A/N: Heh. Toph in Wonderland. You thought you knew Alice in Wonderland? Well welcome to my version.

Summary: Toph goes to Wonderland.

Pairings: AzulaxToph, Smoph, Taang, Tophshot and Toko. Small hints of Smellershot, Ty Lokka and Zutara.

Warnings: Femmslash, random threesomes, and Zuko OOC like whoa.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the plot, but I did rewrite most of the actual Alice in Wonderland thing… with help from Frank Beddor, who wrote the very wonderful Looking Glass Wars.

L I N E B R E A K

"Princess? Is that you?" Aang asked.

Toph looked up at him. She could finally see him. His shiny bald head was ringed with a crown of feathers, and he wore feathered robes.

"Aang…" Toph replied, smiling.

She looked over at the others in the camp.

Katara was there. She wore a blue dress, but had grey mouse ears and a worm like tail. She smiled at her, "Princess Toph, so glad to have you back," Katara paused with a yawn, "Tea?"

Toph nodded as the whistle blew from a metal pot that hung over the fire.

Toph looked next at Zuko, who was kneeling next to her. His scar was still there, and he had long white rabbit's ears on his head and a little fluffball of a tail attached to his butt. He wore a black pair of pants and a salsa dancing type shirt.

Smellerbee smiled at her. She herself had a white fluffball on her butt as well, but her ears were brown. She wore khaki colored trousers and a sort of poofy brown shirt.

Sokka, too, was different. He wore a blue suit and was smoking a pipe. He smiled at her and blew smoke out his mouth. The smoke read, "Long Live Toph"

She giggled and turned to Longshot, who was propping her up with green and gold pillows. He was wearing, oddly, and top hat and a sort of tuxedo looking thing.

"Hello, Princess," he said, smiling down at her. He held up two photos. One was of three girls, and one was of a short, fat man drinking tea and smiling into the… photo-taking device.

"These are our enemies," Aang told her. He pointed to the girl in the middle, who was scantily clad in almost nothing but a short red dress and black fishnets, with white bunny ears and a tail, much like Zuko, "Azula, your aunt—"

"And, unfortunately, my sister," Zuko replied.

Explains the tail… Toph thought.

Longshot smiled, as if reading her mind, Now, now, Princess… have you forgotten we are connected until you marry?

Did my parents want me to marry you? Toph asked.

No… well… yes… but then they died and now you can marry whomever you want to. Longshot replied, his face sort of falling.

Aang poked at Toph. She came out of her mind conversation with Longshot. Aang pointed to the next girl, who was standing on the right side of Azula. She wore a poofy, princess-y dress, "That's Ty Lee. She's a spy for us… and Sokka's betrothed."

"And a damned fine woman she is, a double agent living in this wretched world…" Sokka commented gruffly.

Aang pointed to the last girl who stood to the left of Azula. "That's Mai. We don't know what she does, but she's powerful enough to be part of Azula's elite team."

Zuko nodded, "She's had a crush on me for years."

"And we still have no idea why you've joined us, Zuzu," Katara replied, wrapping her arms around the bunny boy.

Zuko shrugged her off, looking deeply into Toph's eyes, "What's going on, Princess?"

"W-Who is this?" Toph asked, staring at the second photo.

"That's my brother, Iroh." Zuko replied.

"May he rest in piece," a new voice said.

Ty Lee smiled down at them all. Smellerbee stood up and hugged her.

"Welcome back, Princess Toph," Ty Lee said, bowing.

Toph nodded, "Hi, Ty Lee."

Sokka stood up and hugged the pink clad woman, "Ty Lee… any news from underground."

Toph giggled when Sokka spoke, smoke blew out in little heart shaped ringlets. Ty Lee noticed these and kissed Sokka on the cheek, "Azula is to have a ball on Saturday next."

Sokka blushed and held on to her hand.

"Wonderful!" Longshot said, helping Toph to her feet.

"That's how we'll have to get in," Aang stated, almost as a question.

"The only problem is we'll have to be paired up to get in. Azula's taking Zhou, and Mai is taking Haru."

"Well… we have until Saturday next to figure who's going with who…" Toph put in, as Longshot, Aang, Zuko and Smellerbee looked at her hungrily.

"Well, we have to pick by Monday, or we can't go… I've got to make reservations for you all," Ty Lee said.

"Ty Lee, honey, won't they suspect that Princess Toph is here?" Sokka asked.

Ty Lee shook her head, "Sokka, sweetie, I'm the one booking reservations. I asked her before Mai could… now Mai has to put up decorations because of it!"

Toph smiled and hugged her, "You are a genius, Ty Lee!"

Ty Lee smiled, "Well… anything to get you back on the throne, honey."

Katara handed Toph her cup of tea, and everyone gathered closer to the fire, each with tea cups in their hands.

"So… what's this ball for?" Zuko asked, "Is my sister finally selecting a mate?"

Ty Lee shook her head, "I actually suggested a ball. You know, just for fun."

"And to get Princess Toph back on the thrown!" Smellerbee said cheerfully.

"Which reminds me…" Longshot said, throwing Toph a look. He reached for an arrow from his bag and shot and arrow at her. She put up and earth wall in defense.

"YES! STILL GOT IT!" Toph shouted.

So I can still bend earth… which means Aang has air still, Katara has water, Sokka has his boomerang, Ty Lee her chi-blocking, Smellerbee her daggers, you your arrows (of course), Zuko his fire, Mai her knives and Azula her lightening… Toph said to Longshot.

Correct.

Toph smirked and flicked a rock over the fire to Aang.

"Ow! Princess!" Aang shouted, slapping at the spot where it hit him.

She giggled, "Sorry…" she replied innocently.

Smellerbee glomped on to her, "It's so nice to have you back, Princess," she squealed.

Toph laughed, "Nice to see you… again… Smellerbee."

"Okay… so we'll have our pairings in two days time," Sokka said as Ty Lee got up to leave.

"You'll have to get disguises… it's a Masque," Ty Lee put in.

Katara and Sokka exchanged glances, "Right… you'll have to get those to us by Saturday," Katara said.

"Oh! Of course, dears," Ty Lee replied. She cartwheeled off in the direction of the dark palace on the horizon.

"In the mean time, I call Ty Lee!" Sokka yelled.

"I call Princess Toph!" Smellerbee, Longshot, Zuko and Aang yelled.

"Uh oh…" Toph and Katara muttered.

Smellerbee, Zuko, Longshot and Aang turned to each other, "She's mine!"

"Why don't you let the Princess decide?" Sokka asked, puffing on his pipe.

Everyone looked at Toph, who blushed and looked at her feet, "Umm… Uhh… I don't know!" she shouted. She ran into the green tent that was to be hers.

"Oh, nice going, guys!" Katara yelled. Toph heard a splash and a hiss as the fire was burned out by Katara's water wrath.

"TO BED! NOW!" Katara yelled. Toph heard Katara's footsteps outside her tent flap, and felt her plop down next to her.

"Who DO I pick?" Toph asked.

"I don't know. But I get one them if you don't pick them, and the other two have to go wit each other, such is the fate of them," Katara replied.

Toph nodded and lay her head on one of the numerous pillows.

"You have time. Just spend a few hours with each of them and see how you feel about them. I'll take one of them when you choose, and we'll make the other two be a pairing even if it kills them."

Toph smiled and nodded. She felt Katara leave her side, but didn't care because she was drifting into a fitfull sleep.

A/N: I know, I know, it's going to be slightly Toko and I made Zuko Toph's uncle… whatcha gon do? Also, Ty Lee and Katara pwn in this one. Heh heh. Everyone wants a piece of Toph! rofl

Toph Monster