles was still reading at his desk.

She walked over and picked up his pencil. She wrote on his notepad, I like you far too much.

He read what she wrote, and looked up at her with a faint smile, though his eyes still looked empty.

Olivia leaned over and kissed him deeply.

xxx

Buffy thought about what Olivia told her that night, and about the way Riley had kissed her, so unexpectedly, and about the possibility that men weren't all bad and the possibility of moving on.

The next day Buffy approached Giles as he was gathering up his transparencies and books after he had told them all about the Gentlemen. She tapped him on the arm and he turned. He looked surprised and anxious and faintly hopeful. Hoping that she looked stoic, Buffy extended her arm to him, offering her hand. His eyes went from her hand to her face and he looked so very happy in such a sad way. He took her hand and shook it politely. Then he nodded to her. She waved goodbye and left.