I know it's been awhile so I hope that this fic hasn't been forgotten. I know this chap isn't too long but I need to do a Point of view for James on how lily's being acting. But for now... Hope you like it!

Home is where the heart is...

Mood swings

Lily's Point Of View

"But I feel much better," I say for what seems like the millionth time.

"We don't care how you feel now, it's what you were like earlier that concerns us isn't it prongs?" Sirius said.

"Yeah Lil," James starts but hesitates after I give him a mean glare. "Oh come on Lily, what happens if you're out in the field and then you all of a sudden get sick again."

"But we don't need to call headquarters for a healer. Minimal contact remember?" I argue as I run my hands through my hair in frustration – a habit I think I've picked up from James, a habit that I hate.

"But not at the expense of a member's health," James pointed out and Sirius nodded in agreement. Damn it!

"Look I won't go out into the field, I'll stay here and be base contact," I said, they start to contradict me but I say, "me going to back to base will arise suspicions and it's not like I wouldn't be doing anything major here if I just stayed in the cottage." The looks they were giving me showed that they weren't relenting. Next plan then, give James the look he can't say no to. "Oh please don't make me go back, I want to stay here, I want to help," I said making my voice soft, trying to make it seem like I was about to cry and pouting my lips. He has to crack.

"No chance Lily," Sirius replied, "That look doesn't work on us does it James?"

James looked so cute then, he was really torn between what to say and looked so distressed.

"James stay strong, no don't give in," Sirius said narrowing his eyes when he noticed his friend's problem.

"Well how does it hurt, I mean she does honestly look better," James said and I smile giddily and pull him to a hug and he rubs my back subtly.

While Sirius mutters something like: "You sad, weak little man," after which James glares at him.

"Well seen as I'm staying I'm going to have a nice long hot shower," I said dreamily.

"Just don't use all the hot water," Sirius called out as I walked through the bathroom door.

"What do you care?" I shout back with a grin. "You can tell by the way you smell that you never use it!"

"Oi!"

Once the door was closed I collapsed against it closing my eyes bringing my hands to cover them and I sink slowly to the floor. Finally I get a moments peace, ever since I was sick this morning they've been fussing over me like I was some little kid. Granted it was nice at first but then it got annoying, and then when they wanted to get a healer it was plain torture.

I think back to what actually happened, I got up this morning fixed myself some toast, then tried to eat it and I got sick. Over fricking toast!

I slowly undressed and stepped into the shower and let the water spray lightly over my body. It was kind of comforting in a way and it clears my mind as though I'm going into a void where all there is was peace – but one thought can make this shatter; something really important. I was late – my period was late.

And my first thought was - maybe Alice isn't the only one pregnant! Naturally my second was denial; that's stupid, I mean James and I have always careful, always.

I'm probably just too stressed out. But then I think it's better safe then sorry and after I've finished in the bathroom I go back to my room and lock the door. I search frantically through a copy of witch weekly to find the right words for a spell I knew was in there, and then I grab my wand and mutter the correct incantation.

The results were all to clear! Crap, I'm pregnant.

I need to sit down, wait; I'm already sitting down. It's probably wrong; I mean spells can go wrong can't they? I get changed into a pair of my comfiest jeans and an old shirt. Then I repeat the incantation. Same bloody result!

I bit my lip as I think about the implications of what this meant. But after a while my head starts to hurt so I fall backwards onto my bed and turn aroung so that I can stuff my face into my pillow and try to block off the outside world.

I always thought that if I got pregnant, it would be because I was in a loving relationship, even though in theory I am, where we would both want children, I don't even know where James stands on that situation. But I do know that this isn't the right time to bring a child into this world. I mean, I'm not even supposed to be in a relationship in the first place, let alone with a colleague.

I'd probably have to leave the order for a while or be involved in less interesting aspects of it, neither of which is something I want to do. But I do know that I would never get rid of this child growing inside me, it's just going to be hard, a really hard and shitty time.

A knock on the door brought me to my senses. "Yeah," I mumble.

"Brought you some lunch," a voice said and instantly I knew it was James. I pull myself up and open the door for him, and then I go back immediately and lay on my bed but I turn so I can see his face looking on curiously obviously knowing that something is wrong. "You feeling ill again Lily?" he asked with genuine concern.

"I'm fine," I replied in a deadpanned response momentarily looking away as I lied and when my eyes met his again I saw a flash of hurt cross his face. "I'm just... tired that's all," I said, more responsive this time smiling gently.

"Okay, I'll just leave this here on the floor then," he said indicating to the sandwich on a tray that he had brought me.

"Wait!" I said quickly before he left. When he turned back around I ran my hands through my hair again before I asked vulnerably, "Can you just stay with me for a while?" He nodded and fell to my side.

There was always something comforting that made me go to sleep easily when I was laying down with James, he's kind of like my security blanket, except that he's, well, human. Maybe it was the way he placed his arm around me; protecting me from the nightmares I endure or the way he stroked my stomach as if it were lulling me to close my eyes.

But today for some reason I felt my eyes well up with tears, stupid hormones. I guess it has to do with the pregnancy I just found out about and being in a forbidden relationship and doing the job I do and it's just crept up on me. Granted I had a good cry in James arms the day we actually set out for this bloody journey but still give me a break, I'm just a girl who at the moment is afraid, who just wants to hide from the world.

James must of noticed my tears and whispered into my ear asking what was wrong but I said nothing, I just cried more, so he held me closer more tightly as though he was trying to comfort me and help me find peace from whatever I was upset about.